NOTHINGNESS except walking
Rain yesterday and some of day. Even some snow today in the morning. Combined with appointments yesterday and today that required driving, I ended up walking to and from the parking lot.
I realized a little bit ago that this counts and "Phase I: Walking Program" input: must be able to walk pain free, aggressively, (~4.2-5.2 mph)...before beginning the plyometric and walk/jog program.
When not walking the dog, I walk. This walk isn't long, but here I was thinking "golly I need to get to the gym for some treadmill too see if it hurts" but not necessarily, I'm getting walking in and it doesn't hurt. I confess to even jogging ever so little the last few days. Across the street. Down the hill to parking. Along the block on they way to sushi last night.
Gawd it felt so good. To move, to feel the wind, to be coordinated and alive and whole.
Yesterday was appt at SLU with Dr McM. I like her, this appointment was painless. In more ways than one. But it'll be even better once the results come back. I'm not expecting anything, but we've all seen how shit goes down around here.
Today's appt was with JennMcD - the nutritionist recommended by the ortho Dr after my recent stress fracture. I almost cancelled this. I really wanted to. What did I have to gain? I've already put so much research and time and testing into my nutrition. What did I have to lose? Well, money. And you we've all seen how that influences shit around here.
Side note - the 1st floor thermostat said 50F this morning and I still don't have the heat one. Money, yo.
We reviewed my history of foods, from when I was 15 and sick after lunch in biology class to the recent abandonment of my "heart healthy" diet last month. A solid 20 minutes and I still didn't hit all the bases. A number of points came up, interwoven together, and I'll hit them separately.
1. Try resistant starches. I've been avoiding these because they essentially ferment in the gut and wasn't that the whole problem to begin with? ResStar (you won't find me using the abbreviation here) promote the "good" bacteria in the colon with many miraculous and trendy health benefits as the outcome. Anything from lower cholesterol, improved insulin sensitivity, increased bone mass, decreased inflammation and leaky gut, increased satiety, weight loss, regrowth of amputated limbs (ok kidding) all listed as reasons to eat it. Of course all this pedaled out by those selling the shit. I have papers and PubMed up, reading on it. But it's probably safe to say that I could buy a Bob's Red Mill package as recommended and give it a try and see how it goes before I can finish reading about it.
2. Share a food log. So I set up Cronometer, I already have the app and I like it.
3. My food list isn't as restrictive as I think it is. My protein levels are great, fat low but OK, fiber OK. She seems mostly focused about the carbs with all the training. The upcoming training I mean. But she recognizes that being low carb is working better for me.
4. Try brown rice (cooled), green peppers, and a few others. I think more will follow on this. Rice. Yuck. Chewy little nuggets of sticky flavorless ugh. Can I eat it with butter?
5. My goals: validation of what I'm eating, find a way to heal, and expand my food choices if possible.
I got into the mental issues I'm having -- the resistance to the extrinsic reasons of why I should eat this or that (like dairy, grains, etc) because "it's healthy", how I don't like eating and wish I could just take a pill, how I don't enjoy food and feel a slave to it.
She pointed out something that I'll take to heart - that I should just accept that I need to eat some of these foods, like dairy, because there's a reason behind it. Fair statement, and it give me control back of my choices.
I didn't get into the bad eating habits -- standing at the counter top, not eating a real meal and instead munching, the tendencies to get in the groove of eating one food and cleaning the container out in less than a day (PB, CW, the like), the habit of just eating food out of the container with a spoon, the M.
Speaking of M, gone for now. Full week. Moved out. Haven't seen him. Fucker.
And didn't get into my final goal of body recomposition. I don't want to make this a weight loss/recomposition thing but maybe my 3rd goal of it is. I've gained weight eating foods I don't like and being injured. This doesn't feel like my body -- strong and flexible and adaptable -- not so much the weight but the feel of how I feel. How to say this. I don't feel strong. The extra weight not helping. I gained weight because I was told I 'needed to' and because 'it would be healthy' and well fuck that shit because here I am with weight gain still injured and feeling worse.
So my goals:
Better eating habits
Confirmation/validation/adjustment of food choices for health
Body recomposition
Thursday, October 31, 2019
Monday, October 28, 2019
I BIKED TO WORK! YAY!
BIKE COMMUTE 9.2 miles
Lemme say it again. I BIKE TO WORK! (W^ERK!) WOOOOO!!
I told myself I'd take it easy, not push anything. But that idea was gone as soon as I left the alley. Raced cars. Buzzed corners. Heart rate happy. Legs burning.
Oh Gawd Damn, I love it.
Tower Grove Park was colorful and bright and empty and fast.
Tower Grove Ave has some new potholes in the bike lane just north of Magnolia.
Tower Grove Ave southbound has been repainted to have a left, straight, bike, and right turn lane.
Tower Grove Ave southbound repaved near Shaw where all the bumps were in the bike lane.
It's like they knew I was coming, and got stuff ready for me.
-----
In a separate topic, coworker AH went to Dr M for some back pain. He told me later that Dr M remembered me, was glad to hear I was still training, and that running a 100K on a stress fracture "sounded about right". hahahahahahaha
Lemme say it again. I BIKE TO WORK! (W^ERK!) WOOOOO!!
I told myself I'd take it easy, not push anything. But that idea was gone as soon as I left the alley. Raced cars. Buzzed corners. Heart rate happy. Legs burning.
Oh Gawd Damn, I love it.
Tower Grove Park was colorful and bright and empty and fast.
Tower Grove Ave has some new potholes in the bike lane just north of Magnolia.
