COMMUTE 2 miles a day, in/out of FoPa to work and back. That's it.
So nothing to say except all the shit that rolls around in my head. Friday got a fucking delish burger with bacon and cheddar thanks to LA, then on Saturday STEAK with same, and JFC I'm going back to my carnivore ways. Because I actually enjoy this food, it's good, and so the fuck what if it's not good for me?
Worked all through the weekend, long time course on Saturday and more on Sunday.
But also on Sunday I visited a gym in Soulard to learn more about personal training/boot camp classes they offer. I was all ready to sign on until I learned it's a yearly membership, at $167 a month for 3 visits a week. Any combination of 3 boot camp or 'rent the gym' options. Yikes. Let's do the math: $2000! Plus the $50 set-up fee. No way, and I said I can't do that without knowing if my heart and hip can handle. Monthly not available, but he offered 3 months at $200/month. That would get me through the year, seemed good!
I went to the class Monday and my first question was - what if this sets off the injury, can I delay the 'start date'. Answer seemed to be "no". WTF. So I got a workout last night, a Legs Day, haha, sort of as a test without payment.
It was just me and one other younger woman, who didn't seem anything much like me. She's been going there 2-3 months and ah...how to say....it doesn't show. We went through the routine, a WU then stations of deadlifts, squats, single leg squats, etc, and sprints on a stationary bike. The belt squats were on this ARX machine that provides a constant and controllable pressure against which the user does work against. I tested it Sunday, it's odd but learn-able. I watched the other woman go through her reps so I could learn, watched her numbers. I didn't which numbers mattered so I stored them all in my head. My turn, and I was double her "intensity". The units are kinda vague. The PT guy said it's a strong squat, even though for me it felt odd and weak. I moved steady through the other stations -- a band-based deadlift squat, a TRX single leg squat, a banded hip flexor thing -- and I was focused on form and counting and the PT would try to talk and I was to into it to reply. He noted that I don't talk when working,...ah....that's the idea?! But I hear him talking to the other woman, who was complaining about how hard this was and how tired and how hot and how sweaty and oh for fucking christ's sake THAT'S THE GODDAMN IDEA so Stop Your Bitching.
Hmmm....
By the time I was done, my legs were shaky. I ended on the single leg squats and I used the little white chair as little as possible. It brought back hip PT memories, doing squats and lunges. I left with a rush of happy-dopamine and post workout wonderfuls. The just-past-new moon was a sliver in the west sky. I watered plants (as per SO) and enjoyed a quiet calm night.
This was also my first day of October Opt Out -- no news or nextdoor at all, minimal surfing to what's needed -- and it felt good. Also first day no M! I'm now 100 days of the Devil habit broken. So much to feel good about.
But my sleep has been bad the last few nights, why, I dunno. But I need the diphenhydramine to fall asleep and even then it's a slow process. But as I lay there in my pillow pile I could feel my right hip injury talking, quiet, but there. And some mild chest pain, a low dull ache at the sternum. Now that could be just muscular, activated some chest muscles in the TRX reverse planks in the WU? The hip pain though -- as before a sharp and defined pain. Not intense, but there. I meditated on these, listening. Injuries, tweaks, issues, or nothings?
That's what kept me up last night.
Monday, September 30, 2019
Thursday, September 26, 2019
TV knows, and he seems good about it
Weds and Thurs each, COMMUTE 2.0 miles
2.0 miles. Not 2 miles. 2.0.
I should measure it, because I'm typing in a guess of distance, and if it's a guess then why include the tenth? haha.
Talked to TV yesterday about the last few days of frustrations, he's pretty blunt (and made me bring my crutches to lunch) and I think he would have told me if I was being crazy about all this. Or if I was crazy in what and how I do. So I felt much better after spilling this to him.
Then on Thursday I didn't bring my crutches to the mouse house, and whether it was at all connected I can't say but the bone ached while we were working there. Mild, not pain. Just aware of it.
Still haven't made it to the pool. Still not doing any strength training.
Oh yesterday I was doing more reading on this type and location of fracture. Read it was cortical bone (in conflict with something else I've read, whatever), and that the lack muscular strength can lead to these fractures. Dr L did say this months ago -- that once my muscles fail the joints will take the load. I think this was right after the Dark2Dawn, when he said 30 miles was my "load limit". Not that I ever doubted him, my point is that I'm putting pieces together for myself. To figure out why this happened and what to do about it next year.
Dr R in next door lab is prepping for his December marathon. He's doing Maffetone HR training, found some stuff I want to follow up and read. Every time I get injured I see an opportunity to "do it right" and "follow the plan" and build the machine and engine as I should for a great season.
I just don't have the self control to do it, haha!
2.0 miles. Not 2 miles. 2.0.
I should measure it, because I'm typing in a guess of distance, and if it's a guess then why include the tenth? haha.
Talked to TV yesterday about the last few days of frustrations, he's pretty blunt (and made me bring my crutches to lunch) and I think he would have told me if I was being crazy about all this. Or if I was crazy in what and how I do. So I felt much better after spilling this to him.
Then on Thursday I didn't bring my crutches to the mouse house, and whether it was at all connected I can't say but the bone ached while we were working there. Mild, not pain. Just aware of it.
Still haven't made it to the pool. Still not doing any strength training.
Oh yesterday I was doing more reading on this type and location of fracture. Read it was cortical bone (in conflict with something else I've read, whatever), and that the lack muscular strength can lead to these fractures. Dr L did say this months ago -- that once my muscles fail the joints will take the load. I think this was right after the Dark2Dawn, when he said 30 miles was my "load limit". Not that I ever doubted him, my point is that I'm putting pieces together for myself. To figure out why this happened and what to do about it next year.
Dr R in next door lab is prepping for his December marathon. He's doing Maffetone HR training, found some stuff I want to follow up and read. Every time I get injured I see an opportunity to "do it right" and "follow the plan" and build the machine and engine as I should for a great season.
I just don't have the self control to do it, haha!
Tuesday, September 24, 2019
Fuck 'em still. They don't know.
COMMUTE 2 miles
SWIM?
Thinking on a swim later today! Was gonna go this morning, but had my Equinox butterfly and three more chrysalides to keep an eye on. When I left for work, I was still waiting for anything to happen. Hopefully when I get home all will be well, and my babies will be happily fluttering about and feeding for their trip to the winterlands.
Yes, thinking on swimming. I have the training plan book for swimmers. The "general fitness plan" is about 12 weeks and too vague for me. The 15-week Sprint distance plan has 2-3 swims a week and might be too 'speedy-focused' for my level but the distances and schedule are a good place to start.
And speaking of places to start, just get to the fucking pool!
Before leaving work yesterday I mapped out my Pathology Progress Return to Running plan, assuming a start in first week of November. If I start then, I can do a comfortable ramp in to 2010 Hennepin 100. This means I have to dedicate from now until them -- keep moving but let bone heal, get strong, and be patient.
Yesterday's unfavorable interaction with the orthopedics dr still bothers me. On yesterday's evening walk with the doggie I realized what I said that tipped her into thinking this was a pathology -- that I did the Monday morning bike ride knowing it wasn't good for me. Was that it? This kinda bothers me - that she'd think my hobby and favorite thing to do is a pathology that needs treatment. I have almost 10 years of blog posts here, were she to read it would she see problems and still think the same?
I love to challenge myself. I'm good at endurance sports. It's my vacation to go to a race. It wakes me up, it puts me to sleep, it encourages good eating and mindful body care. How is that a pathology?
How is that wrong?
SWIM?
Thinking on a swim later today! Was gonna go this morning, but had my Equinox butterfly and three more chrysalides to keep an eye on. When I left for work, I was still waiting for anything to happen. Hopefully when I get home all will be well, and my babies will be happily fluttering about and feeding for their trip to the winterlands.
Yes, thinking on swimming. I have the training plan book for swimmers. The "general fitness plan" is about 12 weeks and too vague for me. The 15-week Sprint distance plan has 2-3 swims a week and might be too 'speedy-focused' for my level but the distances and schedule are a good place to start.
