Monday on a Wednesday

BIKE 25 miles in 1:40, 4x TGP

SWIM 700 yards, the plan added kick sets!

I "missed" my Monday ride with LA being here and my med appoint (btw - all values normal and no culture growth, good or ugh?). Missing a workout will eat at me, why? I dunno. Just does.

I started at 630 due to the later mornings and pulled out my light gloves. In the end, I probably didn't need it, but I've been wearing long sleeves and jackets lately. Summer is over. 

The ride felt great, I like the new seat, and I'm waiting to see if the lady-bit sore spots fix up and I get back to normal. 

The swim was in the afternoon, I'm finding that the need to schedule 48 hours in advance is the best motivator. I get to sign up when my intentions and maximum, and I go to the swim because I feel obligated. I'm still using the Speedo Swim to 1000K beginner plan. In review it seems way too easy, only 600-800 yards so far, but it's working because it lets me build frequency without volume. And my swimming form is still pretty weak. A longer swim won't help me at all. 

No commute today, in order to get to the swim on the way home. 

The clouds keep it straight, but I can't?

Monday SWIM! 800 yards

Tuesday RUN 4.5-ish miles on the track, and COMMUTE 14 miles

Monday's schedule was changed up  by LA leaving and my Dr Steele appt at SLU. This appt had me way more stressed out than it should, but I didn't realize this until afterwards. The idea of being infected, again, I feel just gross. And unable to prevent this from happening, over and over, again. Yuck.

So no ride, we were kinda rained out anyway by overnight rains, but I'd still hoped I could ride in the afternoon. Nope, I was on a waitlist for a lane at the pool and after multiple "Hey a lane is open, first come first serve, good luck!" emails I managed to score a lane. 

Unremarkable swim, followed my plan added on a 50 because I don't like the uneven number of the plan.

Went home to a M sick tummy, my streak is broken and this was a WTH night. Ugh. 

Tuesday - 6am at the track, woke up after poor and short sleep but ready to go. I had some awful nausea after drinking my green tea (drank the cup too fast? I get this on a early morning stomach sometimes) and didn't get my appetite back until after the run and a shower. 

The run kinda unremarkable. BE and I kept it simple and jogged, added in a few drills, and both of us noticed the long straight line of a cloud over the downtown sunrise. All along the horizon, parallel to and so damned straight. How does it stay so straight?! Why doesn't the wind blow it around? 

By the end of the run, the cloud have moved east and shrunk in size, but it was still straight. The clouds can keep a straight line, but I can't?! 

Whispering Hills makes it a 3-swim week

 SWIM 1000 yards

Thanks to BE who reminded me that the WH pool was available and now open! For the first time in months, I'm here in STL with free time on a Sunday morning. LA was with his family, I had a half day at work, and this filled in my missed Friday swim.

I kept it simple, just swim. Play with the Garmin. Got sloppy around 800 yards, but pushed for 1000.

-----

M was back with rice and PB. Saturday I was terrible sick from it, today not much. Mental!

-----

NUMERICS 6:10 hours

SWIM 2800 yards!!!!

BIKE 20.1 miles (missed Weds and Friday due to being sick)

RUN 20 miles!!!

COMMUTE 27.6

10 mile run with new garmin

 RUN 10 miles! Time is irrelevant really, but about 1:50 mins

YAY! Was this a good idea, let's think about it. 

My new Garmin watch just MOVE!'d me. Ugh. 

Yesterday I didn't get my bike or swim in, I cancelled both. My gut was in full pain, like it was years ago where all I could do was lie down somewhere and just not move. I cancelled with swim a few minutes ahead of the start time, and the app asked me why I was cancelling. I selected "work" because I didn't see gut distress in the list. 

So now because of the gut, I've missed my Wednesday bike, Friday bike, and Friday swim. Not happy with that. Weds, Thurs, and Friday lost to this problem again. Looking at what's different.  

HAM- I've eaten it before, I don't like it, but it's processed and M'y. OATS - I've been eating steel cut oats most of September, I love them, they're not Gluten-Free labeled, super M'y though. That's all that's new....PB2 - eaten it before, no issues, super M'y. FATS - this could be gall bladder again. STRESS - lots of that, and really I think the gut and the stress are just a positive feedback loop of synergysticness. I get stressed then my gut locks up a bit, then I get stressed about that, then  my gut responds to that, then stress, then gut. 

Quick overview -- I eat brekkie around 8-10am, then 3-4 hours later a focal, but dull pain on the right side under my ribs. It's a constant pain, not throbbing or stabbing, sometimes motion makes it worse but it never goes away with different positions. Pressure definitely makes it worse. Sometimes radiates to my back. Nausea and a feeling of pressure in my throat, like I'm too full. It fades away after 3-4 hours of pain, with no apparent reason or outcome, like diarrhea or constipation or gas. What goes through my head, like, what's my impression as it happens? Gall bladder. Liver. Colon. Not small intestine. Not 'female part's. Not kidneys. 

The new stress is coming home to LA and having him see me sick, he doesn't like it, he thinks something is wrong, and how do I explain this? Nothing's wrong, no hospital or doctor needed, but he has to put up with my low mood and short tolerances. This is the first time he sees this. 

I gotta make changes. Again. Gotta figure this out. Because I can't do this again.