Tower Grove Ave southbound has been repainted to have a left, straight, bike, and right turn lane.
Tower Grove Ave southbound repaved near Shaw where all the bumps were in the bike lane.
It's like they knew I was coming, and got stuff ready for me.
-----
In a separate topic, coworker AH went to Dr M for some back pain. He told me later that Dr M remembered me, was glad to hear I was still training, and that running a 100K on a stress fracture "sounded about right". hahahahahahaha
Sunday, October 27, 2019
I did a bike ride!
BIKE 13-ish miles in just over an hour
As much as I don't understand why you'd stop a bike ride to take pictures, I do appreciate that LA stopped to take pictures like the one above. Like TV says, gotta stop and APPRECIATE.
I worked all weekend, haven't had a day off yet since I came back from H100 on the 7th. Getting lots done, don't feel burned out, but still. So when I got out 'early' at 2pm Sunday I just had to get a ride in. Sunny, warm, and beautiful out.
LA was up for a ride, so after checking on the dog and grabbing the bike I came back to meet him. Two loops of FoPa, I'm still careful on the bumps and still getting used to the fact that my new bike shoes hit the front wheel in a turn (ugh), but the pubic bone feels good. No pain at night, no ache.
I tried a persimmon, thanks to LA. My new favorite fruit, yum!
Running soon!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?
Friday, October 25, 2019
Birthday bacon, birthday fish, birthday bike, and birthday steak!
COMMUTE 1 mile
Happy Birthday to me!
What a day, I'd love to relive it all here but I'll hit the highlights. Which means I'll relive it all :)
Up early for Country Bob's breakfast buffet with LA. Worth the 80-ish min drive for that bacon. I wanted to pay, but he took the receipt. When I got it back, he just went to the counter to pay. Not fair, I wanted it!
Back to lab after checking on the dog, PCR time. The lab got me a card (signed with drag names too!) a pack of HK tattoos, a gift card, and oh the best a can of mackerel with a candle stuck in it. I laughed until I cried, the best!
I was pretty upset-tummy all morning and afternoon, from the breakfast. LA got me some fruit from the happy hour, that's all I would tolerate. Gotta fix this. Or eat less bacon. Hmmmm.
Then a bike ride!! At night!! A loop around FP with LA. Before we left, SO is texting me, he was bringing me a steak. I was torn between the options, but wanted the ride and needed it and craved it. All during the ride, SO texting, I felt awful about it but I made my choice. LA and I talked awhile, I could have talked all night but he offered ice cream. Ugh, he has iron gut so lucky. We ended up at Dressel's for potato chips. When I go out, the anxiety is there, lurking, and sometimes rears its head.
At breakfast, he'd asked if I was "going to get over it", not sure how in-depth that was meant to be. But I took it as a sign that I needed to just STFU and HTFU and get over it. I couldn't at dinner though, between being tired and sick and all I couldn't keep a good face. Love that he seemed to roll with it, I need to learn that trick. To just roll with it.
So many goals for this year, I always put a few goals in my birthday post. No more M and a little more A. See the nutritionist. Get strong. Get running. Get normal. Are these goals? haha. Love you bee!
Wednesday, October 23, 2019
Up and Down, Round and Round
Still just BIKE 2 miles a day
Wow it's been a week?! Not much to say. I've worked full days all October since coming back from H100. Weekends and all, like normal days. Busy bee, just how I like it. But the time flies and already it's almost the end of October.
Today at lunch with TV we sat south of McM building in the sun. Gardeners were winterizing the sprinklers. It was 70F degrees and full sun. I hope the butterfly in today's chrysalis gets out safely. Monday's butterfly didn't make it. SO says my remaining two green chyrsalides in the house are probably OK, he's released as late as end of November.
Last night and another few nights the hip bone aches in bed. It might ache all day long, but the signal:noise covers it? Drives me crazy, keeps me awake.
M left but came back both weekend nights. And I was sick from it. Just when I was starting to see some change on Friday, a positive benefit, he's back. He's gone again now last day or two and I'm again starting to feel better. SOB.
I want so bad to run. I want so much to bike. I want to be normal.
I found a nutritionist, the one recommended by the orthopedics doc. I'm filling out the assessment forms and a few days of food log. The log asks to rate hunger on a 0-5 scale. Yesterday while I was swollen and sick I wasn't much hungry at all. Today was better. I'm becoming aware of how much I eat "because I should". I "should" eat dairy. I "should" eat more. This has to be contributing to how overstuffed I feel sometimes?
When I see a runner in Forest Park, I can feel the path they are one. The surface, the incline, the next turn. This kept happening when I met LA in the park after work last friday (before we went for Chinese, my first chinese restaurant meal I think!?). I'd see a runner and just lose track of the present moment.
Over the weekend I had a flash memory of me with Frea, on a highway in Illinois, with cars passing and a long left curve ahead of me. I know that road, it's in my head. But I'm not sure where on the map. I miss it. I ache for it.
I picked up the 2014 blog book and re-read October. Five years ago. And what will I be five years from now?
Wow it's been a week?! Not much to say. I've worked full days all October since coming back from H100. Weekends and all, like normal days. Busy bee, just how I like it. But the time flies and already it's almost the end of October.
Today at lunch with TV we sat south of McM building in the sun. Gardeners were winterizing the sprinklers. It was 70F degrees and full sun. I hope the butterfly in today's chrysalis gets out safely. Monday's butterfly didn't make it. SO says my remaining two green chyrsalides in the house are probably OK, he's released as late as end of November.