And speaking of places to start, just get to the fucking pool!
Before leaving work yesterday I mapped out my Pathology Progress Return to Running plan, assuming a start in first week of November. If I start then, I can do a comfortable ramp in to 2010 Hennepin 100. This means I have to dedicate from now until them -- keep moving but let bone heal, get strong, and be patient.
Yesterday's unfavorable interaction with the orthopedics dr still bothers me. On yesterday's evening walk with the doggie I realized what I said that tipped her into thinking this was a pathology -- that I did the Monday morning bike ride knowing it wasn't good for me. Was that it? This kinda bothers me - that she'd think my hobby and favorite thing to do is a pathology that needs treatment. I have almost 10 years of blog posts here, were she to read it would she see problems and still think the same?
I love to challenge myself. I'm good at endurance sports. It's my vacation to go to a race. It wakes me up, it puts me to sleep, it encourages good eating and mindful body care. How is that a pathology?
How is that wrong?
Monday, September 23, 2019
Fuck 'em. What do they know?
BIKE 20 miles in 1:23-ish, 3x TGP with BE
COMMUTE 2 miles
Fall equinox today at 2:50am! And I started it out with a bike ride, yeah I know they said not to ride a bike, but like the title of the post says. Fuck em. All of them.
The bike was slow and cautious, a 19:43 for the first loop in the dark (sunrise 6:49am). We improved to 18:03 and 16:57 for the second and third loops.
BE described the Cap Ex Tri capabilities exercise and gave a race report. I talked a bit on the hip recovery but when it went into "why not try swimming" and "what about weight training" I checked out. I totally agree, but I don't find those enjoyable and I'm already in a pissy mood. Why add to it?
While I'm waiting for the Connect program to transfer my ride to Training Peaks, I see October 1st in the calendar. Ugh.
It was too dark to look at the HR. Besides I don't care.
Next up a pretty girl born this morning! This is a chrysalis that I broke off the cremaster, and I could only hope that the internets weren't lying when they said it would be OK. She was. Born during my shower and I captured in on the old iphone with a time lapse video. She was prepping on the deck when I left this morning. There were 4-5 adults fluttering around the yard, and I found another teeny caterpillar, who didn't look too good. It's in my "nursery" and I'll do what I can. I think I have 12-ish caterpillars and 8 chrysalides currently. Long way to go for these guys to fly, so they'd better hurry up and butterfly.
Then a follow up appointment at the orthopedics clinic. I spend the time waiting in the room thinking that I might bike more often, given that today's ride didn't seem to cause much pain at all. She comes in, and it's immediately Problem This and Problem That. I explain the 2014 fall-out of stress and nutrition. I'd rather see the MRI images (and when I ask, I get to -- the bone is WHITE, as in not good) but then she just gets back to my nutrition, my "over training", and how I should see a sports psychologist to investigate why I feel the need to train so much.
WHAT THE FUCK. I enjoy training. I like to challenge myself. (she doesn't know about this year's race goals). I like the social aspect. I get out into nature.
To her this is a pathology. So I'm done with her on this. She doesn't get it. She said I should talk to Avery because he'll understand. LOL, yup he will.
COMMUTE 2 miles
Fall equinox today at 2:50am! And I started it out with a bike ride, yeah I know they said not to ride a bike, but like the title of the post says. Fuck em. All of them.
The bike was slow and cautious, a 19:43 for the first loop in the dark (sunrise 6:49am). We improved to 18:03 and 16:57 for the second and third loops.
BE described the Cap Ex Tri capabilities exercise and gave a race report. I talked a bit on the hip recovery but when it went into "why not try swimming" and "what about weight training" I checked out. I totally agree, but I don't find those enjoyable and I'm already in a pissy mood. Why add to it?
While I'm waiting for the Connect program to transfer my ride to Training Peaks, I see October 1st in the calendar. Ugh.
It was too dark to look at the HR. Besides I don't care.
Next up a pretty girl born this morning! This is a chrysalis that I broke off the cremaster, and I could only hope that the internets weren't lying when they said it would be OK. She was. Born during my shower and I captured in on the old iphone with a time lapse video. She was prepping on the deck when I left this morning. There were 4-5 adults fluttering around the yard, and I found another teeny caterpillar, who didn't look too good. It's in my "nursery" and I'll do what I can. I think I have 12-ish caterpillars and 8 chrysalides currently. Long way to go for these guys to fly, so they'd better hurry up and butterfly.
Then a follow up appointment at the orthopedics clinic. I spend the time waiting in the room thinking that I might bike more often, given that today's ride didn't seem to cause much pain at all. She comes in, and it's immediately Problem This and Problem That. I explain the 2014 fall-out of stress and nutrition. I'd rather see the MRI images (and when I ask, I get to -- the bone is WHITE, as in not good) but then she just gets back to my nutrition, my "over training", and how I should see a sports psychologist to investigate why I feel the need to train so much.
WHAT THE FUCK. I enjoy training. I like to challenge myself. (she doesn't know about this year's race goals). I like the social aspect. I get out into nature.
To her this is a pathology. So I'm done with her on this. She doesn't get it. She said I should talk to Avery because he'll understand. LOL, yup he will.
Equinox butterfly, go girl go!!
This is my girl born yesterday. I left for work and she was chilling on the back deck. I came home and found her still on the back deck. Flopped down by the door and not taking flight. I nursed her all evening, and as per SO suggestion brought her indoors overnight for shelter. When I set her back out this morning, as close to the sun as I could get, she still didn't look ready to go.
So many parallels.
Sunday, September 22, 2019
Was supposed to be camping this weekend
FUCKING NOTHING
UGH. It was also supposed to rain all weekend, but no rain until now on Sunday afternoon. Fucking hell.
Yesterday was a do-nothing-shit day, went for groceries and hung around the house. In good news I was plucking 8-10 fat caterpillars and watching a pretty newborn girl get her wings. In bad news I did nothing-shit.
I've discovered ginger ale and have consumed probably too much of it already. I bought a 2L bottle Friday morning and it was gone by 2pm. Bought another! And cans! Is part of my low energy due to dehydration? I'm not drinking as much lately. Usually I do 4-5L from my camelbak bottle, lately only 2-3.
Who cares. Ginger ale is yummy.
Yesterday was zero on the crutches and this morning before I was even out of bed my right hip hurt. Not at the stress fracture site, but out at what I'd call the trochanter region. WTF. Tomorrow I have a follow up with the Dr at the orthopedics facility and I have to confess that I'm still having pain (although MUCH improved), still walking and biking some, and what the hell would she care?
And I've been watching the Game of Thrones Battle of the Bastards episode. Three times here in just the last few days! I'm seeing parallels in my life right now -- facing the enemy cavalry, swarmed by the horses and swords of the enemy, a pile-up of the dead and dying, the squeeze-in by the shields, and the suffocation. Still fighting M, losing against M.
UGH. It was also supposed to rain all weekend, but no rain until now on Sunday afternoon. Fucking hell.
Yesterday was a do-nothing-shit day, went for groceries and hung around the house. In good news I was plucking 8-10 fat caterpillars and watching a pretty newborn girl get her wings. In bad news I did nothing-shit.
I've discovered ginger ale and have consumed probably too much of it already. I bought a 2L bottle Friday morning and it was gone by 2pm. Bought another! And cans! Is part of my low energy due to dehydration? I'm not drinking as much lately. Usually I do 4-5L from my camelbak bottle, lately only 2-3.
Who cares. Ginger ale is yummy.
Yesterday was zero on the crutches and this morning before I was even out of bed my right hip hurt. Not at the stress fracture site, but out at what I'd call the trochanter region. WTF. Tomorrow I have a follow up with the Dr at the orthopedics facility and I have to confess that I'm still having pain (although MUCH improved), still walking and biking some, and what the hell would she care?
