30 day Digital Detox in April= SUCCESS

 Based on the audiobook I'm listening too - a 30 day Digital Detox. I don't like at all the amount of time I spend on my Reddit, and I don't like at all how I eat hunched over a phone. 

1. Define optional and non-optional technology:
   Optional: Reddit, youtube, nextdoor, that's it?, movie lookups, movies on any platform, 
   Non-optional: work email, maps, references, weather, duolingo, audiobooks (!), MFP, Garmin, gymbook, fasting, OFW, ugh, puzzles only in the morning

2. Put all the apps in one folder or delete

3. Delete unused contacts (already did this)

4. Put phone in DND mode, been wanting to do this!
    Will have to experiment, but a Work and a Meals and a Bed use would be good. I've set up a Meal         Focus from 6pm to 8pm to start. But I still need to define - can I listen to a podcast? I think so. Try it tonight. 

5. Establish small windows to check the essentials, with time limits and guidelines
    Reddit Jokes, once a week on a weekend. 
    Nextdoor, only if direct messaged.
    Safari, only for reference or a treadmill movie, art tutorials

6. Make a list of social/life goals to replace these habits:
    Read a Russian text
    Look out the window
    Pet a dog
    Write a letter
    Do some artwork

7. Need to figure out yet:
    Extra puzzles?
    Podcasts while eating/cooking
    Limit to tutorials?
    Limit to amount of time per app per day?
    Pinterest - limit to a weekend check for ideas? 

--------

End of the month report    
Reddit reduced from 12-13 hours a week to 1-2 (for kids' jokes)
Safari reduced from 13+ (treadmill videos?) to 5-6 hours/week
Overall, reduced to about 6 hours a day of total email, work, audiobooks, and above.

Not stopping this, and could reduce even further!

   

    
    

1312 and I need to do what I say I'm going to do

RUN to and from gym, 15 mins and 1.5 miles each way
STRENGTH about 20 mins, Coach's workout
COMMUTE 7.5 miles (assuming I don't get a ride home!)

I DID IT! I wanted to go to the gym Monday, didn't.
I wanted to bike commute Wednesday, but didn't. 
I wanted to bike commute Tuesday, but didn't (yes it was two days  not one)

I wanted to IF until goal time of 16 hours, but haven't yet all week. 

Well, here I am, it's Thursday, 1312, excuses all around this morning. Stop with the shit excuses. If you say you want to IF, then IF! If you want to go to the gym, then get there!

Today I arrived at work and the PULL to have M1 was so strong. Anxiety. Conflicted. I rode it out, and here I am just fine -- waiting until noon or 1pm. 1pm is the real goal, but noon would be OK. Let's say at least 12:30pm to be fair. 

This feels good. I feel awake, and like I can make a decision and trust myself to hold to it. 

I've fallen away from so much of the goals I've set. Let's re-evaluate. 

I ran 6 instead of 10, but kept thinking I needed to run 10

RUN 6 miles in a few seconds under 1 hour, again, felt faster than that

My old 100 miler schedule would have had a 10 miler today. The new plan reduced to 50 miles has only 6. "Only". I gotta drop that word. 

The 6 felt great and refreshing, and here hours later I don't even feel the run. Like it didn't happen. So that's a good thing, it was easy and not a tough workout and didn't drain me. Save that for the weekend runs. Which, by the way, is 16 miles. 

I kept an alternate plan in the calendar too, a shorter-training version that say11+6 miles this weekend. So I'll see how it goes. I'd rather do the 16. I'm still not into the 20 weeks of the training plan, but I picked 16 a few days ago as part of the ramp up to the first week, which starts with a 16+6.  

I talked to LA last night about my feelings of "grief" about the loss of my athletic life. The conversation didn't go well, I thought he was more focused on his feelings and he thought I was acting to offending him. This morning, he started off by asking what he could do to help me process through this. And that right there, was what I needed, not to have the problem dissected or fixed for me. 

It's my responsibility for how I feel, as Gary John Bishop reminded me in the audiobook - you live the life you're willing to accept. And what you accept is your responsibility. I'm not looking to LA for answers and solution, but I'm looking to him to know he will have my back no matter what way I go in this. 

