Thursday run to LP

 RUN 4.5 miles in 46 mins, to LP

OK this felt much faster than 46 minutes. Where did I lose time? Looks like I was slower the first two miles and picked up the pace as I got to LP. Ugh. 

We all agreed to cancel the Thursday run today because of rain. All night, all morning, rain. In the end, it wasn't raining all that much at 6am, but I used the opportunity to sleep in so it really didn't matter. 

This is now the third run in three days - no issues! Aside from the tight right knee and some foot bones feeling sensitive and the right leg hammy feeling. Yeah, no issues.

I'm a bit stressed today, I gotta decide what my travel plans are this weekend. I see 4 things I need to take care of: 1) visit to grandma, family, and Aunt D; 2) LA in A2; 3) work!; and 4) responsibilities of errands and dog care.

1) Gma's housing facility is having covid issues, and Aunt D is coming back to see her. I've promised my family I'd be home "soon" so the expectation is that I'll be there this weekend. So this is top priority.

2) Seeing LA - he's busy and shouldn't be wasting time driving, but see below as it pertains to me driving. This would be the first weekend we don't see each other! I hate to break our streak! But he comes 2nd to family this weekend.

3) Work. Work has been more than flexible with my schedule, thanks to a great work family and the covid. I can kinda come and go as needed. Today I meet with the boss regarding my upcoming move, and I'm VERY aware lately of my lack of productivity. Guilt! I'd like to leave today for home (thursday) and I'd like to take Monday and Tuesday off to see LA, but I just can't.

4) Errands. Gotta get my flu shot, get the dog's prescription, get a card mailed, buy 2 birthday cards, and that's all the errands and ignoring all the other shit I wanna get done - like paint the exterior parts of the house while it's still warm enough for it. And the dog - I can't run the dog all over the midwest and expect her to be happy. So I'm trying to find a balance of get things done without being too hard on her. And me.

As usual, I'll make everyone else happy first. And in the end I may or not be happy, as that's not the goal. Ugh. 
So here's the plan: 
(I just accidentally found out that if I hold shift and hit Enter I don't skip a line of text. Cool)
The plan: I work today and tomorrow morning, that way work is "happy" and I'm less guilty. I use the time here to get the errands done as listed in 4. I drive up to Illinois Friday after work to visit until Sunday afternoon.

Then I gotta decide -- come back to St Louis, or go to A2 for Monday and Tuesday? Arrive back to work Wednesday. Or do like LA did last Monday and leave AA super early to work Tuesday afternoon. Ugh.  So that's November 2nd and 3rd. 

LA is coming here November 7-8 for the kids, he's coming back here 14-15 for military duty (I really won't see him much though), and we go to Alaska 21-28, then he's here for December. 

So I'm looking at the days, and realizing that Plan A of coming right back to StL means I don't see LA for 11-12 days :(

Plan B of swinging through A2 from home means I see him in the middle of those 11 days :) and I can maybe put most of the driving late night/early morning? 

Why am I typing all of this here? haha. 

And why do I think it's OK to miss work on Monday, but not Friday? It's no different?

Wednesday in TGP and the songlist additions I forgot to mention!

 RIDE 20 miles in 90 mins, TGP

RUN 4 miles in 40 mins, Fo Pa

Really dark this morning, cloudy and misty and wet, and dark. The headlamps on until almost the end of the 2nd interval! Next week after the time change this will be different, but it will maybe be colder too. So BE and I not sure how much longer we'll keep going. I'm wanting to squeeze in as much as possible, since I started so late. 

The run is now part of the 5x/week pattern, in my phase 2 running plan. I'm keeping Tues and Thurs the same, but adding short 2-4 mile runs on Weds and Sunday. Goal is mostly to increase frequency at first. Then add distance. So I'm holding at the low 20mpw range for now. Today's run altered because BE has a virtual 5K Friday morning, so we planned to run the 4.5 mile zoo loop on Thursday. This means that my midweek goal of 12 miles total is changing from 3.5-2-6.5 to a 4-4-4 sequence, as needed to hit 12 miles. Today I ran during the PCR gels, picking a different than usual course out along Oakland to Hampton, to the middle of FoPa, then back on Clayton. This is the 2nd time now that I've picked a non-standard course for a run - new for me!

I've had a song stuck in my head for a few weeks now, unexpectedly at K-pop song by BTS called Dynamite. I downloaded it for my birthday and forgot to mention it!

"Life is sweet as honey"

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And I forgot to mention that song I happened to hear TWICE on my birthday -- Skin and Bones by Cage the Elephant. I figured it must be a new song to be repeated on the radio, but no, it's from 2019!

Close my eyes and drift into the silence
Barely see the ultraviolet
Slipped and fell into the deep end
Oh, the sidewalks shimmer just like diamonds
All the empty words were flying
Well, the heart was low but I never was alone
I never was alone

I've been running for so long
All that's left is skin and bones
Close my eyes and fight to carry on
Sometimes it makes no sense at all
If I stumble, will I fall?
If I fall I'll tuck and roll
Close my eyes and let the love light guide me home
Let the love light guide me home

Cold and wet track run

 RUN 4 miles in 44 mins, drills in the straightaway

I add that part about the drills to account for the >10m/m pace as reported. 