Anyway, now to my run. I avoided all fats and just ate potato and fruit, saw LA off to a visit with his kids, walked the doggie, and left for a sunny, light winds, perfect temps run -- with my new watch and NO PHONE. Wow, 2 hours with no text or brick to carry. NICE. Although I'm not sure I had the HR monitor and GPS dialed in right. Still learning. 

My goals were -- finish, take rests, and no in-run fuel. I wandered the neighborhoods, Compton Heights to Water Tower Park to MoBot to TGP. It started off great, but became more of a slog by mile 7. I didn't want to quit, but my body wasn't as on-board with this as my mind was. That's usually how I get into trouble with injuries.

Either way, it's finished. My right foot needs a new orthotic. My right buttock at the crease has a niggle still, like a really tired muscle not doing good. I keep thinking I need to start strength training, just do it!

Afterwards -- thirsty and a bit dazed, but no pains or sufferings, just like a long run should be. Ugh, I just called this a "long run". 

Same distance next week, then decide on H100?

Two garmins

COMMUTE
SWIM?
BIKE? 

WHOA is the line spacing issue fixed?!?!?!? 

Our Garmins arrived today -- I ordered them 24 hours ago! WHOA! I started to set mine up, but decided to wait and do it together. I just set mine up enough to swim and run tonight and this weekend. 

I had to delete Garmin Express from my work computer, not sure why, but it won't re-install now. Ugh. Is it a work computer thing?

It's the 3rd day in a row now up right upper quadrant gut pain a few hours after eating, kinda radiates to my back. Fades out after 2-3 hours of pain. Ignore it. But what causes it? Stress? Oats? Nothing? 

I didn't do a bike ride on the way in because I was so nauseated and burping up my late breakfast. I probably won't have time to ride today, maybe tomorrow. 

The swim is schedule to start in 90 minutes. It's my 3rd swim this week! So keep it simple and injury free. Hope it settles my gut out. 

But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow.

 Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out all the clearer.

RUN 6.5 miles in ??

SWIM ETA: 1000 yards!! 4x: 100, 75, 50, 25choice. Squeaked the last lap in as pool closed. 

This Tolkien quote was in my daily puzzler this morning. It was a quick solve, I recognized it right away.

Yesterday was a load of stress for me. I woke up after sleeping in (stress, "nothing is done"), left late for work and walked into a mini lab meeting, sat there feeling like in a vise while boss and coworker talked about how we're 'finally positioned to do some real science and answer the big questions' the boss has been asking all his career. 

Then I had to leave early, for feeling sick and guilty, nauseated and RUQ pained. Packed up the bikes and drove out to SBR for the new saddle installations. Then a meeting with my new realtor. So a lot got done and answered, but the day was long and took a toll on me.

Today, I woke up to run. Fielded the stupid phone call from the bank about investments review, got to work, ordered garmin, called dr office about UTI-ish symptoms, now I'm helping coworker with his assay. And obviously not working all that hard, because here I sit typing away in my thought dump site. 

I'm putting some time into my bullet journal. Setting some goals. Not really work. Just trying to distract myself.

Yesterday's stress response has LA worried, he's seeing this for the first time. How do I explain to him, what he thinks is "easy", for me is pulling the rug out from under me and flipping my life over. Everything will change. I don't do well with change, I like the Order, not the Chaos. I like knowing what to expect, I like the lines on the road, I like the rules of the game being followed. New job, new house, new city, new life. All at once. 

I guess I did all that and more in 2003. But since then my confidence was stripped away and replaced with doubt. Accusations of "controlling and selfish", am I? Accusations of "unwilling to improve", improve to what? Accusations of "not good enough", "not pretty enough", "not smart" enough, not enough for whom? 

This stress is uncovering the fact that I haven't recovered from those stinging accusations. That I wasn't enough for someone else's standards of "enough". 

This bumps up against a common debate with LA, when I tell him that he can't expect that other people will act in accordance with his standards of "enough". In the back of my mind, I'm like, here I go again...measured by another person's standard of "enough". His standards are way more harsh, how will I measure up to that? 

Since those accusations years ago, I completely reeled in my own expectations, removing them from review by others. It became no one else's business, so to speak. I kinda quit trying, if I'm not good enough already then why bother. 

Ugh. This goes no where. Like LA also says, focus on what's actionable. This above? Not actionable. Go for a run or something. Get to work. Swim later. But stop thinking. 

Invested in new ISM Saddles and a Garmin

 COMMUTE 9.2 miles

When I started this blog 11 years ago, one of my metrics was to track the amount of monies I was spending on this sport. I soon quit, it became too confusing and cumbersome and meaningless. 

But when I drop major monies again I come back to that metric -- how much this all costs. The last few years, the cost was mostly in medical bills.

Wednesday I took all three bikes to SBR for installation of the new ISM Road 3 saddles. Oof, $660 I think, and that's after the discount. It felt like an awkward normal to be in the bike shop again. All the stuff I knew is not old technology. Di2, aerodynamics, etc. I'll stick to my old bikes, which where embarrassingly dusty and in need of cleaning. In the case of Frea, in need of new bar tape. Add that to my to do list, ugh. Poor Frea hasn't even been out yet this year. 

Then on Thursday I purchased my new Garmin, and along with it a matching one for LA! $300 each. I'm excited for it! Which is really only funny if you read my post from few days ago when I poo-poo'd getting another garmin because it cost so much. Necessity is not only the mother of invention, I guess. 

On the flip side, I've decided against running the Blue Moon Run at CCP ($40) and against the MO Cowbell ($80) (both would be plus tax, fees, etc) as a money-saving move. I can run those for free!

