Home for my birthday - stuck to my goals

Home will always be 801 N24th Rd. When I say home or tag home, that's what I mean. 

LA was able to go with me!! He was feeling sick Thurs/Fri and slept 4pm to 9pm, so we didn't leave until Saturday morning. The drive north was beautiful - colorful and sunny. Home was wonderful, and I thought it would feel short and incomplete. But I engaged better, stayed aware, and made the most of the minutes. Short, but so worth every minute in the car!

Reading, photo, water, walks, and most meals all great. No PB for the WIN. 

I finished the 1st JBP book last night! I'm pretty sure it's the first time I read it through. I've owned it since 2017? Thank you 75Hard for this lesson. Yes, I have time.

I've done art at least 2 minutes, paid more attention to dog and husband. Just giving my time. I have it. I have to stop telling myself that I don't. 

M3 - UGH FUCK. Current habit stack - I'm adding a step:
Home, front door, dog out, bedroom to change clothes --> dog out to get mail, bedroom, to change...to break up the fall into Moria. 

Next change - eat dinner at 8pm during phone call. I'm in Moria anyway, eating anyway. This will give me a stop, a goal, and yes it will be after 8pm but I can modify that to benefit us. 

Rough week again, LA travels again on Thursday. 

Happy Birthday Bee! 49!!

Happy Birthday my dear Queen Bee, welcome to the near-end of your first half century. Remember when a half century meant 50 miles? That seems a lifetime ago.

10 years ago we were in North Carolina for B2B. Still married, still racing, still with M, but with better ... other goals in place. We were a mess!

Updating from last year: 

Match Day is 142 days away. over and done and now it's Tennessee!
Azuc is 284 days gone, along with Flour
Monster is 778 days gone. 
Move in Day was 1788 days ago.
and Balrog has been Dead for 1974 days.

So much has changed. The stress of Match Day, that long tortuous build and countdown, the bi-planning of a move to St Louis or Nashville, all settled out hard and fast. A super rapid house buy (super stressful too), a fast move. An escape from UM and MI to a rural home and a great new job. All that stress, no wonder I felt so sick and depressed.

Nova is also 1 year here. Still a clown. 

I'm doing a 75Hard challenge. It's been restarted a few times already. I've been doing the challenge for almost 30 days, but only the last 11 days are good. And if I'm honest with myself, hahahahahahahaha, oh that again, I should start over again. 

But I'll keep going. A photo. Read 10 pages. 128 ounces of water. Two 45 mins workouts, at least one outdoors. And a meal plan. That last one is where I keep failing. I have a plan called BLE. I'm great as long as I'm not at the house with Moria. M3, night after night. Weekends after weekends. 

I've been to Kazakhstan, studied Russian, met my mother-in-law. Survived international travel. 

I have a new job and I'm a manager making decisions. Some of them, really hard to do. What happened with Z in the end? Answer this when you read this in 2025. 

Running? Some. Biking? Not much this summer, but some. Swimming? Not at all. And to think, just 10 years ago an ironman. That 10 years was so up and down and literally all around. It was another lifetime. 

Above I typed ahead on 24th. Today is birthday HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
We're supposed to be driving home, but LA is feeling sick and sleeping. He doesn't trust me driving at night. And Nova-Nova is at the kennel. I'm alone with my computer and books!!

Listened to Atomic Habits audiobook today at 1.5X. It's due in ... 1 HOUR!! 45 mins to go x 1.5 

I can do it! I love this book, I've already renewed it to get again in a few weeks. 

Finished Alexandr Dumas Count of Monte Cristo, Sarah J Maas Court of Mist and Fury, and will finish JBP first book tomorrow. 

So the changes I've decided to make. Set aside time for art with coffee. Even just two minutes. 

Meditate and upcoming M's during filling out my planner. Even if just two minutes.

Meditate with just thoughts when going into Moria. Even if just two minutes. 