Cold (relatively, it's in the 40s) and almost-raining and definitely dark means it's not a good idea to bike to the track. Yesterday BE mentioned he'd be driving, that seemed to be the out I needed to drive myself there too.

It didn't quite rain, but it was that rain-imminent mist. The track/XC teams didn't show up so the track lights didn't come on. So we had a dark run the entire time.  I make it sound like it wasn't fun -- it was! We talked a bit about Monty Python skits (Accusative!), his work at WF and the charity drives they do, the issues WF had years ago, etc. The 4 miles tick by. We stopped only because he had a calf cramp, otherwise more miles!

No commute again today because of the rain. And no swimming, unless a wait-list spot opens. And if one does, I'll likely miss it. Gotta get the house ready for the realtor to tour it for the first time tomorrow morning!

Last week of dark mornings

 BIKE 20 miles in 1:29

SWIM (ETA): 1250 yards in 34 minutes

No commute today, it's supposed to rain all day. LA was up at 3am and gone just 40 mins later. I tried to snooze a bit after so I wouldn't think about it, but I only nodded off a little bit. Then felt guilty for it. Now, at 11am, he's still driving and it's still not raining. Oh, maybe it is raining. 

I joined BE for our usual Monday TGP ride. I didn't think we'd have this, usually LA leaves later in the morning and we reschedule the ride for Weds, but today it worked out as a distraction for me too. EW was going to join, but didn't, and said something in the text that she was injured? (she said "lame, literally", BE and I not sure). 

It was dark for most of the first two loops. I think halfway through the 2nd loop I turned off my headlamp. The clouds didn't help any. I dressed heavier today so I wouldn't have the distraction of the cold, and it worked. Even if I was overdressed a teeny bit, I couldn't complain about the cold like I have the past few weeks. It's only going to get worse!

The ride felt good, but I'm terribly aware of my right knee. It has a sort of vague, non-focal pain. Or tightness, or misalignment type of feeling. It's coming out of my hip, where the high hamstrings are tight? Ugh. 

I managed to get a lane at the pool today, it worked better on the computer than on my phone. But I can't always be here, so I'm on a lot of waiting lists for the next few days. 

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The swim! I did it! It rained all day and it's dark at night (not as dark as it will be after the time change this weekend) and it's cold out and I don't have the heat on yet -- so *any other night* I would NOT have left the house again to swim. I woulda stayed home with my space heater and my new warm heated blankie (LOVE IT, thanks LA). But a commitment is a commitment, I'd feel silly to cancel, so out the door I go. 

While in the parking lot, I try to sign up for a 6pm swim on Wednesday, but fail and only get a wait-list. Ugh. 

I had a WU then 2 200y intervals -- both faster than the one at the WH pool on Sunday. Are we sure that isn't a meter pool? These intervals were 4:09 and 4:18 (took a few pauses in the second one to reset form). I just scrolled though some TP.com in 2014 and it looks to be a yards pool. 

Anyway, I felt much better about everything after this swim. LA left this morning to return to A2, I told the boss today that I'm moving, it's cold and rainy, but after this everything was better. 

Numerics. 22.3 mile week running

This was really a rest week! I didn't get to the pool so swim until Sunday -- the YMCA reservation system fills so fast, I was left relying on waiting lists. I got a Thursday afternoon lane, but backed out once I realized LA was working on the house.

I got the Monday ride in, but Wednesday morning after LA arrived I skipped to sleep in with him, and didn't get to it later in the day like I hoped. We did run that night, and I split the Thursday run into a 3+4.5 sequence. So Monday was the only ride. And Thursday the only commute to work.

As for running, this is the first week of my next "phase", the goal of which is 30 miles per week and building slowly to 4-5 runs per week. Not sure how I'm going to fit the bike rides in? It will be cold, I have the Bird on the trainer, but not sure when I'll do it. I'm thinking on it. 

On weeks like this, I hate to say I'm still torn between getting my training (training for what, I dunno) in and visiting with LA. He was here Tuesday night until tomorrow morning. It disrupts my schedule, but fixes my mental state. I guess in his absence, I need the training to fix the stress. 

ETA!!!! LA and I did a late birthday run, 2.2 miles of running and another mile of walking. His route of Polish church to brewery/broadway. Felt awesome -- to run and to just go with the flow of his suggestions. So 22.3 miles!

And 13.8 miles of COMMUTE. Not much!

Happy Birthday Bee!

 SWIM 1050 yards at WH pool, 200TT at 4:15 

Happy Birthday to me!  45 years old, I've cat'd up too but since there are no races going on, it doesn't matter!

So here's my annual birthday post. What a year it's been -- COVID, protests and SJW types, prez elections. But as for me -- LA moved in, got into med school, moved out. I'm finally facing my Dragons, or at least I'm recognizing that I have them. 

This past year has been a whirlwind. October through December I was recovering still from the pelvic bone injury. I feel HARD into old habits in November, I was falling apart as I spent a few months working every single day, all day, unable to be home alone. I had days in November in which I completely fell apart -- M and stress and sabotage. Then Thanksgiving and LA, then Spaceballs then the Russian Restaurant. And from then on -- everything changed, at least on the outside. 