Spiral Out, Keep Going

 Last week I hit the goal I needed to download this song:

(ETA: I did a Songlist filter and found this same post title early this year! Long time to this goal. Go Download NOW)

With my feet upon the ground I lose myself
Between the sounds and open wide to suck it in
I feel it move across my skin
I'm reaching up and reaching out
I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me
What ever will bewilder me
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been

Spiral out, keep going
Spiral out, keep going
Spiral out, keep going
Spiral out, keep going

Death of the Garmin; Equinox run

 RUN 3.5 miles on track, ez laps with no goal. with BE and LA.

COMMUTE 9.2 miles

I didn't mention this before, but while we were at BRR Sunday LA was set on buying for me a Garmin. He's mentioned this before. I argued against it, I was uncomfortable with him spending that much money, that much money on me, and that much money for something I didn't need.

Since my 235 was still working (aside from the always-on HR LEDs that drained the battery; fixed by turning off the HR LEDs) it was doing great. I could see a something going on though at the edges of the screen - what looked like the seal or glue was changing. Water? Air? Unknown, but I knew it was a matter of time.

Or rather, a swim. About 4-6 laps into the Monday afternoon swim (btw - hive-5 for doing the swim!!) I glanced at the Garmin to see a pixelate screen. The screen of death. Ugh. And of course even though the screen was dead, the unit still buzzed me to indicate a flip turn or to tell me to MOVE!. UUUGGGHHH. 

I waited until I got home to show this to LA, so I could enjoy his response. He immediately wanted to go to BRR to buy the replacement. I wanted to stop moving after a hurry-scurry day at work, and even more I wanted to research my options. I like to think. You might have noticed this over the years, 2500+ posts of thinking recorded here.

So the run this morning was Garmin-less and done on fingers. I had a workout in mind, but in the end BE and I just ran easy for 3.5 miles with one walk lap in the middle. I didn't count the walking or the 4x strides we did at the end. So maybe closer to 4 miles total, but I don't need a garmin to tell me I was walking and that doesn't count as running. LA finished 10 laps, a 'new record' for him. And his new shoes!

The run felt great, and especially strong in the strides. When we did these back in early August, I puttered out before the end of the 100m. Today, I felt a fast and springy turnover! PROGRESS!

-----

Later at work, I researched my Garmin options. Looks like the 245 is my best option, it has many more features and most importantly a longer battery life. Least importantly it has Pulse/Ox detection. 

-----

Today is the fall equinox at 8:31 am. I've set some goals to get me to the new year, simple and streamlined. One of these goals is to get on with my next life. Move on decisions, stop stalling and living in the past. Go FORWARD!

BE and I did some measuring and found that the sun rises between the downtown buildings that flank the big radio tower on the equinox. We promised to check this again in the spring. 

What decisions are coming up? Gotta talk to work about upcoming changes, oooo not looking forward to that one, but yesterday I found out that many of my mouse lines are to be ended and cryo'd, that seems a good transition time. Sign up for the H100, I keep saying I'll wait, the current wait is on the 10 miler this weekend. I canceled my medical appointments as I wanted - done. Gotta prep the house to sell, have an appointment with a realtor tomorrow - done. 

First cold ride, this might end too soon!

BIKE 20 miles in 1:20, 3x TGP

SWIM ETA: 800 yards in ?? See next post

The swim is this afternoon, I'll fill this in later.

LA still here -- yay!! for the week. So I'll balance my training and time at home, to tip the balance in favor of being home more. I've already canceled my Weds swim so I can sleep in.

Just BE and me this morning, EW in Atlanta for a funeral. We delayed our start until 6:15am, and we had enough light by the second mile, but it didn't warm up much at all! Brr!! I had the wind shell vest, but a sleeved shell and long finger gloves would have helped. And LA didn't let me warm my hands on him when I got home, hahaha.

Ride felt great, I have some issues with my saddle and I get a new one on Wednesday. I hope that fixes the issue! Or else, the fact that it will soon be too cool and dark to ride like this will allow some healing time. Nuts, right?!

Ain't no sunshine...

 Friday BIKE 20 miles 3X TGP solo on the way to work, COMMUTE 4.2 miles home

Saturday & Sunday RUN 2.0 & 1.5 miles with LA

Quick weekend update. LA is here!! So Ima type this up fast, get to mouse house when it opens, then git home. Typing on Monday, so retro post.

LA drove in Thursday night and I kinda went stressball. I worry about him driving, we had a text conversation that was hard for me to interpret as he came close to IL, and me just being me -- got stressed. Near panic attack later that night while at the sushi place on Grand. Ugh, why. 

Friday morning I'm having that stress hang-over I get, a weird sense of relief mixed with the let-off of those stress chemicals. It was only a near-attack I think because instead of getting upset with me (as in previous life) he just rolled with it. What a difference - instead of feeding the stress, starve it. 

I needed to blow out this steam Friday morning, I was stressed about going to work while he waited and I didn't have much to do at work.  So I'm sad to admit that on the way to work, I knew I had to get rid of this - and I did a 3X TGP ride on the way in. It worked. I felt better. Another drug hit. 

The weekend was super restful, I only needed a total of 3.5 miles for my rest week conclusion, so we broke up my runs to fit his shorter daily runs. These were refreshing!