Last night and another few nights the hip bone aches in bed. It might ache all day long, but the signal:noise covers it? Drives me crazy, keeps me awake.
M left but came back both weekend nights. And I was sick from it. Just when I was starting to see some change on Friday, a positive benefit, he's back. He's gone again now last day or two and I'm again starting to feel better. SOB.
I want so bad to run. I want so much to bike. I want to be normal.
I found a nutritionist, the one recommended by the orthopedics doc. I'm filling out the assessment forms and a few days of food log. The log asks to rate hunger on a 0-5 scale. Yesterday while I was swollen and sick I wasn't much hungry at all. Today was better. I'm becoming aware of how much I eat "because I should". I "should" eat dairy. I "should" eat more. This has to be contributing to how overstuffed I feel sometimes?
When I see a runner in Forest Park, I can feel the path they are one. The surface, the incline, the next turn. This kept happening when I met LA in the park after work last friday (before we went for Chinese, my first chinese restaurant meal I think!?). I'd see a runner and just lose track of the present moment.
Over the weekend I had a flash memory of me with Frea, on a highway in Illinois, with cars passing and a long left curve ahead of me. I know that road, it's in my head. But I'm not sure where on the map. I miss it. I ache for it.
I picked up the 2014 blog book and re-read October. Five years ago. And what will I be five years from now?
Wednesday, October 16, 2019
Hip bone ache again
COMMUTE 2 fucking miles
A few injury notes. First something mild niggly in a left side mid-ab. Started a day or two ago (core syn, anyone?) but I only notice in a crunch motion. Not any other time.
Last night the bone ached again, enough to keep me awake from distraction. A sharp ache near the symphysis then a dull ache along the bone radiating out laterally.
Should I be on crutches again? Is the 2 fucking miles too much? I've been go go go at work at such lately, walking around like nuts. Got my average step count up to ... 10808. Still no stairs at work.
Doing lunges though in the core syn. That's about the only time it hurts, not when walking or sitting or standing.
Also too it's quiet at night, I can do my Review of Systems and maybe this ache is there all the time, hidden in the noise of the day?
A few injury notes. First something mild niggly in a left side mid-ab. Started a day or two ago (core syn, anyone?) but I only notice in a crunch motion. Not any other time.
Last night the bone ached again, enough to keep me awake from distraction. A sharp ache near the symphysis then a dull ache along the bone radiating out laterally.
Should I be on crutches again? Is the 2 fucking miles too much? I've been go go go at work at such lately, walking around like nuts. Got my average step count up to ... 10808. Still no stairs at work.
Doing lunges though in the core syn. That's about the only time it hurts, not when walking or sitting or standing.
Also too it's quiet at night, I can do my Review of Systems and maybe this ache is there all the time, hidden in the noise of the day?
Tuesday, October 15, 2019
Frah-gee-lay
COMMUTE still 2 miles or so from FoPa
Gawd it feels so nice outside, and I really should take a half day to get some stuff done outside of work! I 'banked' 15 hours over the weekend, should cash in on that before it gets chilly. Take Puppy to the MCTs maybe? I'd love to, but.... Go for a walking hike on Chubb? I'd love to, but...
Fucking hip injury. The bone itself has not hurt since my Dr L visit. That's great new IMO. But I have very noteworthy and bilateral (!) soft tissue pain. I'm not sure what it is -- it's the outer-yet-still anterior sides of the hip, an anatomy map puts in near or in the tensor fasciae latea or the anterior superior iliac spine part of the pelvic bone that connects the the sartorius. Now I'm also having anterior quad pain, and if I had to guess the sartorius or rector femoris. Again this is all me looking at a muscle map and saying "it hurts right about ... here".
It hurts to climb stairs. It hurts to stretch out after sitting. I have a noticable limp many times.
Does this pain have to go away before I can run or bike again? Fucking sucks.
Dealing with this gives me a feeling of fragility, a word that came up in a podcast, referring to caregivers and doctors who "fragilize" the patient. This might be the best word to describe why I feel so resentful of having to take meds, have multiple doctor visits and appointments, and all the tests. They remind me that I have fragilities. Every one does. I just don't deal with them very well.
Gawd it feels so nice outside, and I really should take a half day to get some stuff done outside of work! I 'banked' 15 hours over the weekend, should cash in on that before it gets chilly. Take Puppy to the MCTs maybe? I'd love to, but.... Go for a walking hike on Chubb? I'd love to, but...
Fucking hip injury. The bone itself has not hurt since my Dr L visit. That's great new IMO. But I have very noteworthy and bilateral (!) soft tissue pain. I'm not sure what it is -- it's the outer-yet-still anterior sides of the hip, an anatomy map puts in near or in the tensor fasciae latea or the anterior superior iliac spine part of the pelvic bone that connects the the sartorius. Now I'm also having anterior quad pain, and if I had to guess the sartorius or rector femoris. Again this is all me looking at a muscle map and saying "it hurts right about ... here".
It hurts to climb stairs. It hurts to stretch out after sitting. I have a noticable limp many times.
Does this pain have to go away before I can run or bike again? Fucking sucks.
Dealing with this gives me a feeling of fragility, a word that came up in a podcast, referring to caregivers and doctors who "fragilize" the patient. This might be the best word to describe why I feel so resentful of having to take meds, have multiple doctor visits and appointments, and all the tests. They remind me that I have fragilities. Every one does. I just don't deal with them very well.
Monday, October 14, 2019
It's Monday and it's GORGEOUS outside and I'm at work!
