Time for me to quit waiting

SWIM: 75 mins and 2500y. Lots of fast sets of 50’s and 100’s.

What a morning. Here it is the last day of November and I’m still not where I want to be. And it’s a long story to explain it all. I’m trying to be happy. But why am I not happy?
But just starting out with today. Woke up OK at 4:10, banana and coffee, all as per usual. I was working on emails (the 5 or so that arrived overnight), knew I had to eat more so I dug out almond meal (of all things) and had a few spoonfuls of that. What the hell kind of snack is that? Left a mess on the counter, had to keep wiping it up…But it tasted good, I like almond meal! Should have made me happy.

Anyhoo I keep working on emails to the point that I show up late for the 5:15am swim. Doing the math, it’s pretty obvious that I get up early enough! But I didn’t leave the house until 5:15. I enjoyed the hamster song on the drive over, it made me happy. But didn’t enjoy walking in late and having CHG point out that at 5:31 I “was almost late”. He says it jokingly and never harshly, but there’s truth in jest and he’s right. Besides, it’s disrespectful to show up late. Every week.

The 2nd lane was full and I wasn’t feeling all that aggressive this morning. So I opted for the 3 peopled 1st lane. There was another swimmer that who swam my speed (BH) so it’s not like I was the jerk who should be a lane over. We all worked great together. And I learned that the guy in that lane wants to do triathlons! He should join the club! That made me happy.

I also had a good swim, the shorter sets and longer intervals given to this lane are comforting to me. Not like 2nd lane where I get anxious about being slow. This made me happy, I took it easy and at the end of the hour I had 1600y. This didn’t make me too happy. During the hour we had “go fast” sets. I timed a few but not all—50-53s for 50y including my turtle of a turn at the wall. Not bad! But I didn’t time other sets and so when CHG asked for times I didn’t have one. He didn’t seem happy. This made me unhappy.

I had resolved to staying after to get the 1:15 time in with a goal of hitting at least 2200y. I’ve calculated that if I do 2200y Mon/Weds and 3200 Sat I will reach my 100 mile goal with time to spare. That makes me happy! Being focused on an otherwise meaningless number instead of the quality of the swim—unhappy. I worry that these are junk yards. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg in my head. I get to the point that I end the swim without focus, having lost count, and having forgotten what I’m doing. My head is turning a million miles/minute with my to-do list, my lack of time, my problems…

I get out of the pool and shower, trying to figure out what my deal is. Why am I so stressed?!? I go week to week like I’m just waiting for something to happen. Waiting on…? It always seems I’m waiting for some even to come and go, thinking that after this event I’ll have so much free time to catch up. But week after week after week I’m still waiting! I get to the point that I’m so out of the day I’m in that I don’t even know what day I’m in! Heck, I missed my DH’s bday Sunday because I thought the his bday was still a week away! I’m a week off?!

That’s nothing new. It’s even worse when my training schedule is different. Monday swim. Tuesday bike. Weds swim. Etc. Change that and my week is messed up. The past week was pretty messed up with the holiday schedule. I though Weds was Friday, Thursday was Sunday, Friday was Saturday…that doesn’t even make sense.

So here I am….waiting. For what?

The post-swim morning was capped off by the realization that I left breakfast at home, along with a snack and my gloves. I need the gloves to run today. Who am I kidding? I don’t have time to run today! I want to run, but I can’t. This stresses me. I want to run. I was unhappy to have forgotten all this but happy that DH could bring it to me. Still a very up/down day.

Breakfast, then off to work. Soon after breakfast I feel sick. Hot. Dizzy. Lots of pain in my lower back. I feel the need to walk so I talk a loop through the hamster tunnels. Gas in my gut? Bad food? Flu? Geez, this stresses me out! I take another walk. I feel like I’m on fire in my gut. I finally call DH, I just want to go home. But I have work meeting, and by the end of the meeting (during which I’m trying not to sleep) I feel somewhat better. If it was gas, where did it go? Flu doesn’t heal over an hour. Did I stress myself out? The fact that I could be doing that stresses me out. I make a point of thinking more on this.

What is my problem? What do I need to solve this? I feel like I have no time management. Do I need a better day planner? A time management course? (That would take time—HA!)