Sometimes I get the urge to sell off my triathlon gear, so it no longer reminds me of what I don't do anymore. Maybe at the least, I could pack up the memorabilia but that doesn't bother me as much as the Bird sitting unused on a trainer. Then we talk about moving back to STL for residency, and TH talks about doing Sandusky only 2 hours away in Ohio, and I begin to wonder if hey maybe I can do triathlon like I used to and maybe I should keep the bikes and gear. 

Sometimes I want to change my goals entirely, and just be a short-distance running-for-fitness type. A voice in my head tells me that's the lazy way out, that I'm just picking the easy route with less friction. But the voice in my head that used to tell me to Go For It, All Of It is quiet and not competing out that voice. Where is that voice? 

I'm listening to the Marc David podcast and today's talking to a 45-something athlete who is grieving her former body and self. That she's pulled back into the past of what she used to be, and needs to let it go. He recommends writing a letter to her old self, I dunno if that's what I'd do but maybe it's something I can think about. 

In the meantime, my week is 4+6+4--16+0. Next week is 4+6+4--19. And somewhere in there, I need to get some biking (my pansy-ass didn't commute today because "it's cold") and strength training. I'm doing 2 mins of flexibility every day, that much at least as part of my shift to being more well-rounded. 

I'm now training for a 50 miler, and training to be more balanced

RUN 4 miles in 39 mins, Target and back,  not speedwork but with a bit of "push" in mind but that's not a pushed pace!

I slept poorly last night and instead of being worried about it, I'm just trying to be mindful and more forgiving if I'm tired and slower today. LA worked late, most likely the start of many like this. In retrospect, instead of sitting around waiting for him, I could have gone to the gym!

I listed to Ester podcast today and got some thinking about the fear of  change. Gave me something to consider - why does change cause fear? Think back to 2014 when everything changed, and the loss of stability I felt. And think about why things don't feel stable now, what's still missing for me? Or what don't I do to appreciate the stability that I do have? 

I worked out a 50M training plan yesterday, with the  mid weeks looking like 4+6+4. The travel and rest weekends are mostly synchronized. The peak mileage is still in the 60-miles range, not much different from the 100M plan. What then is the difference? I'm trying this on for size right now, to see how I feel. 

Also I'm doing more Implementation Intentions -- When this happens at this time I will _____ planning. Like, at 8pm when the meal is over I will leave Moria. When I come home I will have a glass of water, go upstairs to wash my face, and find a chore to do. 

Also working on Identity work: If I want to be an athlete, then I need to do things that athletes do. If I want to be more race-weight-ish, I need to make choices that get me there. Then planning two minute goals towards those. First, two minutes a day of mindful mediation. Two minutes of flexibility and/or PT.

And Thought Dumping as a way to break the Bounce Into Moria over and over cycle, like last night. I just kept going back, knowing full well that it wouldn't change anything, I'd just come back again. I TD'd it, found the tension in my shoulders, and broke out of it. Good!

I'm overwhelmed, and on the wrong track. I'm redirecting.

RUN 8.25 miles, to work and back on Huron

I finally did it - run commuted to work! Easy to do on Sunday when I only had a few minutes of work to do. Get in, get out. Don't linger. OK, I lingered a bit. But got stuff done. It's not a great route, but it was the "medium" way, I could have taken the bike commute and been less trafficked. 

It was my second run this week, for a total of 14.25 miles. Not the 20 I'd planned a few days ago when I tried to re-work my schedule. Not the 40-something that's been in my schedule since this started. Not the Toledo Marathon I planned on running today. 

On the run I listed to more of the Wise As F$ck books, and in a chapter about loss, I realized I'm grieving a loss. I've never thought of it that way. I may have to listen to the book again to get exactly what I'm supposed to do with that realization. But I think it has something to do with accepting it and not wallowing in it. 

I'm grieving multiple losses, multiple levels and I need to think on it more. I'm missing my marathon. I'm going to have to accept that I'm going to miss the 100 miler. 

Regarding the 100 miler. My long runs are flat, I don't have the energy.  Where is it? Instead of fighting that question, let's just accept it for now. And when my running does build up, I feel some of the old aches and pains from before. 

