2017 Summary

There's really not much to summarize, this will be very different from 2016!

No races, no travel. I'd be happy for the money saved, except I blew all of it and more meeting deductibles ($1500 and $3000). I ran up to the end of March at which point I finally saw Dr L, a few short runs before surgery in Sept, and now a few times in December. Tried twice to establish a swim habit. Once stopped because of my back, second because it got cold outside. Don't like swimming in the cold, even if I'm swimming indoors! :)

Biked to work through the year, except in Sept/Oct while healing the hip. Started logging walking after surgery so I could track increases and improvements.

SWIM 43600 yards in just under 18 hours
BIKE 633 miles in 57 hours
RUN 306 miles in 56 hours
BIKE COMMUTE 1595 miles (seriously?!) 
WALK 120 miles since surgery

Not logging the elliptical or strength sessions. They're really tiny on the pie chart.

Bird stayed on the trainer all year, with a worn-out retired tire worn smooth. Frea was stuck in the basement with flat tires, still with B2B stickers on the down tube. All the outdoor miles on Puppy. My Camelbak in storage along with all the other gear. Closeby is all the nutrition sugar I may end up throwing away. I have a new Garmin!

I first say Dr L for the hip/back in early April, and then started working with LH at ElitePT from April through June, at which point it was decided that PT wouldn't be sufficient and surgery needed to be considered. After seeing two surgeons, I picked the runner of of the two for surgery in Sept. After 2 weeks recovery I worked with JB at ElitePT from then through the end of the year. I still see Dr L weekly, recently testing out 10-14 day intervals, with success. By all accounts, the surgery improved things, but as I type this on Jan 4th, I still feel pains and tightnesses. The surgeon said this could happen for a few months, but it still grates on my obsessive-type worrying and thinking.

I spent the entire year No Sugar, No Grains. No Life Into Living as Vinnie would say. Started Keto in late November/early December. With these changes, I'm finally expanding my limited food choices and am symptom free for what I think is the first time in my life.

I'm impressed that I managed that much swimming. The biking was indoors but also Monday group rides in TGP with BE, IT, and sometimes JA. Running will get better, need time :)  Bike commuting, just 5 miles short. Oh well. It's probably mixed into the BIKE segment.

Great year, given the circumstances. Remember back in Sept after surgery when I got on the exercise bike and 12 mph was too fast? When I didn't want to go to the pool, but did and look how far I got --43.6K yards.

 And that walking? Yeah, in all the miles covered on foot the doggie and I found $11.96 in coin and $47 in paper! Really! Not gonna divide that out into money/mile. Or expect to find that much next year too!

ETA: And how could I forget to mention the eclipse this August! I'm getting ready to hit the Print button for the 2017 book and in looking for pictures I realized I didn't mention this. The eclipse was transcendental, I still get chills thinking back on it. Still have the images on my phone and computer screen. Still think that like the sun I eclipsed this year, a brief period of hiding before re-emerging.

In a way, coming out of my chrysalis.

Mental shit from 2017

Last thoughts on the year.

I kept having odd moments, when doing something other than running, where my mind would jump to a trail. Brushing my teeth, mind goes to that long slow climb on Hamburg. Walking the dog, mind goes to Greensfelder. Over and over and over again.

This mental shift wasn't always pleasant. Sometimes it was anxiety-inducing. A shot of adrenaline. It made me feel alone. I'm not sure what caused this, but I have some ideas.

One idea is the stress caused from the last few months of 2016 training. I was mostly running alone with only a podcast to keep my company. (I can't remember right now were TV was, except he was on a different 100 schedule, did he have an injury?). At the same time I wanted to be alone. I wanted only that non-dynamic won't-reply voice in my head. I was pushing hard to run, compelled to run even through the injury pains in the hip and shin. It was a sort of damaging therapy?

Another idea is that I'm afraid of never getting back to them again? Do I miss them? Not sure about this, I definitely needed a break from them after 2016. I wouldn't call this a yearning feeling, like I'm feeling the pull to return to the trails or an acute loss. That's not quite the description I'd give this.

I do want to go back, I do miss them. The trees. Dappled shade. The corner you can't see around. The feeling of descending a hill, pushing uphill, the feeling of having accomplished something. That I'm lacking right now.

The memories from last fall aren't always pleasant. There were some moments....won't define or describe them more. I know what they were. M was involved....

But sometimes while washing dishes I can see the trail ahead of me, I can feel the summer heat and weight of the camelbak. Like a burn on the retina. Like a track that I get on that holds me and leads me.

2017 Songlist

Short list this year as I didn't have much exposure to new music or events to inspire them.

Telephone by Lady Gaga. "Stop callin', stop callin', I don't wanna talk anymore!". Gaga seems to always ends up on a songlist. One of my goals this year was to quit spending so much wasted time on my Blerch. Took most of the year!

Broken Halos by Chris Stapleton. "We're not meant to know the answers, they belong to the by and buy". My injury song for the year. I had to learn to quit looking backwards to understand why things happen the way the did, and look to the current moment for solutions, and to the future for inspirations.

Riptide by Taylor Swift (cover). "I just gotta, I just gotta know, If you're gonna, if you're gonna stay." I first found the original version but like her cover better. Found in a YT video, there's a trend here as I filled running time with Blerch time. Bouncy and random, it stuck with me a few weeks of wondering what the rest of the year would be without my beloved training.

