Overslept Friday

COMMUTE 9.2 miles

Right now Friday is my only morning off. Full day off, really, until or unless I start breaking up my weekend runs to include something short and easy on Friday evenings.

This type of thinking prompted me to look up how to run 100 miles in a week. Turns out many TADs are used, copied from LetsRun:

Here is a 100.1 mile week

Monday: easy 10

Tuesday: 4 am/9 pm

Wednesday: 4 am/16 MP pm

Thursday: 4 am/7 pm

Friday: 4 am/8 pm

Saturday: 14 MP

Sunday: 20.1

Mon: 10/6

Tues: 12

Wed: 10/6

Thur: 14

Fri: 8/6

Sat: 12

Sun: 16

Whew. And I also looked up how to convert cycling into running. Seems a 3:1 ratio is accepted == 24 mile bike equivalent to 8 mile run. To me the 8 miler seems harder, so maybe the conversion is just based on time? Cuz I'm thinking about keeping my weekend long bikes partially in place of some of the back-to-back weekend runs. The switch to biking makes me happy, but it's not really what I'll need for 100 milers.

I did get my TAD yesterday, sort of a test to see how it goes. Definitely not a rest week thing, it wore me out and got me to bed late. Well, so did snacking after the ride... .

I took two benedryls to sleep and didn't set an alarm, so I slept in until 8am. Woke briefly to let dog out around 5 am of course. Woke up face swollen, stiff, and my the left side of my neck hard to move and pained. I thought this would clear out as the day progressed but it hasn't. Makes it hard to look over my left shoulder. I should see Dr L next week. For this and the left shoulder burning pain I've had.

I mapped out my weekend run, 25 miles in the Rockwoods to Al Foster. The only hill might be the climb up Rock Hollow? The goal is distance/time on feet with fast walking breaks. My only concern might be having enough water, I haven't found a gas station or water source yet. And I hope it's not flooded. Not the kind of water I'm looking for.

RM and I planning to ride, but not picked which day yet. Sunday is the cooler day weather-wise. Texted RM, see what happens!

Planning for TADs

RUN 6.1 miles in a few seconds under an hour
BIKE COMMUTE 9.2 miles
BIKE (ETA) 1 hour and 15.5 miles on Puppy at Lafayette park

Tired and sore! But all good, and I'm mentally on track well enough to push through the tired and sore, so it's not a over-trained, under-rested, blown-out fatigue. Just body re-adapting fatigue.

A morning so wonderful weather-wise that it's easy to overlook. Lots of rain yesterday evening (and a soggy dog walk too from it) but not cool and comfy. The sun rises at 5:40 these days so by run time you almost need sunglasses. But not like Mike joked, in need of sunscreen.

IT, EW, BE, and Mike (back from Boston and Savageman training!) for the run. We were together until Skinker hill, then the guys pulled off the front. Me and EW noted that our HR monitors weren't working (hers no reading, mine way too high again). We chatted about her upcoming trip to NY, about oh lots of things, I can't remember it all. She's fun to run with :)

I was struggling it seemed to run, but didn't walk or want to walk. I wonder if I was alone if I would have walked more? Like yesterday?

In the bike commute in, a guy came up behind me at Vande and TGA and asked which Ironmans I'd done. He did IMWI in 2003? and 2006. My last one was 2014 - 4.5 years ago. Man how time flies.

I've been looking at my calendar and trying to figure out how to get some two a days in. I'm not sure why I want to do this? Just so happy to be out there? Want to spread out my miles better? Not tired enough? Part of it is that RM and I have been toying with the idea of a midweek ride, would have to be afternoon/evening. But where to fit it into my schedule? I google'd "how to triathlon two-a-day" and got the expected advice to alternate body parts, avoid too much impacting in one day. And some good suggestions to slowly add this into the schedule, and to make the second EASY. For example, just a 2-3 mile run or even a 15 minute run.

The matrix as it is now: S=speed, L=Long, M=mid-tempo
Adding in (proposed)
Not sure where to add lower strength? Still struggling to get ideas here...
Need to add: plyometrics, upper & lower strength, core strength, postural strength (more of daily thing). Swimming?


                    Morning             Mid              Afternoon
Monday       M bike                                      (upper strength)
Tuesday       S run+plys                                (core)
Wednesday  L run                                         or commute run
Thursday     M run                                        (S or hills bike)
Friday         Rest
Saturday     L bike or run                              (swims good here)
Sunday       L bike or run                              (...and here)

TAROT --> TAROT--> TAROT-->

RUN 10.15 miles in 1:43-ish, 10:20 m/m, 168 spm, 152 bpm

There was a few mins of walking in this run, 30-60 intervals and this is reflected in the cadence, but the HR is still high. So hmmmmm.....

I slept bad last night, long time to fall asleep and didn't like a deep restful sleep. I wake up OK with the alarm with some strong *urge*. This has been happening lately, and I'm seeing a pattern of my belly getting swollen and uncomfortable the night (and day and previous night?) before and it all coming out over 2-3 BMs next morning. Like my gut just stops and accumulates for a day or two or three? But it's not really a constipation issue, it's the other one. Not pretty. What causing it? On my list to research.

Tea, some potato prepped last night, some fruit, and out. My feet are sore from the gravel run still, especially when I wake up and I need to wear shoes and get things stretched back out again it seems. But once this done I'm ready. Had my handheld bottle ready but skipped it cuz it's "only 10 miles". Oi.

I was immediately tired. No surprise, but when you're doubting your endurance for the day in the first mile it means it could be a long run. After 1 mile I thought to myself "I could run home, then do this 4 more times and have 10 miles!".  That's the mind looking for an out, if you're home, you can quit!

Cherokee street had a festival and someone repeatedly chalked TAROT with arrows pointing east towards a since-removed tarot reading station. I wondered after a few blocks when the arrows would end? Would I see arrows pointing the other direction after I'd passed it? Maybe as a joke they led those interested into the river? Ha! Once I crossed Lemp, I saw the reverse arrow.
I went to Lemp Park, doodly-doo around the hilly hairpins, up along the Brewery, up to Soulard Market and over the footbridge towards Choteau, back to Laf Park, out to Jeff and back and right around here starting wondering on my route.

I'm feeling as expected, tired and sore, but mentally OK to go. The *urge* was back again strong but no worries. I did a quick out-n-back in that pretty Benton Place block and hit 5. My options were to keep going, or run the route in reverse and see it from the other direction. I never run this route backwards! That's the mind again, looking for cheaper, easier. Nope.

Continued across Jeff towards Compton. A light rain starting to fall and it felt great. I stuck to my plan of walking hills and when the HR was high, but never really enjoyed the walk. I wanted to get going again. My quads were fatigued and sore, and I think my form started to fall off as the miles accumulated.  Across Grand, under I-44 at Spring-ish, down to TGP, to the bandstand at 8 miles, then home. YAY!

Walked the dog, shower, brekkie of egg white, oats, and fruit. Off to work. No bike commute today because of dentist appt. I'm a bit nervous on that, given the state of my stomach and chew-tics I've had last few months. Gotta fix that.

Really tired track run

RUN total 6 miles in 1:06 but when I really do the math more like 4.25 miles
BIKE COMMUTE 13.8 miles

Woke up OK, tired ride to the track, walked a loop and ran a loop before BE got there. We did his idea for the run: 3x 600 (200 walks), 4x400 (200), and 5x200 (200). Lots of walking, that's how my distance goes from 6 to 4.25. I think we got 14 200s in? Whatevs.