I'm out of energy and I'm not biking. I have Puppy ready to ride, but I just don't feel it yet. I don't bike. I don't ride Bird, so the weather can't be an excuse. I don't swim. I don't get to the gym. It's become run-run-run only. I'm going down the same hole I went down before. 

I can't do that again. Nope.

And speaking of not ever again - M. 40 days now clean. Is that another loss I'm grieving? More like celebrating, but I'm grieving the loss of the coping, the dopamine, the release. That, I will get over. I can accept it. 

I'm grieving the loss of a life that's gone. This ended up in a long email to LA, spilling out in a random flow of thoughts and sputters of revelations. I didn't have details, just grievances and frustrations. I didn't have solutions either, and without solutions I'm just gonna stay stuck.

The summer schedule is different than it used to be, I'll have different commitments and schedules and responsibilities. I need to accept that. 

Somethings I realized on my run today. 

1.  I need to drop to the 50M or even the 50K. I need to accept - that my body is not ready to go from 0 to 100 in a year, my schedule can't accommodate it, and my life has changed. I know these things, but knowing is not accepting. 

I'm looking forward to biking with kids, running with them, running while they back, mornings at the track and looking for 5K races they can do. S expressed interest in that, and I'm excited by it. 

2.  I need to sell off my of my triathlon gear, I don't know how or where yet, but I'm not a triathlete like I used to be and don't need all the gear and storage. Someone else can use it. Because right now, it's just a reminder of what I used to be, and not what I am now. 

3. Private for LA, haha. 

First run since Saturday. It's Thursday!

RUN 6 miles in 1hr 1 min, ave HR 146 bpm, and ave cad 172 spm

And I don't know if I really wanted to do this. I was sluggish, flat, no pep, nothing. My muscles were sore and tired during the run as if it was my first 6 miler and/or I was overworked - pained a bit and lifeless. 

So let's break this down. 

1. Nutritional deficiency? Well, the dairy I'm eating like all day is pushing things off my plate. So I already know that's gotta dial back. See below.

2. Sleep? Averaging 7.5 hours this week, so that's probably OK.

3. Hydration? I think it's low, given my BMs lately. Does cheese really constipate people? Work on this next few days (the water) because if it occurs to mind at the end of the day that you might not have had enough to drink, well, maybe you didn't.

4. Salt? Oh, I eat lots of that.

5. Stress? Oh, that too. Lots. Even after Monday. I think my stress will get better once I have a summer run and travel calendar finished. The blank calendar is on my desk, waiting for time to start on it. 

More stress? I'm feeling overwhelmed again, so there's something somewhere. 

I've decided to NOT do the Toledo marathon, or the half marathon. I'm not sure yet what I'm doing this weekend. Patrick suggested repeating the 20 miler, if I didn't do a race. So I'm thinking on it. 

More on the dairy.

1. I'm not even enjoying it anymore.

2. Weight loss is stalled.

3. It's pushing other foods off my plate.

So the rule gotta be, one serving a day or recipe only. Because making a meal of mostly cheese is losing all around for me. 

My Thoughts Create My Emotions

 Notes from a Coach meeting

My thoughts create my emotions. 

I need to take ownership, because I create my results or my lack of results. 

Blaming others gives away your control. 
You feel out of control, powerless, helpless when you've given away your responsibility. 

Whatever we're doing that feels out of control, whether it's emotional eating, binge watching TV, shopping, sex, drugs, alcohol -- you're facing in inner conflict, feeling terrible, and thinking "there's nothing I can do". 

But if there's a problem --> It's You. 

Ask, "what is my part in this?" 

It's more empowering to ask instead:
    How can I make this work?   How can I make this easier? How can I make this fun?

HOW CAN I FIX THIS? 

Decide what you want for yourself, and commit to it

 LA says he wants to run tonight. I'm not sure what the plan is. I don't like not having plans, and I don't much like running after work, but really it's just a run. 

But for now the notes from what is my last call with Coach Patrick - the last at least of the initial 3 month commitment. I told him about the "failed 20 miler", and as expected his perspective is much healthier than mine. 