Sunday afternoon I took him to BRR SoCi to try on running shoes. I miss doing this, it turns out! Sure, I'm hesitant to spend money, but I can drop a lot of money in a store like that. I almost asked for another pair of the Adrenalines for me -- I'm running in the pair that LA bought for me, and now I can feel that my older pair really need replacement -- but I held off. I have such doubts, I don't know why!

Part of those doubts - I still haven't registered for MO' Cowbell Double Chuck 13.1 and 26.2. Last week I said I'll see how the Thursday run went. Went great - mild niggle in the right lateral hip/glut med area. Now this week I want to see how this weekend's 10 miler goes before I decide.  10 MILE RUN!! 

Remember your first ever 10 mile run, in about 2005? or 2006? in CCP? Wow, here I am again.

Rest Week NUMERICS: 5:30 hours, not including commute times

SWIM 800 yards, 1 swim

BIKE 40.3 miles twice #x TGP

RUN 14 miles, exactly on plan and felt great

COMMUTE only 13.4 miles? I double checked, I guess so. 

New moon and new shoes

 RUN 6.5 miles in 1:07:19, no HR data, 168 ave cad

SWIM 800 yards in 22-24 minutes, all short intervals with rest

This morning was a new supermoon, right at 6am when the run started. And I wore my new Adrenalines for their first run, these are the gray/lavender ones from LA. My other white shoes wore out faster than expected, and my feet have been hurting. So I think this also means I need a second pair of new shoes sooner rather than later.

All three of us (me, BE, EW) did the full loop! EW usually has to leave around the zoo or jewel box, and I happily noted that this was was slightly faster than last weeks 1:08. A win for all of us. We got into a debate about current news topics and it kept us rolling. We usually don't have serious discussions, and this was only as serious as you can get while running, without stopping to think and get a point across better. All good! Lots to think about.

I still don't have a dog (but I will tonight!) so I took advantage of being able to drive to the pool for an 8am reservation. I thought this would give me extra time (run ends around 7:10, we talk in parking lot for 5-15 minutes, then a drive, checkin to Y, shower) but 8am is a good time -- I was at the deck at 8:04. Today was all short intervals, 4x50, 8x25, 2x100, and yet by the end of 700 yards my form was starting to fall apart. In the last lap I did, it was awful. My swim endurance needs work! So does my form.

ETA: Today I learned the Ukraine flag (matches my new pull buoy, yellow and blue), India (with the spinning wheel), Thailand (red white blue white red horizontal stripes). Sitting here I'm remembering more that I saw to look up: yellow with red stripes is...looking... Vietnam?; Spain with red and yellow and coat of arms; South Africa with the Y and many colors; US-looking type flag with bars of yellow and blue, but a cross in the corner... Sweden? (I need to look at that one again). And fucking Ireland, Italy, and Ivory Coast with the orange/white/green similarities will need some study. And I gotta pay attention to which way my head is pointing to remember vertical or horizontal stripes!

Another ETA: I mention my new pool buoy -- I placed an order yesterday with SwimOutlet for pull buoy, fins, paddles, and kickboard. Also got a 20% discount for Labor Day sale - yay! I won't get them for a week or two, so not too much excitement yet. 

I'm feeling great today and the last few days. Energy good but I don't sleep without benedryl sometimes. And the swelling that plagues my legs seems to have a pattern that I've found - it disappears in a trip to A2! So it's something I eat, drink, or do here in St Louis that's causing it. Last week I eliminated foods that I was only eating here -- zucchini, baking cocoa, chicken, kombucha. But it came back, and I realized that the coffee at work was different, as was the habit of sitting at a computer. This week I eliminated those, and so far so good. 

The feets pain still kinda there, I know it's part old shoes and part adaptation to miles. The right hip niggle (lateral hip, right at crease area, like a tight band there....check anatomy!) was only there late in the run and while walking. I have started some basic strength stuff, did my first foam roll last night. But these things aren't going to help *after* the injury! So get on top of these before it's a real problem!

A2 visit followed by a swing through home

 Friday BIKE 20 miles in TGP

Sunday RUN 8 miles in 1:27

Tuesday RUN 4 miles in 40:43

Wednesday (today) BIKE 20 miles in TGP and COMMUTE 9.2 miles

I'd had in my head the past few weeks that this September 14th was going to be my blog 10 year anniversary. But when I mentioned this to LA, he pointed out that *last year* was 10 years. Oops. I'd had this big idea to sign up for H100 on the 14th or so, whatever the 10 year IMWI anniversary would have been. Then I realized that wasn't the best reason to sign up for a 100. Then LA's correction. So needless to say, I'm not signed up. Yet. 

Last night I had a terrible time (again!) falling asleep and one (of many) reasons was the pain both feet. Especially the right. The dorsal connectives ached and hurt, and when I walked the plantar surface hurt. Yesterday morning before the run my right calf cramped before I got out of bed. It didn't hurt during the run, but there's still some tightness. There's also a niggle in my hips, a fatigue-ish niggle. All these little things add up to Doubt - Doubt about whether I should sign up for this run. I always pay attention to the signs and omens. Do I look for them? Do they appear to me? I dunno, but my general rule is when there are 3 (Missed 10 year, emotional, niggles) I start to wonder. 

So I wait for a few days on the H100. And on the Virtual MO Cowbell 13.1/26.2 registration. Wait to see how the Thursday run goes at least. 