COMMUTE 2 miles
last night STRENGTH 45 mins or so of the Core Syn DVD
I'm still pretty weak on the core syn. I'm skipping the exercises that hit my lower back too hard, or rely on jumping on the hip. Are lunges OK on the hip? I'm trying to be careful.
Bizzy Bee today - 44 plates of titering, mouse transfer and tamoxifen, fix 35 plates of titering, KA got lots of PCR done....and I'm done here I need to get home!
Full moon so pretty last night. M still gone. But keeps knocking and peeping in the windows.
last night STRENGTH 45 mins or so of the Core Syn DVD
I'm still pretty weak on the core syn. I'm skipping the exercises that hit my lower back too hard, or rely on jumping on the hip. Are lunges OK on the hip? I'm trying to be careful.
Bizzy Bee today - 44 plates of titering, mouse transfer and tamoxifen, fix 35 plates of titering, KA got lots of PCR done....and I'm done here I need to get home!
Full moon so pretty last night. M still gone. But keeps knocking and peeping in the windows.
Sunday, October 13, 2019
Bizzy as a Bee, love it and don't love it
BIKE COMMUTE all days, just the two miles
Long days at work, I'm happy with that. Lots of mouse work, titering, etc, and that's what I love. But I'm not home with Sugar, not getting stuff done at the house, and lost some focus.
Not much else to day, just little things.
Was in lab 515am Friday to start a time course, I came home around 8am (when free parking ended) to tend and walk the dog. I found a monarch on my little deck table, on the pot that I let chrysalis butterflies eclose on! I don't think he's one of mine? But funny how he ended up where most of mine hatch. It was chilly out and he looked weak, so I brought him inside. Build up a little towel nest under the cabinets. As of Saturday, he still couldn't fly but I didn't get home until 430pm so that wasn't much time outside. As of Sunday (today) it's warm out but I'm at lab again, when I get home I'll put him out for another chance. A few more warm days this week for him. Today I did put a sugar-solutioned scrubbie in a bowl, he did drink on that but soon enough back up hanging on a towel.
Found a big fat caterpillar Saturday! So I have 2 chrysalis and 2 cats in the house. Ooooh it's gonna be cold for them.
Last night was craving ginger again and I was dehydrated from being in the mouse house so much. Off to Walmart for ginger ale, and a few other 2L that I don't want to be drinking. I drank the entire ginger ale here at lab in just 3 hours!? What's this crave? The ginger? Or the sweet? Or the fizzy?
Eating too much butternut and it has my gut a bit sore. Bloated and heavy. But dad's butternut only comes once a year. But I don't have to eat so much at once, 200-300g is normal for other people but not me.
Used up my protein powder last night, in a M, all gone and no more.
Driving home from Walmart last night I was feeling down, SO just ran a harvest moon race, LA leaving for Michigan trip, haven't heard much at all from training friends. Feeling down and alone. Then Tool comes on the radio, I text SO to tell him (I knew he might be driving) and a few secs later he calls to tell me. Haha, that made me feel better. That we both listened to the song together.
I'm one week into my "One year to H100" and already fell back into M habit. "but it's less" I think. And I think I need to rename the blerch into Belerian. Better fit.
"Recovery" is going still. No more bone pain like earlier this week. But I'm going nuts. Everyone else enjoying the fall weather, crisp and cool, yet so out of reach. And no biking yet either. Ugh.
Long days at work, I'm happy with that. Lots of mouse work, titering, etc, and that's what I love. But I'm not home with Sugar, not getting stuff done at the house, and lost some focus.
Not much else to day, just little things.
Was in lab 515am Friday to start a time course, I came home around 8am (when free parking ended) to tend and walk the dog. I found a monarch on my little deck table, on the pot that I let chrysalis butterflies eclose on! I don't think he's one of mine? But funny how he ended up where most of mine hatch. It was chilly out and he looked weak, so I brought him inside. Build up a little towel nest under the cabinets. As of Saturday, he still couldn't fly but I didn't get home until 430pm so that wasn't much time outside. As of Sunday (today) it's warm out but I'm at lab again, when I get home I'll put him out for another chance. A few more warm days this week for him. Today I did put a sugar-solutioned scrubbie in a bowl, he did drink on that but soon enough back up hanging on a towel.
Found a big fat caterpillar Saturday! So I have 2 chrysalis and 2 cats in the house. Ooooh it's gonna be cold for them.
Last night was craving ginger again and I was dehydrated from being in the mouse house so much. Off to Walmart for ginger ale, and a few other 2L that I don't want to be drinking. I drank the entire ginger ale here at lab in just 3 hours!? What's this crave? The ginger? Or the sweet? Or the fizzy?
Eating too much butternut and it has my gut a bit sore. Bloated and heavy. But dad's butternut only comes once a year. But I don't have to eat so much at once, 200-300g is normal for other people but not me.
Used up my protein powder last night, in a M, all gone and no more.
Driving home from Walmart last night I was feeling down, SO just ran a harvest moon race, LA leaving for Michigan trip, haven't heard much at all from training friends. Feeling down and alone. Then Tool comes on the radio, I text SO to tell him (I knew he might be driving) and a few secs later he calls to tell me. Haha, that made me feel better. That we both listened to the song together.
I'm one week into my "One year to H100" and already fell back into M habit. "but it's less" I think. And I think I need to rename the blerch into Belerian. Better fit.
"Recovery" is going still. No more bone pain like earlier this week. But I'm going nuts. Everyone else enjoying the fall weather, crisp and cool, yet so out of reach. And no biking yet either. Ugh.