I felt Ok for all the soreness and fatigue, but my HR shot up fast in the intervals even though I wasn't running fast. Well, let me look at the Garmin track...OOOOH SHIT. I was going faster than expected!

600s in about 7:40 range
400s in 7:20 m/m range
200s in 7 m/m!!

DA FUQ!!!! I'm honestly surprised here. Is this a Garmin error?! I ask that because the garmin was also reading HR in the upwards of 190-200 in these intervals. That's awfully high, and I wasn't breathing all that hard and running all that fast, or so I thought.

JFC. I thought the Garmin was misreading the HR, but maybe not? My HR fell fast once we walked, down to 100 be the end of the walk interval. But I BE was definitely (and rightfully) concerned and wanted to cut the 600s off and walk more. But I pushed for all of it. Gimme gimme gimme. I need people like BE to cut me off, so I appreciate it.

WOW. Cadence was high 170s for this. So I was moving fast. Just didn't feel it, especially as he dropped me once the interval started. We didn't change direction on the track, that throws the numbers off. I wasn't pushing for this, and I wasn't watching the pace as I ran.

I was going to change the batter in the Garmin for tomorrow, but.....it might have been right? I haven't run that fast since last August. Good? Or bad?

Well shit.

I was going to do this as a rest week, but in looking at my schedule I might run 45 this week and rest the next. To settle into a schedule to taper/rest into Dark2Dawn. See how I feel.  But I'm thinking 10 miles tomorrow. Slow 10. Not like today.

Memorial weekend continues: Trailnet ride

RIDE 60 miles in 3:42
Lap 1 54 mins, 12.62 miles, 14 mph, 111 bpm, 400-500 vert
Lap 2 2:48, 47.39 miles, 17 mph, 124 bpm, 1600 vert

Lap 1 was with group,
Lap 2 was on my own

Group Ride!! IT, RM, CM, Jan B!!, and RM's friend Dan joined for the Trailnet Pizza ride. DC and MaryC and I did this years ago, 2009 maybe? I haven't seen JB since I think 2014, what a happy surprise. Great day, sunny, warm but not hot, winds out of the south/southwest.

We started out slow, almost uncomfy slow. Frea is not really fit to ride on the bars, she's better in aero and so combine this with Saturday's long ride and I started out hand-sore and butt-sensitive.  haha.

I had a general idea of the roads, it was like revisiting the old routes from years ago. I hung with JB, learned that she's quit/retired, rode Route 66 over 7 weeks, has 3 grandbabies, her kids graduated from college! She was riding DC's old Merlin frame, and needed a new chain I think. Oh DC was going to join us, but he ended up with a "bug" and couldn't come out.

South out of Millstadt, some familiar roads, a few new ones, and then into the Ritz gas station! IT and I joked about it, I texted TH and TB to tell them. Looking at the map, and doing my banana collection game at the rest stops (up to three by now), I realized I could do the long route of 60 miles. It's only 22 miles more than the medium. I looked at it as 11 miles out and 11 miles back, with the latter 11 having the tailwind. So shortly after the Ritz, I said goodbye and headed south on my own.

TBH, I wanted to go faster, I wanted to see what I could do. I didn't mind waiting at all, I loved the company, but I've been doing this so long and so boring and so flat and so LIMITED that I just wanted out of the limits.

Oooooh and the headwind, all the way into Maeystown. Almost as soon as I broke off I wandered a bit off course (missed the bike path) but happily back on soon. Then along a highway that I recognized as one I've ridden with TH, GT, and IT was we trained for MiTi in 2014. Down into Maeystown with my only complaint being that my feet were starting to tingle if I wasn't paying attention.

Once turned northward onto Bluff, I sped up and road the tailWINd up to the rest stop at Valmeyer. A few M&M's, raisins, no peanuts, and a banana, water and biobreak, then off onto Bluff road. I had bad memories about riding Bluff once with PS group, lots of traffic and stress, but none really today. Not a bad experience like I remembered. I was cruising on good road and enjoying the push. Miles flew by here.

Then we turned up into the hills to climb the bluff. This was my only concern in the ride, and I rocked it well enough. Dropped it into low gear, sang to myself the Garth song "if it's a mountain she can crawl it", passed a few people, then settled in. The HR didn't get much over 150 the rest of the way. Yay! I recognized some of the turns as being out old routes, like Hanover road, and Dd road, but we took a different road into Columbia. Good one to mark on the maps, nice hills and curves.

Once to Columbia, we reconnected with the medium route. I didn't know this until later once I figured it out. Realized there was no way some of these riders did 60! Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending, I decided these were like slow hanging fruit (haha, just made that up) and starting reeling in the riders ahead of me. The last 10 miles cruised by, with some feet discomfort, tired hands, and some saddle fatigue. Once to Millstadt I only had 59.something miles so I rode until even 60. Just a quick out and back, and I was hurting by then. Yay!

Everyone else was gone by then, and the post party was pizza and beer. Not my scene so I just grabbed some water and headed home.

Nutrition was just water, two bananas, a rice ball, the trail mix. That's it. And that's all I needed. I seem to remember eating a lot more years ago. ? Not sure.

Feeling good enough later still to clean Puppy and Frea, and the truck and the dog, and listen to the Blues lose game 1 of the Stanley Cup. LGB!

Gravel 20 at Lost Valley

RUN 20.01 miles (haha) in 3:49
averages 11:28m/m, cad 162 spm, HR 136 bpm
moving numbers: pace ~10m/m, 168-171, hard to say but only once over 150 bpm

I've decided to characterize my runs as road, gravel, and trail. Might come up with more? Path, urban, meadow?

I was worn out from the ride yesterday and as I was waking up seriously debated just running form home to Fo Pa for 20 miles. Da fuq?! I can do that any day of the week, I can save that for when it's not a holiday weekend, I can haul my ass out to a trail and RUN! Geeza louisa.

So off to LV, the plan to stick to the Hamburg and abandoned gravel road through LV. No trail. If I'm going to run rail-to-trails, I don't need to be picking and tripping so much this year. And I need to see if I'm really mentally prepared for the long flat of rail routes. I pass a few of these, then I can sign up for the Badger 100K.

I don't know why I think that. I mean, I ran Kansas R2T just fine.

Anyway, perfect day. Light clouds overhead, not warm yet. Trails dry. Today I tested Rice Chex cereal and rice balls. And my usual QT candy of Tootsie Rolls pops. I looped the Mound then headed out. There were a few mountain bikers, but again surprisingly to me few people out. I was undecided out my route, but knew I should take the gravel 'short route' road outbound and I could feel my cheating mind thinking about skipping it on the way back. My goal was to head out towards Defiance and guess on the math to overdo the outbound so any way back I still get 20.

Down the hill (like the Rohirrim riding down to Helmsdeep) and back up. I walked up and was soon attacked my mosquitoes. Oh Damn, the rest of the run I was watching for these. Killed quite a few. I did use bug spray, but only on my legs and neck. Not arms. So guess where they were landing?

The run on the short route road is unfamiliar to me, I've only done it a few times. But it's nice slow long hills. I watched trail on/off points go by, listening to Ten Junk Miles podcasts, hitting mosquitoes, and letting myself walk when I needed to. Looking back at the Garmin track, I didn't walk quite as much as it seemed.

I'd wondered if flooding would be a concern and sure enough the connection from the road to the parking lot (the one I almost parked at!) was completely flooded. Reminds me of the time TV and I encountered this, and when he wandered into the water. I joked that he'd come out cover in leeches. No leeches for me. I turn around. So much for wondering if I'd run the gravel on the return trip.