The 8-miler was in A2 - goals were high cadence, low HR, and finish the longest run in over a year. But my chest HRM failed somehow and didn't connect. Ugh. All else great, unremarkable, maybe this is the source of the hip niggle? This was a late morning run, while LA studied for his exam. 

The 4-miler WasGonna be a 3.5 miler but I extended it. This was a later-in-the-morning run too, and I kinda thought my energy was weak. But after some walking (saw JessG at the start, she was driving by!) I felt good enough to make it a driveways fartlek run. The Garmin recorded two records for me: Fastest 5K at I think 30:46 and Fastest 1 mile at 9:26 m/m. A quick look shows some intervals close to 8 m/m, and a great ave cadence of 170 - good!

The ride today was my missed Monday ride. Also the pool was already booked-up for today. Nothing remarkable about the ride, I was paying attention to my ankles (tight but OK) and my left foot hitting the pedal (ugh, bad habit). The intervals were 18:00, 17:44, and 18:03. Felt weak by the end, but I was barely moving. 

Swim and run tomorrow, then LA might be here! Thankfully it's a rest week - only a 3..5 miler this weekend.

NUMERICS: 5.5 hours

SWIM 700y

BIKE 20 miles (missed ride due to Labor Day)

RUN 18.5 miles 

COMMUTE 23.2 miles 

My head is filling up, so I'm going to empty it here

 

While my PCR gel is running, so is my head. The last few days (week?) it's been churning on ideas. Dump 'em here.

1. I want to sign up for the 100 miler in 2021. I want to sign up on the anniversary date of the start of this blog and my registration for IMWI 2010, but that's emotional and not rational. I've told a few people about this plan, I say it with a lack of too-serious and they seem to take it that way. Why do I want this? I want/need my redemption, I feel unfinished. I need to prove to myself that I can do this. And sitting here right now I have doubts, just like I did for IMWI. I want to do it, so I should just do it. 

2. I want to start "base training" and have drawn out this elaborate-ish plan like I always do. I'm at 6-ish hours a week now and this would bring me up to 8-10. It's the Joe Friel plan I found in TrainingPeaks yesterday (yesterday! elaborate plan since *yesterday*?) that I started in January 2007. Yikes! Why do I want this? It will give me structure. I love a plan, the logistics, the numbers, the relatively thoughtlessness of being told what to do. But I'll have to build up to it, I've sketched that out already. And I'll have to work around the weekend travels, I've sketched that out too. I want to do it, so just do it. 

3. I want to do the Sept 14th Whole 30. I'm signed up via email, been getting the emails, kinda working through the checklists and to-do's they send out. I've only mentally worked on the "why" writing challenge. I feel silly writing it all down, but I can make my list of 10 Why's and reduce it to really only 4 Why's as they overlap so much. If I do this, will it be strict? Take a step back, and ask what I hope to accomplish with this.................? That's a gap to be filled in. Maybe on a walk this afternoon. 

4. I'm cancelling all of my upcoming medical appointments. I think it's only two. They linger, no, they lurk. In my head, like a ball waiting to drop. Sure, I have what I think are some issues going on, but I feel so fragilized when I think about them, and fragilized when I think about discussing them, and more fragilized with I think I have to be tested and have it put to my medical record. There's no answers to be found there. I give up on their tests. I treat it like a pass fail. The hospital system will probably reschedule me. I want to cancel them, so I will. 

5. My mind is like a rock skipping on the surface of the water. I can't seem to delve too deeply into any one topic too long. Ideas come to the surface for a few moments then sink again. At moments like this, when I have 20 or so mins to type or write, I get some clarity. But I get nothing DONE. I'm failing at getting things DONE. Especially chores and work at the house. I've been gone the past 7 weekends, and I'm not successfully compressing all I need to do into the 4 full days that I'm here. That's not entirely to say I get nothing done. I get my running and biking, I get my meals, I guess I have priorities and they're aren't in full alignment with each other yet. If I can schedule a run, I can schedule a chore. If I can cancel an appointment, I can cancel some waste of time I have. 

6. I need to change the oil on the truck, and I drove to work today so I could do that. I just checked, they're open until only 6pm. Ugh. Tomorrow morning? After my bike ride? They open at 7am, which is after my ride. 

7. Combining 5 and 6. I SBR at 6am when nothing else is open, so I'm not really wasting time on SBR, I've just found an opening in my day where it has no competition for getting done. Same can be done with chores!

8. I am falling behind on my Russian studies, I haven't even opened Duolingo today and my Mango and Coursera haven't been opened all week. This is something I worked on with the dog walks, she's so slow walking now that I can type in Duolingo while walking. Is this a priority? NO!  But I still feel behind.

9. Bad habits resurface in weeks like this, for some reason regressing into Moria habits are a coping mechanism. Which makes no sense, because Moria takes time away from me, and all I have been complaining about here is my supposed lack of time. Moria is an evening thing usually, when I'm supposed to be doing chores. Huh, think there's a connection? 

10. I really want to stop this regression, and in the end I think that's what's driving most of my stress that I'm releasing into this post. The training calms me, so having structured training keeps me in line and erases some of the Moria effects. But I gain, then I lose. So it's really a loss. I'm hoping the Whole 30 counters the Moria habit, I've said this before, but I keep hoping to just find that One Thing that clicks it into place for me where I can find some security of thought. And for years I've been thinking this. I have post after post after post on this topic, and moon cycles and magical omens and heart attacks and triathlons and new shoes (really, I've gone that far) in abundance but it still doesn't really rid me of the problem.