In December we went to the east coast, and I learned that I can successfully travel and I'm not so limited. In January and February I realized I could go with him to med school, this was an up and down period, his success and my fear of him leaving. In March I was sick for a week immediately preceding COVID shutdown, and I came back to a new world. No family, no travel, no co-workers, no shopping. Really my life didn't change much -- I didn't go out much anyway -- but life had completely changed. April and May - cleaned up his house by FLW, and June was my last month with him here. July was a bonus month as plans changed, then he moved. I came back in August alone to an empty house. August was also when I started "training" again, not just light running but a real *plan* with swim and bike too. August, September, and now through October we still see each other each week. The meeting, the leaving, the together then alone, it's stress then calm then loneliness then love. 

And through it all, of course, M. Up and down, stop and start and stop. Like for years. This response to stress, this coping mechanism in my head. As of today, 10 full days without. It's there, it will never really be gone, but I don't have to listen.

What I've been listening to instead, are the voices of Yesterday, which I found a week or so ago. 7 active voices, plus a silent one, plus the current listener. As per Rule #4: Compare yourself to who you were yesterday -- these are my Yesterdays. 

What a weird thing to think, but it helps to know that the stronger person I used to be is still me -- just lost somewhere. From 2014's MiTi feeling of invincibility, 2014's B2B smiling no matter what, 2015's KM100 denial into change, 2016's unstoppable strength, 2018's renewal, late 2018's getting lost and slipping into the depths, to 2019's full submersion into the deep, so Deep I found a Balrog and monsters and dragons and they all came at me. 

To now. 2020's bee. I've clawed my way back up, my fingers on the edge. The monsters still there, some banished back to the deeps, but still below me. I'm stuck in Moria still, and I need to find my way out. 

So my goal for the next year, find yourself again. Leave behind everything here and find a new start. You are still the person you were yesterday, all off them good and bad. The silent voice, that's the voice of the future, and what will that voice say in one year? 

A Day off before a long run!

 RUN 9 miles NON-STOP in 1:30

I rested Friday, took the day off of lab and did LOTS of housework. The bathtub wall and caulk, master bedroom window trim and pain, and the ceiling in that room too. And a few breaks in between :X

This was a much-needed rest! My right high-hamstring and right knee are still "off", but I wouldn't say wrong or injured (or I'm in denial) and I don't know if the run or the bike is a cause or exacerbation of it. 

Saturday morning he took off to FLW area, and I went to work. The plan was to start my PCR and get my run in then. I usually don't run as good mid-day, but this was colder and gloomy than the past few days and I wasn't looking forward to being cold. As per usual, I was overdressed and over-thinking it.

I started around noon, and didn't set my 3 goals for the run like I normally do. So I ran out without any run-walk plans at all. And no set route, and no set goal pace or time. I just went, and a mile or two in I wondered why I always think of this as "must do out-n-back" to get mileage. What would happen if I just wandered the park? 

So I decided to just run, see what I go, but I did stay on the trail. When I got to Skinker I kept going past the campus, and slowly feeling better and better as I go. I didn't even think about stopping for a walk. I didn't watch the Garmin, I didn't count or measure. I just ran. 

And I LOVED IT. Miles 5-7 just flew by. Miles 6-8 might have been the fastest. I felt a little like I could race, and the mental tricks I use to push a little more worked. When it came to mile 8, and opted for one more --9 miles!!

No pains, no problems, and all great. And another no-stress day, like yesterday. 

And -- this was day 10 without the M!

Kept falling into stress response

 Tuesday RUN 3.5 on the track, COMMUTE 4.6  to the track

Wednesday RUN 3 miles, late afternoon with LA

Thursday RUN 4.5 miles in Fo Pa, COMMUTE 9.2 miles

LA arrived Tuesday night! As excited as I am that he comes here, the time he's driving is stressful. But the relief when he gets here - all worth it. 

But I kept falling back into a stress response all week, Wednesday and Thursday were hard days. I can't explain it. This is my safe zone to explain things, and yet I don't have the words. 

I feel so...out of control, off base, like I'm on a treadmill that just goes a little bit faster every week. Like the world is spinning under me and my feet can't stay on the ground. Then I get to the point like I need to grab onto something solid, but there isn't anything. Whatever I can find to grab is transient, or just pulls me faster. 

LA is here, so you'd think I could grab onto him (figuratively) (and literally!). But he's only here a few days, and I don't feel right unloading onto him, he has his own problems.

But then I do unload onto him, he asks why I'm so stressed and in order to answer I have to face the Dragons I have been trying to ignore. And they come out roaring and I lose all denial and control of the Dragon. 

I wish I could explain it better. But I can say that I didn't grab on to him, and he is solid, and he helped me figure it out. Sometimes his calm experience riles me up, and while it did this time, it also brought me back. 

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As for the medical shit in the last post, all seems good as expected. Going to try antibiotics for a few months to see if the intermittent symptoms clear out. 

Cold TGP ride, more medical shit

 BIKE 20 miles in 80-90 minutes

I met with BE for a cold ride, it rained overnight but as per forecast cleared out by ride time. We rode at 630 to give the sun more time, but the clouds obscured any light. It was cold, maybe less cold than last Friday, but cold enough that BE stopped at two intervals. Of course, I couldn't stop.