What I need is to quit biting off more than I can chew. I know this, yet I can’t fix it. Just take a peek at what my current iPaper to-do list looks like: 13 things under the Club heading and that’s after I crossed a bunch off this morning. 5 things under training. 13 things under the house. 5 things under errands. 9 things under work, and 9 under the next newsletter notes. My current projects include the club (newsletter, website, forums, board transition, sponsors), the house (stairs and office and patio), Christmas shopping (haven’t even started it yet), helping family with web page questions (I have barely started that, why did I offer to help if I don’t have time?!), and all the stuff at work. But I get paid for that.

Oh, and Ironman training. Add Training For An Ironman to that already huge list.

I have so much shit going on my head can’t keep it all together on some days. I have days where the to-do fuels me. The multi-tasking is like a drug. Crossing things off a list is my version of taking a line of drugs.

But on days where I get overwhelmed, the flood just runs me over.

So what do I need to do to get things in order? I can’t have days where I get so down on myself that I’m mentally crushed. (whether I made myself sick this morning or not is still under debate. Or denial).

What am I waiting for? I’m always on edge, as if waiting for something. And once this Something passes, life will get Better.

At the end of swim practice, I got out to pay CHG for another punch card. 12 more practices down and 12 more (11 really) that I’ve promised to do! While on the deck, my 2011 Savageman song is on the radio: Time For Me To Fly. Time for to fly, indeed. Time for me to find myself. Time for me to set myself free.

If only I could figure out from what.

Unleash Your Swim

It's MINE!

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Gonna unleash my swim, yo.

Ready for structure

No specific updates, I think when I'm resting so does the blog. Super busy on the house lately. Just spent 90% of a 4.5 day Turkey holiday stripping paint and sanding the back staircase walls and steps. So needless to say my arms and shoulders weren't up for the Master's swim this morning.

I was psyched up for a November schedule a month ago but didn't get one. Perhaps for the better! And right now I don't think it's so much that I'm psyched up for training again, I think it's more of a case of needing some structure so I know what to focus on. Right now I'm just "being active". I enjoy it, but I'm doing things just to be doing things.

And it's a mess. This morning I rode the trainer for an hour just to ride the trainer for an hour just to be doing something. Junk miles? Or "being active"?

Skippo 30K race report

RACE: 18.6 miles on trails, 3:13 7th/14 females and 2nd/5 in AG! Average pace 10:45. Race features were a set of 200 stairs and a big rocky hill on Grotpeter, as well as a creek crossing! And since I was doing 3 laps, I get to see those features 3 times!!!

I've reached sort of an odd spot in my training when I can walk into a 30K distance race with little to no specific prep. Or I've reached a base level at which I can peel off these distances at an easy pace with no problem. Or I've become blasse about training and.... well anyway....my point is that I unstressedly arrived at this race having only done a 13.2 mile long run and a few 6 mile trail runs. Not much!

But I had some simple goals. Stick to the nutrition plan with real foods in place of gels and powders. Maintain a steady pace through the 3 6.2-mile laps. Don't fall or break an ankle.

It was raining at the gun and cold enough that I was happy to tuck myself into the crowd. I wore capri tights, gloves, BRR hat, long sports bra, base layer, tech long sleeve, and windshell vest (damn that sounds like a lot of clothes!) and I was still wonderining how I'd be in the wet low 40s temps. So before the race me and AC, TG, EC, BG all wondered what to wear. At least we had our shoes picked out--TG, EC, BG and I all had the same Cascadias!!

Off we went, and in the first mile or so I was passed and passed and passed. I didn't think I'd seeded myself that far forward, it was only a field of 400 runners. But all these people passing me kept me wanting to speed up. Luckily one thing I learned this year was to stick to my own pace. I told myself that this was a 30K for me, a 10 or 20K for them. Let'em go.

FIRST LAP TIME: 1:03 The first loop felt a little fast at times but I think that's because I didn't warm up and just started out cold, leaving me to spend the first 20 mins or so getting acclimatized to running. I made it through most of a bottle of coconut water, half a lara bar, some regular water only. I walked the stairs and Grotpeter hill, and managed to stay mostly dry on the creek crossing!! Saw BN in this lap, but not for long. Which was too bad, he was fun to talk to.

