Increase carbs, means increased....

RUN/WALK with Slava, 1.45 miles total but only half that running?
COMMUTE 10 miles thanks to LA forgetting something he needed at the VA

Last week I noticed that increased rice means increased weight.
I confirmed that observation by eating increased oats and fucking jelly last night. 
Fuck.

The New Bee that emerged will make mistakes, but fucking bloody hell - like, the NEXT DAY?

So. 

I've been eager to start my new Planner, and it's starting today. It's like, I can't log or make changes until it started? Dumb, but whatever. 

Starting today, marking if I waited, preplanned, prepared, preplated, followed, exited, and Nailed M3. This is the last of the Monster to get rid of.

Starting today, no jelly or little bowls or ketchup or gummies/wrong way.

Staring today, you have to WAIT to get gummies. 

ER visit

I don't want to talk about it. 

Went in Thursday July 28th 2pm. 

Came out Friday July 29th 4pm. 

A New Bee came out at that time. 

Not a Perfect Bee, but a Changing Bee. 

Increased rice, means increased...

Tuesday RUN 3 miles in just under 30 mins
     COMMUTE 7.6 miles
Wednesday COMMUTE halfway, got rained out

Last two nights, after Monday being a 1.8, I'm yesterday 4.0 and today 4.8.

End of the month "month" things? No other sign of that yet.

T= stuff a mess still...

And last two nights of dinner predominantly rice, rice cakes, imperial spread butter. 

Bloody hell. STOP THIS SHIT.

LA is committed to his changes. I need to commit. 

NOT wait until August 1st. 

Or July 31st. 
Or tomorrow. 

No more imperial butter spread, unless measured. Rice cakes, 2 per day. No more rice!

Family reunion

Sunday RUN 1 mile, walk 1 mile up N24th Rd

Monday COMMUTE 7.6 miles, more? 

I've lost track of time, what we've done, when I did it. Where does the time go? Why does it seem to be falling away from us? 

I haven't done stained glass at all. I haven't done watercolor or drawing since the beginning of June, even though Slava asks and asks. My mind is too fried, I'm mentally tired. I dropped any pretense of a running regimen. The gym -- not since beginning of July which is about when I realized that strength training as I was doing wasn't getting me to my goals. And now in the last week, even a morning walk or a run isn't happening. Weekend bike rides - we've done one!?

Duolingo is on maintenance. My meals are on repeat. War and Peace just waits for me to finish the last 100 or so pages. I have a to do list, languishing. 

What's going on? Stress. The stress of STEP1, alpha gal, needs at work, upcoming GAL and travel and summer and all else. It's a blessing of sorts that my sister and family are not coming this upcoming weekend (she's too busy too, and that's a sort of comfort to me, to know it's not just me). 

We survived a weekend on alphagal changes. I'm following his eating patterns now, eating only what he can so I can be aware of the foods, shopping, recipes, needs, flavors. We'll see.

Saturday on the drive back he said he want to do low fructose. We can do that, but it's another list I need to dig out of my archives. Low fructose - been there done that, can do it again. 

On the plus side, my T=7 stuff has stopped at least a few days! My joint pain and itching from dairy is washed out. 

T=7, day 2

Thursday Half COMMUTE due to rain and hail storm
Friday no COMMUTE due to awful stomach issues, still!

Day 2 now of awful gut output, leaving the detail at that. I can take a few guesses of what's going on. With LA's Tuesday dx of alpha-gal, we're in a bit of mess and disorder. Two nights ago dinner was rice cakes, grape jelly, PB, and imperial spread butter, rice, and random. Last night I pulled it together and fixed it, minimized the bad foods and followed plan, but woke up to the same. I'd thought the imperial spread OD was the problem. It could still be. Plan for now - stop magnesium and fiber, stop imperial spread beyond 2 serves, and pay attention.

Recent allergy results and Alpha gal. It means for him: no beef, pork, salami, gelatin, gummies, marshmallows, peanut butter, walnuts, hazelnuts, chestnuts, beef broth, shashlik, hamburgers, sausages, gummy bears?, so much that he loves to eat. He'd already quit nuts, but now peanuts is on the list too. Just this past camping weekend, he was eating hamburgers, peanut butter, marshmallows. Now.... he can't? 

