End of 2021, Start of 2022

What a year, that's all I can say. At the beginning of all this, I wasn't sure at all about where I'd be and the end. 

I started in St Louis in Margolis lab training for H100.
I ended in Ann Arbor in Cascalho lab still training for H100.

What happened in between?!

I sold my house. I planned to leave St Louis lab and found my next job. I did something to my ankle that required surgery to fix. I saw a neurologist for my face and after numerous tests was given the impression that "we don't know" is all they can give me. I sold my house, moved to an AirBNB, had surgery, move to Ann Arbor to finish recovery. I went to Florida and the east coast with my new family. I came back to AA to start a job, PT for the ankle, and joined a gym to get back into shape. I honestly believed that I'd never really run again, yet here I am about to finish a 20 mile week!

Through it all, M and the other demons were right there. I swore after the head imaging to quit. I swore after the surgery to quit. I swore that moving would be the end of it, that M won't come to Michigan. Of course he did, and I've quit another 10-20 times. As of now, I'm 15 days in to another quit. What will it take to change this? 

I tried more keto, tried AIP, tried IF, tried W30 but it wasn't feasible, all failed. The 9 doesn't budge for a year now. I've found a coach who might be able to help, but how can it really be that hard?! Well look at the last 7 years of trying -- and where am I now?!

2022-- this is Hennepin or Bust. Whatever distance I end up doing, fine. But I need this race. I'm starting with an April marathon, then continuing through the summer. It's going to be a challenge, the new job and the new family and the new area -- all disrupt the habit I had in training. I'll miss weekends to travel. I'll miss Greenrock and Forest Park and Lost Valley. 

Or will I? Those places are littered with M. 

2022 -- I've said it before and I'll say it again. M has to go. 

Something happened to my rib, end of 2021

Mon I get a lion-hug and a rib is injured!
Tues RUN 6 miles at home
Thurs RUN 6 miles treadmill with rib hurting, only half mile additional of walking
Weekend goal MISSED RUN due to travel

Monday we had the kids at my parents. Early in the day, LA gifted me a lion-hug that I asked for. Yay! But then he tried to lift me up and his thumb pressed into a rib. I felt a big pop, he said he felt it too, and it was only a 5/10 pain maybe but the adrenaline was 8/10. I don't think it's broken? Displaced? Ugh. 

Tuesday I ran anyway. Up and down the N24th road to 6 miles. Felt great, the rib was mild. Running Lean answered me - he said he helps set up training and meal plans, but doesn't actually write them. So now the ball is back in my court. Do I need a coach? 

Wednesday I did nothing. I have a pattern going of run-nothing-run-nothing-etc and my steps pattern reflects it: 15K-5K-15K-5K-etc.

Thursday I went to the gym, my rib was hurting a lot more this morning, I was stiff and very more uncomfortable. The run was tough, but good for me. Transitioning between walking and running *hurt* but once I got going it was OK. Lots of walk breaks, just not mentally focused. My entire right side back is hurting, from being stiffened, or from compensating in the run, or from? This is like a flashback to previous injuries - the other broken ribs and the vertabrea.

Last night I set up 9 daily goals for the 9 Bees and the 9 Me and 9 I will lose with these goals. 

Friday - New Years Eve! Gosh I need to do my end of year write up! I need a Songlist! Yikes! 

Christmas week 18 miles - almost!

Mon ELLIPTICAL 1 hour
Tues RUN Treadmill 2x 3 miles, with 1 mile walking
Thurs RUN treadmill 2x3 miles, with 1.25 mile walking
Sun RUN 5.6 miles, at home

Strength training this week just ain't gonna happen. Two weeks now. Ugh.

Tuesday, my first 2x 3miles. I've done 6x 1 miles before, and 1x 5 miles. So the slow progression continues. I didn't have my headphones today, but I was just fine and enjoyed it. My right knee felt tight in the last minutes of the run. Rest!!

Weds morning LA came back from MO at 2am, no gym for me. LA instead.

Thursday a repeat of Tuesday, but instead of not having my headphones I didn't have my Garmin. Left it on the charger at home. But I was just fine and still walked to get my 10K steps aside from that! The last minute I sped up and up until I was just under 9m/m, and damn it felt like I was sprinting. That's not sprinting! I watched/listened (kinda, my mind wanders) to a watercolor video for a radish. I have time to watch, but not do. I'm still at work, 6pm, LA and MB doing and ELISA. 

I emailed RunningLean Patrick today, with a reply to his email of "ask me anything". I asked if he works with people like me. Waiting for a response. 

Friday I worked, xmas eve. Nothing else.

Saturday we drove to my parents, Sunday LA ran the first 2 miles with me then I ran on my own. I was so close to the 6 mile goal, but I was already over schedule and we had to be at dinner with my sis' family.

Great week! No issues. 

Summary of isolation week

Mon Nothing!! I did get a long afternoon walk in
Tues RUN 5 miles straight through, outdoors. 5.3 miles total
Weds BIKE indoor 18 miles
Thurs RUN 2x 2.5 miles, outdoors
Fri BIKE indoor 13 and then outdoor 4 with LA
Sat REST
Sun RUN 5 miles straight through, 5.7 miles total

Monday I spent working on getting data together for January. Lawyer shit. I know I said just yesterday that a W30 is needed, more for mental reasons and to get the damned dairy leak out of my life (and the potatoes I bought ugh) (and the bread, and the rice). But I haven't committed to it yet. 

Tuesday I delayed my run so LA could join me on his bike, I think we both need more outdoor time like this. In the end, he didn't join me. I did the run in the afternoon on my own, doing a loop south from the house to Scio, then east. It was warm for December and windy, but Oh So Nice to be outside! And weird to be running in the middle of the day! I was stiff afterwards, and realize that I need to me more flexy.  The repetitive running is not a good way to build up the body. Some run data: The miles were between 10:30 and 11:00, chest HR in the 140s, and the cadence 169ish. 