And I've been watching the Game of Thrones Battle of the Bastards episode. Three times here in just the last few days! I'm seeing parallels in my life right now -- facing the enemy cavalry, swarmed by the horses and swords of the enemy, a pile-up of the dead and dying, the squeeze-in by the shields, and the suffocation. Still fighting M, losing against M.
Friday, September 20, 2019
Morning crack that healed by afternoon
COMMUTE 3.5 miles, again parking at FPVC
Usually I'm unhappy when my parking slots close, but this time I'm enjoying the extra mileage. However small it may be of an increase in mileage.
And thankfully it's not too far because I still don't have the energy for much more. I'm still worn out quickly, even by this little 1-1.5 mile ride in! Talking with coworker AH, this is probably a symptom of a depression I'm going through. I'm mentally fuzzed, not sleeping, messed up, craving odd things (see below), not interested, and have no energy. It's like over-training fatigue without the satisfaction of being over-trained.
Last night I was craving ginger. And of all things, soda. What?! So I combined the two and got some ginger ale this morning. I still had the craving so I figured it wasn't a whim. Yummy! I drank the entire 2L bottle this morning!
I think my mental low this morning was a diphenhydramine hangover? There's sort of a pattern to it. I'm awake later than I want to be, take the diphen to tip me into sleep, then I sleep in, and I feel sluggy all morning. AH suggested taking it earlier, as he notices the same thing.
Last night on the way home I was supposed to get milk for my kefir, but ended up getting cottage cheese, broccoli, instant potatoes instead. Made a pileup of my meals with this. But it came out awful and M, so I threw the rest away. Now I get to go shopping again.
I've been watching for a chance to get back to a low carb pattern (it was great on the stomach!) and the excuse was that I didn't want to adapt while training and racing. Well, that's full off the table so why not now? Besides, I need to get away from this potato and rice based thing I've been doing since Badger.
One of my gripes this morning was that I tried oh-so-hard to be healthy after last year's shit, and this is where I ended up -- injured again. Part of me just thinks about quitting trying so hard. Just eat what I want. Fuck it. Eat red meat and eggs and whole fat dairy.
Boy, when my pendulum swings it goes full distance!
Usually I'm unhappy when my parking slots close, but this time I'm enjoying the extra mileage. However small it may be of an increase in mileage.
And thankfully it's not too far because I still don't have the energy for much more. I'm still worn out quickly, even by this little 1-1.5 mile ride in! Talking with coworker AH, this is probably a symptom of a depression I'm going through. I'm mentally fuzzed, not sleeping, messed up, craving odd things (see below), not interested, and have no energy. It's like over-training fatigue without the satisfaction of being over-trained.
Last night I was craving ginger. And of all things, soda. What?! So I combined the two and got some ginger ale this morning. I still had the craving so I figured it wasn't a whim. Yummy! I drank the entire 2L bottle this morning!
I think my mental low this morning was a diphenhydramine hangover? There's sort of a pattern to it. I'm awake later than I want to be, take the diphen to tip me into sleep, then I sleep in, and I feel sluggy all morning. AH suggested taking it earlier, as he notices the same thing.
Last night on the way home I was supposed to get milk for my kefir, but ended up getting cottage cheese, broccoli, instant potatoes instead. Made a pileup of my meals with this. But it came out awful and M, so I threw the rest away. Now I get to go shopping again
I've been watching for a chance to get back to a low carb pattern (it was great on the stomach!) and the excuse was that I didn't want to adapt while training and racing. Well, that's full off the table so why not now? Besides, I need to get away from this potato and rice based thing I've been doing since Badger.
One of my gripes this morning was that I tried oh-so-hard to be healthy after last year's shit, and this is where I ended up -- injured again. Part of me just thinks about quitting trying so hard. Just eat what I want. Fuck it. Eat red meat and eggs and whole fat dairy.
Boy, when my pendulum swings it goes full distance!
Thursday, September 19, 2019
"You gotta get healthy someday!!"
COMMUTE 3.5 miles today, due to Balloon Race parking closures
I'm trickling out my injury news, yesterday I emailed LC to let her know I wasn't trail running this fall. She'd expressed interest. Her reply was the post title. I'll get back to that. She's had successful races at Litchfield and CapEx :) I'm happy for her!
I'm trickling out the news because I don't like the answers I get. And as I like to say, if you don't like the answer then don't ask the question. In this case, don't share the news. SO has no idea, I already know what he'll say and I don't need to hear it. Partly because he's right. TB and TH have no idea, for similar but slightly different reasons.
But this you gotta "get healthy" "take care of yourself" is really killing my vibe. They're right, that's one part. But the other part is that I'm already trying to hard to be healthy! Right?! No?!
Eat this but not that. Do this but not that. Take this med. Go to this appointment. This test, this measure, etc. I take multiple supplements for "bone health", vitamins, etc, more.
The past year since the heart attack has been me doing what I've been told (ok, statin experiments aside) to change my diet, experiment with new foods, avoid the foods I love because they are "bad" for me now. I'm ready to give up on that.
And that's almost what I've been doing since the Badger race. I'm still on a very limited diet of potato, rice, protein powder, eggs, yogurt, some fruit and veg. Is it working for my stomach, I dunno. I think so. This pattern of eating is only going to drill me deeper into a nutritional hole.
From PubMed I learned that the pubis rami bone is a cancellous type of bone (spongy, as opposed to cortical), and this type of bone is often stress fractured in females with low bone density, nutritional issues, low body weight, etc. I fit the description. Ribs and vertebrae are similar cancellous bone, and I've broken them all too easily too.
So with that in mind, I should be my usual gung-ho about fixing this. But I'm frustrated right now, maybe not a good time to make any judgement calls. I'm eating like shit. I'm ignoring my crutches when I can. I'm riding my bike "only a few miles" each day. And I'm mad because other people are pointing out my problems?
I'm the problem.
And there's a THIRD hit to my vibe, when talking to lab neighbors I heard about how another colleague on crutches this past month as visible atrophy and muscle loss. This could be me?! This turned my stomach. My head spins to think about it. I can't think about.
I'm trickling out my injury news, yesterday I emailed LC to let her know I wasn't trail running this fall. She'd expressed interest. Her reply was the post title. I'll get back to that. She's had successful races at Litchfield and CapEx :) I'm happy for her!
I'm trickling out the news because I don't like the answers I get. And as I like to say, if you don't like the answer then don't ask the question. In this case, don't share the news. SO has no idea, I already know what he'll say and I don't need to hear it. Partly because he's right. TB and TH have no idea, for similar but slightly different reasons.
But this you gotta "get healthy" "take care of yourself" is really killing my vibe. They're right, that's one part. But the other part is that I'm already trying to hard to be healthy! Right?! No?!
Eat this but not that. Do this but not that. Take this med. Go to this appointment. This test, this measure, etc. I take multiple supplements for "bone health", vitamins, etc, more.
The past year since the heart attack has been me doing what I've been told (ok, statin experiments aside) to change my diet, experiment with new foods, avoid the foods I love because they are "bad" for me now. I'm ready to give up on that.
And that's almost what I've been doing since the Badger race. I'm still on a very limited diet of potato, rice, protein powder, eggs, yogurt, some fruit and veg. Is it working for my stomach, I dunno. I think so. This pattern of eating is only going to drill me deeper into a nutritional hole.
From PubMed I learned that the pubis rami bone is a cancellous type of bone (spongy, as opposed to cortical), and this type of bone is often stress fractured in females with low bone density, nutritional issues, low body weight, etc. I fit the description. Ribs and vertebrae are similar cancellous bone, and I've broken them all too easily too.
So with that in mind, I should be my usual gung-ho about fixing this. But I'm frustrated right now, maybe not a good time to make any judgement calls. I'm eating like shit. I'm ignoring my crutches when I can. I'm riding my bike "only a few miles" each day. And I'm mad because other people are pointing out my problems?
I'm the problem.