SECOND LAP TIME: 1:05 Nice steady pace! The second loop I knew I needed to get eating so I dug out a banana only to find it bruised and cold. Oh well, same carbs. More coconut water, and another banana late in the lap. JP found me in this lap, she looked strong! I started looking for the halfway point in this lap, and came up with the strategy of breaking down the laps into segments for the final lap. Still feeling good! Walked the stairs and the big hill, still a mostly dry crossing. And I wasn't seeing many 30 runners. This got my little brain going--what if I was first? Last? Could I win this race? Will they be waiting for me at the end? This really ramped up one mile away from the end of the 2nd loop when I passed a female 30K runner. I wasn't last! But she stayed behind me! Suddenly I'm wondering if I'd have her pushing me for the next loop! YIKES! Calm down, I thought, this is for FUN. So I said to her, if you want to pass let me know. She didn't take the offer. Could I stand this for another hour? Or would I wig myself out with stress? On the way to the lap point, I heard the song of the day: It's My Life by Bon Jovi

THIRD LAP TIME and FINISH CHUTE: 1:05-ish. One more lap to to. I was feeling great but the bottoms of my feet were hurting from the rocks. But I knew the pain would come and go. The woman behind me dropped off at the first aid station (LC and kids were there!!!) and I never saw her again. In fact, I didn't see much of anyone on this loop. I passed two guys and that was it. My mental meanderings and wonderings were settled when I passed the 2nd aid station and a woman there told me I was the 6th woman! I was both happy and unhappy about learning this. Hard to explain.

By now I thought I'd know the trails, but all I knew there the landmarks. I passed points in which I wondered if I was on the right trail! It was well marked, but areas were unfamiliar. But I broke it down into segments: to the 2nd aid station; to the stairs (walked again), to the creek (mostly dry again), to the road crossing, to the next road crossing, to the finish. I ate the last of the lara bar (kinda choked on the crumbly of it) and ran for a while with MG who was doing a Stag Skippo. Yuck. I dont' know how he did it.

Eventually I passed him and was on my own again. I picked up energy and speed towards the finish, it was mostly down hill and the cheering really picked up from spectators. As I approached the finish, I realized just how strong I felt and wondered if I could have gone harder or faster? Probably not, the hills and stairs were 80% even though I walked them!

Finished strong and happy! Wasn't sore at all later in the day, and never really did get sore. So 18.6 miles with little training...no problem-o. :)

But don't bank on that base always being there!

A new master's!!

SWIM 1hr 25 mins, 3000y!

The other Master's I was doing on Sats changed with a new coach. It wasn't that great of a workout for a triathlete anyway, with lots of 25's 50's and other short sets. So I'd quit going, missing out on a great day to get a swim in without having to back-to-back Sunday/Monday.

CP had pitched this swim to me before but a Saturday morning swim during the summer when I could be riding is harder to do. So I'd ignored this option until now, when I needed to re-energize my swimming and find my groove again.

I already knew 2 people swimming, but I was also surprised to find about 5 others I knew as well! All triathletes too!

This swim was long but much different from the weekday masters I normally do. The main difference--I wasnt' rushed! I was a normal-paced swimmer in my lane! No worry about being run over, no worry about being in the way. If anything I was touching feet sometimes! What a difference this makes, so much calmer.

I noticed (not for the first time) that as a set progresses I lose form. And no matter how hard I try, I can't force myself to swim properly. So at the end I asked CP how to balance the need to swim long against the fall-off of form. Sure I could swim shorter, more perfecter sets but that doesn't help me extend my good swimming. His suggestion was to find that distance at which I lose form, and focus on one thing to remedy my form in the last 50. And ask CHG waht that one thing is.

My arms weren't as sore as I thought they'd be after this, I'd expected to be limp!

Long time, no posts!

Just been busy, working on the house and working on work and working on club stuff. I'm still training, but going through a little bit of a burn out/stale couple of days in which I'm not terribly inspired.

So instead of typing up boring reports I just sidelined the blog for a little while.

But tonight in the club some jobs are changing for me, so maybe with those changes I can move myself forward in schedule, to-do's, and energy. :)

Thursdays full moon

I skipped a run for a ride

BIKE: 1hr and about 17 miles?

A boring ride, and later in the day I have a headache. Boo.

These things are cyclic...

SWIM 65 mins and 2250y.