My hands and toes were cold, my forearms and face a bit, but otherwise I managed. Glad I did it!

The ride felt good, but I'm now hyper-vigilant about injury. The sit bones that occasionally hurt (but not now and not during the ride) make contact with the seat? I'm pretty sure this started before the new ISM seats were installed? And what can I do so the knees don't feel so strained when I stand on the pedals? 

To my surprise I did fine on the ride without headphones. Usually I need the distraction to keep the voice between my ears subdued. 

I tried to schedule a swim for 9am or 6pm, but no matter how fast I try to be I miss the signup. I'm on the wait list, today and again tomorrow, but don't have high expectations. 

Medical appointment later, will ETA. Maybe. Sick of this medical shit. 

Weekend update and trip to AA, injury summary

Friday BIKE 10 miles in TGP (cold) and BIKE 10 miles on the trainer

     SWIM 1050 yards

Saturday RUN 2 miles, and walked about 0.75 miles

NUMERICS: 6:44 hours as above, plus COMMUTE 23.2 miles

Friday morning was chilly! I wanted to ride, but I didn't want to ride outdoors in the 37F and I didn't want to ride the trainer just yet. I wavered back and forth. Do I HTFU and ride outdoors or do I wimp out and stay indoors. I haven't ridden The Bird since....???....and I wasn't sure the new bike seat and different fit would be good for me. Don't be a chicken, saddle up and get outdoors.

Out I went, brrrrrrr, I'm trying to dress light but smart, warm but not sweaty, and succeeded and failed. My core was warm but my fingers and forearms ached. As I've done before, I pushed through one lap, then decided I could win both ways -- ride half here and half there -- and get both outdoor and indoor rides, neither of which I'd really wanted but really wanted. Win :)

Then a swim, the goal was 1000 yards but the Garmin picked up 1050. To be sure, I did an extra lap with the Garmin off, so that I really did 1050. The swim was my fourth one this week, and my shoulders and neck were feeling the new fatigue. Some muscle or ? on my head had a sharp pain, a pain familiar from my ironman training in 2014. Is it good or bad? 

Speaking of pains, I need at some point to note what I feel here. I have multiple, where to start? My right forearm/elbow has been pained for weeks now. When I lift something like a kombucha jar or the Puppy, try to open a door handle, pick up a bag - it hurts like a sharp ache. My feet have aches and pains - multiples of them, and they move and migrate and come and go, leaving me to wonder if they are real or not. Sometimes the pinkie bones on the outside of my feet have a sharp pain, especially if I roll my foot a little over to the side so the bone touches harder into the ground. Separately something under my heel (mostly the right) has a rock-in-shoe type pain at random. Not when walking, but like when driving? And the left ankle sometimes feels like it's not rolling right, like some tendons or ligaments aren't aligning proper.

Then there's my right now, which also feels like it's not aligning proper. Like the tendons/ligaments aren't pulling the knee right, or pulling imbalanced. This is hard to describe. Sometimes the left knee too, but much milder. Mostly, when I'm stepping up on a step, stepping down, or starting the bike from a stop (in summary, when I'm pushing the knee when bent) it feels strained and weak. This is probably connected to my hip?

The worst of the pain is this one. My high hamstrings or sitbones or something in that area has episodes of burning, kinda similar to the stress fracture pain from 2019! It's under the butt crease on the right side mostly, but sometimes I feel a hot sizzle of pain at the sit bones. This was especially so when I was driving to/from AA this weekend. Just sitting?! But pure chance a triathlon news email I read last week had an article on high hamstring tendonopathy - which sounds sorta/kinda like what I have! This has been stressful - the thought that the injury is still there, or there's another injury, or ...? My stomach turns a bit, I feel sick to think I'm injured again. 

But I'm still running, cautiously, and took full advantage of the rest week I just finished. I'm not sure what to do. 

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The new moon last week was another 'start' for me. I re-dedicated to goals, and on the drive back to STL I was approaching Indy the urge to 'enjoy' the foods that make me sick came back. I know what oatmeal does to me, and peanut butter, and I keep thinking I can enjoy them without getting sick "if only I do...." but time and time and time again this feeling has failed. But this time, I won. 

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Great weekend to AA, it seemed last minute to be leaving on Friday after work and having to come back so soon on Sunday. But it was 100% worth it. I can't get enough. But the stress just keeps building.

Met recovery run goal; Met part of old Bee last night

 RUN 4.5 miles in about 50 mins

SWIM will ETA

Cooler and intermittent rain this morning, but never a doubt that I'd run. The question was only about how far it would be. I like the full loop of 6.5 miles, but this is a rest week for me - the plan says 4 miles. 

Just yesterday I listened to one of my new podcasts - an hour long breakdown of the zones of running - and the first zone was the "active recovery" zone, z1, motion is lotion, etc. For this and the second zone, you should feel better *after* the run, as it was easy and non-damaging. I accomplished that with this run. 

EW was quiet today, didn't say much, usually she's a ball of positive chatter and energy. I don't mind *at all* waiting for someone who is still trying, so BE and I waited at a few points to let her catch. She'd fall back again, we'd wait. I'm hoping she's OK, should I text her? What would I want a friend to do? 