I've turned it into an identity crisis - it was just one bad run that I didn't finish. Yet I've built up a story around it and created the drama. I'm a failed runner. I can't finish a marathon. I'm not sure I'll be able to run 100 miles. I'm creating the stress in my head. 

That sounds too simple to be true, and even as I hear it and type it and think it, I still have trouble believing it's true. My mind continues to come up with "yeah, but...."

The thoughts around this should be neutral. They should be focused on what I learned, and what I can take with me going forward. So what did I learn? I learned that I delayed around the house and didn't leave until almost 10am because I "had chores to do" and I "had to eat some eggs so I'm not hungry" and etc. So by not leaving until 10am, I didn't leave myself enough time to finish without the stress of "will I finish in time to do everything else I need to do?". 

Also, I was delaying the discomfort by waiting. Delaying the hard run, delaying signing up, delaying paying for the race and traveling to it, delaying as a form of self-sabotage. 

Also, I was running alone, and I've been delaying the process of finding a running group to bond with. I've been delaying until April was over for months now. Signing up for the race, finding run groups, getting my bikes out of storage, all waiting until April was over. 

Well. It's over. Now the next phase. But first let me finish with CP.

He said, just showing up at the start line of a marathon or ultra takes guts. It's blood sweat and tears just to get there. It takes self confidence to commit and show up, and that self confidence comes from self trust which comes from sticking to the plan you made for yourself. 

And that plan has to come, from what you want from your self. And that's what I need to decide right now. What do I want for myself? Do I want to run this marathon on Sunday? Do I want to run the half mary? Do I want to run either distance, or even a "make up" 20-miler this weekend here locally? 

Stop making last Saturday's run into a Something, and replace it with what you want for yourself. 

Failed 20 miler, why and what next

Saturday RUN 12.5 miles
Sunday, Monday Nothing
Tuesday (Today)?

I woke up feeling good and ready, but not excited to run. Today we fly to MO, not until later at night though. But I still had to do laundry, wash and take dog to kennel, get at least a few groceries ready to prep for travel and next week, and pack! All with a 20 miler.

I started at a good time, but relatively late at 10am. I had eggs with some cheese as a pre meal. Not too much, but I knew I should be running and not munching. And I was doing chores, when I could have been running.

Out the door with a fluffy audiobook and no set plan. My mind toyed with the idea that I could run the half mile down to Scio 20 times and I'd be done. Or I could run to the library 10 times and be done. Why does that seem shorter? Mind games.

I was trying to keep distracted from the upcoming events, and did good with that. But I was distracted from everything l, even the run. I just didn't care much.

I promised I'd walk more each mile, and I did. But I still didn't really care. The miles were meh. Each one passed and I was continually trying to boost my mood and self-encourage. Miles 8-10 today felt as sluggish and awful as 18-20 did last week.

I realized around 8 miles that I'd had no caffeine, was that an issue? I started thinking, I could run home and get some, then go back out. Maybe water and salt water just weren't enough today. So I headed for home, also thinking I was done for now. Maybe I'd get some caffeine, wash and drop the dog, then run until I was out of time.

Excuses? An opportunity to quit? Mind games? I was getting distracted by the possibility that I'd be too late to drop off the dog (I didn't know when they closed), and by thinking I'd run out of time. I dunno. I just went home.

There, caffeine, water, cucumber and salt. Dog bath, call kennel and yes I had to drop her soon, aldi, and home where LA is already there. I kept thinking, I can go for more. I didn't. We put gas in the car, stopped at Russian market, packed. There was extra time if I really wanted it. I didn't.

LA suggested we might could run Sunday in MO. We didn't.

And now here Tuesday, probably not going to be able to run today either. Wednesday is registration deadline. What do I do?

LA asked why I don't run the half marathon, because I know I can run that far. I'm my mind, it's a good option, but if I know I can run it then why pay to do it? He said for the metal and the experience and it would let me say I'm racing again.

But money. And time. And travel. I'm full of excuses.

But also, I having a lack of interest right now. And that lack extends into most all athletic endeavors right now. Last week, the idea came up again that I just want to sell my triathlon gear and be done with it. I haven't been on a bike yet this year. I haven't been to the pool since… January or February? I haven't been to the gym since …. early March? What's going on?!