And there's a THIRD hit to my vibe, when talking to lab neighbors I heard about how another colleague on crutches this past month as visible atrophy and muscle loss. This could be me?! This turned my stomach. My head spins to think about it. I can't think about.
Wednesday, September 18, 2019
"You need to take better care of yourself"
COMMUTE 2 miles
I'll take whatever mileage I can get at this point.
I'm being terrible about the crutches, if I can get away without using them then I go for it. I'll never heal at this rate.
My butterfly this morning didn't make it. She literally fell out of her chrysalis and hit the ground. She never got her "grasp reflex" and couldn't hang on anything. I did all I could, putting her where she'd have the best chance to get her wings going, but when I came home she was on the ground. Wings never inflated. As TG put it, there's some heartbreak involved in this.
Great lunch with TV, good laughs. Needed it.
What chatting with TG about monarchs, I shared with her some milkweed and she's taken to growing and watching the butterflies too! When I mentioned I'm injured, she said I need to take better care of myself.
And that's why I love TG, honest as all hell and doesn't hold back. But now read into tomorrow to see where this goes.
I'll take whatever mileage I can get at this point.
I'm being terrible about the crutches, if I can get away without using them then I go for it. I'll never heal at this rate.
My butterfly this morning didn't make it. She literally fell out of her chrysalis and hit the ground. She never got her "grasp reflex" and couldn't hang on anything. I did all I could, putting her where she'd have the best chance to get her wings going, but when I came home she was on the ground. Wings never inflated. As TG put it, there's some heartbreak involved in this.
Great lunch with TV, good laughs. Needed it.
What chatting with TG about monarchs, I shared with her some milkweed and she's taken to growing and watching the butterflies too! When I mentioned I'm injured, she said I need to take better care of myself.
And that's why I love TG, honest as all hell and doesn't hold back. But now read into tomorrow to see where this goes.
Tuesday, September 17, 2019
Three girls
I didn't individually name them, but I gave them names: Arwen, Eowyn, and Galadriel. But I like alphabetical order, so let's use that.
Three positives to start my day!! The Arwen eclosed in a jar that was indoors, the chyrsalis wasn't black last night so this was a surprise. Thankfully she was hanging and not flopped to the bottom of the jar like some others did.
Eowyn hatched while I ate brekkie, missed her by minutes. She's in the pict with the chrysalis visible.
Galadriel I actually got to watch!! I happened to be in the yard when she started out. She's in the picture with the twine visible at the bottom.
I also got to see Arwen's first flight as she flittered to the wood fence. That's her with her wings outspread, before her first flight.
OOOOOOOHHHHH I wanted to stay and watch them take off! I tended them from caterpillar to butterfly, this would be my reward! But as I left for work (with the bike haha) I knew they'd be OK. That they didn't need me, and that I would see them again as descendants next year.
If the caterpillar can change like this, so can I.
Monday, September 16, 2019
Bike in, and it hurt. But fuck it I got to ride my bike
COMMUTE 2 miles or so
So I broke the rules and biked in. After my tantrums last week over parking I decided that a mile bike up the hill to campus, then a one mile bike mostly downhill (as in, it doesn't count as a ride) should be OK for me to do.
The bone ached all morning after the ride, what does that mean? But it didn't hurt in the afternoon.
I was mentally sluggy and heavy all day, hard to wake up and think. It was a late day at work, AH and I were brainstorming the Dicer project and I didn't get going until 6pm. As I biked out on Plaza, another cyclist joked on the crutches. Said it was his first time biking to the nursing campus, and he wondered why he didn't do it before. Yay! Another convert.
When I got home, one of my chrysalis was open and no butterfly in sight. That's a good thing, btw. However another chrysalis that was deformed a bit had a butterfly stuck in it. I opened it gently with forceps, but that wasn't enough. The wings never unfolded. Win some, lose some.
So I broke the rules and biked in. After my tantrums last week over parking I decided that a mile bike up the hill to campus, then a one mile bike mostly downhill (as in, it doesn't count as a ride) should be OK for me to do.
The bone ached all morning after the ride, what does that mean? But it didn't hurt in the afternoon.
I was mentally sluggy and heavy all day, hard to wake up and think. It was a late day at work, AH and I were brainstorming the Dicer project and I didn't get going until 6pm. As I biked out on Plaza, another cyclist joked on the crutches. Said it was his first time biking to the nursing campus, and he wondered why he didn't do it before. Yay! Another convert.
When I got home, one of my chrysalis was open and no butterfly in sight. That's a good thing, btw. However another chrysalis that was deformed a bit had a butterfly stuck in it. I opened it gently with forceps, but that wasn't enough. The wings never unfolded. Win some, lose some.
Sunday, September 15, 2019
I did nothing all weekend. But still threw most all if it away?
NOTHING
NOTHING
Nothing. That's how it feels anyway. I did nothing.
Saturday I didn't feel like going anywhere so after so caterpillar hunting I did up all my meal prep. My now-usual of pureed rice and potato concoctions. The potato one was pretty bad so I tossed it. Replaced with a baked rice (puree to the next level, haha) that was also bad so I tossed it. I finally got some momentum going and went to Fresh Thyme to get Natural Calm, then a nursery to inquire on the vanilla strawberry hydrangeas I'm interested in.
Sunday like the same thing, but I didn't leave the house except to the yard and dog walk. Made another potato back, and it was better. But not great.
LA is encouraging (rightfully) red meat and real, warm food. Still not on board with that yet. Why not? I don't feel good. Both mornings here with overfull tummy that led to cramps and pain. Why not try something else and change?
I'm so-so on the crutches, thoroughly exploiting the "don't have to crutch around the house" loophole.
NOTHING
Nothing. That's how it feels anyway. I did nothing.
Saturday I didn't feel like going anywhere so after so caterpillar hunting I did up all my meal prep. My now-usual of pureed rice and potato concoctions. The potato one was pretty bad so I tossed it. Replaced with a baked rice (puree to the next level, haha) that was also bad so I tossed it. I finally got some momentum going and went to Fresh Thyme to get Natural Calm, then a nursery to inquire on the vanilla strawberry hydrangeas I'm interested in.
Sunday like the same thing, but I didn't leave the house except to the yard and dog walk. Made another potato back, and it was better. But not great.
LA is encouraging (rightfully) red meat and real, warm food. Still not on board with that yet. Why not? I don't feel good. Both mornings here with overfull tummy that led to cramps and pain. Why not try something else and change?
I'm so-so on the crutches, thoroughly exploiting the "don't have to crutch around the house" loophole.
Friday, September 13, 2019
Temper tantrum, steak, grapes, Ethiopian, gelato. FULL MOON.
As he says, I'm acutely aware of the moon. Ya, so?
Yesterday was a morning temper tantrum of staplers that didn't function, today one over a parking situation. While yesterday I managed to find a 4hr after some circling, today I didn't and ended up in the parking garage. Took the shuttle. Felt like a lame ass lazy pansy floof for it. Then had to pay $7 fucking dollars to get out. But that's all Friday the 13th had in store for me.
Home early to let the dog out before taking LA to get his car from St R, but then to my surprise next I knew he was cooking a steak (OMG good too) before we left. We started laying out chapters for a cookbook I'd write: bananas, nuts, grapes, wood, bone, kilt. Still working on the layout I guess?
I'd promised him Meskerem some night, so even though I was tired (didn't get to bed until this morning after the ride) and knew I'd be sick for it, we went. Combo platter, delish. As I type this up the next day, still kinda queasy but worth it. Then gelato, then a plan to fix my broken pubis with long deep hard screws at just the right angle. Fell right out of the tree, we did.
Had a butterfly eclose this morning, but died, similar to two others that died before their wings could inflate.
And an apogee full moon tonight. As we sat on Grand with Gelato, I watched it climb into the south. Bright, quiet, calm.
I was still awake at full moon time 11:35pm, thinking about M, habits, progress, fall backs, forwards, and life.
