June 30th End. July 1st Begin

ELLIPTICAL 10+15
STRENGTH 30 mins pull
COMMUTE!! 7.6 miles yay!

The smoke is clearing out, my cough is better. My habits are slow to change dammit.

My June goals were mostly met, I did 20 mpw when I wasn't sick, I did run sub 9's when I wasn't sick, but I didn't lose 4 pounds. Sadly, I went up from 134 to 137 (water weight, likely) down to 131 (??) and back to 133-134. So. July. 4 pounds!

I've stopped the Balrog, the Monster, Azuc, standing, wasting, processed foods. I climb stairs to the bathroom, I get ave 13K steps a day, I do some exercise most every morning, oatmeal and PB under control, rice under control, I'm nooming to change (I'm averaging 1400/day, as logged).

So - I CAN make change! Proof!

Nothing changes, if nothing changes. 

July 1st These things HAVE TO CHANGE 

1. Stop eating standing up
2. Stop sitting just to eat, then bouncing around, just wait.
3. Stop coming home to Moria
4. Stop rando-eating foods and make a plate

July GOALS: same as before, keep trucking, don't add more on. 

Sounds like a recipe for weight gain

 RUN 3 miles in about 32 mins, solo, in the smoke haze

Yesterday I said this in my post:

THIS CAN CHANGE: -- I do come home a wait a few mins, wash up, but immediately to Moria.  But I can also just STOP the progress to Moria and find something else to do. -- I do have prepacked foods, but I add on more and more. But I can PLATE the foods and make a real meal out of it -- I do stop at 8pm, but I fill up until then. But I can combine waiting and plating so that I'm mindful of what I've had and enjoy it

Yesterday I said to the kids:  In reference to their wanting honey on butter on bread:  Sounds like a recipe for weight gain.  This, after I'd eaten for dinner, unplanned, unplated, unwaited: Butternut, pickins from the zucchini/beef I don't like, LAs tofu, my tofu, I'm full.  To Costco, thinking I'm done. Home to pickles, beef, raw oatmeal with butter, more oats. I'm very full. Water too with fiber, a bucket of tea, more fiber, more fiber, more Calm, more.  So full. Sounds like a recipe for weight gain. What doesn't change, doesn't change.  I need to change. This habit needs to change.  Ugh. See above.

Hazy dazy

Monday RUN WALK 40 mins 3 miles, half running roughly
Tuesday 44 min WALK with LA
Wednesday ELLIPTICAL 15 mins, STRENGTH 30 mins push, RUN 1.3 miles treadmill

The air quality is a mess, it's like a morning fog that never burns off. Pun not intended. The Canadian wildfire's smoke is settled over the area, and I'm coughing again. 

From Hamilton Trained:

what's making you struggle in your weight loss isn't what you think... What you’re truly up against is not calories, workouts, hormones, or your metabolism... What you’re really up against is years of failure & old conditioning. You see, our mind craves & gravitates what’s most familiar (even if it hurts us). Which means if you’ve been struggling and failing for decades on end losing weight, you’re going to subconsciously sabotage your situation to struggle and failure until you break that pattern of sabotage. Agree. I keep trying to change M3, the overeating and mindlessness and the overfilling.  I've changed so much!! I'm a few days away from 300! I've stopped Azuc for same time. I can have OM and PB (hotel cups) in the house and they just sit there.  But - I had to sabo the rice this morning. I've had to sabo the big OM (but that was 1-2 weeks ago), the next GF-OM is OK. I don't think I'm purposefully sabotaging, but I'm certainly settled into HABITS. The habits of: -- coming home hungry and wanting to eat right away -- having a plan for M3 that gets blown out right away -- having a goal to STOP on time that is ignored right away THIS CAN CHANGE: -- I do come home a wait a few mins, wash up, but immediately to Moria.  But I can also just STOP the progress to Moria and find something else to do. -- I do have prepacked foods, but I add on more and more. But I can PLATE the foods and make a real meal out of it -- I do stop at 8pm, but I fill up until then. But I can combine waiting and plating so that I'm mindful of what I've had and enjoy it

Sick week, wins and losses

BIKE 16.5 miles family bike

No commute at all, sick and rain, and ugh

We did get some running, but it was more run/walk and I didn't track it

No gym until Sunday, STRENGTH legs light workout

What a week. Last Thursday my throat got scratchy, it continued that way until late Monday or early Tuesday, while running that morning I was suddenly coughing with pressure-feeling on my chest. I started taking cough meds to keep from coughing, so I'm not sure if this suppressed other symptoms or not. I didn't really get much worse - congested, etc - but I was blowing my nose sometimes. Just that cough, ugh. 

So I took it light. No energy. My June goal of 20 miles a week, and sub 9m/m, and 4 pounds....win and lose.

Saturday was the family bike, then Sunday morning was 1312, then monday 1332. 111111!!!! Progress. I didn't get PB, wraps, bread, inst potatoes, I'm focused on changes. But still having bad habits. Slow but forward. 