Because the problem is in my head. This sabotage of self, this way of thinking, this narrative I tell myself. Instead of having confidence and faith, I have Moria with Monster. Sometimes Azu. Used to have a Balrog. These demons of thought and action. They don't die, they lie dormant. Like a dragon in it's hoard of gold, sleeping, lying in wait. 

I need to stop planning and listing, I need to act and make decisions. 

I need so slay the dragon, and get the gold. 

The 100 miler is a dragon hoarding my inner confidence. The base training gives me a way to slay the dragon. The Whole 30 could be a sword. 

---

When I left the house this morning, I left outside two black chrysalides waiting to eclose. As much as I wanted to watch and celebrate them, I also had to get to work. I'm eager to go home and check them.

Because I often align with the butterflies, the fact that something can change. That someone can go through a period of darkness and nothingness and still emerge as something beautiful.

4th in a row, I have a data set, let's compare!

 RUN 6.5 miles in 1:08:00

No commute today

No drive as I'm trying to combine multiple errands into the day. Not sure they will happen, I'd like to get the oil changed on the truck and get race swag (more likely tomorrow for this) and pick up a few groceries (was gonna do yesterday) and sometimes I just need a break.

Sort of a shame spiral last few days, mental clogs building up and I don't clear them out well when this happens. This is stemming from having to make a decision on whether I leave tomorrow for A2 or not. As much as I want to go, he has exam and I have a lot of shit to get done here. I can't decide right now, maybe in a few hours. Punt.

The run! I was typing the above while my Garmin uploaded so I can compare the last four FoPa loops together. Since half of the run is slower with EW, it's not a great averaging, but whatever. 

#     TIME         Ave HR     Ave Cad    Temperature

1     1:07:37        169*        167                63

2     1:10:10       155            166            79***

3      1:07:37**    157        166            69

4    1:08:00        142        168             74  

*wrist HR data, likely cadence lock   **really, the same time as #1    ***this was a notably humid run, felt awful and wiped me out the rest of the day.

Wow, I was getting disappointed with 1, 2, then 3 all being no improvement. Then I see today's run! I'll call that improvement. 

Still no pains or problems with running. Every now and then I feel a niggle in the seat bones, but I think that's biking, as my bike seat needs updating and I'm not sitting proper on it. 

It's the flag of Portugual

 SWIM 700 yards in doesn't matter

COMMUTE 10 miles

Figured out the flag, the one I saw at the pool last week that I didn't recognize.  Portugal. And as the angry red squiggly line just informed me, I can't spell it either. It's Portugal, not Portugual. Fuck it, I'm leaving my title as is. 

Next to it, I've just figured out, is the Kenyan flag. Maybe by mid-fall I'll have the whole pool area identified.  

Up for a pool rez at 6am this time, earlier than last weeks 7am, so I could get home and walk. LA has the dog this week, so between trying to keep habit and steps and avoid the lonelies I planned a BP to Lemp walk. 

I searched for a training plan before leaving work yesterday, and randomed across a Speedo beginner plan called Make1KWet (I'm omitting the stupid hashtag) cuz I figured Speedo might have some different workouts. But they want me to buy gear (maybe I should anyway, after it was stolen in 2018 I never repopulated my gear bag) and the plan seems a bit long. Says here 3 months to swim 1k? Doesn't that seem a bit long, considering the first workout has 600 total yards? Lemme look...."our aim is for you to swim a 1K comfortably in the time  it takes you to run 5K or cycle 10K; a 3 month training programme" AH HA!!  It's a programme, not a program. That's why. No, but really, it ends with a 1K time trial.

Besides, who am I to mock a 600 y set when I'm blown out by 450 yards? Yup. That's me. I've never been a great swimmer and now I'm just awful. I can feel my left arm falling through the water, my neck craning awkwardly to breath, and my feet sinking. I need more time with drills right now, and less time with swim. 

But for now, it was WU 100, then 8x25 2x75 4x50 CD 50 mostly moderate and steady. I put in an extra 100 thinking I could, but my form was shot so I quit. 

For the record, I did a 25 in 28-29 seconds and a 50 in 1:03. Not hurried, just swimming. Or should I say, "swimming"

It's only a twice-a-week plan, I think I need more. I've got the SlowTwitch Guppy plan in my swim gear. Maybe add that in.

-----

Got home last night and fell in to an old habit. Some habits I keep, some I try to break. This one just won't die. It wasn't much, but it's just the idea of it. 

True Grit

 RUN 4 miles in about 40 mins? Also a 1.5 mile or so walk. 

COMMUTE 14 miles

I drove back to STL last night arriving late and sans dog. I'm nervous about leaving her there, but glad I did. They can keep each other company, and I can get more done. And I can walk faster, haha.

I woke up more refreshed, noting that the weekend did me good. My ankle and joint swelling is gone, second time this has happened after an A2 weekend so I have some data there on what to test as a cause. If it's food, I'll figure it out in the re-introductions of zucchini, kombucha, chicken, avocado, baking cocoa.

Perfect run morning, dark skies but still and warm weather. One of those times when you don't even notice the weather, so ambient.

BE and I talked vaccines the first few miles, mixing in a bit of walking into the easy run. Then we switched to his latest DVDs: Funny Face, True Grit, and ...thinking.... lost it. He's quite the resource for movies, and suggested a few that I might like based on what I watched with LA over the weekend.