Yesterday was a morning temper tantrum of staplers that didn't function, today one over a parking situation. While yesterday I managed to find a 4hr after some circling, today I didn't and ended up in the parking garage. Took the shuttle. Felt like a lame ass lazy pansy floof for it. Then had to pay $7 fucking dollars to get out. But that's all Friday the 13th had in store for me.
Home early to let the dog out before taking LA to get his car from St R, but then to my surprise next I knew he was cooking a steak (OMG good too) before we left. We started laying out chapters for a cookbook I'd write: bananas, nuts, grapes, wood, bone, kilt. Still working on the layout I guess?
I'd promised him Meskerem some night, so even though I was tired (didn't get to bed until this morning after the ride) and knew I'd be sick for it, we went. Combo platter, delish. As I type this up the next day, still kinda queasy but worth it. Then gelato, then a plan to fix my broken pubis with long deep hard screws at just the right angle. Fell right out of the tree, we did.
Had a butterfly eclose this morning, but died, similar to two others that died before their wings could inflate.
And an apogee full moon tonight. As we sat on Grand with Gelato, I watched it climb into the south. Bright, quiet, calm.
I was still awake at full moon time 11:35pm, thinking about M, habits, progress, fall backs, forwards, and life.
Thursday, September 12, 2019
Motorcycle to the Arch
Not even a commute. Parked at a 4hr meter on campus. My first real full day on the crutches. Survived the mouse house trip, wore my hands out, but made it through.
The highlight though was LA and motocycle, down to the arch, LaClede's Landing, downtown, 64 to UCity, then 64 to 94. I could see the near-full moon on the Missouri river as we rode over, smell the grass and hay and green, and feel a cool wind on my hands when I held them out.
As I like to say, we can do that again.
Wednesday, September 11, 2019
2 full years since the left hip surgery!
COMMUTE 2 miles, again from FoPa
Last night a neighbor offered crutches, but they were bent at the bottoms. Another neighbor offered some I could borrow, as they cost $200 to buy. Geezus fucking christ I could have this problem FIXED by now by going to walmart but oh fucking no I've got to drag this out. Ugh. I'm borrowing the expensive crutches later today. Coworker AH suggested we gold plate them and bedazzle them and pimp them up.
I'm still in a bit of sour mood about this. At least the pain is much better. I drove in and rode Puppy up from FoPa. If I can walk around the house without crutches (as per Dr L), then I can ride Puppy for the 1 mile each way? Or is that a loophole?
Last night met up with LA at the Global store. He asked me if he seemed depressed. I had no way to know, as I don't know him much "before". But it's a question I'll be asking myself - do I seem depressed?
-----
Two years since the left hip repair, and now today I'll dedicate to the right side repair. Two years ago I made myself a bunch of promises of change and improvement, some I've succeeded on and others wax and wane. Why not dedicate again?
Over the weekend I found a chyrsalis outside on a pot. I've got all my indoor ones (so far 3 failed chrysalis, as 2 butterflies with wings that didn't inflate and 1 chyrsalis that never opened) but this one outside I left alone as per SO suggestion. This morning, I found it GONE! No butterfly found, so I can only hope for the best, and I wonder sometimes if things are just better left alone without me meddling.
Yet I'm determined to get a butterfly launched this fall. I have I think 5-6 chrysalides in the house. One cat hung in J last night but was oozing fluid this morning. I have about 6 more cats to go, and 2 of them are hatchlings from eggs.
Determined to succeed. In many ways.
Last night a neighbor offered crutches, but they were bent at the bottoms. Another neighbor offered some I could borrow, as they cost $200 to buy. Geezus fucking christ I could have this problem FIXED by now by going to walmart but oh fucking no I've got to drag this out. Ugh. I'm borrowing the expensive crutches later today. Coworker AH suggested we gold plate them and bedazzle them and pimp them up.
I'm still in a bit of sour mood about this. At least the pain is much better. I drove in and rode Puppy up from FoPa. If I can walk around the house without crutches (as per Dr L), then I can ride Puppy for the 1 mile each way? Or is that a loophole?
Last night met up with LA at the Global store. He asked me if he seemed depressed. I had no way to know, as I don't know him much "before". But it's a question I'll be asking myself - do I seem depressed?
-----
Two years since the left hip repair, and now today I'll dedicate to the right side repair. Two years ago I made myself a bunch of promises of change and improvement, some I've succeeded on and others wax and wane. Why not dedicate again?
Over the weekend I found a chyrsalis outside on a pot. I've got all my indoor ones (so far 3 failed chrysalis, as 2 butterflies with wings that didn't inflate and 1 chyrsalis that never opened) but this one outside I left alone as per SO suggestion. This morning, I found it GONE! No butterfly found, so I can only hope for the best, and I wonder sometimes if things are just better left alone without me meddling.
Yet I'm determined to get a butterfly launched this fall. I have I think 5-6 chrysalides in the house. One cat hung in J last night but was oozing fluid this morning. I have about 6 more cats to go, and 2 of them are hatchlings from eggs.
Determined to succeed. In many ways.
Tuesday, September 10, 2019
If Dr L says so, then so it is
COMMUTE 2 miles from Fo Pa
OK so yesterday the stress-fractured bone hurt. The most pain since the Badger, a hot sizzling burn under the buttock. What a great place to have an injury.
This was the first time that Dr L's asst Matt came in and did a pre-interview and lumbar measurement. In my head I'd played this conversation going with Dr L, so this was a great interrupt to that mental script.
Then Dr L, and there was a few major points. As always, I wished for a recording so I could get all the details and nuances. Paraphrased:
1 - "you need crutches, 2 weeks maybe 4". Well I expected this.
2 - "breaking a pelvic bone is like breaking the hammer when you hit a nail". oof. I am to distinguish myself.
3 - "there's probably another reason this happened". He said I should look into the side effects of my meds (I looked, some research suggests statins help improve bone density). He's previously encouraged me to supplement my diet to be sure I was getting enough of everything.
So I don't have my crutches, mom does. I put out a few feelers with some neighbors and found a few leads. I can also buy another pair from Walmart for about $35.
And even though I swore that if Dr L says to use crutches, then I'd be on crutches like religion. Yet here I'm resisting and finding excuses. How will I walk the dog? What about work? Will I drive to work, and where will I park? How to carry my lunch on Wed to lunch with TV? Groceries? Going out the back to get leaves for my caterpillars? How do I explain this to people, at work, friends? To SO, who has NOT A SINGLE MOLECULE of idea about this, he would only turn it back on me and put the blame right where it belongs.
And thusly, my real problem revealed.
I met LA for dinner in UCity last night. As my usual, I didn't eat as I'd already eaten and I'd already eaten too much. I did try a sip of the coffee (yuck, still don't like it) and finally took some plain rice and he insisted I pick an ice cream from the cookie shop. Mmmm butter pecan. But uuuuuughhhhh my stomach the next 24 hours. At one point, unintentionally, he said something like "you need to eat more so your bones don't break" and I about cried.
OK so yesterday the stress-fractured bone hurt. The most pain since the Badger, a hot sizzling burn under the buttock. What a great place to have an injury.
This was the first time that Dr L's asst Matt came in and did a pre-interview and lumbar measurement. In my head I'd played this conversation going with Dr L, so this was a great interrupt to that mental script.
Then Dr L, and there was a few major points. As always, I wished for a recording so I could get all the details and nuances. Paraphrased:
1 - "you need crutches, 2 weeks maybe 4". Well I expected this.
2 - "breaking a pelvic bone is like breaking the hammer when you hit a nail". oof. I am to distinguish myself.
3 - "there's probably another reason this happened". He said I should look into the side effects of my meds (I looked, some research suggests statins help improve bone density). He's previously encouraged me to supplement my diet to be sure I was getting enough of everything.
So I don't have my crutches, mom does. I put out a few feelers with some neighbors and found a few leads. I can also buy another pair from Walmart for about $35.