I'm still in denial, he's in shock. I've been through this before many years ago, and I'm not maybe being very helpful by using myself as a comparison. And this is allergies -- I don't call mine allergies mine are intolerances (and with my denial, possibly autoimmune which is worse, denial) so I (think) I can skate by dealing with cross contaminations. But allergies -- the cross contaminations are a real thing to worry about!?  He has a follow up in a few weeks, until then, we try eliminations. There's also a possibility that other symptoms he's having, which have increased in severity since he stopped dairy and replaced it with meat (coincidence?) will subside as the meat is removed. Gawd I hope so.

In the meantime, I'm stopping those foods too, to get them out of the house and away from things. I'm replacing wooden spoons and cutting boards if needed. This will also help me to come up with recipes - if I need to eat too, then I'll push harder to search for stuff. And should I track his nutrition the next few weeks? Does that just overwhelm the to-do list? 

I dunno. 

I do know, that I have to fix this current gut issue. Awful noises are coming from my gut, I'm afraid to go to a bathroom and see what happens!

Are you stressed, you look like you're losing weight?

COMMUTE 7.6 miles again smoky outside

Said by someone in another A level lab at work. Does it look like that?

After camping, I don't have a good number yet. But .... no. 

New moon today. It's actually kinda overwhelming and distracting to have it. So much to write. 

No workout today as LA had an early appointment, and the schedule changes changed my morning up too much.  I did get a Sugar Walk in at least. More tonight? 

I ate chocolate, ketchup, yogurt, oatmeal, peanut butter, grape jelly, marshmallows while camping. It feels awful, but not as awful as it used to be. 

I've really cut back on FODMAPs otherwise - broccoli, cauliflower, onion, garlic - but again it's hard to say because being post-camping has me all out of whack. 

Get back to work. So unfocused. 

Camping at Dunes. No more S'mores

HIKING at the Dunes

EATING at the Dunes

GUT PAIN at the Dunes. 

Ugh. 

New Moon tomorrow. 

And I bought a great new planner, and I think I want one for home as well. 

No energy. No workout. IBS again.

COMMUTE 7.6 miles

LA is stressed about STEP, and with all else going on I am too. But it's not acute. It's generalized. And manageable. 

Last night since I "was good all day" my skipping the RC (That I forgot at home) I went overboard. Ended up lying in bed, again, with my feet propped up. Aurora came in and braided my hair. 

Why? AGAIN!?

My left hip acutely hurts. 

No energy, overwhelmed, but OK. Eliminate FODMAPs

WALK 20 mins with LA, kids on bikes
COMMUTE 7.6 miles 

I went to bed in IBS distress last night. Looking at maybe why:
Home alone (kids did call from library): broccoli with mustard and ketchup in a coffee mug, 2 raw carrots with mustard, zucchini with mustard, lentil soup with ketchup, more lentil soup, more lentil soup, more lentil soup, rice cake with imperial and molasses, another rice cake with same, potato chips in a coffee mug, cherries by the handful......

No wonder. The soups were a few spoonfuls of frozen soup (didn't even warm it) in a bowl with ketchup on top WTF

Lots of FODMAPs lately, and since I've by symptomatic since start of July, it's time for a 4-6 week reset. Say, until the end of August? I bolded foods above with FODMAPs. Really, this again? 

And really, M3 like that. Again?

The maths I did yesterday, showing it could take MONTHS to goal, what a reality check. 

I'm overwhelmed at work - still days behind after the 4th of July weekend. Behind due to extra ELISA days. LA is overwhelmed with his stuff, and it hits me too. Worrying about him, wondering about what's next. I'd love to just take a day off to get stuff done, but when?!

Left hip issue from tennis? And M3 success! Maths for futures.

BASKETBALL!
COMMUTE 7.6

Yesterday amendment - it rained so LA gave me a ride home. 

How's about a dose of reality, and a hit of history. I made my usual Excel spread sheet to log changes. At least, end of Sept 1230 goal, and not until Xmas if half that. And mid-Jan for FG, and until until 1 year from now if half that. 

A year?! What did it take before? 

08152013 1306 to 08212014 1140 was 1 year for 15

Here - 15 would be ... MY BIRTHDAY

OMG that's 15 weeks 

Left hip pain

RUN 0.5 miles, then walk the rest
COMMUTE 7.6 miles

My left hip hurts today, and along with the itchy face I've had and the foot/joint pain, I'm now convinced that dairy is not my friends. No mas. 