Keep up the 75Hard. I really actually like it. 

I voted today!!!!

Next book from library is Lean Sigma Six. Next audiobook is about Philosophy. 

No races in mind, nothing like that at all. I miss having a goal like that, but I have enough going on with 75 Hard. 

I love you bee. So many great changes this year. The morning habit of up, pee, wash, brush, water is set. I made my color-coded planner dots harder in October and see room to improve. I'm walking 2x 45 mins a day and starting to add running to it. I'm better with LA "relations", more relaxed, and way less stressed. 

Keep taking care of yourself!!!! Next year I want to hear about how 125 became a reality (but don't stop there!) and how the M3 Balrog is dead. 

75.1 - Could have been almost 30 Turn it around or it will be 75.1 again.

I'm walking and Fitness+ and in a habit. All is great except M3. Last three days, so full and never leaving Moria. No art. No patio. Moria. 

Tomorrow I get to write my annual letter.

In 2022 I think I set the goal of no more NoS/NoF dog cookies. What a habit. So good for me, 2 years of that. Ugh. Maybe it was 2021, either way, UGH. 

I RUSHED M1 this morning and now crave M1. Not at all H. Not at all. 
Oh, and water, It's 1030am and I'm already almost to 85 ounces. Last few days, close to 150 ounces!

That usually means that I'm NOT H for M3, yet.......I'm still in Moria.

I'm thinking that I can set a goal for 45 mins and 45 mins and 128 ounces and 10 pages, but what is this last bit so hard?! 

And what about Russian and Art? Even just 10 minutes would count. 

75.2 and 75.3 etc

Tuesday WALK in early chilly dark am with LA, really enjoy walking with him! WALK solo in evening as LA was at work.

Wednesday WALK 1 mile with LA then solo. Evening WALK with LA
Thursday WALK part with LA, the WALK with LA
Friday STENGTH 45 mins, then WALK solo
Saturday and SUNDAY just walks, some bits of running

The comet is visible - or at least it should be. I think I saw it Tuesday night. Plan to go back with LA and binocular Weds night. 

Tuesday I missed lunch due to being busy, and ate the last half on the drive home. So many stops, it's possible. Then I get home "hungry" to Moria! WTF?! 

Wednesday I have time RIGHT NOW to plan this out. Why am I not prepacking M3? I'll have time this weekend. But right now - sitting here. Not H. What will I do? I have my bottle of water waiting on the counter, I've thought about bagging some carrot snacks to walk with. Right now! WHAT?!

I will come home to dog, grab my water bottle and start laundry. I want to walk with LA and have dinner with LA. And we have phone call. I don't know when he'll be home. Hence my difficulty in planning this.......

*****

Realized Thursday that I could come home through the front door and divert from Moria! This worked! I went to the bedroom changed and got things done. Then Moria. 
I promised myself no dried fruit and no nuts tonight - another success! Still 1500 though. 

*****

Friday switched up schedule to be with LA before he leaves for MO. 

Tuesday of the next week!!
Walked this morning.

I've been coming how through the front door, take dog out, to bedroom, ..... then I go to Moria. Steps of improvement. 

But the weekend was a conveyor belt. I was craving dried fruit but sent it all to MO with Lev. Wanted nuts and unfortunately had those here. Unfortunately. I didn't follow meal plan this weekend, but didn't restart because there was improvement. 

75.1.2 or is it 75.1.3, or .4?

Whatever it was, good day.

Monday Oct 14th: WALK twice, 2nd in evening post travel with LA.

All good, added a bit to M1 and then added a bit to M3 and then stuck to it. 

I'm realizing that I enjoy this, it's a purposeful feeling. Like training again. I have a list of things to do, and I look forward to it.

But I need to quit starting over! 

Weekend fail, restart with clearer goals

Sat and Sun, CDay weekend, 45' mins walk each time

I'm failing on the diet part only. I said I was following BLE, and I didn't this weekend, so it's a fail. But worse is the end-of-day sick feeling, added to by the realization that I forgot to add the eggs. They were uncounted. No wonder I felt sick, what else wasn't counted?