Wednesday, October 9, 2019
"I can see how it's frustrating"
COMMUTE 2 miles
STRENGTH 40-45 mins of Core Synergistics
Overnight I noted that the pubic bone ached. Just a little. Just enough to notice. And all the muscles and soft tissues around the right hip hurt. So I put in a call to Dr L (first time I've ever done this) to ask if this is OK, I kinda got the "it needs time and unloading" that I expected and felt stupid for asking. But if he's not worried then I'm not worried. I'm just in a mode of making sure I heal ASAP and trying to take control of this.
Control. Ugh. Whatever.
I did the Core Syn for my workout today, skipping anything that loaded the hip. I was terribly weak and clumsy on most of it. Hope that improves.
Last night I was skimming through the 2016 blog book and found an early entry about how my energy levels were off, didn't feel right, and GOD DAMN I still feel that way. WTF?! So that also kinda led to me calling Dr L too, that I need to be on top of this and not be such a pansy ass about asking.
Then lunch with TV. I told him about the reference yesterday to a Dr for the bioresonance scan. He agreed (as did most of the internet) that it's bull shit. There's something to it, probably just that you believe you're healing? I told him I'm going back to my old diet, eating beef and giving up dairy. I told him my doctors aren't going to like it, but too bad because I fired a bunch of them. And I just wish I knew what to do. His reply was the post title. Great answer, btw, one reason I love him.
Regarding the 4-5 options from yesterday, he said Occam's razor, and the simplest is a nutrition deficiency that weakened the bones. Whether it's ongoing or past is unknown.
I agree with that, but what do I do about it?
And my hip still hurts, to walk after sitting for a bit of time. I'm trying to not limp, like I see so many other people walking around limping.
And after my egg and carrot and mustard lunch my mouth burned like I'd eaten sandpaper or chewed on rocks? I though my carrots were a bit undercooked, is that it? Or an allergy to something? GOD DAMN IT.
STRENGTH 40-45 mins of Core Synergistics
Overnight I noted that the pubic bone ached. Just a little. Just enough to notice. And all the muscles and soft tissues around the right hip hurt. So I put in a call to Dr L (first time I've ever done this) to ask if this is OK, I kinda got the "it needs time and unloading" that I expected and felt stupid for asking. But if he's not worried then I'm not worried. I'm just in a mode of making sure I heal ASAP and trying to take control of this.
Control. Ugh. Whatever.
I did the Core Syn for my workout today, skipping anything that loaded the hip. I was terribly weak and clumsy on most of it. Hope that improves.
Last night I was skimming through the 2016 blog book and found an early entry about how my energy levels were off, didn't feel right, and GOD DAMN I still feel that way. WTF?! So that also kinda led to me calling Dr L too, that I need to be on top of this and not be such a pansy ass about asking.
Then lunch with TV. I told him about the reference yesterday to a Dr for the bioresonance scan. He agreed (as did most of the internet) that it's bull shit. There's something to it, probably just that you believe you're healing? I told him I'm going back to my old diet, eating beef and giving up dairy. I told him my doctors aren't going to like it, but too bad because I fired a bunch of them. And I just wish I knew what to do. His reply was the post title. Great answer, btw, one reason I love him.
Regarding the 4-5 options from yesterday, he said Occam's razor, and the simplest is a nutrition deficiency that weakened the bones. Whether it's ongoing or past is unknown.
I agree with that, but what do I do about it?
And my hip still hurts, to walk after sitting for a bit of time. I'm trying to not limp, like I see so many other people walking around limping.
And after my egg and carrot and mustard lunch my mouth burned like I'd eaten sandpaper or chewed on rocks? I though my carrots were a bit undercooked, is that it? Or an allergy to something? GOD DAMN IT.
I've decided that when I die...
...I want someone to yell "Runner going out!" like they did at the Hennepin aid station.
Tuesday, October 8, 2019
Dr L and the 4 or 5 things
COMMUTE 3.5 miles
Yes I want every damned mile I can get.
Appt with Dr L today and I had a list of things to ask about, including when I can add in any activity, why is my right arm and hand prone to tingling lately, what's going on in my upper back/lower neck with I pull my shoulders back, and why it is so pained and tight to walk after sitting. Naturally I didn't address much of this, not wanting to sound like a problem child complainer pansy ass.
The sitting to standing and walking -- he measured my right hip flexor with the lunge. Pre treat was 10 inches, post treatment 13 inches and feeling much better. Now we'll see if I limp so much? He worked on the illiapsoas (?) which is lower abdomen above the pelvic bones. He said this was "bad" and a "grade 2.5". He also said to this asst that he can dig into me, that I don't fight back, and I can take the pain. Oh, the challenge. Is this location where I felt the pull in the lower abdomen a few months ago? Mayhaps.
Then my lower back, the usual schtuffs. While that was being measured, I asked if I can add back any activities, he said not until there's no pain. Kinda under my breath (I was in cat-stretch) I said "....killing me". Now I honestly don't know if I said "you're" or "this is" or "it's" ahead of that. Different meanings. I sure didn't mean to imply this is his fault, but I think in my brain it's "them" that limits me, and I'm having a real mental issue with that lately.
Themses always telling me what to do. What to eat, what not to eat. What meds to take. What exercise limits I have. Etc. Etc. Etc. Problem child complainer pansy ass whino.
This launched into a discussion from him, and as always I wished I could have recorded it. Essentially, 4-5 reasons this happened. He repeated again that this bone shouldn't have broken, the broke-the-hammer-not-the-nail statement, that another bone should have broken first maybe. Anyway.