Back to the top of the hill, I was at 10 miles, with 2 miles between me and the parking lot (only 1 mile if I didn't loop the Mound). Decided to run the Hamburg out to the Katy until I hit 14 miles, that would put me at 20-ish. So down the Hamburg. Bippity bop feeling good.

Until I got to the Katy and found it flooded both ways. I could have crossed the left turn towards Lewis and Clark, but didn't want we feet. I was only at 12 miles. I thought the Hamburg was longer, more like 4 miles long. Not 3. Anyway. Explored a bit, found no where else to got, headed back up Hamburg.

Now I started walking more. I wasn't hungry, doing good on water, just tired and out of condition. So I let myself walk, and the Garmin track reflects a lot more walking after the 3 hours point. But not miserable trudge. Still doing good.

Got back to the Helmsdeep hill, only at 14.5 miles. Ugh. Back down the Hamburg until 16.25-ish, lots more walking now, and then turn to home. Hit the Mound at 18.67 (funny how I can remember all these numbers) and looped the Mound until 20 miles.

Ooooof and YAAAYYYY!!!!!!!! No pains, no aches, just tired and lightly sore. And to my surprise I felt good enough on the way home to get my shopping errands done! In fact, I felt so good later that I even drove to work to get the Garmin charger because I was getting low battery and I wanted the Garmin for Monday and Tuesday.

In summary 20 is kinda my operational limit and I'm ready to build.

NUMERICS: 12:25 (not counting commute)
SWIM 0.00
BIKE 80.6 miles
RUN 41 miles
COMMUTE 38.8 miles

First long ride since...2014?? Levee ride!

RIDE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  61.55 miles in about 3:45
Lap 1 1:54 28.17 miles, ave 14.8mph, 102 bpm
Lap 2 1:02 16.47 miles, ave 15.8 mph, 126 bpm
Lap 3 52:25 16.94 miles, ave 19.4 mph, 121 bpm

Yahoo!! I've been long waiting for a chance to get back on the roads. I've had a bit (well really a lot) of anxiety about riding alone on roads. It's been a long time, I'm unfamiliar with the routes maybe, I don't know what level of fitness I have... excuses -- so many of them.

RM and I joined up for a ride out of Columbia. By the way -- the Marketplace is now a Schnuck's, but I think I knew that already. Right after starting, RM laid down the goals of the ride: keep my  HR under control, ride 90-120 minutes, flat levee road and not the hills in the bluffs. Hill into Valmeyer if we have time. I love his attention to plans like this :)

We headed out on the usual way, behind the Schuck's  out to Bluff road, then whatever road that is that heads over the tracks out to the levee. The wind was kinda strong out of the south, so we hit headwinds the way out. We took it easy, I think though it was easier for me than for him. My season started a lot earlier, I think he said this was his second real ride this year.

The flooding was up against the levee, at two points in the ride we splashed through some water flowing over the roadway. I don't mind water, but then the air smells like cow poo and the runoff is coming out of a field, well, yuck.

Lots of chatting too, I tell him about my 10K challenge at work (that deserves it's own post, LOL). We talk about his new job, leaving his old job, financial stuff, training stuff more. We turned around at one hour and he was pretty worn out. Seems he found his limit around 90 mins. This two hours was Lap 1.

I wasn't done, however, and went back out. Lap 2 is my outbound into the wind. I didn't push hard, I just pushed for steady. Wish now that I had lapped it at the end of the first outbound with RM for real comparison.

I didn't have a specific goal in mind, until I reach what I thought would get me a 60 mile ride. That took me into lower Valmeyer, but I didn't want to climb the hill without RM. So I headed out towards Maeystown until I reached a "mentally ready to turn around" point.

The way back was a breeze, literally. TailWINd, as I like to say. Pushed a little more here, but really the goal was steady push.

Nutrition -- 2-3 bottles of water only. A banana, only. Had a good brekkie of cereal and yogurt and eggs and fruit, I think. No hunger, no fade, no problems.

the 10K a day challenge at work

COMMUTE 9.2 miles

Coming back on Monday to log this little gem of stupidity that happened on Friday. The 10K a day steps challenge started this past Monday. This year, instead of showing steps only the dashboard for the program is showing the points earned. 4-7K is 3 points, 7-10K is 4 points, and >10K is 5 points per day. So the leaderboard at just 5 days in, with all the fresh energy, is showing most everyone having all the points available -- so today everyone has 25 points. Boring.

And if you get 160 points by the end of the 8 weeks, a $25 gift card. Not much for all those steps. But not hard either.

But today LC shows up on the top 10 leaderboard. And I get hooked. Over the course of the morning, she moves up and down in the leaderboard. Huh? How is the system ranking people? I clickety-click looking to find individual step numbers.

And oooh I find them. Then I move into the next level of obsession. LC is ranked somewhere 3-5 in number of steps. I compare it to my numbers, and find I'm right there with her. Huh. But my name doesn't show, and I found I didn't select the box for participating in the individual challenge. And I've been debating on the best way to log my running. The garmin gives me a step number that I can subtract to get my daily steps separately, and when I compare the garmin run numbers to the program's "converted" steps I get different numbers. The program says like 260 spm, and the garmin more like 170 spm. Big diffie. Which is correct?

Believe it or not, I email the program to ask how to change my name to a nickname, so I can participate anonymously and try to win nothing more for doing more. And I ask how to count the numbers. They say "whatever I feel comfortable with", and I learn how to change my name.

So now, as of Monday after the Memorial Day weekend, Melli Fera is in first place. LOL.

But as the day went by I fell to 2nd place. Still LOLing.

Suffer. Forward. RUN.

RUN 6 miles in 59 mins, ave HR 142, cad 171spm
COMMUTE 9.2 miles

I don't go slow do I? Here I am only 2 weeks out of the dog injury and already I'm pushing back-to-back-to-back days. Already? LOL, it's about damned time!

I was at 5+10 miles this morning, ended the morning at 21 miles. And I feel it. Hoooo tired. But not hurting or pained. This is how it should feel.

We had heavy rain storms overnight right up until 5am or so, but of course the whole gang was there to run. IT, BE, and EW. I held back and ran with EW. She did most of the talking while I tried to keep my HR low (not easy today). She's camping and kayaking this weekend. Then she walked CS Lewis until mile 3 ended. Then we switched over to....huh, can't remember. Then I told her about the races I'm planning, and she expressed concern that I'm doing too much too fast. Damned right I am! But I hear and acknowledge her concerns. I need to hear it, even if I don't want to. I need the outside view and opinion, and I trust these people.

Anyway, then we chatted until we came across an unleased dog on the trail bridge. Ugh, heart rate. Then EW talked about increasing her running to burn off the "wedding weight" all 5 pounds of it. Chatted about her room mate that had AN, then we were done. My effort and HR were high for this run, the fatigue is high. And I love it.

Went home with lots of bowel urge, even though I had biz before I left. It wasn't pretty, and was pained. And bloody? Walk the dog. Then again the urge, more painful even. Like concernedly painful. But not tinged this time. I've been suspecting the potatoes, this bad soft BM issue started right around when I added potatoes, but also with the antibiotics. Lately I've been eating a potato, rice, and oats (1 per meal) to see how it goes. But I need to keep experimenting?

Per suggestion by RM, I started listening to Lance Armstrong podcast, he uses the words "suffer" and "forward", Good words for now.