Great run, and feeling good moving into an 18 mile week!

Still thinking about MO Cowbell. I think after I drive out to SBR to get our triathlon swag I'll probably get bit by the race bug. 

10K test in A2

 RUN 6.2 miles in 1:01

This wasn't the initial goal of the run, good thing too because I would have been all in my head about it for the first 4 miles, it's something I realized I could do around mile 2.5. I was on the flat and consistent trail along the river behind the apartment, feeling great and moving smooth. It was one of those runs that you feel like you have spectators cheering you on around every corner. 

Once I realized I could trial a 10K though it got a bit more mental, but still kept steady. The numbers:

Ave pace 9:52 m/m   still disappointingly slow

Ave HR 153  still too high

Ave cad 170   finally I get into the 170s, Success!

A sub-1 would have been nice, but that wasn't the goal. That would have just messed with my head. 
No problems or pains or issues at all, during or after the run.

NUMERICS 7:15 including the long triathlon race times. More like 6 hours total.

SWIM 970 yards

BIKE 48.1 miles

RUN 16.5 (17.5 if you count the triathlon walk, which I don't)

COMMUTE 23.4

Gawd I miss the line spacing control here. 

St Louis Virtual Triathlon

SWIM 370 yards or so, kinda, maybe
BIKE 6 miles
RUN 1 mile

I'm not logging times, they aren't relevant and they're posted right there to read!

Really the only thing to comment on here is the swim. I tried to secure some poolage for us, but A2 is a bunch of *#*#&@^ and all their pools are closed excepting one. And that particular one required me to get on a computer at 6am to battle the regulars for some pool time. And I'd need two logins, and two separate lanes, but again A2 is a bunch of *#*#&@^ and they wouldn't allow two people from the same household share a lane. Ugh.

So we swam in the Huron River behind the apartment. The swim GPS track is pretty poor, but we just went upstream to past the pedestrian bridge then back. I wish I had lap info on this, I think 80% of the time was going upstream. I was on my hands hanging on to rocks because if I let go I went the wrong direction. Sometimes the rocks were near the surface and my knees and feet banged into the rocks. But I loved it, and like I said it's not the stupidest swim I've ever done.

LA cut his hand and I had a minor cut on my foot, so we took a break before the bike. I think we had a 1.5 hour T1. Thankfully T1 was not included in the race time.

The bike was a route he knew that kinda crossed into yesterday's bike ride. I was unfamiliar with the streets, didn't like the stop/start, the cars, the potholes, and the randomness. Too random. So I was getting pissy about it, I didn't feel safe. I don't mind wandering, if wandering is the goal. That wasn't the goal, and my goal-obsessed brain couldn't handle it. Ugh, my bad. 

The run was soon enough after the ride, we mostly walked our VA loop path. 

That's my handsome many up in the picture. He's easy going and calm and willing to try things. I need to learn more of that. 

LA did a triathlon!! And so did I, just 2 years after my SCAD hospitalization. I need to put that to rest now, move on, and quit letting it affect me. Really, gotta move on. Now's my chance. 

My first A2 ride - gravel!

 BIKE 22 miles in 90 minutes

This is maybe my first real ride of 2020? The first non-TGP, intervaled, in-town ride? COOL! Me n Puppy meandered out of town on a lightly sketched plan. A2 has a lot of bike path sidewalks, but I didn't last long there and jumped out to the street. Where we real cyclists belong, as some would say.

I started out with plans to head to a nearby town of Plymouth, about 15 miles away, but I realized I had a strong tailwind pushing me and I wasn't up for a strong headwind for the last half of the ride. So I veered north to break up the wind, this was the better idea. Up and down some mild hills, past farms and Farmer's Market signs. I stopped briefly to map a return route on some gravel I spied, and happily found more gravel to get there. Only a few miles from town, and gravel to ride on. I could like it here. 

The ride was simple, but sadly about as long as my tolerances are for now. I'm happy to go out and peel off a 20-25 miler though. Usually I'm doing this in April, and it's a sad realization that this isn't going to happen this year. And poor Frea, still in the basement. Further, I've pilfered the seat from Bird and now that bike is out of commission. 

I listened to a podcast in yesterday's drive about our choices in life  - being Victor or Victim, and the narrative we tell ourselves in being one or the other. 

Third FoPa loop, drive to AA

 RUN 6.5 miles in 1:07

Roughly the same numbers as last week, roughly the same run. Me and BE do a negative split after EW peels off by the zoo. We went from an 11 m/m average to a sub-10 average. 

Not much to say, except that it's still a bit of a struggle, I could probably slow down a bit, nothing hurts, and I LOVE IT.

More numbers to compare pace, HR, and cadence: HR didn't change much, got into the 160s and stayed there (as measured by the chest HRM). Cadence also in the high 160's. Checking for bad data....seems OK. But my goals are to get the HR down and the cadence up. 

Afterwards I packed up and drove to AA for a long Labor Day visit. Some of the packing was for the St Louis Virtual Triathlon!

Full moon swim, yesterday azuc fail, CHYRSALIS!

SWIM 550 yards in ??, lots of rest, it totaled 20 mins or so

COMMUTE 9.2 miles

WOW!! I did it. Swim Swam Swum. Reminded me of the Redman t-shirt, so guess what I'm wearing today?!

Great morning, although once again I had trouble sleeping last night. After over an hour of trying to fall asleep I took a benedryl. Not a habit I want to get into again.