1. Nutritional deficiency due to malabsorption
2. Bone weakness due to previous malabsorption (ie 2013-2015 issues)
3. Muscle weakness, led to joint impact
4. Overtraining and thus overloading the body
5. Something else entirely.
All good reasons. I mentioned that some docs think I'm an undiagnosed celiac. Note that I don't say that I think I'm an undiagnosed celiac. Themses do, not me. (denial?). He then mentioned a Dr he and his wife have seen, and the successful treatments for her scleroderma and his eczema. This Dr uses "frequencies to treat infections, to keep the viruses from moving around", and found Lyme and HMCV in Dr L. Said he didn't believe in the treatments at first, debated and doubted, but once he followed the protocol (naturopathic) it worked. Some research online shows its called bioresonance, measurements of the galvanic skin response.
Huh. The scientist in me sees this a few ways. I'd like to see this treatment to call bunko on it. I'd like to see what the evidence is. I'd like to see what I get from it, just to poke holes.
The sick problem child whiny maggot pansy ass in me just wants to know what the hell is going on.
Fuck all this shit.
But in the meantime I'm looking at my options. I treat me? Find a specialist? Find a functional medicine person? Go get bioresonance scanned? Haha.
Yes I want every damned mile I can get.
Appt with Dr L today and I had a list of things to ask about, including when I can add in any activity, why is my right arm and hand prone to tingling lately, what's going on in my upper back/lower neck with I pull my shoulders back, and why it is so pained and tight to walk after sitting. Naturally I didn't address much of this, not wanting to sound like a problem child complainer pansy ass.
The sitting to standing and walking -- he measured my right hip flexor with the lunge. Pre treat was 10 inches, post treatment 13 inches and feeling much better. Now we'll see if I limp so much? He worked on the illiapsoas (?) which is lower abdomen above the pelvic bones. He said this was "bad" and a "grade 2.5". He also said to this asst that he can dig into me, that I don't fight back, and I can take the pain. Oh, the challenge. Is this location where I felt the pull in the lower abdomen a few months ago? Mayhaps.
Then my lower back, the usual schtuffs. While that was being measured, I asked if I can add back any activities, he said not until there's no pain. Kinda under my breath (I was in cat-stretch) I said "....killing me". Now I honestly don't know if I said "you're" or "this is" or "it's" ahead of that. Different meanings. I sure didn't mean to imply this is his fault, but I think in my brain it's "them" that limits me, and I'm having a real mental issue with that lately.
Themses always telling me what to do. What to eat, what not to eat. What meds to take. What exercise limits I have. Etc. Etc. Etc. Problem child complainer pansy ass whino.
This launched into a discussion from him, and as always I wished I could have recorded it. Essentially, 4-5 reasons this happened. He repeated again that this bone shouldn't have broken, the broke-the-hammer-not-the-nail statement, that another bone should have broken first maybe. Anyway.
1. Nutritional deficiency due to malabsorption
2. Bone weakness due to previous malabsorption (ie 2013-2015 issues)
3. Muscle weakness, led to joint impact
4. Overtraining and thus overloading the body
5. Something else entirely.
All good reasons. I mentioned that some docs think I'm an undiagnosed celiac. Note that I don't say that I think I'm an undiagnosed celiac. Themses do, not me. (denial?). He then mentioned a Dr he and his wife have seen, and the successful treatments for her scleroderma and his eczema. This Dr uses "frequencies to treat infections, to keep the viruses from moving around", and found Lyme and HMCV in Dr L. Said he didn't believe in the treatments at first, debated and doubted, but once he followed the protocol (naturopathic) it worked. Some research online shows its called bioresonance, measurements of the galvanic skin response.
Huh. The scientist in me sees this a few ways. I'd like to see this treatment to call bunko on it. I'd like to see what the evidence is. I'd like to see what I get from it, just to poke holes.
The sick problem child whiny maggot pansy ass in me just wants to know what the hell is going on.
Fuck all this shit.
But in the meantime I'm looking at my options. I treat me? Find a specialist? Find a functional medicine person? Go get bioresonance scanned? Haha.
Monday, October 7, 2019
Hennepin Hundred weekend summary
COMMUTE weekdays 2 miles
STRENGTH last week the 'legs day', a 30' shoulders/arms, and a 50' bike intervals/absX
Go me, three strength workouts last week! A week later I still feel the tight pull of the legs day in my quads.
I was planning to leave for home on Weds afternoon, but due to mouse work and other stuff I didn't leave until Friday morning. Happily I was able to get my work done, and happily I got about 1-2 hours at home visiting before I left for Colona.
I stayed at a cheap-o hotel and met a 100 runner in the lobby who through a mistake of some sort for the hotel lost his room booking. I almost gave him mine, but I didn't want to complicate things. Also the hotel was near a walmart, which sadly led to a $5 M session. Ugh. Watched part of an old black&white Godzilla movie before bed. TV is terrible, no wonder I don't watch it.
Up early to volunteer, met a runner Chris from Bolingbrook area, he's also injured (tweaked his back) and was volunteering for deferment, like me. I stayed in the school parking lot to redirect drivers to the bus pick up site. Chris and I briefly talked about how injury changed us physically and mentally. Good to know I'm not alone in how I feel.