This would have been day 18. My Health app in the phone keeps pointing out the change in activity and steps. It's not tracking it, but it wouldn't see a change in diet if that were a metric. 

Now when I recalculate, 75 days is Christmas. Remember Christmas 10 years ago? Hell. Absolute mental hell. I distinctly remember moments of that weekend. 

And I remember that an M-free stretch started that holiday. 10 years ago. I'm almost 10 years away from B2B 2014. 10 years. A lifetime. Is anything the same?

Well I said that before I realized a split second later - something hasn't changed. And it fucking needs to, because gawd damn if I'm here in October of 2034 typing this SAME SHIT when I'm about to turn 59 years old - JFC what a loss and a waste. 

So. What is going to change so that this LAST PIECE of the 75Hard comes into alignment? I thought about a rule that I write down every measured bite. Or better said, every bite after I've measured it. I'm so close on this Mon-Fri 8-6, the rest of the week and times get messed up. But these weekends are failing me. 

Follow BLE. Write it down in advance and follow it. Log it all. AND STOP when it says to stop. 

And Restart. Again. 

75.5 and Lean Six Sigma (or is it Sigma Six?)

Friday WALK 45 mins without dog so I went further - 2.75 miles

    WALK from VUMC to truck, plus some extra.

The second walk is a tricky one - we travel tonight to the Cape and I need to walk BEFORE we go. And ideally while I'm still at work, on lunch break. Or walk to the truck at the end of the day? Decisions. 

If I wait until I get home, it won't happen. I might could save myself time by walking to truck instead of waiting for and in the shuttle. 

I learned yesterday about the Lean Six Sigma. I though I'd use it at work, but realized on this morning's walk that I could use that model to look at my Moria issue differently. I see Atomic Habits-type thinking in the L6S, it will be more of the same until I change. 

The 43-44 hour audiobook of Count of Monte Cristo finished this morning! Whew, what a great book!! Next up and already started is the 7 Habits book. And atomic habits arrived today, coincidentally, confluence of habit change books. 

75.4 Puffy

Thursday STRENGTH 30 mins upper then RUN! 15 mins and just over a mile with the doggie
    afternoon - plan to WALK to be outside. ETA - Walked! But with issue.

The photo seems to be a silly thing, but it's the first goal I do each day. I haven't done anything with them. I feel and look puffy today, so no weigh in. A few days ago I blamed the scale for being "off" and unbalanced, but LAs weight seems the same. Denial. 

I did an indoor workout today, I don't plan them and don't think I will. At least just yet. I'm really enjoying the outdoor stuff more even if it's dark and colder.

Coming home to Moria, CHANGE this. 

ETA: came home to let dog out, change clothes, grab a snack, then walk! Good. Came back from walk and had another "snack". Hurried to aldi and came home to yet another .... "snack". Went to bed full. 

So. Partial fix. But no, not really. 

And LA was upset that I chose to walk instead of going with him to sushi. I just don't like sushi that much at all, to watch him eat it while I have other things to be doing. But I'm wrong there, I love being with him, but why not sitting there?! What's my defect here, think this through. I had a plan all day: walk then aldi and then phone call, all in time. After 6pm he says "go with me to sushi" and it's like a wrench in my plans! No, I had plans, I don't want to disrupt them for something I don't want to do (watch him eat) when I had things I wanted to do (walk and aldi). 

So I was ready to abort my walk and instead walk at 8pm during phone call. That way he gets time with me and time with kids. But he didn't want to wait for my last 25 minutes of walking. I didn't want to abort my halfway done walk to sit in a restaurant. Ugh, this is hard to explain. 