In part, at least, I'm so focused on running that I'm excluding swim, bike, strength. I'm unable to find the time for balance. I'm so fixated on other things. Is it the stress? A real lack of time, or perceived? Will having a set weekend schedule like we will now allow me to advance plan better? Will getting back on trails reinvigorate my running interest?

What if I skip this Toledo event entirely, refocus on triathlon type balanced training? What about Hennepin Hundred? What if I just make that my last big race? What if I switched to small short races for fitness?

Where is my competitive edge? Where is my desire? Will this go away after the stress of the past few weeks?

So many questions. Today is my last day with Coach, unless i opt to continue at $167/month. I don't have to decide that today at least. But I do need to talk to him about this. I need to talk to someone.

The plane is about to land in DTW. But I haven't landed on any answers.

A-->B----Z, but plan it in reverse

Weds RUN 10 miles in 1:48 for 10:51 m/m pace
Thurs REST, maybe a run in the evening

The Reality is A
The Steps are B
The Goal is Z

But plan it in reverse, decide the Goal, Then look at the Reality, and find the Steps to get from A to Z. 

Where did I hear this above? I think maybe James Clear on Peter Attia's podcast.  I'll have to come back to it later. 

The MRI for liver/gallbladder was yesterday, no results yet but I'm getting to where I can ignore this stuff for awhile. Or at least suppress it. 

The run was unexpected - I ran only on a camelbak of water and didn't go out with a really planned route. I had options of a 2x 5 mile loop or a 1x 10 mile loop and still undecided on it - I just started running. Then I cut into cul-de-sacs and neighborhoods and next thing I know I'm at 7 miles and, well, how did that happen?! I've been thinking I need to round all around this little town for miles, but now here I barely left home and found 10 miles? Nice! 

The last few miles didn't feel good. I just wanted to walk but I didn't want to walk, so I slogged. What to change? I dunno, I think it was just fatigue cumulative from having done 20 miles on Sunday? Tuesday's 4 miles felt OK. And today's (Thursday) run of 6 miles will be changed, shortened, or skipped. I just need to rest or else I'll be injured. 

Stressed 4 miler, why so stressed?

RUN 4 miles in 40 mins. It felt faster than that.

I was gonna do the 6 miler, but the morning got late and I didn't have time. Today is one of those days...

845am video surgical consult for gall bladder

9am lab meeting

hmmm, that's kinda hard to do both at the same time. LA wanted me to do the consult, so I was late to meeting. Did I schedule them on top of each other on purpose, so I had an excuse to skip the consult?

Last night LA said he wanted to go to bed early and run in the morning. I went to bed early, didn't stay up to paint or do chores. He didn't, he stayed up to watch archer and read a book (a book that he said he bought for me but I don't want more stuff, so now he's reading it). He came to bed after I fell asleep. 

I woke up my usual 5ish, briefly rested until the dog wanted out at 520. I went down, took care of her and readied my STL tax papers, worked on letter for kids...went back up before 6 so LA didn't wake up alone (he doesn't seem to like it). His alarm was 6am but he snoozed until about 620. I didn't snooze, I just lay there thinking. Wondering when I was going to run. Wondering how to get all my morning take care of. Wondering if I'd have time to run and time to get to my appointments. Just thinking. 

He wakes up and it's back to the conversation about why I'm stressed. This happened yesterday. And again yesterday, and again I think the day before. Well for one it stresses me to keep having someone ask "what's wrong with you". Wrong. 

He's asking me straightforward questions, and I'm giving straightforward answers, but it's not enough. What am I stressed about? 

Well, Monday for one. It's a big deal, it's travel, I disagree with some of the ideas for it. He's looking at a full weekend schedule while at the same time saying "I don't have weekends the next few months", well then why do we want weekends? And if he's not available, then who is? Me? I don't want to travel and be busy every weekend. I want to go for my long runs and bike rides. I want to get my housework done. I want to visit my family too. 