And even though I swore that if Dr L says to use crutches, then I'd be on crutches like religion. Yet here I'm resisting and finding excuses. How will I walk the dog? What about work? Will I drive to work, and where will I park? How to carry my lunch on Wed to lunch with TV? Groceries? Going out the back to get leaves for my caterpillars? How do I explain this to people, at work, friends? To SO, who has NOT A SINGLE MOLECULE of idea about this, he would only turn it back on me and put the blame right where it belongs.
And thusly, my real problem revealed.
I met LA for dinner in UCity last night. As my usual, I didn't eat as I'd already eaten and I'd already eaten too much. I did try a sip of the coffee (yuck, still don't like it) and finally took some plain rice and he insisted I pick an ice cream from the cookie shop. Mmmm butter pecan. But uuuuuughhhhh my stomach the next 24 hours. At one point, unintentionally, he said something like "you need to eat more so your bones don't break" and I about cried.
Monday, September 9, 2019
The pubic bone is the sit bone? What does this mean for cycling?!
BIKE 20 miles in about 75 mins, 3x TGP: 18:23, 16:50, 16:25
COMMUTE 9.2 miles
Sunrise is now 6:33am or so, meaning the first half of our ride was dark. Hence a slow first loop. BE talked about his DVD binge-watching weekend, which included the 5th terminator movie (there's 5 of these movies?) and after that random talk. My energy is still relatively low. I didn't feel like riding all weekend, just didn't have the mental or physical oomph for it. Usually I'm pretty charged on Monday if I take Sunday off, and there wasn't much charge today.
The pubic bone stress fracture aches and especially so after the ride. So once at work, I look up the sit bones. Sure enough, I sit on this bone when I ride! At least, that's how I read it. Tomorrow I have an appointment with Dr L and I intend to get answers on this. Biking, and the crutches.
The lower quadrant abdominal injury still there, if I tweak it by twisting or pulling forward on a slow dog it sets if off. I still think this is a separate injury from the stress fracture.
Ugh, just sitting here it hurts, a burning ache. The rest of my right hip still hurts, down in the quads. My lower back is tired (from what?!) and threatens to spasm on me.
Broken. Fucking hell. This just fucks with my brain, I just spin and spin and nothing.
COMMUTE 9.2 miles
Sunrise is now 6:33am or so, meaning the first half of our ride was dark. Hence a slow first loop. BE talked about his DVD binge-watching weekend, which included the 5th terminator movie (there's 5 of these movies?) and after that random talk. My energy is still relatively low. I didn't feel like riding all weekend, just didn't have the mental or physical oomph for it. Usually I'm pretty charged on Monday if I take Sunday off, and there wasn't much charge today.
The pubic bone stress fracture aches and especially so after the ride. So once at work, I look up the sit bones. Sure enough, I sit on this bone when I ride! At least, that's how I read it. Tomorrow I have an appointment with Dr L and I intend to get answers on this. Biking, and the crutches.
The lower quadrant abdominal injury still there, if I tweak it by twisting or pulling forward on a slow dog it sets if off. I still think this is a separate injury from the stress fracture.
Ugh, just sitting here it hurts, a burning ache. The rest of my right hip still hurts, down in the quads. My lower back is tired (from what?!) and threatens to spasm on me.
Broken. Fucking hell. This just fucks with my brain, I just spin and spin and nothing.
Sunday, September 8, 2019
New Blerch-not-a-Blerch weekend
NOTHING
Ugh. Nothing. It hurts. In every way. There's a quote in my previous bullet journal about how it hurts to continue but even moreso to stop, something along those lines.
That's where I am now. I'm stopped, and I hurt even more. Poor me
Woke up Saturday with not much to do, but plans for a bike ride with LA. This morphed into a trip to get his motorcycle, and in the end the better option. Why am I so tired? Maybe the steak dinner will help.
Sunday woke up to rain, and no motorcycle ride to the German town as planned. Maybe later. So I worked with my caterpillars most of the morning and enjoyed the rain and thunder. This all ended around noon, I had my meal prep all done for the week and then....not much to do. I'm so lame.
The pubic bone aches, and now that I have a visual of what is injured it's easy to pinpoint the point. It's a sharp ache, exacerbated by a short run up onto a curb or jog across a lane of traffic. But it also hurts when laid down and sitting. Like it does now.
NUMERICS 2:47 hours, not including bike commute time
BIKE 40.1 miles
RUN 1.75 miles (bye bye run, for about 6-10 weeks)
COMMUTE 41.4 miles
Ugh. Nothing. It hurts. In every way. There's a quote in my previous bullet journal about how it hurts to continue but even moreso to stop, something along those lines.
That's where I am now. I'm stopped, and I hurt even more. Poor me
Woke up Saturday with not much to do, but plans for a bike ride with LA. This morphed into a trip to get his motorcycle, and in the end the better option. Why am I so tired? Maybe the steak dinner will help.
Sunday woke up to rain, and no motorcycle ride to the German town as planned. Maybe later. So I worked with my caterpillars most of the morning and enjoyed the rain and thunder. This all ended around noon, I had my meal prep all done for the week and then....not much to do. I'm so lame.
The pubic bone aches, and now that I have a visual of what is injured it's easy to pinpoint the point. It's a sharp ache, exacerbated by a short run up onto a curb or jog across a lane of traffic. But it also hurts when laid down and sitting. Like it does now.
NUMERICS 2:47 hours, not including bike commute time
BIKE 40.1 miles
RUN 1.75 miles (bye bye run, for about 6-10 weeks)
COMMUTE 41.4 miles
Friday, September 6, 2019
My phone died, might find a life without it
BIKE 20 miles in 1:15, 3x TGP solo
#1 16:18
#2 16:09
#3 16:08
WHOOOOOO more fast times like on Wednesday. But today I could really feel the fatigue. My quads weren't up to the effort, and I felt like a slug. Yet my times say otherwise. Rode with my old phone, more on that story below, and got to listen to my old music from 2017. Was that a depressing year or something?
Perfect morning ride, clear warm and sunny. Even the dog walkers were mindful today, especially those two male twats who walk the 4 dogs on those long leashes.
-----
So late at work yesterday my phone took a dive and quit working. Now the screen was all random-shit, it said it was over-heated and needed to cool. Ugh. Rode home without music, not as bad as expected, and laid out a plan to visit the ATT store on Grand. They said I had a $125 early termination fee (da fuq?) then sent me to the Apple store. Apple said it's not their phone or their problem, so back home again with a malfunctioning fun. I pulled out my old 5 and charged it, moved the SIM card and have it working. Before I could get all this done though, the malfunctioning phone was calling people, taking pictures, opening and closing apps, typing on the calculator, like it was haunted. Argh.
Although at one point after leaving the Apple store LA sent the laugh I needed to destress. My phone was sending out "I'm having a stroke" messages and he replied with the facepalm emoji. LOL!
Once the old 5 powered up, I was able to guess my 6 digit passcode in only 2 tries. It's a variant of my current passcode, and shows me that my line of thinking 2 years ago hasn't changed. Nor have I reached the goal embedded in that number. My app layout is the same, but a few apps have changed. Wow, nothing changed since Feb 2018 when the newer phone went active? Am I that consistent? Or that lame?
So now the plan is to squeak by on the 5 until I can buy a new 5SE at Apple, then take that to the ATT store to get it online.
But I'm not in a rush! Last night I was unable to surf and work with the phone, and I kinda liked it....
-----
The orthopedic Dr replied that "lack of pain means healing" so I still don't have an answer to whether the crutches will expedite healing. I guess that is an answer, if I'd just quit denying it. But I keep coming back to the question -- what is pain. Because I'm sitting here with pain, does that mean I shouldn't be sitting?
-----
My butterfly yesterday didn't die sadly, she's still alive at the base of the milkweed. Wings still un-inflated. I couldn't bring myself to kill her. How do you humanely kill a butterfly?
But today another chrysalis is ready to eclose, and I hung it outside since I wouldn't be at home to watch and release. I might miss the entire thing, and it might be gone by the time I return. But that's a success! I'll take it.