I want to spend time with him, NOT on the phone talking to kids and NOT over Youtube and NOT just sitting in a car going somewhere. Sitting in a restaurant is preferrable, but I put my walk over doing that. But I was frustrated that he couldn't wait for me, that he planned it last minute and expected me to comply, that............. the best answer would have been for me to abort? But I was able to get walk and groceries and get home before he did, and he didn't get back from sushi until right before 8pm - so there would NOT have been time to do both like he wanted. So what happened was for the better. 

75.3 Back to 130s?

Wednesday WALK with RUNNING and then later more WALK. 

Really killing my Count of Monte Cristo 43 hour book, doing 90 mins at least of it walking. Today it was 49F for the morning, and the sun is more hidden behind hills. Ugh, fall will be pretty but darker and
colder. Such is life, seasons and change. 

Speaking of change, and no I didn't do that on purpose, I need to change coming home habits. I have water and an apple in the truck waiting for my drive home. I'm not hungry when I get home, or at least I shouldn't be!! Go walk the dog right away, not stay in Moria. 

ETA summary. I came home again, same thing. LEv had already let the dog out so I Moria'd for 30 mins? and then ended up walking in the dark to finish around 8:10. UGH. Too full and too late. Approaching a FAIL and restart!

NSV or not?

Tuesday WALK 45 mins with only a few mins running
        WALK again 

The scale this morning read 132 then 127.8 then 133 then 128 then I fucking gave up. 

Good walk - the temps are falling!! and I needed a hoodie and sleeves pulled down. Running feels OK, it's been a week since that left foot "niggle" and I'm noticing it later today in my new NB shoes. Is it the shoes? I bought them immediately before the niggle. 

Art last night was some doggie doodles during phone call. Today instead of web surfing I did art with my reduced coffee (started yesterday, reduced from full 8 cups to about 4-5). 

Yesterday I finished my gallon of water around 6pm! But dinner, alas, didn't end like it should. Nor did it start. Ugh. 

ETA: good night, I come home not hungry physically but hungry mentally or maybe it's better to call it habitually. It's a habit? To come home and be hungry to eat. So I put dog to patio so I could eat sooner?! INstead of taking her out front. Note - I'm not hungry!

I'd had all my water by the time I got home - and was still drinking more but tried to limit it. The walks feel great, I'm really enjoying them! I'll do indoors stuff when I have to or when I want to, instead of scheduling it. 

Restart, and restart, and restart. As it's been for some time now.

75.1 Monday WALK with some running (not much tho)
        and more WALK maybe again some bouts of running 

Were I to have nailed it all so far, I'd be about 10-12 days into this. But I keep failing on just one thing. Holding to a diet plan. Photo, water (in excess), two 45 min exercises, reading - all great. But I'll add - it's untested - as I haven't traveled or had schedule hardship since starting. 

The diet plan in the challenge is up to me. I choose BLE. Simple enough - follow the list. But gawd damn I keep fucking it up, and so I keep restarting. Every day is The Day. My life has been this since ..... oooh how far back do I want to go?!

I can workout 90 mins a day, but I can't leave Moria. Really?

I've added working on Russian, artwork, husband, and dog to the list. Like I need a longer list. But those things happen outside of Moria, they might help. 

In a bit of good news, a week of 127-129. Progress there at least!

75Hard, repeat or reset

Monday 30th: yoga? and walk
Tuesday: walk/run; and walk
Wednesday: 40' upper and 10' cooldown; outdoor walk
Thursday: 40' core and 5' cooldown; slower outdoor walk

The workouts are going OK, enjoying outdoors but have a niggle in my left foot under 2nd toe. Slow down the walk for a bit, and be careful!

Drinking 128 ounces water PLUS coffee = 5.375 gallons or 11 pounds!

Reading JBP 12 Rules for Life

Photos ongoing

Diet. Ugh. BLE. Yesterday home from work I scored a "yellow" day and by rights I should reset to Day 1. It's otherwise day...5. I decided to repeat the day and if I do it again today - RESET.