He's talking about moving to NC or TX or somewhere else, asking where I want to live. I want to live in AA. I don't want to think about moving. He doesn't like AA and wants to leave. Now I don't like living in AA, because if I settle in and get my run paths and trails habit going we just have to leave again. I want to enjoy the area and house while we're here. 

Boss MC is talking about me going to Penn to train for the iPS cells. No. I don't want to travel. I want to stay home, not live in hotel. And who would take care of the dog? 

I'm falling behind financially, I'm afraid to look at how much money has been spent. It's another reason I don't want to travel. I want to save money not keep spending it. 

He's talking about retirement and cruises, I just want to enjoy now. 

That's all I wanted to do this morning, is go for a run. Get my stuff done. Have a productive day. 

He was going to run with me, instead he rushes out the door and I'm on my own. But how is it I can feel so "on my own" yet at the same time feel like everyone else gets to dictate my schedule? 

I did the 20-miler, but nearly had a mental break up over it

Friday WasGonna run 10 miles
Saturday WasGonna run 20 miles
Sunday RUN 20.2 miles in 3:46

Whew, what a weekend. Did I talk about Friday's gut issue? I think I did, I lost down to 125 or 126 pounds with fluid imbalance hopefully being only a part of it. Friday night I tried to recover it, but at the grocery I bought greek yogurt, cottage cheese, and something else...., oh yeah PB2, and came home to that for dinner. Not good. Went to bed feeling lonely, full, tired, couldn't sleep at first. 

Saturday morning I slept in until 720am and I dressed to run but the momentum wasn't there. I'll run at 9am, I promised myself. I'll run at 10am, I promised. I took the dog out for a "warm up" walk and realized it was cold out! Windy, cloudy, cold, and all momentum to run died. I was getting anxious, and to finalize the decision to Not run I ate a big bowl of veggies. Of course I continued to eat more of the dairy, and I was bloated and stressed (Rector and Murray calls) all day. On edge, Anxious, Tired, Lonely. Sadly I went to grocery shop for the meal prep and bought peanut butter and chocolate nibbles. Ate too many nibbles. Threw away most of the peanut butter jar. 

Come Sunday morning, I was feeling much better and actually was eager to run. But 132 brought my mood down. It was only a few degrees warmer, but sunny and light winds. Walk dog, a few chores, I ate egg whites, chocolate, cottage cheese, a spooner of peanut butter. Fucking hell. Like I'm trying to not run?! Nope, I ran!!

I wandered the neighborhoods with easy pace, sipping water and walking a bit every mile. I had a Danielle Steel audio book (perfect fluff, so distracting and mindless) and as I wandered I found new places in AA - tennis courts, bike trails, wooded trails, fancy houses, cornfields. I was excited to tell the kids! And I pointed out some neighborhoods to LA who was in MO. 

Around mile 16 I started to run low on will to run. I was mildly hurting, but really it was dehydration (empty Camelbak), the end of the audiobook (the next one sucked), and low energy (I hadn't eaten at all on the run!). I stopped as planned at a Meijer to look for garlic powder ($!) and instead bought celery. That was memorable to run with in the Camelbak - and painful on the collarbone. 

I was at 17.6 when I left Meijer, biobreak and some water in the pack, and so close to home! I finished just before the house and walked. I could have kept going, but needed water and fuel. The last 6 miles would hurt!

What happened over the weekend? Was it imbalances from Friday? Mental shit? Come on, now what's going on. 

I need to draw the line on the foods I've incorporated - they aren't serving me. The chocolate might have been fine, but the PB2, PB, cottage cheese, yogurt, all pushed better foods off the plate. So LIMIT THEM until I see a 124.9. Limit as in NOPE DON'T HAVE ANY. 

Gonna miss the 10-miler this week. But 126! Maybe 125.

Weds 5 miles in 49 ish mins, instead of the 10-miler

Thurs sleep in with LA because he flies out tonight, and I'm tired

Fri nothing?!

OK so I have a few options. I can run tonight after work and after the tax appointment, but it's unlikely. That leaves with with the 20-miler this weekend, and really if I put my energy into that and not the 10-miler I can be happy and probably healthier with that. 