-----
Been working on this for years, if the caterpillar can change so can I.
#1 16:18
#2 16:09
#3 16:08
WHOOOOOO more fast times like on Wednesday. But today I could really feel the fatigue. My quads weren't up to the effort, and I felt like a slug. Yet my times say otherwise. Rode with my old phone, more on that story below, and got to listen to my old music from 2017. Was that a depressing year or something?
Perfect morning ride, clear warm and sunny. Even the dog walkers were mindful today, especially those two male twats who walk the 4 dogs on those long leashes.
-----
So late at work yesterday my phone took a dive and quit working. Now the screen was all random-shit, it said it was over-heated and needed to cool. Ugh. Rode home without music, not as bad as expected, and laid out a plan to visit the ATT store on Grand. They said I had a $125 early termination fee (da fuq?) then sent me to the Apple store. Apple said it's not their phone or their problem, so back home again with a malfunctioning fun. I pulled out my old 5 and charged it, moved the SIM card and have it working. Before I could get all this done though, the malfunctioning phone was calling people, taking pictures, opening and closing apps, typing on the calculator, like it was haunted. Argh.
Although at one point after leaving the Apple store LA sent the laugh I needed to destress. My phone was sending out "I'm having a stroke" messages and he replied with the facepalm emoji. LOL!
Once the old 5 powered up, I was able to guess my 6 digit passcode in only 2 tries. It's a variant of my current passcode, and shows me that my line of thinking 2 years ago hasn't changed. Nor have I reached the goal embedded in that number. My app layout is the same, but a few apps have changed. Wow, nothing changed since Feb 2018 when the newer phone went active? Am I that consistent? Or that lame?
So now the plan is to squeak by on the 5 until I can buy a new 5SE at Apple, then take that to the ATT store to get it online.
But I'm not in a rush! Last night I was unable to surf and work with the phone, and I kinda liked it....
-----
The orthopedic Dr replied that "lack of pain means healing" so I still don't have an answer to whether the crutches will expedite healing. I guess that is an answer, if I'd just quit denying it. But I keep coming back to the question -- what is pain. Because I'm sitting here with pain, does that mean I shouldn't be sitting?
-----
My butterfly yesterday didn't die sadly, she's still alive at the base of the milkweed. Wings still un-inflated. I couldn't bring myself to kill her. How do you humanely kill a butterfly?
But today another chrysalis is ready to eclose, and I hung it outside since I wouldn't be at home to watch and release. I might miss the entire thing, and it might be gone by the time I return. But that's a success! I'll take it.
-----
Been working on this for years, if the caterpillar can change so can I.
Thursday, September 5, 2019
Tacos, Chrysalis, No Thursday Run
COMMUTE 9.2 miles
Sitting here typing this up, listening to Schism yet again.
Yesterday I got an email from BRR advertising a Running + Tacos event, I forwarded to LA as a follow-up joke, and he got tacos in his head. Pulled me out to the place near him at 815pm - late for me!
Got home and found my almost-lost-to-garbage chrysalis was changing color - the pigmentation of the butterfly was increasing and becoming visible! YAY! So while I nom'd my just-purchased instant taters and butter spread (ugh) while I worked to configure a safe place for it to emerge, which was expected sometime in the next 24 hours. I put her in a large bowl with a cover, hung the chyrsalis on a stick on the side. Then to bed. Too full of taters (ugh). But NO M and that's a WIN.
Slept in until almost 7, having woken a few times for the dog. I went downstairs for tea and brekkie, got chatting with LA on text, went back upstairs and found my butterfly - pretty girl - had hatched! I was eating and missed it (ugh). She was on her back, I tipped the paper towel to roll her over, and went downstairs to take her outside. She never really seemed to thrive, didn't grab on to hang on the towel, a stick, or a screen. Small droplets of green-tinged fluid was leaking out under her wings, at her 'shoulders', I'm thinking this is what is supposed to inflate her wings!? After an hour she didn't improve - clumsy, non-grasping, and no wing inflaction. I left her on the screen, on a big milkweed in the sun. She fell off once, picked her back up, but left her for the day without much hope for her survival.
I just learned that they don't hatch, they eclose. I did not however find out what happened in the end with the green fluid. I also learned they eclose in the daylight, often morning!
In good news though, a had another cat go into J last night, then pupate this morning. And 5 of my 6 eggs have hatched!
No Thursday run today. First of many more to come. No answer yet from the Orthopedics doc regarding my questions about the 'usefulness' of crutches - are they for healing or for pain? Waiting on that. I have lots of pain when you loosen the definition of pain to "any sensation of discomfort". I can deal with lots of pain, but don't consider painful discomfort as really "pain". Pain to me is like what stops you from doing something. Like a 100K......the one I walked most of.... hmm. lol.
Looked into the injury more, defining the terms. As I understand it, the stress fracture is on the right pubic bone, is parasymphyeal (meaning it's para/near the symphyseal site, which is the cartilage area between the right and left pubic bones), and it's described by the radiologist as a non-displaced fracture. Looking at the anatomy images, that right where my pain is. I'd been calling it an adductor injury.
I have an odd sort of pride in having this stress fracture -- in that it's a rare one that occurs in long distance runners and triathletes. It means I'm a long distance runner! HA!
Lastly, my mind keeps wandering to one year ago today. Still in hospital, 2nd PCI cancelled, family here visiting, lots of questions. And I can't help but see parallels between my butterflies and last year. My changes, transformations, etc, like the caterpillars.
Sitting here typing this up, listening to Schism yet again.
Yesterday I got an email from BRR advertising a Running + Tacos event, I forwarded to LA as a follow-up joke, and he got tacos in his head. Pulled me out to the place near him at 815pm - late for me!
Got home and found my almost-lost-to-garbage chrysalis was changing color - the pigmentation of the butterfly was increasing and becoming visible! YAY! So while I nom'd my just-purchased instant taters and butter spread (ugh) while I worked to configure a safe place for it to emerge, which was expected sometime in the next 24 hours. I put her in a large bowl with a cover, hung the chyrsalis on a stick on the side. Then to bed. Too full of taters (ugh). But NO M and that's a WIN.
Slept in until almost 7, having woken a few times for the dog. I went downstairs for tea and brekkie, got chatting with LA on text, went back upstairs and found my butterfly - pretty girl - had hatched! I was eating and missed it (ugh). She was on her back, I tipped the paper towel to roll her over, and went downstairs to take her outside. She never really seemed to thrive, didn't grab on to hang on the towel, a stick, or a screen. Small droplets of green-tinged fluid was leaking out under her wings, at her 'shoulders', I'm thinking this is what is supposed to inflate her wings!? After an hour she didn't improve - clumsy, non-grasping, and no wing inflaction. I left her on the screen, on a big milkweed in the sun. She fell off once, picked her back up, but left her for the day without much hope for her survival.
I just learned that they don't hatch, they eclose. I did not however find out what happened in the end with the green fluid. I also learned they eclose in the daylight, often morning!
In good news though, a had another cat go into J last night, then pupate this morning. And 5 of my 6 eggs have hatched!
No Thursday run today. First of many more to come. No answer yet from the Orthopedics doc regarding my questions about the 'usefulness' of crutches - are they for healing or for pain? Waiting on that. I have lots of pain when you loosen the definition of pain to "any sensation of discomfort". I can deal with lots of pain, but don't consider painful discomfort as really "pain". Pain to me is like what stops you from doing something. Like a 100K......the one I walked most of.... hmm. lol.
Looked into the injury more, defining the terms. As I understand it, the stress fracture is on the right pubic bone, is parasymphyeal (meaning it's para/near the symphyseal site, which is the cartilage area between the right and left pubic bones), and it's described by the radiologist as a non-displaced fracture. Looking at the anatomy images, that right where my pain is. I'd been calling it an adductor injury.
I have an odd sort of pride in having this stress fracture -- in that it's a rare one that occurs in long distance runners and triathletes. It means I'm a long distance runner! HA!