LA had to go to the ER Friday. What a scare. What a memory flood. But he's making so many changes, and I love him even more for it. 

Father's Day Weekend at home

Friday RUN 3 miles with LA
Saturday RUN 4 miles with a sub 9 mile in hotel treadmill
Sunday RUN/WALK 4 miles in hotel again, some left hip pains so I stopped running

Travel back to Illinois for Father's Day. I'm busy so this will be short.

NUMERICS 5 hours

RUN 19.8 miles, OK and some walking

No COMMUTE, rained out and scheduling

Yes to the sub 9 mile on a treadmill!
only 2x to gym due to travel, this is OK

Not great progress on the 4 pounds, At least I'm not gaining :/

Frustrated morning

Wednesday RUN only 2.5 miles, wanted 5
Thursday RUN 0.75 treadmill, wanted 1
     STRENGTH 20 mins of most of a pull workout, I wanted the whole thing
     RUN 0 miles because we're out of time, I wanted 2

UGH. I waited for everyone else to get their shit together (I said I'm leaving at 6:45am, we don't leave until  710 or so) and then I'm late and miss out. I feel unfinished, like I have this hanging on my to do list. 

We get home on time 8am, but slow to shower, slow after shower, my mind is unfocused and lacking direction, I'm late to work, I have to leave by 1020 to get the midday passport appointment, then a zoom at 1pm then a zoom at 5pm. and UGH. 

I'm thinking I could run home, 3.5 miles. That would put me at 8.65+3.5 = 12.15 miles for the week, run tomorrow and run Sunday to get 20? How will I get stuff to work to run home? Run 4 tomorrow, 4 sunday, that's good.

I'm unfocused with messed up days, and I need to get control of that back. I come home to a flurry. Sometimes I handle it great (last night) and other nights I'm not so great (Monday, I come home overwhelmed). But although last night is great, it has problems. I STILL come home to a long buffet line of dinner: home, wash, shoes, all good. Then: chicken chunks, broccoli, spaghetti squash, more chicken I think, spaghetti squash, rice and butter, rice and butter second bowl, I think more squash, a bunch of water a few times --- and wham --- I'm too full too  much too bloated too much. 

I wake up this morning and yesterday's 1340 is now 1378. FUCK. WTF.

Can I keep blaming hormones?! Did they "make" me crave rice/carbs last night? Am I "bloated" and "retaining"? Is that why my mood is flat, or was my mood flat only after I hit the scale?!

Yesterday ABA promised herself to not eat bread. Even though VLA made soughdough, she still stuck to it. I promised myself not to eat rice, I didn't stick to it. 

UGH>

So what's the plan? I have another 9 days on Noom trial #2. Both the workout plan and meal plan were total wastes. They lessons though are hitting traction, today I'm supposed to be working on my eating scripts. Like - come home and eat the evening away. 

No more skateboarding

ELLIPTICAL 10 + 10
STRENGTH push b about 20 minutes

On saturday while skateboarding I fell three times - hard. Twice on the right hip (IT band connection to hip bones area) and once on the left popping something in my shoulder. I didn't hurt much Sunday, but yesterday was pretty bad. My right ankle skin is abraded and swollen to where the tongue of my shoes hurt. My right hip is swollen, tight, and bruising. My left shoulder is tight, but on top of that my other shoulder also hurts, my ribs and my upper spine soft tissue too. No more.

I did what I had time for today, LA joined me and really my goal today was just to move and see if everything still works. It does! I was able to do presses and lifts OK. Whew. 

Me and kids weekend

Thursday RUN 2 miles in  morning, hill repeats then RUN afternoon 3 miles
     COMMUTE 7.6 miles

Friday ELLIPTICAL 15+30 and STRENGTH about 20 mins leg day
Saturday RUN 9.3 miles in 1:43 walking 1 min every mile

Sunday Rest after skateboard falls

Monday RUN 5.4 miles in 60 mins, just me, the last mile was a 9:07 m/m. Not goal yet!

I still need 9 miles running to hit my goal, and a sub-9 mile, and a few pounds to lose. Not a good feeling - going from 133 to 137 seemingly overnight. But it's not, but it is, and fucking oatmeal - I had to contaminate it and the rice and the chicken yesterday and throw the rest out. 

It was 2 weeks ago that I signed up for Noom (I cancelled, yesterday should have been last trial day but I still have lesssons) and when I signed up I was 136. Saw 133 a few times. Started May at 139. So if I look at it nicely, it's been 5-6 pounds in 6 weeks if I ignore the fluctuations. Ugh, is it OK to just ignore them?

It's hard too because I know I'm NOT hitting the ideal calorie range, I keep going over ever so little. And knowing that I'm a poor accuracy person, I know it's not all correct.

And this can all be changed!!!!! Follow meal plan. Measure oats and then contaminate them. You're OK. 

-----

Saturday more weight gain, at least no loss, and ugh, it makes me so sick. I'm signing up for more noom. Then I bought more oats and over did it. Ugh. The run felt great just to be alone with my new Mary Russell audio book, that I needed to rewind because I wasn't focused on it. 