So we did what we could, walk then run a bit. My energy is low, flat, my chest feels swollen and heavy, my legs tired. Hormone flux? 

Yesterdays plan went mixed. Home to wait, then planned M3 along with random but planned broccoli. Then cauli soup, then cauli soup, then frozen (!!) lentil soup (I couldn't even warm it?!), then ham with hummus and lettuce and ketchup, then lettuce and hummus and ketchup, and FULL. SICK. PAINED. 

I suspect that my new cinammon tea is a problem to keep an eye on. So is the eating of fiber supplement (too much, unnecessary) and now for about 1-2 weeks I wake up with T=6. Gotta fix.

Tonight, try again. Again. Again. Again. 

Starting again, making changes

 It's 4pm, and I'm on schedule for the day.

Gym. Commute. 10am M1, 230 pm M2, plans for 6-7pm M3. HIIT later with the kids.

10 years ago: I was doing 65 mile rides (Freeeeeeeeebbbuuuurrrrg), a Castlewood marathon, and soon Rt 66 half iron tri. A week later I was trying to figure out why I had a Big Build/Big Crash, focused-only-on-training way of life. How could I make training and racing less On/Off? How could I have fun and still race and train?

10 years later, I'm trying to figure out if I should try to do less strength/free weights and do more HIIT, if Noom will work or not, and marveling how I could spend an entire weekend and not touch my bike?!

10 years ago was 8-31-13 was 1286.  
10 years later will be along those lines! Even the Noom graph agrees. 

Back then it was 2lbs per month slide. Upon review, it's been 2lbs per month since 1st of May to now. So am I really so off track? 

Poor start to the 300s

 Last week...mostly 2-3.5 miles RUN, COMMUTE most every day, no GYM. 

Due to 4th of July travel, short work week, and other stuff - I didn't get much done. 

But I did start eating cheese (can't waste it, right? But I can waste my subscription and myself?!) and noted this morning pained feet again. I haven't had that in awhile, and with all the rest I just logged it's hard to blame that lack of activity for the pains. 

So I threw out the cheese this morning. 

I have plans for 12-13, but have now averaged up to 15. And that's just what I'm logging. I've been consistently breaking my plans.

And it shows. And it feels. And it's heavy. 

Last night while making HIIT cards I read about celeb w8 info. Read how. I know how. 

Today I waited until 10am, at least. 
Today I initiated!
Today I did get to the gym, although a bit late because I remade the oats to not have ghee and be 120.
Today I did kettlebells, abs, upper on a bosu, and elliptical, home by 8am.

Today is 305. Today is per plan. Today is ... for me. 

301 days

RUN 2 miles then walk 1 mile
COMMUTE 3.35 miles in... and 

Today will be 301 days! Friday will be 1500 days. But who's counting. 

Today will also be day 1. Day 1 of getting it right.

Preplan. Prepare. Preplate. 

No phone or distraction. 

Wait, be calm, just wait. 

These are the last monsters. 

Progress, not perfection, but yet progress towards it. 

Freedom from …

Anxiety. Stress. Being overweight.

I was going to type over whelmed. But the autocorrect/suggest said overweight.

That's a good way to put it. Overweight mentally and physically. The weight of ….

Of what. I'm buffered out today. It's another day of travel, I don't like travel. This sucks. The negativity. The lack of schedule. The constant attention. The constant people. The bickering. The attitude. The disrespect.

I realized that when the crowdedness is too much, I can leave. I just left. Again. To the beach. I'm supposed to be no screen in bed.

Chest pounds. Can't think. Can't breathe right. Tightened chest. A swirl.

I realized too that when I tell them to do something, it's me talking to me. My angry self talking to me. When I tell them to eat real food. Have a glass of water. Veggies. Are you hungry. Stop and pause. I'm wishing I had someone to talk like that to me. ?

Freedoms from. Comparisons. Moria. Regret. Wishing. Wanting.

Wanting change. Wanting less. Wanting more.

Tomorrow is 300 days no Monster. I treated today like it didn't count but it does. 500plus CO. Hotel food and habits. Waste. Screens. Garbage.

The sun sets. The waves touch the shore. The colors change and darken. Another day is gone. Another day lost.