Anyway, this easier pace gave me the third reason I needed (my magical three): it's recovery week, my right knee feels tight/weak, and I didn't want to leave EW running alone. Decision made, BE and I mostly led the way, with a light rain falling at the end. And a little bit of parking lot loops at the end too, because 4.46 miles is not the same as 4.5 miles.

Yesterday LA ran 6.16 miles, and I ribbed him about it. But yay for 6 miles!! Even if he walked a bit of it, still, it's stretching out the distance. 

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Last night I again came home to old habits, had dinner in a cold, tired rush before walking the dog. The goal was to walk and meditate first, so as to calm my brain from the stress of work. Instead I put the stress on mute while I instead comfort my brain with food and youtube. It's not that I'm really overeating, it's *HOW* I'm eating. Almost mindless, munching, on plan but off the table I should be seated at. It's habit, it's the pull of rest, it's the temptation of watching the iphone (Blerch!). It slowly slid into rice, but that didn't last. Still a fail, and an M. 

Walk, power hour of chores (nice!!), meditate, more meditate, 8' of PT, bed. During the second meditate, my head filled with images and thoughts from the old me. Me in a picture I have near the bed, at christmas. Me in a picture with my cousin and my aunt in 2018. Right next to me, conversational, was the old me - in my head of course. Still here, actually. What does this mean?!

I put the Dragon, we named it Drake last night, near the bed so I'd see it when I wake up. Then put it downstairs so again I could see it. What does that mean too?!

And I have a SlayTheDragon tag for this blog. Next I'm gonna go back and see what that was, and when. 

Late start, still 20 miles

 BIKE 20 miles in 88 mins, 2x TGP then a 5K+

COMMUTE 9.2 miles

I woke up at the usual 4:45am time and almost went out the door early to meet BE at 6am. Then I realized I didn't need to be there until 6:30! To make the best of it, I got my Card Deck workout done before the ride. Like I said yesterday, I'd have to wake up earlier to fit it into my schedule.

It was dark at the start, and that beautiful new moon like a perfect crescent looked down at the eastern horizon. Yesterday Venus was below the moon; today it was above it. We did only two intervals, by the end of the second one we had full sunlight, and it was a pretty morning!

BE asked last week if we could do a 5K mej of the TGP for his upcoming virtual 5K, so that replaced our third interval. This left me 1.5 miles short of my 20 mile goal so of course I did loops around the 'hood until I hit distance goal. Part of me was saying -- it's a rest week so what if the ride is 1.5 miles short. The rest of me was saying -- STFU a goal is a goal. [So why so much trouble with the M goal????}

I'm trying to sign up for the pool Thursday and Friday but the signup system is full of go-hards like me who have a finger hovering over the buttons. It is full within *seconds*. So I'm signed up for 3pm Thursday and 9am Friday, with wait-lists everywhere in the hopes that I can be around the computer to get at least one of them. 3pm on a Thursday, ugh. The 9am on Friday is barely OK, I don't know yet if I'm going to AA or not this weekend, but that leaves me enough time. 

Track run under the almost-new moon

 RUN 4 miles easy, with drills on the southern straightaway

COMMUTE 14 miles total

SWIM 1200 yards in about 30 mins, more drills

Up on time, as planned, started my Card Deck workout but realized I needed to get up earlier to finish it ontime. Ride to run, run with BE, home to almost-immediate shower (missed goal), shower, finish Card Deck, walk, M1, leave. YAY!

This is a rest week, only 10 miles on the plan but I might add on, you know me. The almost-new moon hung over downtown, with Venus underneath it. A bright sliver of silver in a dark sky. The 16th is a super new moon, or is it a new supermoon, and BE and I agreed that's a misnomer for something you can't see. 

The run was pretty, with sunrise not until 7:07am we were under the track lights the entire time, and we didn't even notice this. Simple run dat, one of my favorites that I will miss for the good company. We talked DVDs commentary tracks, his new DVD of drum corps, Russian language, his nieces birthday response on FB, yeah, I'll miss this once it's post-season. 

I had my phone alarm set to remind me of the Thursday pool signup -- and it filled in Seconds! I'm on the wait list in 15 seconds?! UGH. This system of signup has been the best accountability partner for my swimming. Can I apply it to other parts of my day? 

The card deck was the longest version -- 10 exercises long and I got a King for the time. I initially set to 100 seconds (10 seconds x 10-value card) but reduced it to 1 minute because I was failing form late into the 100 seconds. Done either way. 

Still to come -- 8 minute PT workout, 10 minute mediation, and 10 mins of journal/coloring/thinking. I need this, to break the evening habits used to alleviate stress and loneliness and boredom. Hate to admit it, but these habits  are coping mechanisms that fail me, yet I still do them. Can this be the start of better habits? Who is stronger? Monster or Meditation?

SWIM at 6pm. ETA: Two days of a row in swimming, and I can feel some strain and fatigue in my shoulders and neck. And that little painful pinge that happens on the back of the skull, kinda to the left, that I get after long swims. This wasn't a long swim!

