I'm one of those people that sees 'omens' in repeats of 3's. If something crosses my path 3 times, or if I think about it 3 times, or if I hear it 3 times, then I'll take notice. I don't think I'm unique in this, but I'm probably different in that I set the threshold to 3 and then take special delight in the realization of the pattern.
I had a realization after my 2nd 30 mile run last weekend -- that once I quit focusing on the distance, I'd forget where and when it was and settle into the run. Heck, I'd reached a point where even my 10 mile runs seemed so long in the first 3 miles, then time and distance faded away as I reached miles 5+. I learned that I was too focused on the numbers, doing too much mental math, and skipping over the enjoyment of the run and instead just logging miles. This reminded me of a podcast from a long run in which the speaker talked smartphone apps for to-do lists and habits that become about 'just another widget to crank'. That sounded like me, I have apps that remind me to do things and I happily check the box to say it's done. I sometimes get more pleasure from checking the box than I do performing the task.
On Saturday while running with TV I asked his advice on a question that's been sitting on my mind: I'd finish a 30 mile run and have an overwhelming feeling of "OMG that's barely a third of the race distance?!". My question was, how did he deal with that? He thought about it.. a lot longer than I thought he would...or at least it seemed that way... and here was the answer, paraphrased: he didn't focus on the mileage, the distance covered, or the distance remaining. Instead he focused on meeting other runners, seeing new points of the trail, taking it step by step. A typical TV answer. He doesn't seem to get worked up over anything :)
Then on Sunday I'm listening to another one of my podcasts, and the speaker talked about a favorite quote from her dad: Enjoy The Process. And *CLICK* I hit my threshold of 3: my personal realizations, TV's answer, and the quote.
In other words, stay in the moment. Quit looking back. Avoid peering forward. It's the journey, not the outcome. Focus on the story, not the happy ending. Etc etc etc...
Sounds so simple. Cliche. You read this on tea tags, Successory posters, self-help titles, etc etc etc...
And yet this is how I've been living lately -- one day at a time, one goal, one step, one widget. And just like starting a run and overcoming that mental math battle in the first few miles, I'm finding that each day is getting easier and easier.
I'm so much better about not perseverating on what could happen in my future. I don't mentally build arguments that haven't happened. I can turn off the negative self-talk that predominated my thoughts for so long.
I'm learning to live in the moment. To take a breath (aside from my ribs hurting) and feel the air moving into my lungs. I look for the bird that is singing instead of just hearing it above. I watch the sunrise change colors without looking at the clock. I see the cloud but focus instead on the silver lining.
I'm not piling work onto myself in a mad crazy frenzy. I'm not punishing myself with hard work, training, or goals. I'm learning to say 'no' instead of 'yes' when asked for something that doesn't work for me. I'm learning to say 'yes' to advice, dinner, and help.
I'm finding myself. And I like what I'm finding. The process has slowed down and now instead of life zipping by in a mad rush, I'm seeing each day for what it is. Another moment to live, another chance to make changes, another opportunity to listen to the whisper of rain.
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