Tired the rest of the day, but not pained. Just tired. Like I should be :)

6 into 8 into 9 into 10 miles

RUN 10 miles in 1:42, ave bp 141
COMMUTE 9.2 miles

Really the original plan was to run commute to work -- 9.2-ish miles -- and they almost happened. But I was having doubts about the soundness of running 5 yesterday, 4.2 morning and 4.2 afternoon today, then 6 tomorrow. Back-to-back-to-back plus coming out of the knee injury. Speaking of which, almost no pain today. Stupid fucking dog. Speaking of whom, I haven't heard back from animal control on this and an email to them yesterday as of yet unanswered. "Investigation Still Open" is all I got. 

Well anyway, I realized I could run from home and get the same distance AND a bike ride (because the 10K challenge at work started Monday, and well...) and avoid the 12 hour run intervals and cut short if needed. So run from home became the plan. Speaking of which, the plan said 6 miles. Which plan? The 50M, the 100K, the 100M? All of them. Turns out my plans are remarkedly similar to each other.

Well anyway, out the door right after 6am and I was surprised at how bright it was. Full sun up. So I need to consider starting earlier. I looped out to BP and Lemp, then back to TGP. I weaved on/off trail sections to avoid the flooded areas (major rains overnight) and pick up tenths here and there. All was feeling great, and this feeling was what was going to dictate my distance.

I hit the bird trail corner and thought I was at 5 miles. Not sure why I thought that, but it screwed up my math the rest of the run. Feeling great, I turned up the MoBot west side path. Right around this time I realized my plan to head out without carrying food or water was going to conflict with my run mileage. Around the Bug Shop corner, back to TGP for water. Water fountain off. Ugh.

Here is when I realized that my mental mileage was off. The watch said 6 miles, I thought it was at 8. Why? I dunno. But the time of 1 hour confirmed that I did not (as I hoped) bump the on/off button. From the water fountain, I was only 2 miles from the house. I was feeling better than "just" 8 miles so I headed out of TGP into Shaw, up to Flora, over to Compton Water Park, past the old house and old 'hood, back to Arsenal, and finished with a loop around BP to end right 10.

I was dragging the last mile, but it's all mental yo.

Speaking of mental, I have the weirdest thoughts running. A transcript would be a crazy real. One from today -- the word monosyllabic to describe...ugh...monosyllabic words. Such a complicated word to describe such simple words.

More mental -- I'm really really sure I want to run the Badger 100k. And --and don't tell anyone yet -- the Hennepin 100 in October. Shhhhh it's a seekrt!

Use all the words: Infrapatellar saphenous branch

RUN 5 miles in about 45 mins, no HR data
BIKE 2 miles in from FoPa

I slept awful last night, long time to fall asleep and then kept waking up. I M'd rice and butter, broke out of it, up to 3rd for some LotR-TTT and hand weights. At 9:17, when Lord Elrond and Lady Galadriel were tele-conversing about Sauron (why am I including all this...?) my phone (on 2nd floor) sounded an alarm and played my latest Songlist addtion -- Radioactive by Imagine Dragon.

Huh? I didn't set an alarm. But it caught my attention, at a great moment in the movie and my song. Like King Theodred, "and so it begins". Gotta get serious. I fought off the Balrog successfully, no Devil, and the reddit Blerch severely limited. But M got me.

And so it begins. With incoming thunder storms too! I skipped the sleep aid, but then lay awake ... thinking....thinking....thinking. Turn on the radio. Listening. Listening to the radio, to the wind chime, to the wind opening and closing the balcony door. Ugh. Kept waking up.

And so after all this, and after the alarm last night, I didn't set my Wake Up alarm at 4:45. Luckily, I woke up at 5:52am. Ugh. Sent a message to BE, I'm supposed to be at the track at 6am! More luckily, I pre-packed so clothes ready to roll. Dog out and fed, me out the door. Drove to the track.

Cool and windy. No rain, but wet. We didn't have a plan, didn't come up with one, so we just ran the loops. We were alone on the track, enjoying the east tailwind, chatting. About weddings, how he and his wife met, about the read aloud show he went to last night, more. Social :)

Home, shower, walk, brekkie. Tried to normal brekkie: oats and butter. Measured so I can track any symptoms. I'm itching a lot, I know gluten can cause that in some people but it's also pollen season. So not sure no that.

Lunch was a strawberry, banana, protein powder, coconut flour smoothie/soup. Eh...needs work. Early dinner of chicken and rice -- this rice I like! -- from instant pot. Around 4pm. I'm trying to eat earlier so I don't go to bed full, like last night. I wasted the day it seems, running gel and PCR, race shopping and reading. But no reddit!
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Dr L appt! The knee burn and tingle from the infrapatellar branch of the saphenous nerve. Google image search confirms. It's adhesions from the inflammation, not damaged. Whew. I couldn't talk when he was working on it, it's such a unique pain from ART. Like it hurts, but not really, and it's sooooo controlled and specific, that it's not really pain per se. It's almost enjoyable.  What!? LOL.

My lower back also bad, it's been spasming a bit on the bike and I can't fully bend over to pick something up. And my upper left back trapezoid area was also "really bad". So far hours later everything hurts in a bruised sense, and the upper back still stings. He said if needed come back in 2 weeks.

And to "stay away from traumatic injuries". They aren't good for me. Ha!
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Looking also at Hennepin 100 in early October. It shaves a few precious weeks of the 100 miler schedule, but it's a home run, and a new course. See how the next few weeks go, if I can pick up mileage on schedule. And avoid more traumatic injuries. Like TH said yesterday, am I thinking rationally? (Does the pope shit in the woods?!? Are bears catholic?!?).

I registered for a race. Time to get serious

Follow up post to get a few ideas down.

I registered for a race, and have more races I'm closely watching. But I gotta get my life in order before these can become a reality.

I need to deal with the stress and anxiety of the hip, heart, and dog injuries. They've been a cumulative damage. I doubt my hip, I doubt my heart, then like a hit-when-down kinda thing I get the dog anxiety.

My brain runs on crazy, and if I don't have a distraction it just spins on bad ideas. What ifs and the like.  I try to drown it out, but my mechanisms are just harmful in another way. Devil, Blerch, Monster, and the latest demon the Balrog. They have to go. I can't live with all them. Or any of them.

Somedays lately, I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep the day away so I don't have to live with the anxiety and brain shit.
-----
And I have to get my nutrition fixed. I haven't had a normal BM in over 2 weeks. I've been blaming the antibiotics, but those ended last Thursday or Friday and yet the problem continues. Now I want to blame the potatoes. Or maybe just a lingering of the antibiotics.

I've started eating oatmeal again, and I'm concerned with the whole gluten bullshit anxiety I picked up again after the nutritionist appt the day before the dog attack. Back-to-back blows that week. My skin has been itching awful lately, is it the oats? Is there a gluten contamination in my cheap oats, that's adding to my anxiety, headaches, bad energy, and GI issues? (The GI issues have been ongoing, more that just the past 2 weeks, just more acute the past 2 weeks).

Or is it all in my head?

I seriously searched for cereal options while shopping. Cereal is expensive! But I'm not taking into account that it's 10-15 servings for $5. But it's all refined and sugar-coated shit. So what if it's sprayed with 'fortifications' of vitamins.  Maybe something like Rice Chex for running? That's a better idea.

I did try Honey Nut Cheerios, ugh. Like eating air.