Another a bad habit is Azuc. Fell into it again last night, it didn't last much but it was the idea of it. 

Anyway, on time to the pool where my parking spot was open and the spin classes were outside in the parking lot. They should do that all summer long. I thought it would be cool to join, but I'll take my TGP ride instead. 

The new regulations at the YMCA aren't bad -- one way traffic entry/exit; wear a mask; BYO towel; reserve a lane to swim; put your stuff in a box at the pool deck check-in. I think some of these regs should stay in place. 

Anton was there! My rez was for lane 1 7-745am. I was alone until another swimmer appeared at 7:20, she said she was late, and I realized it never occurred to me that I could be late.

I didn't have a swim plan, so I used the warm up from the dry erase board for the Master's. I used to have detailed plans -- see the image of sticker I found in my bag -- but today was just 6x25; 3x50, 1x150 ish. LOTS of rest and once my form suffered I stopped.

I was happy to see my shower stall. Happy to have water in my ear (totes forgot about that happening!). Happy to see some familiar faces in the Y. Wow. I did it!

When I got home, both of my two J-caterpillars were looking ready to' chrystalize', and one did before I left. 

Change can be a struggle. 

----- ETA-----

This was a post I left too early. I'm back after about 30 mins only.

Last night -- was doing good until I grabbed the pb2 from the truck and added azu to it, then more and more and more and ....some M, but what caused it? I really don't know. My gut was aching, swollen and pained (the half apple I tried? the oats? too much cocoa?) and you'd think that have a pained gut would stop wanting to eat more. But it wasn't a hunger it was more of a stress. Stress about...? I really don't know. It's like a snowball that grows and grows until its momentum rolling down a hill is unstoppable, and this happens.

I'm looking at races -- the MO Cowbell is a race I will otherwise miss and I found in a BRR email yesterday that I can sign up for the Full Chuck Virtual: 5K, 10K, 13.1M and 26.2M miles on your own time before 12-31-20. WHOA!! I looked at my training plan -- I'm already up to 10K runs, a 12 miler is schedule for around Oct 10th, and I don't hit full mary distance until mid-March (more on that below). But - since it's "miles whenever you can", I can do a marathon *week* which fits in the week starting Nov 2nd as a 3+2+7-10+4.2  (haha, 0.2, haha). So....yes....????!!!!

And for March, the Probility Marathon in AA is 3-21-21. I kept thinking it was Probablity, no just Pro-bility, it's a word play on something I didn't read. That week for me is planned to be 4+6+4-20+8. The 20+8 could become a 26.2? I will have to see how this goes, way too early. Also, March is early. Cold.

Sad kinda that I put the September Sacrifice image in yesterday then went home and found myself in Moria. Sad? Expected. Habit. This is something of value to me, apparently, and as JBP said:

"The idea is that you could sacrifice something of value, and that would have transcendent utility. that is by no means an unsophisticated idea. In fact, it might be the greatest idea that human beings ever came up with."

Sacrifice this thing of value. Transcend. Become what you are capable of becoming. 

September Sacrifice

 

Summer has ended; MAF test

COMMUTE 5 miles to track

RUN 3.7 miles in about 38 mins, after subtracting walk.

I miss the line spacing feature of this blogger.

Up early on September 1st (!!) to run on the track. I was going to have a "swim" type plan in mind but didn't mentally finish that thought. We came up with it on the fly -- run a lap or so, walk a bit, and drill a straight section. BE came up with this, I didn't understand it, and I think only now I really get the pattern of 400 run, 100 walk, 100 drill, repeat. Now I see how we ended up starting our intervals in half-track gaps.

After a 2 or so lap walk, we started running and the first mile is what I'm calling my MAF result: 1 mile on a track at 10:47 m/m, ave HR 132 and ave cad 164 or so. LOW cadence. Kinda high HR given that my calculations were 125-130. (125-135 if I'm being overly generous). 

I need to review previous MAF tags....hmm Dec 18, 2017 I did a 1 mile run, under a new moon, but it wasn't a true mile it was 1 min on/off intervals. That's my only MAF tag? Ugh. 

My New Russian a Day email said Summer is Over. There's no way to put it in Russian here. Leto Zakonchilas.  I can't seem to remember it for more than 5 mins, my mind is rock skipping again. Summer isn't over quite yet, for me it's not until the 3rd weekend in Sept when all the major races are finished. That's not gonna happen this year! 

But I spend the last 30-60 mins working out the details for my Labor Day weekend Virtual St Louis Triathlon. It has become important to me, it will be 2 years since I was hospitalized and although I did race last year this will be the first triathlon since then. The A2 Fuller pool reservation process is a mess, gotta be online at 6am and gotta have two reservations - one for each of us. Would it be easier to swim in the river? It's only 300 yards, or 0.170455 miles (thanks, Google). 3 minutes one way, 3 minutes back, roughly, ignoring the current!

The A2 YMCA pool is closed, as are all other area pools. If LA doesn't seem up to the triathlon this weekend I'll get some of the open time at my YMCA pool and get the whole thing done Friday morning. 

I feel like there's more I'm supposed to say....oh yeah! FULL MOON tonight, at 12:22am. Nice numbers!

I didn't mention yet, that I talked to LA over the weekend about doing the H100. To my surprise, he didn't discourage it. In fact, he was happy that I mentioned it to him. He still surprises me. I'm thinking to register this weekend after the triathlon?