Wednesday it was warm but more windy, and I debated - in or out. I decided on in. So down to the New Bird for 18 miles in just over an hour. Nice! I'm looking at my dry erase board of plans and seeing that I'm not really following my plans - those idealized times of PT and strength building and etc. Swimming? Ha!

Thursday another run, this time I paused to walk at 2.5 miles. Just so happened to be a quick uphill, and it seemed a good thing to do. I also worked more on "laterals" - side steps and curbs and movements that were less repetitive just running. Here's some data from the run: same 10:30-11:00 pace and chest HR in the 150s?! Why so high? 

I wrapped presents Thursday night and had a good IF going until Monster. Why?!?!?

Friday I was stressed out, didn't get to finish my bike ride, feeling again like I couldn't get anything done and the days were too short. I was out picking up foods and listening to a podcast that asked me to think seriously about -- what/where/who/how do I want to be come January 2nd? Do I want to wait until January to make changes? No! Change Now! So I did. I didn't buy the gfree breads, no more cheese, no more rice cakes, peanut butter stuff, baking mixes. I bought more fruit and veg instead. And starting in that drive, I held to it all weekend. M, working on it. M likes sweet potatoes for now.

Saturday rested. Kinda.

Sunday, LA had to leave in early afternoon, and once he left and my overfilled from M1 belly cleared I went for a run on Wagner road west of the house. Along a not-really bike late against traffic. This felt great! And my HR by chest was lower for this run, after being too high for the previous ones.

15 miles, all good. 18 next week. And back to the gym for GAINS. 

Summary of isolation week: Lots of sleep! Lots of munching and upset stomach. M. Running, riding, and no gym gains. 

297 days. My countdown math is off

Tues RUN 3 miles in 2x 1.5 miles intervals, total 4 miles

Weds BIKE indoors 1 hour

Thurs RUN 3 miles same as above

Fri BIKE indoors 1 hour

Sat REST

Sun RUN 6 miles out of 7, outdoors

NUMERICS for 6 hours

BIKE 32 miles indoors

RUN 12 out of 15 miles

COMMUTE 3.5 only!

Rest week! And no commute due to snow. And no strength due to LAs morning schedule not fitting in with mine just yet. 

And then a positive test for coronavirus that changes everything for next week. Ugh

On Monday I felt a piece of tooth or filling fall out while flossing, and Weds morning I woke up with a left-sided stiff jaw, unable to open my mouth all the way, and pain in my cheekbone. But not in the tooth I thought the chips came from. A dentist says he can feel a "mass" in my cheek and referred me to an oral surgeon. So Thursday I was distracted by this - it's a lot of mental energy to deny something that's right in your face bothering you!

But then Thursday evening LA got a positive test, and he took me in to get a test. I'm asymptomatic!! But Friday my test came back positive.

We were originally going to be in MO to see the kids, but denial and coronavirus changed everything. So I was off work Friday anyway for the trip to MO. And now I'm off work all next week. Ugh. 

Friday night I went shopping and got baking mix, rice cakes, PB, more. And over the weekend threw most of it out, M some garbage some. During the Sunday run, I think I need to W30. Then after the Sunday run I think I can't make it work.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. And nothing is changing. 

2 Years Passed, and 300 Days To Go

ELLIPTICAL 60 mins
COMMUTE 3.5 miles in bound only

No time for strength session, LAs work schedule different this week and he was at the house until 6am. Elliptical was elliptical, what more to say? 

The commute was a halfer because of afternoon snow. The reasons to not run are cold, dark, rainy; the reasons to not ride are cold, dark, and icy!

I'm listening to a new to me podcast by a "master life coach and nutritionist". Learning about discipline, self sabotage, and the mental issues runners can have. 

Nothing Changes, If Nothing Changes

Sunday RUN 4.5 miles out of 6.5

Week total of 13.5 mile running out of the 18.3 total. Next week goal: 10 miles rest?! Already?! I just rested! Ah but I see in my notes, that this next week is the week I try to go from walk/run to run/walk. After the rest, 15 miles week. 

Hopped on the treadmill and got right into it. I took the 10 minute/0.5mi WU I usually do, then I didn't seem to need the slow build into running. I just started running.

I coulda run outside, but it was cold, and I was stressed, and I just didn't need it.

No Commute this week either. Next week!

Would a coach be able to help me, would it be helpful?

Weds ELLIPTICAL 60 mins
Thus treadmill RUN 4 miles out of 5.5

Skipped strength sessions because I needed to get home (to LA, and..., haha)  and skipped the commute because we were driving together. A bit of a sin today, because it's upwards of 50F, sunny, and drier. Oh well. 

Today's run felt great, no comments, stayed lower than my limit as planned. Although the initial plan was for only 3 miles...

I've been listening to more podcasts lately, and found one guy who is a coach for sports nutrition. And I wonder, would someone like this be able to help me? His 6 steps are what I listened to on the treadmill today: eat real food, don't snack, strength training, fix the mental problems, lower stress, and of course hire him as a coach. Summary: low carb, some IF, change the habits and problems with food, etc. 

Nothing changes, if nothing changes is what he said. 

It's been a year now of trying and trying to get back to fitness. OK sure, surgery put a lot into pause, I had a terrible stress and M problem this spring, but now for weeks I'm trying to improve body composition without any change. I added in cardio, and added food to compensate, so no change means no change? 

I'm eating more variety than before. I've figured out that tapioca starch is bad for the gut (gas and cramps). I'm still learning. But I'm still spinning my wheels with no progress for the past few months. What do I expect? What do I want? And what would he be able to do for it?