But my shopping over the weekend was: eggs, yogurt, cottage cheese, oats, rice, chicken thigh, more oats (ugh), and a bunch of junk for M. Ugh. But take a look at what I'm eating!! BTW- I do have carrots, zucchini, spinach at the house, but as a sign of what I'm eating -- that's all from last week.
---
In addition to all the other complaints up above, and in addition to the leg injury, my back has problems again. I think from sitting to rest the leg? Been doing too much sitting at work it seems. Been leaning over the counter too much with Blerch it seems. I see Dr L tomorrow, hopefully he can help with the lower back fatigue and pain when I lean over, and the knife-like stabbing I've had for weeks in my upper/cervical left side.
---
I want to see if the YMCA has a personal trainer or strength program I can get into. I have time for this, once I take it from the demons.
---
Sleep is OK, but been relying on diphenhydramine to fall asleep. Get it out. Oooh the dreams I have with that stuff LOL.

I rush through things distractedly. I'm not in the moment, I'm always thinking of another moment. I want to stay home from work, but don't want to be in the house. I get to work and don't want to be there, but I've got no where else I want to be. Actually though, being at work has been the best place for me. Away from the Demons.

Once challenge this week is NO REDDIT. And oh what a time for that, with Game of Thrones ending yesterday!
---
On Saturday's dog walk, RM told me about how a nutritionist is coming to their house to audit their food. They've set a goal to lose weight, RM read an article about the Obesity Code (can't recall author or if I've read it). It spoke to him, the impact of refined sugars on the body, so it sounds like he's going that direction. (Oh duh, it's fucking Jason Fung. Yes I think I've read it).

M and D and B LOVE refined sugars. I don't.
---
The demons take up so much time that I don't get stuff done. House chores and garden work are distracted and hurried. I just want to curl up and ....??  What is it I want?
---
So today, get it to-fucking-gether. I've put money down on a race, no more fucking around. Pay attention to M and what he really means. Pay attention to gluten again, see if there's a pattern. Get the GI issues resolved, no doubt the fluid, electrolyte, and malabsorption issues could contribute to poor energy, foggy brain, and more.

Stop wishing. Start doing.

I REGISTERED FOR A RACE!

BIKE 1:20 and about 19 miles, 3x TGP
COMMUTE 9.2 miles

My garmin died during the ride, the only info I have is that the 2nd loop was 16:57. The Black Screen of Low Battery death interfered with my lap button hits.

Today the Russian guy in the next lab asked about the ultras I run. Last Friday as I was biking out he asked me about what I do. Today he said something like "all that running, you'll have a heart attack". Oh buddy....

I decided over the weekend to sign up for Dark2Dawn, the 6 hour race I've wanted to do for years. I'm certain I can run, jog, walk for 6 hours.

I'm also eyeballing Badger 100K in August. A 33 hour cut-off means I can WALK and finish on time. That one I've leaked to family and friends. My sis was questioning my readiness for a 100K, I pointed out it was really 50k+50k, and she called me a 'typical triathlete'. TH asked if I was thinking rationally. LOL.

Now the bigger news so far being kept secret is that I'm aiming to run Kansas R2T again. Yes, the 100 miler. It's Oct 26th, it'll be my birthday race. And a full circle for me. It was my last major race, since then the hip and heart injuries. I need to get back on track, I need to find myself again.

The Balrog and Monster pretty much live with me. I need to kick them out. They are dear to me, but dangerously so.

My leg still hurts, I'll update after I see Dr L tomorrow.

Casual ride with RM on MRT/MCT

BIKE 20 miles, time not important here. But slow and cajz :)

RM and I met for a dog walk yesterday and hatched a plan to ride today. He's been itching to ride up to Chain of Rocks, but we didn't take the local flooding into account when we planned it. My connector from Chouteau to LaClede's was closed, but the MRT looked open.

CM joined us :) And we had a strong tailwind as we headed north. RM talked the Giro (ongoing), his plans for Fondos and more this summer, and just chat. We hit flooding after only a few miles, crossed on the McKinley to explore there, then hit more flooding again. They were on a time limit, so we turned back.

I got good extra miles riding to/from the start. I like riding in town, but do miss the open road. Wore my new bib shorts for the first time. To my surprise, I like them! I wasn't sure about the thick pad and over-the-shoulder features.

NUMERICS 7 hours, not including commute
BIKE 40 miles
RUN 19.3 miles
COMMUTE 50.6 miles

Good numbers!

Greenrock again

RUN 10.2 miles on Greenrock, 2:35

No HR chest strap, so no good HR data.

This was a distracted run in many ways. M was there, after a stop for run munchies at the $ store. Like a little bitch demon on my shoulder the entire run. And my leg, while feeling better every day, still hurts a bit.

Gorgeous day, if you can ignore the pollen and tree shit that irritated my eyes and throat. Unlike the same run on April 20 (one month ago!) that I did in 2:30, I tripped and stumbled more there. My goal today was 'run what you can, walk if you have to'. While I hope for improvement in time over the same course, the leg injury and M shit was a distraction.

And sadly, M was still a problem on the 20th run, I was sick that night and blew my eye up after that run. Speaking of hoping for improvement...

I wanted the full loop, I fought for it

RUN 6.13 miles in 1:01, can't remember if I had the chest strap? Ave HR recorded as 142
BIKE COMMUTE 9.2

So I'm going to guess I had the chest strap on, because the effort felt like so much more than 142 bpm.

Me, IT, BE, EV, and EV friend Tony. This run hurt, many ways. Between my leg, my poor energy levels, all the shit and anxiety on my brain. BE and IT pulled ahead, EV and T fell back, so I ran a mile or two on my own with me just focusing on pushing through all that shit.

EV and T caught up and we ran the last 2 miles or so together. They branched off at the last road crossing, I wanted the extra loop and when right to catch it all.  This run was hard. And I felt a bit sick afterwards.

What's the deal with my body lately, just doesn't feel right.

Short track run

RUN 3 miles in 30 mins
BIKE COMMUTE 9.2 miles

Got to bed late last night (even tho he sped home, tho not for me prolly as evidenced by a text convo from this morning: "Tks for hurrying home last night so I could get to the track on time" "Oo ghis")
but managed to wake up on time for the run. Didn't think I'd really run much, but I enjoy the track and the company and I wanted to see what I could do.

Not much. Still hurts. I wore pants to work yesterday and to the concert last night, and that definitely didn't help. So I jogged slow loops while BE did 200s with a short rest.

I want to call Dr L but I'm having a few hangups with it. Firstly, I feel like my life is a shit show and I'm sorta embarassed to be having yet another injury. Second, I'm on call for jury duty -- I call tonight after 4:30pm to see if they need me tomorrow. How the hell am I supposed to plan anything?! I don't want to call Dr L, make an appt, then not be able to hold it because I'm summoned. I don't expect to get summoned, but still...

Third, I'm not sure what he'll do about it. There's a hard lump of swelling where the initially bulk of swelling was on that first day. That I understand. But the creep of pain down my inner knee into the "goosefoot" tendon is worrisome. If nothing else, maybe I'd get peace of mind? I already have an appointment with him next Tuesday. But I'd rather not wait a whole week if I can get something out of this weekend.

And of course I'm race shopping for late October races. And tweaking my training plan to see if a 100K could be fit into late October. But Oo ghis literally as I type this I realize I already have a 100k in my penciled-in calender. The Badger 100K by TenJunkMiles in August. Duh.

And I just called animal control, they don't have the email I sent last friday. So off to that. Stress.