...or so I'm told by my IM-BB TG who is swimming with us on Monday's. He commented that "I'm getting faster" but I commented on how I'm feeling slower instead. I guess he's right in that I'm faster than I was last year. I regreted later that I made that comment, I don't want to be a negative Nan, or always whining or finding excuses. I should Yeah! I am faster!

I timed the last 50y at 55-56 seconds, slower than a few weeks ago in which I was lapping away at 50 seconds. CHG said I was pushing down with my left hand. Nuts.

Weekend at home

Saturday: RUN 7 miles in 60.5 mins
Sunday: RUN 4.5 miles in 38 mins

I had every intention of swimming. I was at first concerned to hear that the Y pool was closed for the drain law, then happy to hear it had just opened again. Then disappointed to learn at the Y Saturday morning that here was a swim meet...nuts.

Seems I somehow knew this could happen. Because I had also brought run gear to the gym. And as much as a hate the treadmill it was my best choice. So I planned out my first tater speedwork!! WU 10 mins then 4x1 miles at 8m/m pace with 2 min rest. Good thing about the treadmill is that you can really focus on form and refine it. Bad thing is that there isn't much else to focus on. There are TVs everywhere, but watching TV and running for me is to artificial.

Which brings me to my next observations. I like this Y for it's size, busy equipment, and variety of bodies and abilities. In STL the Y is smaller and busier but less variety. But at the same time, WTF with all the TVs?! Is that the only way people can work out? And no conversation anywhere! We are all doing the same thing but doing it in solitude. Ok sure I can't really compare this to a group run, people at the gym didn't come in together with common goals. But at the park I'm saying Hi to everyone, giving a little wave, making eye contact with a smile... In the gym you keep to yourself and block others out with headphones. Booooo.

Another difference is that a lot of peeps at the Y where exercising. In contrast, I'm training. They are burning calories with big arms swings, ankle weights, and low "fat burning" effort. I'm refining technique to save energy, and pushing at hard pace to make the hour worthwhile. Exercising vs training. Can't compare me to them. Or to the guy who looked like a gym regular but sat on a recumbent bike and surfed his phone for 30 mins at 40% effort. Boooooooo.

On Sunday I went outdoors up to the school road and back. I almost didn't run! But DH and mom seemed to expect I would, so I did. I almost took today as a rest day, but a 40 min run isn't exactly a really hard session. I skipped the 10k to visit with family. A worthwhile trade with no regrets.

Spinning on my day off

BIKE: 45 mins, maybe 12-13 miles.

Got up early to spin for as much time as I had before the party planning meeting. I figured that even though it was a day off, I would be sitting in a car for a few hours while we drove home and I'd be happy later that I'd burned off some energy.

Not a half-marathon run

RUN: 121 mins and 13.2 miles at 9:10m/m

Forgot to mention in yesterday's post that I met with CP last night to review the 2012 season. He's persuasive--sounds like I'm doing TTT. And the Saturday Brentwood master's. And Branson. OK so he didn't convince me to do all that, I came to some of that on my own. I walked away excited and ready to rock! Song in the car when I started to go home: Feels Like Today.

This morning's run was going to be a 9-10 miler. The first loop I had friends to run with, rain is much better shared, but the second loop was alone. And without rain. My first plan was to run the 9 and see how I felt. Then 10 and see how I felt. There's so many options to turn off and shorten the loop and I just expected I would "feel done" and some point. But I didn't. I just kept going. And going. Hit 11 miles. Kept going. Hit 12. Realized I'd had no food or drink this entire time. Hit 13 and OOF I was done. But I couldn't just stop at 13, too close to HM distance. And I couldn't just stop at 13.1, that's a special race distance. So I decided on 13.2 . Obsess much?

It all felt good at the time, but later in the day I was wiped out. Sore, tired, just wanted to sleep. My appetite was pretty sucky until about 5pm too so I didn't eat much during the day. But I made up for it at night :)

I didn't feel like swimming...

...so I didn't!

BIKE: 75 mins maybe 21 miles?

Took the bird up to the pain cave and spun for an hour. First time on a bike since the Last Try race, one month ago!

First run of Two Thousand Tater-Twelve!

RUN: 57 mins and 6.6 miles, about 8:38 m/m pace

Great run with DC, TB, and AB :) Great way to open the season.

Good news on other fronts as well, so things are going more swimmingly and less stressfully.