Skateboard park and 3 hard falls. Two on right ankle and hip, 1 that popped my left shoulder. I'm done. Sell it!

-----

Sunday I ate too many oats again. Ruined them for myself after measuring out 3 serves for my 3 runs this week. Noom teaches me, oats are "bad"  or any other emotional or judgement label. But they are. But I need to learn this. At the dollar store I PUT BACK THE RICE CAKE AND PB!!! WooHoo!!

Rest day.

NUMERICS
6:11 hours without commute
RUN 20.3 miles but didn't get my sub 9 yet
COMMUTE 38.1 (includes noodling)
STRENGTH 3 times
WEIGHT June 6th 133.4 then June 11th at 137 then today June 12th 135.2 Ugh

Upper right hammie niggle

ELLIPTICAL 20+15
STRENGTH pull A 20-25 mins
COMMUTE 3.6+?

Might get a ride home, if we go see the peonies blooming in the arboretum. I have a niggle in the right lateral upper hammie, right in the glut crack. Just a mild tight pain. Keep care of it!!

Building a 6 mile habit

RUN 5.5-6 miles, one mile run/walk with LA
COMMUTE 7.6 miles

I stuck hard to my schedule this morning, and when kids weren't ready to run they didn't get to run. I feel kinda bad about missing out on that. I left to run 6:33, came back 6:45 to get LA, we walked until 7:10 when I woke up the kids and said be ready 7:30, went back out then came back again only to find no one ready to go. I went right back out the door, I didn't wait. 

So I'm on a decisive streak now. I'm setting goals and going for it, bending a little to accommodate but holding more firm than usual. Not letting myself get railroaded. See how that goes at work today...

A new low today 33.4 pre BM and run, then 32.4 post. I'll log the first and see what happens tomorrow. The fluctuations can be mindfucks.

Ren Faire, 10K, great weekend

Saturday ELLIPTICAL 15+30, really working out this time
     STRENGTH 25mins or so of Legs/Abs D

Sunday RUN 6.3 miles in 63 mins

Monday ELLIPTICAL 10 mins (short on time)
     STRENGTH 15 mins of Push A with LA and AEA
     COMMUTE 7.6 miles on a new route through kerrytown with bike paths
     NOODLING almost 4 miles with Slava to fabric store

Great weekend, I'll admit to the scale anxiety. Up from 134 to 137.8 just frustrates the hell out of me. WTF? I cancelled Noom too, I'll use the free version if anything. Just not worth it. 

All feels great, I'm energetic and sleeping good, making good choices (twice declined PB at stores), trying oatmeal (see below for more) ( and I had a tummy ache overnight - oatmeal?!) (maybe NOT eat 2.5 servings in a day!!!), and I'm even tempered and no anxiety. Hold steady. 

Oatmeal - it's sooooo different when cooked with the proper amount of water! I made my 5 serves of oats, had to use the pan on the stove to fit it all, and after measuring and getting 1 cup of oat from 0.5 cup of uncooked I worried that my scale was off. It did look like too much oats, and the scale was acting up. So I measured out 0.5 cup oats and 1 cup water, microwave, and holy shit! It really fluffs up!! YEARS later I figure this out?!?

I'm frustrated by the weight. I'm sooo close to my goal 133 and I just haven't got there yet. But let's be honest. After dinner I just keep on going. Watermelon right now. Unmeasured uncounted unknown watermelon. 

NUMERICS last week: 5.75 hours not counting commute
RUN 20.4 with a 8.32 mile goal!

BIKE 36

STRENGTH 3x goal!

A 10K with an 8:32 m/m mile

RUN 6.2 miles in 62 mins, second mile at 8:32

COMMUTE 7 miles

I did this run and finished this run all the while thinking - this is a great Thursday run if I just do another 0.4 it'll be like FoPa. I just realized -- it's Friday!

Great run - I'd planned 4 + 2 with kids but they sleep in and I keep going. Tonight we might noodle around on bikes again. Last night I got an extra 2.5 miles that way. 

If I do 6 this weekend, I'll get my goal of 20mpw. 

June 2023 goals

ELLIPTICAL 10 + 15
STRENGTH about 20 mins Pull D with AEA
COMMUTE 7 miles

MAY NUMERICS: 139.2 to 134.2 --- so close to goal of 133.9!

Week 1: 3.75 hours, RUN 15 miles, STRENGTH 2 times
Week 2: 8.75 hours, RUN 27.5 miles, and COMMUTE 14 miles, STRENGTH 3 times
Week 3: 6 hours, RUN 15 miles, STRENGTH 3 times
Week 4: 4.7 hours, RUN 9.3 miles, COMMUTE 21 miles, STRENGTH 4 times

Week 5: 

JUNE GOALS:

1. 134 to 130

2. At least 20 miles a week, build up to a week of 25-30
3. 3-4x a week of strength at the gym

4. A date at sight of 131, PB if 130

5. Timed mile under 9 minutes tested each week

I sent these to LA!