Change is coming. Now is my time. TOOL

BIKE 19.2 miles in just under 1:20, 3 TGP loops

BIKE COMMUTE 9.2 miles

Great ride, a bit on the cold side and dammit I was NOT going to dig out my cold weather gear for this. BE and I survived it, and it warmed up quite a bit in just that hour. We talked Impossible Burger, the "aura of warmth" from fingerless bike gloves, estate planning, his Tennessee Williams weekend. This is the most social I've had since last Tuesday at work. (when I was sick after the dog bite).

Went to a Tool concert! Who is Tool?  Haha, same question I had. But I loved it, to my surprise. I'm not usually a fan of noise and crowds, but this was amazing. I wasn't familiar with the songs, and to some extent they sounded similar to me, but I could pick out certain sections that stuck with me.

A favorite: Forty-Six & 2:

I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own chaotic, insecure delusions.
I wanna feel the change consume me,
Feel the outside turning in.
I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
Cleansing I've endured in
My shadow
My shadow. 

Change is coming.
Now is my time.
Listen to my muscle memory.
Contemplate what I've been clinging to.
Forty-six & 2 ahead of me. 

I choose to live and to grow,
Take and give and to move,
Learn and love and to cry,
Kill and die and to be paranoid and to lie,
Hate and fear and to do
What it takes to move through.

Off weekend

Friday BIKE COMMUTE 9.2 miles

The anxiety and all else with it just killed my weekend. I'm in less pain for walking, but I just had no urge or energy. At all. And it was rainy all weekend. So cleaned house, mulched the back yard, started a small succulent stained glass project.

On Sunday SO was sending updates on his ride. Ugh. Just kills me.

My stomach is a mess, the antibiotics? A few more days of those. Happily, Devil was a no-show this weekend. And shopping was an indecisive pick-it-up then put-it-back fast. All good those. Except those coconutty treats from Fields. Damn them good. But not good for me.

Yeah, lots of anxiety. I think I'm waiting for the heart attack to happen? From the stress on Tuesday.

NUMERICS only 1:35 hours (no Monday ride due to nutrition appt)
BIKE 0 miles
RUN 9.5 miles
BIKE COMMUTE 43.4 miles

Shortened Thursday run

RUN 4.5 miles in just under 43 mins
BIKE COMMUTE 9.2 miles

Leg still hurts, I probably shouldn't have run. But I did, I tried. Oddly, uphills and inclines felt OK, but flats and down inclines hurt. Ugh.

The acute swelling is down, now it's just a fireworks display of bruising. Hurts to even wear pants.

Didn't run today, didn't have it in me

BIKE COMMUTE 9.2 miles

Didn't run but I did bike commute! And it didn't feel good.

I slept in to rest, and it worked out great that a buyer from Tulsa (!) came for the last of the living room furniture set around 10am. I managed to get some meal prep done, managed to eat a bit (didn't settle great but I did it), then out the door to work.

My leg looks better today, the swelling mostly gone and now i just have a black bruise around the scratches and punctures. My lower back and hips are sore and pained, I must have pulled something? My gut hurts, my chest hurts. I'm tired, flat, dizzy, just want to sleep. But I made it work and had lunch with TV. I think that was my main reason for wanting to come in! And I had to tamoxifen some mice. Boss and coworker in Colorado for a meeting. So no coverage for me today.

And in other great news, have a potential buyer for the dining room table I got in February and refinished! TV encouraged me to come over tonight, so MP could walk dog and I could rest. Really want to, but don't feel up to driving. My reactions and responses are slow. But if the buyer doesn't come by tonight, I might really try to get there. I need to see TV's toad palace, lol!

I'm a magnet for bad luck

RUN 5 miles in about 50 mins, on track
BIKE COMMUTE 13.8 miles

I met BE at the track and we did a short ladders workout: 2x of (100, 200, 300, 400, 300, 200) with 100 walks in between. Up the ladder, then down. This was terribly relaxing and felt great. My feet were still a bit sore from the Lost Valley run, but they loosened up.

Home, straight out to walk dog. And here's where the day got defined. As Shoo and I were walking on Juniata at Calif, near the silver-painted house, a dog from an un-fenced yard ran out and attacked us. A big, steely gray, big-shouldered, square faced dog. Fast. Furious. And meant business. It was too fast to really know -- I pulled Shoo back to try to shield her, the dog pushed past me and got her neck. A guy from the yard sprinted out and full body tackled the dog, pulled it back. She started walking the dog away (I think), but the dog evaded him and came back a second time. Again Shoo grabbed by the neck. All I could see was her head in this dog's mouth, she's trying to pull back but the dog has her neck. I'm screaming, I think I was kneeing the dog to get it off Shoo. At some point, in the first or second or both rounds my left knee is bit by the dog. the guy is back and tackles the dog again. He's yelling, telling me to get away. We started away, and in a half block I couldn't even walk. A neighbor appeared, asking if she should call police. Then she disappeared. I knelt down by Shoo, she's wimpering. My leg bleeding. I'm shaking and can't think except to know Sugar is OK.

The guy comes back out with a wet towel, he's bleeding too I think he cut his feet running out. Shoo won't let me touch her neck, she's got saliva all over her left neck. All of us are adrenalined, but he gives me his name and number. We can walk so we start heading home. The neighbor comes back and walks me a block or two, then I'm alone the last block. Hyperventilating. My heart, that's my next thought. God it was racing. Call mom, can barely talk, but I tell her about selling the china set and she gets me home. My poor mom having to field these calls.

Home. Shaking, dizzy, Shoo is not bleeding but I am. So off to Urgent care. There I'm cold and dizzy and about to pass out. The Met Gala is on the TV, like from the Ocean's 8 movie. I have chest pain, they ask if I want an EKG but I'm convinced it's stress. It didn't feel like a heart attack. X-rays, clean up antibiotics, home to Sugar. I get her a vet appt, and to keep calm and distracted I talk to Dad and sister, and Tori and SO.

All morning Sugar was quiet and subdued. I left her alone, she slept mostly until 11 when we left. She perked up at the vet, but the vet pointed out that her adrenaline of being at the vet can mask pain. But thank god, no tears or immediately apparent damage. I was more worried about her, this really helped.

Home, rest, call CSB and police. Back and forth with mis-information, but eventually get my complaint lodged. Then try to eat so I can absorb the antibiotics. Then I bike to work. Funny to think that's what I did, but I didn't feel up to driving! And my leg didn't hurt terribly much.

At work, I felt awful, distracted, weak, dizzy, gut was cramping. I did what I could, tried to be awake and cheery, but it didn't last. As I helped AH at the microscope, I knew this wasn't going well. Soon enough, everything I'd had to eat and drink all day came back up in a messy flood. At least I made it to the bathroom! But coworker JenH had to hear it all, she's so sweet and stayed with me. Got me a chair and towel and water. And a hug :)

In pure coincidence, the St Mary's cardiology office called with test results. I let them know what happened, and asked if there was anything I should be aware off. After my visit to the bathroom, Dr W called back. I should be OK, but if I can't calm down I need to come to ER. Motivation enough right there. Do NOT want that.

Slog ride home, and felt awful still. Believe it or not, I cleaned up as I could. Partly for distraction and partly for fear that I would end up in hospital and I didn't want to leave a mess for family or friends behind. Ugh. And Shoo wanted to walk. Double ugh. We didn't get far, only Ohio to Jefferson. On the way found a neighbor's amazon package riffled through, got that back to her. Tried to water the front yard but was rapidly going downhill. Nearly passed out. To bed as fast as I could, feeling almost flu-like. Cold, achy, headache, miserable. Slept 1-2 hours, awake at 8 and tried to eat so I could take meds. I probably lost the first dose with the food and drink earlier and this was bothering me. A few egg whites and a potato, stayed down. Back to bed after calling mom. Still feel awful, my HR was 86 just resting in bed!