Yesterday I said I wanted more drills, so I changed the 8x25 kick to a 8x25 drills with kick, then at the pool I messed up (?) and did 8x50 as DDDDDDKK, haha, oops in a good way. I did Sam's "look at hands forward", rotation, and chin tucked drills, twice each, then two kicks.  Felt good, but now typing this on Wednesday I can feel the bad form. More slow drills, please. I know you're anxious to get out of this "1000K swim" training plan, but it's good for now because the frequency is higher this way. Remember the Run Durability podcast from EN just listened to? Yeah, that for swimming. 

And as a follow up to above, Monster was stronger again last night. Should I start keeping score?

Almost full swim by time

 SWIM 1450 yards in 40 mins, I think 35 actual swim minutes (thanks garmin)

No commute or TGP ride today, as LA left in the morning and it was an easy switch. BE is on-board for a Wednesday ride, not sure about EW, so all is good. 

This was a 5pm swim, I arrived on-deck around 5:05-5:10 (garmin might know?) and followed my 1000y plan modified up to 1300y. When I realized I could get a few extra laps before the lane closed at 5:45, I took it. I thought I had 1500, but that's for another day.

The plan was a good one -- 4x25 moderate, 200 steady, 8x25 fast, 200 steady, 4x25 moderate -- I added another 200 steady at the end, and made the 2nd 4x25 a paddle swim with my new paddles. My form is still terrible. I'm torn between slowing down to work on it, and doing The Plan. I should modify my plans to include the drills, then I'm doing BOTH. Noting that now on my swim post-in note...

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I had my evening all planned out, walk dog first and short meditation and my new "cards workout"  and take Bird back to the trainer and get at minimum of 15 mins in. But I fell into old habits -- LA called and I used that as an excuse to break out of the planned routine. Then I fell in to the old habit of YouTube and oatmealM. I threw away this container, purchased on Saturday!! It's gotta go, I just can't have it.

Progress on DRB00108 Stalled for this issue. Today I thought, oh my birthday is next week, that's a good time so today is OK. Ugh. Failed. 

12 mile run! And numerics.

Saturday RUN 12 miles in 2:06 (miles 1-10 had 30 second walk/mile; miles 11-12 had 60s walk/mile)

Ave HR (chest) 146, ave cadence 165. but gotta look at the details since I walked: HR was usually 145-150 and the run cadence was high 160's. So walking didn't make that much difference for the numbers.

My first half mary in 2006 was finished I think in 2:06. At one point I thought about making this run my MO Cowbell Half Mary Virtual run but decided to save the money and just run on my own. This run felt great, never bored even on Grant's Trail. The niggle in my right leg is now hip and knee. It's not pain it's just an odd feeling.

The idea I could be injured panics me. I'm not ready to discuss it yet.

My new garmin gives me a 7 day Metrics summary, I thought about adding it to my Numerics tagged posts, but it's just one more thing to do! And I'm not even sure what all those numbers really mean. "Stress Level"?  But the averages and summary is nice. 

And LA was here all last week and this weekend. Feels so normal :)

NUMERICS 7:12 not counting the bike commutes
COMMUTE 23 miles

Sleeping-in = Stress out

 COMMUTE 9.2 miles

SWIM (ETA) 900 yards kinda rushed

I actually put sleep in on my list of things to do, but when I write that down I don't mean sleep in until 8:30am, which is what happened. I think maybe until 7am. My other goal was a regular walk in addition to a dog walk, that regular walk never happened. But the dog walk did, and I felt much less stressed afterwards. I was a stress ball before it -- hurry scurry and worry. Hurry to fix brekkie, pack lunch, make LA brekkie, get this, get that. Ugh. I know it's happening but I still can't stop it. 

What was I saying yesterday, that I need to learn to see it happening as it's happening? Yeah, that. 

Today I biked in, felt better after that, then wasted (?) half an hour coping a swim plan into post-it notes. Super stress relieving, but it's a false relief. As soon as I'm done, it's back. I print a calendar, look at my training plan, feel the stress. 

I set goals, then don't meet them. Today I wanted to sit down and have a normal breakfast, instead of my rushed-out-the-door version. I don't know if I would have made it there, but LA grabbed his brekkie, threw gluten on my eggs (he didn't know, I didn't say), he sat down to eat and left me on clean-up. Why does that stress me? I just see a disaster of containers and crumbs. He got to enjoy breakfast, I ended up eating in another hurry standing at the counter top. Fail. Again.

So reset goal to dinner. Lately he wants to watch something on the phone, I just want a quiet dinner with him. We'll see what happens. I'm selfish and controlling, it seems. 

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SWIM update -- I got home still stressed to find that LA had done for me a lot of the little household chores! Happy and Guilty, is how I felt. I super appreciate the help, it's like a clog is cleared. But guilty because he could have been studying, and this is sorta like enabling me. I showed up late for the swim and pushed to 900 yards, at which point the lifeguard asked me to finish up. Done! Good swims this week, but I gotta start doing more than just 1000 yards per session, as most any training plan I'd normally have isn't just 100 and 200 y sets, more like 300+ yard sets. But honestly, I'm not that far into this yet, I still need more practice so I stick this short training plan out until it's done. 

Did you benefit from reading JBP? Fast Thursday run and Fast 100 swims

 RUN 6.5 miles in 1:00:57

COMMUTE 9.2 miles

SWIM 1000 yards, with 2x 100y TT at 1:53 and 1:55 (really closer to 1:54 and 1:56!)