Back to hotel, tried to sleep but ended up watching more shitty television. Hotel breakfast was lame biscuits and gravy, dry cereal, waffles, and these over sugared yogurts. I tried the yogurt and the truck smelled like it for hours. I should have stayed longer at the hotel to rest, but I checked out at 9am and found a Target store, thinking I could find a bday present for Jess. Then to a Fresh Thyme where I did find a gift, some salad bar for supper, some ginger and some new-to-me mochi. M'd some right away in the truck, again, ugh, and so much for supper. Rested, drove to a Walmart again to kill time. Found gifts for K&J, cottage cheese, protein powder and since it was raining like crazy I just hung there to wait it out. In the truck, M, and LA called for a chat. Then I napped in the truck until 5pm, drove to volunteer site at mile 88.
Came into a still setting up but well-rolling aid station, the Primos Running Club for my 6pm to 1am shift. I scouted out the caption, Lou, and he put me to building a fire. Then to making coffee, where I connected with a few others. Then I got to making pancakes (off all the people to make pancakes, and no they were not gluten free as promised). Soon enough the 50K started coming through. It was dark, some rolling great and others struggling, especially as the night wore on. Then the 100 milers, I missed the first ones making pancakes, but got to see them more once that was done.
I loved playing catch! As a runner comes in, cheer and pull them up to see what they need. I could go on for pages with all the stories, pages upon pages, almost like a race report. The few I like to remember: the woman who came in 1am or so who slept a bit near the heaters then coated her blistered feet in anti-chafing, who couldn't stand up without Lou and me supporting her, how she cussed while put anti-chafing on the lady bits, but then TOOK OFF TO FINISH. The 50K racer with her cousin who dealt with her blisters after being out there for hours, yet she LEFT TO FINISH. The woman who came in after not eating for hours, collapsed on a picnic table, we fed her pancakes and sugars, she got a back massage, took some time, and soon enough LEFT TO FINISH. The tired and angry runner who came in with a few others (some were pacers, at least), and her pacers started dancing to Getting Jiggy With It and I could tell she wanted to just smack them, and I told her about LA in my 100K how I wanted to smack him but couldn't catch him to do it.
Also the guy who was pissed off that his runner couldn't drop at the previous aid station, he wanted his runner to drop and asked us how, I made the mistake of saying "he can't drop" or something along those lines and he got pissed. I realize what I said was wrong, realized it right away. He came around the picnic table at me doing the yelling with the finger jabbing. A volunteer stepped between us, Lou got involved, and wow what a temper - to be yelling at volunteers. But wow - my response and attitude to a drop. Reference Farmdale 2016. I dropped at mile 80-something and to this day wonder what happened and how it could have been different if there was more push to go back out. No regrets, I just wonder.
Well anyway, the volunteer shift was going so great, we had a group with initiative and true desire to help the runners, so I stayed until sunrise. I could have stayed longer, but I wanted time with my family. After many hugs I left. And yes, I love you too Lou because being with your group brought me back to focus on why I love this, why I come back, why I want to challenge myself, and why I FREAKING LOVE THIS SHIT.
My laser now refocused. My goals for 2020 becoming hardened. My plans to get healthy, to heal, to do it right -- coalescing. I've laid out some diet changes (back towards SCD), canceled some medical appointments that don't follow my course, and have an ambitious plan for personal training to build functional strength before I get back to running.
-----
Otherwise, on my feet for so long yet no hip pain. I'm noticing that I'm very tight in the hips after sitting. And on the drive down to STL today and for hours after (even now) my right arm/hand is tingling. I see Dr L tomorrow, and oooooh the questions I have.
STRENGTH last week the 'legs day', a 30' shoulders/arms, and a 50' bike intervals/absX
Go me, three strength workouts last week! A week later I still feel the tight pull of the legs day in my quads.
I was planning to leave for home on Weds afternoon, but due to mouse work and other stuff I didn't leave until Friday morning. Happily I was able to get my work done, and happily I got about 1-2 hours at home visiting before I left for Colona.
I stayed at a cheap-o hotel and met a 100 runner in the lobby who through a mistake of some sort for the hotel lost his room booking. I almost gave him mine, but I didn't want to complicate things. Also the hotel was near a walmart, which sadly led to a $5 M session. Ugh. Watched part of an old black&white Godzilla movie before bed. TV is terrible, no wonder I don't watch it.
Up early to volunteer, met a runner Chris from Bolingbrook area, he's also injured (tweaked his back) and was volunteering for deferment, like me. I stayed in the school parking lot to redirect drivers to the bus pick up site. Chris and I briefly talked about how injury changed us physically and mentally. Good to know I'm not alone in how I feel.
Back to hotel, tried to sleep but ended up watching more shitty television. Hotel breakfast was lame biscuits and gravy, dry cereal, waffles, and these over sugared yogurts. I tried the yogurt and the truck smelled like it for hours. I should have stayed longer at the hotel to rest, but I checked out at 9am and found a Target store, thinking I could find a bday present for Jess. Then to a Fresh Thyme where I did find a gift, some salad bar for supper, some ginger and some new-to-me mochi. M'd some right away in the truck, again, ugh, and so much for supper. Rested, drove to a Walmart again to kill time. Found gifts for K&J, cottage cheese, protein powder and since it was raining like crazy I just hung there to wait it out. In the truck, M, and LA called for a chat. Then I napped in the truck until 5pm, drove to volunteer site at mile 88.
Came into a still setting up but well-rolling aid station, the Primos Running Club for my 6pm to 1am shift. I scouted out the caption, Lou, and he put me to building a fire. Then to making coffee, where I connected with a few others. Then I got to making pancakes (off all the people to make pancakes, and no they were not gluten free as promised). Soon enough the 50K started coming through. It was dark, some rolling great and others struggling, especially as the night wore on. Then the 100 milers, I missed the first ones making pancakes, but got to see them more once that was done.