The Blues were on, listened to them (they WON in overtime!), then sleep. What a day.

Here we go again with the celiac thing

BIKE COMMUTE 2 miles from Fo Pa

I had a 7am appt with Emma in West Co for the nutrition consult. What I thought would be a 1-2 visit thing turning into a regular event. Which tells me I'm not making progress?

Anyway, I missed my ride in TGP with BE for this. So I'd better make it worth it.

My goals from before included getting in more solid food (I was lightly pureeing most foods), working on balanced meals, and getting to where I'm not vomiting. My bloody red right eye started the conversation off....and it went from there.

We reviewed my usual day of foods: egg whites, chicken, yogurt/milk as protein; carrots, zucchini, sometimes beets and broccoli for veg; oranges, berries, bananas for fruit; avocado and olive oil for fats; banana and potato for training carbs. I didn't get into the M foods. They don't exist in this reality.

She noted no grains. And again produced the Whole Grains Council printout (they're not biased, right?) and after crossing out all the corn and wheat I'm left with millet, sorghum, amaranth, rice, and teff. Since the last visit I did try oats (M), millet (is OK), sorghum (yuck), and rice (blech). I just don't have it for grains, I don't feel good eating them and I don't even want to eat them. But she presses them because they contain vitamins and minerals in their natural form, better for absorption

She seemed to work in a pattern (a nice pattern tho) of making an observation, then finding a positive on which to build. "I'm happy to see your getting 1-2 servings of dairy...", "It's good that your getting a variety of colors...", but these always led into a suggestion of what more I needed to do. Is OK, is why i'm here, but I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere on it.

And after discussing my symptoms of vomiting, diarrhea, stomach pains, previous history, prior testing, she brought up that I'm probably undiagnosed celiac. She had some good points. Recently in a family visit I tried to eat french fries. By the time I was home I felt sick. She said the fries were probably fried in oil that was contaminated. I said I'm most often sicker when I travel or I have new foods in the house, she said the family's bread and snacks could be a contamination.

Do I believe this? Or am I in denial about it? I'm not going out for more testing, that's for sure. I'm done with that and don't want it in my medical record. I have enough 'pre-existing conditions' already.

But I think on it, and look at the cross-reactivity food list: dairy, oats, milk chocolate, corn, millet, rice. Do I believe the cross reactivity theory? Not sure, I've read on it but each side just comes off defensive and biases. The idea is that people with anti-gluten antibodies have cross reactivity of the antigens. But I don't test positive for anti-gluten antibodies, but I don't eat gluten to know if I produce them. Still I think that's a fail. Then the theory is that those foods are just common allergens and people with gut issues will react to them. Well I know oats, 2+ pieces of chocolate, dairy, corn are all bad on me. But....... anyway.....

This weighed on my mind all day. What to do about it? Is my current situation just my gut re-balancing after the veg*n experiment? That ended in March, here it's May. April was just a nutritional wasteland. I didn't pay attention. I'm eating many many new foods, salad bars, french fry type stuff, eating foods without really paying too much to the labels. Am I just recovering from veg*n? Am I must mental? Was April a bad example? Or do I need to knuckle down and get more careful?

Ugh.

MCT 50, slow and easy

BIKE 50.35 miles on MCT, hit 50.0 at 2:57:24
ave 16.8 mph, ave HR 121

I wasn't sure I'd have the legs for this after yesterday's long run, and I really didn't have legs for this. But I wanted it and did it anyway. I kept it super simple. Out n back on Schoolhouse, out to the dead end along the interstate, then back out on Schoolhouse. FYI, from Culvers to end of Schoolhouse back past Culvers and past Drost to the dead end is a nice neat 25 miles. And the ONLY change in elevation is around Maryville/Drost Park.

I had no spark for speed, but endurance and all else felt fine. I stopped again at QT for my snacks but this time the bill for 2 mini dark chocolates, 2 cherries and 2 mints with chocolate came to 1.81.  I was brain fuzzed, couldn't figure it out, and ended up only getting the minis. Oh well. Guess the guy was doing me a favor. In the end, I didn't need any extra nutrition anyway.

30 miles or so was my goal, 50 I thought would be a stretch but of course once I got rolling I realized I could really to 50. Then I realized I might could squeeze in under 3 hours and that drove me to the end. Squeeeeeze success!

Felt great, but I was wiped!

NUMERICS 11:17 doesn't include bike commute time
BIKE 69.3 miles
RUN 36.1 miles
BIKE COMMUTE 32.2 miles

Total bike miles 101.5!

Lost Valley 17 miler

RUN 17 miles in LV, 3:33 time, ave HR 136
flats cadence ~170-174 bpm 
trail cadence ~165-170 bpm

Full moon this evening!

I've been yearning for this trail and WHOOP I got it! There was a lot of rain over the week and overnight, so I got a later start to let the trail drain. Also, the mud will keep mountain bikers off my tail.

The loop overall is about 13 miles but I wanted 16. So I did an out n back, and yup ended up at 17 miles, not 16. Got a lot of distance measures this time. I did a Mound loop (just over a mile) before heading out. The branch off the Hamburg is 2.25 miles when run like that (I guess about 1.25 miles from parking lot. The hill down is 0.25 mile, the hill up another 0.25 but without a defined "top". And later on the Garmin I found it is about 100 feet down, another 100-120 feet up. If it wasn't for the gravel and big rocks, it could be a great hill "bowl" run.

I walked the hills and started out conservative. Things felt better by the time I hit the muddy trail (about 4 miles in) where I settled into a steady run. I don't know many of the landmarks on this trail -- still can't find the cemetary -- but there's the fall bridge at the creek, the little rock and root wall after that, the rocky overlook ledge (maybe two of those...) the sweeping rocky dip in towards a creek bad, a smooth climb back up, the hairpins leading to the double track road, and that was my turn around. I ran until 8.5 miles thinking that I could return to the Mound and have the option of running that loop as a cool down. Or if I was wore out I could end early. I was wore out, but I'm supposed to be! So I did the 17th mile. Of course.

No trips, no falls. A few toe catches. I had stopped at the QT on the way out and got 2 each of Tootsie roll pop, mini chocolate bars, and tootsie rolls for the run. Along with a clementine orange or two. I really enjoyed the Pops, and I think one was missing the center?! All that for 0.31, I think the guy added it up wrong? Who cares. Yummy! And will maybe be a standard for my upcoming runs. They last a long time, and I don't have to keep it in my mouth the entire time. I drained the Camelbak too, out of water by the end, and that probably wasn't enough water overall.

Other moments to remember... butterflies-- the black ones with shimmery blue wings that like mud; the rosary hanging from an overhead tree branch on the doubletrack; the silence except the shooting at the firing range; the calm, the freedom, the personal solitude.

My feet were sore from the rocks, my left upper back still has that stinging pain to it, but other than that this was a WIN! Once done, I played Imagine Dragons Radioactive as I climbed the Mound steps at the end.

I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones
Enough to make my systems blow
Welcome to the new age, to the new age

May goals...what about them?

COMMUTE 9.2 miles
WasGonna SWIM, still might

Just two days ago I set May goals and I haven't touched them since. Revisit these before reading on...

So let's see, M and B been at the house last two evenings and they were solid visits. They stayed a while. I hate them.

What gives? In me I mean? Two major issues going on right now. Maybe more. All mental.