Totally great morning, might be one of the last of the t-shirt weather runs. Just me and BE today as EW on vacation, and I had some of my usual apprehension about running the loop. I've had this for years -- driving to the run and worrying about the pace and whether or not I would be able to keep up. Years of this! And again today -- without EW's more casual pace, how much would we speed up?

BE commented on the tank top weather, a spin on my t-shirt thoughts earlier. I shed the long sleeve around mile 1.5 on the Hill. We talked med students and studying, um....., his new drum corps DVD he'll watch later tonight, a few mins on last night's VP debates, um....., it was an hour we talked about more than that?

Around the skating rink I started getting thoughts of finishing this under an hour. My bad run math had me hung up a bit, this was 6.5 not 6.0 miles  and the pace in the first miles was 10+ but 9's thereafter, so, thinking, it would be close. I mentioned this to BE and we agreed that maybe a "Boston time finish" would pass as acceptable. We did it!! His watch said 1:00:42, less of a squeak under the goal time. The run felt great, yes it was hard but I've done harder. The same niggle in the right hip butt crease area, seems better these days? Denial?

Digits! I wore the chest HRM, it said ave 153bpm (compared to last weeks wrist 158, and 6 minutes slower). The HR climbed steadily throughout the run -- 137 in mile 1 and creeped up to 167 at the end. It was a smooth increase too, and not cadence lock this time. Cadence great at 170 spm. The Garmin reported three new records as we walked to the parking: fastest 10K at 58 minutes, fastest 5K at 28:20, and fastest mile at 8:50! Cool!

And compare this to my 10K check on Sept 6 in 1:01:23. Taking the 10K time above, that's a 3 min increase. 

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Two chrysalides eclose today, one was in a slightly deformed chrysalis and didn't look good. LA is at the house and sent updates. I love having him here, I feel guilty to go to work or train though. But I feel so good.

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SWIM ETA: I joined the 5pm wait list (this COVID bullshit has me signing up for lanes in 48 hour advance, but I also realize it's working for me as I treat it like a non-option session!) and at 330pm got the slot. Canceled my 6pm lane and left work early and happy! Today was the 100 yard TT effort, I did two and was surprised to see numbers sub-2! They aren't fast by any means, but they are good starting times as I get back into swimming. My form was a mess, I really need to focus on drilling and form and strength. And frequency!

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One thing BE did talk about was an essay he wrote for philosophy class, and which the professor didn't care for his essay and wrote something to the effect of "you didn't benefit from reading Plato!" and for some reason that started some thoughts in me. In my case, it's about all the reading and planning and podcasting etc that I've done to learn why I have my habits and how to break them. A podcast yesterday had the therapist telling someone, if you want to break the habit you have to be ready, and until you're ready you won't be able to have a normal relationship. And without that habit you'll have to find out who you are, and it will be uncomfortable, and until you're ready it won't work. And you need to find the moment at which part of you "falls asleep" when the habit starts, and you have to learn to stay awake instead of falling asleep. 

Getting off topic here, but the last few days and weeks I've been ready. Off, on, off, on. Right now on. The therapist also said that at first, you'll only stay awake 1 out of 100 times, but as time goes on you'll find you're improving and gaining momentum. I feel the momentum!

It's time to let go and to sacrifice who you are for who you could become. JBP

Took 63 seconds off the TGP interval

 BIKE 20 miles in 1:18; 3 solo intervals: 17:33, 17:10, 16:30

SWIM I'm on the wait-list but don't expect to get a lane

No COMMUTE so I could run drive some errands 

Warm, sunny, wonderful morning! Temps are expected to be upper 70's, maybe 80 today. I started late, too late really, but whatever LA is here and it's worth it. Just me for 3 TGP loops, my initial plan was 3 steady intervals but when I got the last one I was feeling great and just pushed it. It's still 60-90 seconds off my fastest time with BE (15-some minutes) but that felt about as fast as I could go. 

Some interval numbers - 

Ave speed was 16.1, 16.4, 17.1

Max speed was 20.9, 22.1, 23.5! Fastest place was in the straightaway of 5th lap. 

Ave HR was 132, 138, 144. And it felt like 144 if not more. 

Did all 3 today, swim bike run

 COMMUTE 4.6 miles to track

RUN 4.75 to 5 miles on track

SWIM 1000 yards not on the track!

Wow what a day, I need more like this. Can't help but feel good and alive with it. BE and did a straightforward track run, again with some drills on the straightaway. The actual run was 4.75 miles with 1 lap walked, but then we did 4 strides on the grassy area, putting me somewhere between 4.75 and 5. Why not just say 5? 

Felt great, warmer than yesterday, and enjoying the strength that I usually feel in March or April. 

WTF with the temps!?

 BIKE 10 miles only in 43 mins

SWIM -missed it to help LA with discussions

I woke up briefly at 2am to pee and saw a text from BE, saying it was gonna be too cold for him and he wasn't going to ride. Cold? Huh?