And it's not really 10 miles, it's 9 because I did 5 instead of 4. I'm crazy to think that makes a difference, but I'm trying to make it easier for me to get out the door for this run and even if I only do 2 or 3 or 5 - it's still a run. I'm can be too binary - too either/or - to all or nothing.

And really I was gonna run this morning, but my gut. It's been Fantabulous since working with CPatrick and fixing issues. Have I mentioned yet that I'm eating onion and garlic?! And dairy?! Holy shit, that's been a problem since 2014. 

Well my gut seems to ... stop... every now and then. It could be the travel (long sit times can do this), dairy, low hydration, the salads and more veg I'm eating. Whatever. It just slows down to a stop sometimes, going up to 3-4 days with minimal or no movement. I swell up, and it was starting to hurt this time. I don't know how to describe it another way. Anyway. Last night it was getting to be on the brain all the time. A swollen feeling, mildly painful and definitely annoying. I started taking more magnesium all day with the Calm powder hoping to move things along. I hoped that being home alone after taking LA to the airport would be the quiet time to help this. Nope.

So I broke down and took 2 stimulants. I knew taking it that I'd be risking the run. But I felt rounded out like an egg, and it was really uncomfortable. It was taking the easy way out, I was also sure that time would help too. But I did it. And sure enough, this morning...well you don't need the details. And YES holy cow I was full, hahahahaha! Now I'm empty, but feel drained and worry that were I to run, I'd have more. 

But I woke up to being super thirsty (no wonder, it all went to my gut, thanks osmosis) and slammed down one of LA's green water bottles. I was at 127.2 after that, so 126.2 really. Then after all else above 125.4!!!!!! HOLY SHIT.  Haha, this whole post is about shit of all kinds isn't it?

So now I'm looking over what I've been doing. It doesn't seem all that different from the past 3 months (this started mid-late January). Still 1400/day. Running. No fruit. No bacon. Yes dairy. But NO MONSTER. I'm sitting to eat. I'm removing distractions. And for all that, I'm fitting into my jeans! WIN. 

2+4=6

RUN 2 miles with LA, then 4 miles on my own

Late-ish morning, sun shining and sorta warm at 37F. It feels like spring! 

LA did an out-n-back to the south library, then I did another out-n-back to the Target. I usually do speedwork on Tuesdays but not today. The plan calls for 1200s and I'll do them Thursday in the 4 miler. Tomorrow a 10 miler, and if anything like today it will feel easy.

Yesterday I broke a bit of the Digital Detox and surfed the MSN web while waiting for LA to finish a class (2 hours later than expected). Ugh, so I added that to the Limited List as if it wasn't there already. And just thinking about that surging has me wanting to do it again. Ugh. I don't miss Reddit yet, or ND, but YT and just surfing a tempt.

The sitting to eat is good, managed that yesterday. And the waiting to dinner better yesterday too. But I bounced too much, was distracted by books, and came back at 930 for noms. Easy to fix this stuff!

Axenov Bee!

Rest week complete, with a good 11 miles. Lots of stuff to work on in April.

The Digital Detox

The Emo Eating

The Married Life

The Negative Nag

The Cheese Crisis, haha

The Intermittent Fasting

The Food Bouncing

But I only have time for a short post here. Yet here I sit playing with words. 

I'm married! I came to work today and found my Mich accounts changed to a new name. I need to verify if it's a middle name or a last name issue to decide on next. 

But first, training. I have yet to layout this week's schedule. I learned over the weekend that LA will be out of town next weekend, meaning I can put the 20 miler in on either weekend day. Might try for Saturday and do a back-to-back? Let's open the schedule.

All is good. I'm eating too much cheese, it's like I'm trying to make up for all the months I couldn't eat it. 

I haven't been on Reddit or ND since the 31st, don't miss it yet but I've been busy driving and catching up so let's see how "normal" life feels without it. 

I'm still sitting to eat, but it means I pace and bounce too much. So now I can fix that too.

Ugh this is a hurried mess. 

THIS WEEK: 4+10+6 20+0 =40 miles. 

Next week is the tricky one, and yes I do need the 20 miler on Saturday so I can be rested to do another 20-something soon before we fly back to MO. 

Oh, and do STRENGTH Training!!