Lastly, my mind keeps wandering to one year ago today. Still in hospital, 2nd PCI cancelled, family here visiting, lots of questions. And I can't help but see parallels between my butterflies and last year. My changes, transformations, etc, like the caterpillars.
Wednesday, September 4, 2019
Sushi, MRI, PR interval in TGP. I survived the year!
BIKE 20 miles in 75 mins, 3x TGP solo
COMMUTE 9.2 miles
Chronological order this time.
LA wanted sushi last night, so I went. :) There was some left over, so today's ride was sushi powered.
-----
After I got home, the MRI result was posted:
--Right pubic bone/parasymphyseal stress reaction/fracture
--Minimal partial-thickness chondrosis of the posterior right acetabulum and femoral head
--Mild insertional tendinopathy of the right gluteus minimus muscle.
Labrum appears normal. I think that's the best news
The Dr's accompanying note only states to "rest from running for now...okay to cycle or swim". And "if persistent pain with walking crutches may be useful".
UGH! That is WAY TOO VAGUE for me. Can I cycle more, like century rides? Define pain? Crutches may be useful, for just pain or for expedient healing? Can I go down stairs? Should I dial back walking? UGH.
Well the good news is I shouldn't need surgery! Bad news is no running for 6-10 weeks. Good news is the Ride The Rivers Century is coming up.
-----
Great ride this morning,
#1 16:25 ooh faster than expected, ave HR 139
#2 16:03 holy cool shit, ave HR 151
#3 15:26 FUCKING A!, ave HR 162
I was on a tear, having the MRI result in my head and knowing I was going to be limited the next weeks. I was not quite angry, but for sure on the push. Lookit them heart rates! But better yet, lookit them times -- that 15:26 is only 12 seconds off the PR BE and I set a few weeks ago.
I got done and was wiped out, great energy drain. I like to think I'm faster than this but I was going just about all out. I ended with a headache and "chest pain" that is most likely just my chest muscles being so unused. I wondered, what would I say to the doctors if I came in today (of all days) with another heart attack. I'd say, I went fast because I wanted to see what would happen! Ha!
----
Last night I had three chyrsalis monarchs, 9 cats, and 6 eggs. This morning two of the J cats were dead or dying!, another 1 or 2 cats didn't look to good, but 2 of my eggs hatched. The J cats died during chrysalization, if that's a word. Sad! But that's life.
-----
And speaking of life, I've survived the year. Go Bee!
COMMUTE 9.2 miles
Chronological order this time.
LA wanted sushi last night, so I went. :) There was some left over, so today's ride was sushi powered.
-----
After I got home, the MRI result was posted:
--Right pubic bone/parasymphyseal stress reaction/fracture
--Minimal partial-thickness chondrosis of the posterior right acetabulum and femoral head
--Mild insertional tendinopathy of the right gluteus minimus muscle.
Labrum appears normal. I think that's the best news
The Dr's accompanying note only states to "rest from running for now...okay to cycle or swim". And "if persistent pain with walking crutches may be useful".
UGH! That is WAY TOO VAGUE for me. Can I cycle more, like century rides? Define pain? Crutches may be useful, for just pain or for expedient healing? Can I go down stairs? Should I dial back walking? UGH.
Well the good news is I shouldn't need surgery! Bad news is no running for 6-10 weeks. Good news is the Ride The Rivers Century is coming up.
-----
Great ride this morning,
#1 16:25 ooh faster than expected, ave HR 139
#2 16:03 holy cool shit, ave HR 151
#3 15:26 FUCKING A!, ave HR 162
I was on a tear, having the MRI result in my head and knowing I was going to be limited the next weeks. I was not quite angry, but for sure on the push. Lookit them heart rates! But better yet, lookit them times -- that 15:26 is only 12 seconds off the PR BE and I set a few weeks ago.
I got done and was wiped out, great energy drain. I like to think I'm faster than this but I was going just about all out. I ended with a headache and "chest pain" that is most likely just my chest muscles being so unused. I wondered, what would I say to the doctors if I came in today (of all days) with another heart attack. I'd say, I went fast because I wanted to see what would happen! Ha!
----
Last night I had three chyrsalis monarchs, 9 cats, and 6 eggs. This morning two of the J cats were dead or dying!, another 1 or 2 cats didn't look to good, but 2 of my eggs hatched. The J cats died during chrysalization, if that's a word. Sad! But that's life.
-----
And speaking of life, I've survived the year. Go Bee!
Tuesday, September 3, 2019
Short track run, pulled out a training plan for 2020
RUN 1.75 miles on track, no time or other data
BIKE 13.8 miles
GORGEOUS morning, as I'm biking to the track I see a runner ahead of me on the dark street. And I think, gawd this would be a great morning to run! Then I laugh as I realize - I'm on my way to a run.
Sunrise at 6:31, so BE and I ran a dark track for awhile. Again alternating walk/jog labs. I could definitely feel both the abdominal and adductor pains. Like a sharp ache. Ugh. Still haven't heard from the Dr about the MRI result. And it's not posted to MyChart yet, so I'm waiting. Not calling on it just yet.
-----
I'm still fatigued, just not as acute. And after the run today and last week (now I have a pattern) my lower back is tight and less flexy. wtf
-----
Tomorrow is 1 year! I've got ideas of how the next year will be different. But that's another topic for another place.
One goal for sure is to quit living in it. To quit defining myself by those limits and definitions. To quit thinking of myself as a heart attack victim/survivor who is living under restrictions and rules. Too fast, too soon, too much, too far, too cold or hot, too hilly or long, too this too that and you gotta keep your heart rate down, and you gotta take it easy, and you gotta take your meds and see the docs, don't eat this or that, and this whatever and that whatever and I just wanna say FUCK IT ALL.
Which is a funny thing to say, because I'm still deep in denial that it happened. I feel like it's a big joke played on me. Like people are just fucking with my head. Like life just wanted to give me a big ole middle finger and take what I love away from me.
BIKE 13.8 miles
GORGEOUS morning, as I'm biking to the track I see a runner ahead of me on the dark street. And I think, gawd this would be a great morning to run! Then I laugh as I realize - I'm on my way to a run.
Sunrise at 6:31, so BE and I ran a dark track for awhile. Again alternating walk/jog labs. I could definitely feel both the abdominal and adductor pains. Like a sharp ache. Ugh. Still haven't heard from the Dr about the MRI result. And it's not posted to MyChart yet, so I'm waiting. Not calling on it just yet.
-----
I'm still fatigued, just not as acute. And after the run today and last week (now I have a pattern) my lower back is tight and less flexy. wtf
-----
Tomorrow is 1 year! I've got ideas of how the next year will be different. But that's another topic for another place.
One goal for sure is to quit living in it. To quit defining myself by those limits and definitions. To quit thinking of myself as a heart attack victim/survivor who is living under restrictions and rules. Too fast, too soon, too much, too far, too cold or hot, too hilly or long, too this too that and you gotta keep your heart rate down, and you gotta take it easy, and you gotta take your meds and see the docs, don't eat this or that, and this whatever and that whatever and I just wanna say FUCK IT ALL.
Which is a funny thing to say, because I'm still deep in denial that it happened. I feel like it's a big joke played on me. Like people are just fucking with my head. Like life just wanted to give me a big ole middle finger and take what I love away from me.
Monday, September 2, 2019
Labor Day weekend, parents visited!!
Saturday fixed the fence with dad.
Sunday....wtf I can't remember...OH yeah! Watched some of the races on The Hill, saw SO's race.
Sunday....wtf I can't remember...OH yeah! Watched some of the races on The Hill, saw SO's race.
Monday...brekkie at Yolkology, trip to Aldi, then they had to leave. Sugar and I went to watch the Men's Pro race at Benton Park.
My indoor monarch census is up to 3 chrysalis, 9 caterpillars, and 5 or 6 eggs! Dad and I got to watch one cat go into chrysalis Sunday morning, my first time seeing that live.
Excited for September to begin, making goals and plans. :)
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