1. Now that I have the "all clear" from the doctors (I've had this "all clear" by the way for some time, but ...) I feel like I want to just go head-long into everything. But at the exact same time, all I hear in my head are limits. Oh you can't...oh you shouldn't...oh is it OK to do...oh is that a good idea? And at that exact same time I want to ride 50 miles with my friends tomorrow at NT, but I'm too slow right now and they're too fast and they don't want to wait for me any more than I want them to have to wait for me. So I don't know if I'm going to NT. I'll probably go alone somewhere so I can be slow by myself.

2. I feel like I have no time, yet I have all the time, yet I waste all the time. Huh? Da Fuq? Everyone else is so busy (taking care of them first, as I was told yesterday that I should do for myself, another SOism) yet I'm not busy. Or I don't feel busy. But I get nothing done. What an endless circle. Everyone else has things going on  -- family, training, putting themselves first -- and yet I'm not? I can't put this to words.

3. I'm not myself right now. This will be even harder to put to words. Something is.....off.  I don't know what. It's like my head won't work, I can't stay focused, I make mistakes. I can't type. I don't get anything done. I lose hours. Doing....??

4. Remember the Battle of the Five Armies? I feel like I'm in that again. Bee and Butterfly vs Monster Devil and Blerch. (haha, typed Bleach first time). But now the overlord Balrog here too, and the Bee and Butterfly keep losing. Blerch starts it. Devil pushes it along. Monster is what comes of it, Balrog is how I deal with it. My mental demons. Last night after Dr W and a bad test results I went off the rails. Again. Test result was just an excuse. But it drove me into Battle again and I lost. This really isn't the forum for this, but just want to capture  what I'm thinking because later down the road it will be hard to understand once the smoke clears.

5. I'm also not myself because of my gut issues. They drain me. They occupy my mind. They distract and take energy and sap my strength. So what to do about this?! I can't keep spinning the wheels, I've been doing that since March and it's taking a toll on me. I think I need to return to the SCD plan, sometimes I look at GAPS too, but that seems even more harsh. And how would I run 16 miles this weekend on that?

6. Balrog exposes my denial. Sometimes I don't see how this happens, but then once it's all laid out in front of me I'm surprised. Every time. How can I be so blind to it?  Umm. Blerch.

7. Wait, go back to #5. What's the plan here?! First off I'd like to have 7 normal days of no symptoms. Simple goal. Oh I'm losing my train of thought again. My stomach/gut hurts.

8. Go back to SCD for a week, get back on track. Get through the symptoms and get a clear head.

RUN COMMUTE!! May goals.

RUN COMMUTE 4.6 miles 48 minutes inbound, ave HR 145, cad 171
RUN COMMUTE 4.4 miles 48 mins outbound, ave HR 135, cad 169

We had a t-storm overnight so woke up to no power. Downed tree in alley near Oregon. This was nice, kinda helped a few goals along. No tea, so drank a few glasses of water and did that first thing. Stayed (kinda) away from phone since it didn't fully charge overnight. And was able to sleep in and rest since run commuting doesn't need quite so much time as train+shower+ride.

So a quiet and dark morning with the dog. Ate oatmeal with butter, banana, yogurt.  Probably too much? Walk the dog in the post-rain atmosphere -- raindrops on leaves and for the dog lots of smells.

Enough small talk, get to the run! I had shorts on with a light long sleeve, but changed to capri tights thinking I'd be cold. Duh. No surprise I was overdressed in a few mins. I had the Camelbak with clothes and lunch packed in, didn't feel to comfy but I lived.

There's construction on I-44 (still ongoing, since last summer...) and after having been detoured on yesterday's bike commute to Vandeventer I knew to avoid that area for chance it was still closed. I took Compton past the old house (my irises getting ready to bloom), through the old neighborhood (the dog park bushes now obscure the fence), and around the water tower on my old route. Cross I-44 at Grand, Lafayette to TGA, to work. 4.6 miles that felt waaaaay harder than it should have.

ETA outbound run. I'm surprised  my HR was so much lower in this run, so going back to look at graphs...it seems my HR was just as high if not higher on the second outbound run, but I walked more and maybe that lowers the average? I did walk more, but not a lot. Maybe a total of a block or two or three summed up? My calf and feet muscles felt fatigued from the Tuesday run still. I might have been better hydrated in the afternoon, I drank a LOT during the day. YAY for run commuting!

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May Goals. You know me and my goals. It's May, and I love me some alliteration. And I love 8's, so I've got 8 M's to work on. My Monster is still here, last night was a WTH type of night. I've had lots of ideas that I keep putting off for no good reason. I'll come up with "Start Today" thing and drop it soon enough. Here goes, no particular order.

1. Monster. Nuff Said.

2. Meditation. Put down the damn phone, turn off the podcast, and enjoy some quiet time. And make it a positive meditation, less mental meandering into the dark side.

3. Muscles. Get back on the strength training train. And it can be flexibility, foam rolling. Could also call this movement, but then I'd just run more miles.

4. Mental. SO talked last night about being at the gym to exercise mental discipline. I actually put this to use on the run in today. I pushed through with a mind over matter "don't walk keep running" and it worked.

5. Miles. Duh. Training plan starts this week. This one obvi.

6. Minimal. Doing my Minimalist Game through May, this morning I threw out a random orange straw that fell out of a silverware drawer. Hope I didn't need it for something...

7. Monk. Get simple. Clear the clutter of phone, brain, stuff, thoughts, etc. Mostly I mean to get off the phone, get away from the counter. Maybe call this Mindfulness?

8. Monarchs! The butterflies will be here soon, get out in the garden for some combination of quiet, phone free, meditative, non-monstery, movement to clear the head.

Peer pressured into short loop; Dr W update

RUN 5 miles in 50 mins, ave HR 138, cad 170

Took a parking lot loop to get it done :)

Me, EW, IT, and BE post-rain. A perfect morning to run if you don't mind a few wet toes. BE has race coming up Saturday, I'm already high mileage this week, EW usually runs short if she can, IT usually runs long. BE and I didn't mean to but kept pulling off the front, we'd turn back a few times to get back with IT and EW.

I'm having trouble typing this. Mind fog.

I would have run long, it's only another mile, that would have left me at 20 miles in three days. I was feeling good but the effort seemed awful high for the pace. Besides I have next week to cram 20 miles into 3 days. By going short and only 5 today, that still gives me 19 miles.

At the zoo cut-off, we decided we'd all run short but not turn until the Jewel Box. Once there, I said I'm willing to go long... but that I was peer pressured into going short cuz everyone else was. haha.

Felt great, can still feel the Tuesday run drill session in my calves.
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A follow up with Dr W at St Mary's, I was a bit nerved up about this. First off my eye still looked like hell and I had more petechiae on my neck, face, and chest. (More on this later, or tomorrow). She asked if I had GI specialist, said I should follow up, I nodded but internally knew I wouldn't. She asked about activities, I estimated 30-35 miles running and 100 miles biking a week. She seemed OK with it. As for my questions:

--Swimming seems to leave me out of breath and high HR, is this OK to train with. Yes.
--Weigh lifting? No crossfit type stuff, keep it high rep and low weight
--Hot weather running? Is OK, but can't overdo it
--How high is too high HR? She said 85% of max, or 150 bpm. Hmmmm....
--What do I tell others who are worried about me? No real answer here, and I don't blame her for this. She admits to not being able to give a solid answer, and I guess I really didn't want a solid answer so much as I just wanted to here "you're OK, it might happen again, but you're OK". This would be so good to hear.