I woke up later in the morning, slept in a little to benefit from the planned later start 630am, and checked the temps. 37F. WHAT?! When did that happen? Well since I was riding solo, I took more benefit and waited for the sun to come up and spend some time with LA. Him and Sugar like to sleep in, but I gotta ride!

I leave later than planned after finding some gloves, brrrrr, it's cold but not bad. My fingers burn a bit, but I don't seem to be getting progressively colder. So I decided to ride one interval at a time, and not decide on the next one until the current one was finished. But my head is distracted, and not by the cold. I kinda left LA after a back-n-forth of words and I was unsettled by it. With this I was able to make a 3-reason decision -- cold, distracted by the morning, and short on time because we had places to be. I turned around after one interval.

It was worth going - there was the beautiful fog in the park that changed every lap as the sun come up over the trees and it wisped away. There was one point in the southern lap, in which the orange sunny fog was contrasted against the blue shaded fog and the silvery green grass beneath it. Wow.

I wore the chest HR today, it's not a great comparison yet but so far -- today's average interval HR was 129 at a time of 18:35. Previous laps with the 245 wrist were: 124 in 17:43, 126 in 17:44.

Old Garmin wrist: 124 in 18:24, 127 in 18:12, 131 in 18:01, and 132 in 18:03 So here the garmin wrist seems to be doing OK. 

2nd 10-miler, very different run; Dragon!!

 Saturday RUN 10 miles in 1:44

Friday and Sunday, rested. Lots going on. 

Friday was a planned rest day. Sunday was a planned swim, but I switched it to Monday instead. Resting felt good, and got time with LA!

Let's compare the last 10-miler to this 10-miler. 

Last week was around the neighborhood, 1:51, wrist HR, 11:11m/m, 251 ft, 66F, 159bpm, 161spm. Walk about every 2 miles. Struggled that 2 miles. 

This week out-n-back Grants Trail, chest HR, 1:44, 10:24m/m, 156 ft, 54F, 145bpm, 167bpm. Walk every 2 miles, but felt even throughout the run. 

I wore the chest HR to monitor the potential for cadence lock, and/or confusion of the watch with my cadence. The wrist HR seemed to be counting cadence at the higher paces. Walk breaks showed appropriate decreases in HR, The chest HR showed super clear correlation between run and walk but the run HR was in the 140-150 range. The numbers show a clear *decrease* in chest-counted HR, but the correlation is good. So I think, for now, that the wrist heart rate is reading too high, but maybe isn't in cadence lock. I'll keep watching. 

NUMERICS 6 hours

SWIM 2100 yards

BIKE 25 miles

RUN 21 miles!

COMMUTE only 14 miles

Opt Out October...Opt Out Of ...?

RUN 6.5 miles in 1:06:31 

SWIM 600 yards, this time it included 6x25 fast and more kick sets    

FULL MOON run! When EW and BE and I started it was setting in the west, a large silver disk in a light haze. Beauty. BE said that a song called Moon Dance (they sang some of it, I recognized) played on his CD player as he drove to the park. Great run, perfect all around. EW left after the zoo, the sun came up behind the "asparagus building" (as BE calls the ugly new apartment building along Kingshwy) and we finished up 1 minute faster than last week. I'm feeling some sciatic type niggles in both legs, and tightness that I need to focus on. I'm also now doing PT type stuff, so I'm adding a lot here, and gotta just let myself rest. Tomorrow. 

The new garmin is wonderful, but I'm watching it for cadence lock. I'm suspicious. EW and BE got their giggles in about me and LA having matching Garmins. He drives to STL today, I just got tracking info as he's leaving AA! 

Then to further my morning wins, I made it to the pool and got my 600 yards in. It's kinda frustrating that I'm still swimming "only" 600-700 yards/swim this week, but let's review the past month, yardage per week starting on Sept 2nd: 920 yards (2) (includes race), 700 (1), 800 (1), 2800 (3), 2100 (3). Whoa!!! Really?! Let's add frequency in (). WHOA!!  Hey come'on, give yourself some credit here, and a HIVE-FIVE!! Keep it up, but don't get injured by building too fast.

Also, the garmin is nailing the swims. It doesn't detect my kick sets, I think there's a drill mode I should learn more about. During the swim, I think it's off a little bit but in the end it's correct as per my training plan notes. 

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I woke up with plans in place to make this October special, as I usually do for October. Opt Out is the usual -- in which I Opt Out of the internets like Dumb surfing, youtube, reddit, and next door. But as of now, I'm nextdoor and reddit free, dumb surfing is super minimum, and youtube is my only internet vice. And that's mostly at work. 

So what can I opt out of this month? Been thinking, I have a few ideas.

1. Opt out of Monster. Nuff said. I crashed hard with it this past weekend with Sunday/Monday feeling  like a free fall. Now Tuesday was 1 item, Wednesday was 0 item, and now today Thursday let's get this cleaned up. 

2. Focus on real meals. Been wanting this - real meals that I sit down to and enjoy. Not random grabs that aren't satisfying or are eaten too fast. 

3. Reasonable daily plan. No more over-planning rigid must-do days. Day by day, continue with the index card notes with 8 goals for the day. 

Overall, I think this means to Opt Out of STRESS. M stresses me. Hurrying through meals, and having all these rules to follow -- all stress. So let's make it an Opt Out of Stress Month.