I loved playing catch! As a runner comes in, cheer and pull them up to see what they need. I could go on for pages with all the stories, pages upon pages, almost like a race report. The few I like to remember: the woman who came in 1am or so who slept a bit near the heaters then coated her blistered feet in anti-chafing, who couldn't stand up without Lou and me supporting her, how she cussed while put anti-chafing on the lady bits, but then TOOK OFF TO FINISH. The 50K racer with her cousin who dealt with her blisters after being out there for hours, yet she LEFT TO FINISH. The woman who came in after not eating for hours, collapsed on a picnic table, we fed her pancakes and sugars, she got a back massage, took some time, and soon enough LEFT TO FINISH. The tired and angry runner who came in with a few others (some were pacers, at least), and her pacers started dancing to Getting Jiggy With It and I could tell she wanted to just smack them, and I told her about LA in my 100K how I wanted to smack him but couldn't catch him to do it.
Also the guy who was pissed off that his runner couldn't drop at the previous aid station, he wanted his runner to drop and asked us how, I made the mistake of saying "he can't drop" or something along those lines and he got pissed. I realize what I said was wrong, realized it right away. He came around the picnic table at me doing the yelling with the finger jabbing. A volunteer stepped between us, Lou got involved, and wow what a temper - to be yelling at volunteers. But wow - my response and attitude to a drop. Reference Farmdale 2016. I dropped at mile 80-something and to this day wonder what happened and how it could have been different if there was more push to go back out. No regrets, I just wonder.
Well anyway, the volunteer shift was going so great, we had a group with initiative and true desire to help the runners, so I stayed until sunrise. I could have stayed longer, but I wanted time with my family. After many hugs I left. And yes, I love you too Lou because being with your group brought me back to focus on why I love this, why I come back, why I want to challenge myself, and why I FREAKING LOVE THIS SHIT.
My laser now refocused. My goals for 2020 becoming hardened. My plans to get healthy, to heal, to do it right -- coalescing. I've laid out some diet changes (back towards SCD), canceled some medical appointments that don't follow my course, and have an ambitious plan for personal training to build functional strength before I get back to running.
-----
Otherwise, on my feet for so long yet no hip pain. I'm noticing that I'm very tight in the hips after sitting. And on the drive down to STL today and for hours after (even now) my right arm/hand is tingling. I see Dr L tomorrow, and oooooh the questions I have.
Tuesday, October 1, 2019
It's October! I've opted out of news and carbs
COMMUTE 2 miles
And I got sushi for lunch! It's nice n 90-some odd degrees outside and after a rush this-this-this morning of setting up genotyping PCRs and tamoxifen and eye swabs this was a needed break. Although it sets me up for not getting done on time today. I'll take the sushi and stay late!
As usual cutting down trees, and a pen drawing of the binary neurons in his head got me laughing so hard I thought I could be sick. And now a few hours later my chest hurts, my neck hurts, my head hurts. No wonder I can't sleep, with this shit going on in the background. I know Dr S said to try the nitroglycerin as a test - is it the heart or not - but I feel like taking the meds is a step towards conceding the fight to heart disease and drug dependency. What?
I thought for sure my legs would be burned and DOMS today, but only a little bit. The hip injury doesn't hurt much either, so I'm encouraged by all this. But still, I don't think that's the gym for me. Expensive. Three times a week only. I already pay for YMCA. And after he told me yesterday "that's the best numbers I've seen for a female squat" it kinda took the fuel out of the tank. No surprise, I want some competition! And I'm not going to find it here.
Which means I have to find a way to "break up" and give his key fob back.
Day 2 of Opt Out and no M. All good.
And I'm going back to low carb -- looking at recipes and thinking back to what I used to eat. I've already ditched rice and potatoes (sushi excluded, I left most of the rice behind but ate some) in the past few weeks so now the biggest questions are along the lines of what to do about dairy. Good or bad for me? And I've developed a crazy soda craving habit for ginger ale. I can drink 2L/day!
And my chest still hurts. Ugh.
And I got sushi for lunch! It's nice n 90-some odd degrees outside and after a rush this-this-this morning of setting up genotyping PCRs and tamoxifen and eye swabs this was a needed break. Although it sets me up for not getting done on time today. I'll take the sushi and stay late!
As usual cutting down trees, and a pen drawing of the binary neurons in his head got me laughing so hard I thought I could be sick. And now a few hours later my chest hurts, my neck hurts, my head hurts. No wonder I can't sleep, with this shit going on in the background. I know Dr S said to try the nitroglycerin as a test - is it the heart or not - but I feel like taking the meds is a step towards conceding the fight to heart disease and drug dependency. What?
I thought for sure my legs would be burned and DOMS today, but only a little bit. The hip injury doesn't hurt much either, so I'm encouraged by all this. But still, I don't think that's the gym for me. Expensive. Three times a week only. I already pay for YMCA. And after he told me yesterday "that's the best numbers I've seen for a female squat" it kinda took the fuel out of the tank. No surprise, I want some competition! And I'm not going to find it here.
Which means I have to find a way to "break up" and give his key fob back.
Day 2 of Opt Out and no M. All good.
And I'm going back to low carb -- looking at recipes and thinking back to what I used to eat. I've already ditched rice and potatoes (sushi excluded, I left most of the rice behind but ate some) in the past few weeks so now the biggest questions are along the lines of what to do about dairy. Good or bad for me? And I've developed a crazy soda craving habit for ginger ale. I can drink 2L/day!
And my chest still hurts. Ugh.
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