I Don't Know My Name by Grace VanderWaal. "I am lost, trying to get found, in an ocean of people". Really an odd one found during a late night YT surf (reference Telephone song...). Kind of a raw song, unpolished, really young singer from a TV show. Hence the "odd" designation. I felt lost without my running and the social group I have with it. This just spoke to that feeling.

Skinny Love by Birdy (cover)."Come on skinny love, just last the year". Another one from YT, what the heck? Like the lyrics say, just last the year. And that became my focus. Just get through what I needed to, in order to start again next year.

Rainbow by Kesha. "I know that I'm still fucked up, but aren't we all my love? Darling, our scars make us who we are". Dug this song in the weeks before the surgery, played it from the phone while biking. I have a memory of riding home on Arsenal, in the middle of the empty street, singing along outload with the sun rising ahead of me.

One by Johnny Cash (cover). "We're one, but we're not the same. We hurt each other, then we do it again". Post-surgery, overheard at PT. I was in a mental low, battling Monster and wondering about depression. Self sabotage seemed the trend. And yet another cover song?

Run by George Straight. "Baby Run, cut a path across the blue sky". This was supposed to be in the 2016 Songlist, but I left it out. Good thing because it fits better here. In mid December I got the permission to get on the Return To Running protocol. Need any more explanation than that for this song!?

Christmas to New Years, holiday week summary

Not much to summarize. I ran at the Y Saturday before the drive home on Sunday. Monday was Christmas! The rest of the week was rest (too much sitting), walking indoors (too much treadmill), and pork belly (never too much of that!).

I got a treadmill run in Tuesday, but then on Wednesday my lower back started some fatigued/spasm/locking feeling and I held off to rest. Also the hip flexors were irritated, the sitting maybe? Even the lateral surgery site ached for a day.

I maintained my keto! That wasn't at all hard like I feared. Plenty of pork belly, bacon from extra pork belly, then mom's rib roast. Had some fruit on Christmas, that's about it. Also mostly stuck to the 16:8 as best I could.

Sooooo relaxing to be at home. It was bitter cold, usually under 0F the whole week, and I didn't get outside much. Got to see JG for dinner on Friday, met DK for lunch on Thursday, played Puppy-poly with Gramma and the kids Friday. Yay! That's all it's own type of healing.

I came back to STL on Saturday, woke up Sunday on NYE to a frozen water pipe in the kitchen. Woke up the next day to both of them being frozen.

Week 14, gait analysis, solstice, bone scan, pre-holiday

Monday BIKE COMMUTE 9.4 and RUN 0.7
Tuesday BIKE COMMUTE + TGP 5 miler
Wednesday PT and RUN gait analysis 0.7 miles, and BIKE COMMUTE
Thursday ELLIPTICAL 34 mins and SWIM 23 mins and 1000y
Friday PT and?

Writing this on Friday, so don't know yet!

Monday I ran OUTDOORS and loved it. Just around BP. It's unseasonably warm so I couldn't resist the temptation. Felt great, HR was below MAF (although that wasn't a target) and cadence was 168. Kinda low.

Tuesday, extra bike miles instead of gym ratting :)  Noted that Puppy's chain was slapping the stay due to slack in the upper chain. Dr Google says free hub sticky.

Wednesday gait analysis! 6-7 min run trying to run normal under observation. JB noted slow cadence 164-165 and lots of hip/pelvic movement. More details later. Also got ASTYM, petichial bruising was immediate! More colors came later. The treatment was for that painful feeling I have from medial quads down to the knee. Especially when I step up on to something, it feels weak so I don't know if it's mental or physical.

Thursday I finally broke the bad no-swim streak! And my first keto swim. (Oh and finally confirmed that I'm in ketosis with my new meter). I did elliptical and almost talked myself out of swimming. But remembered it was the solstice and wanted to reverse this bad course. Glad I did, felt good and hit my goal of 1 hr at the gym. No bike commute, as Pupps gets dropped off to BigShark. Then off to West Co for my bone scan. Spine improved 4.8% (is that a meaningful measurement?) and hip about the same.

Friday PT and some gait analysis results: Lots of hip tilting on both sides, pronation on both feet especially right side, left elbow comes too far back across towards midline and too high, legs seem to be too close (like my knees could bump). Eeek!  More details next year. Then ASTYM, then off to Dr L for a back-to-back session. I wondered what he'd say about ASTYM bruising (I hear he's not a huge fan, and it's not recommended to pile these soft tissue treatments up on each other) but he didn't note it. I mentioned odd feeling in back of right side ribs (Low "C+" thoracic rotation) which he worked on. He's quite amazing at quickly locating The Spot that hurts! That improved quickly. Then I mentioned the gait analysis and he checked the C5/C6 region, again found The Spot and ZING down the arm through the nerves! Ow, but cool how that works. We discussed this pile-up of injuries, his theory at first was that my body is overworked. I mentioned the Disney and nutritional issues, and he agreed -- my body just couldn't keep up. And we think I should be pulling out of the hole here soon.

Probably won't get to update this until next year or late December. I leave Sunday the 24th for home! The plan is to keep up a daily run or swim workout, have a PT exercise and plyo plan, Keep On Keto'ing, and get as much family time as possible!

Week 13: The Return To Running!

Monday BIKE COMMUTE 9.4 miles and walk
Tuesday Elliptical 15 mins (all the time I had) and 13 week surgical follow-up!
Wednesday PT and 10' elliptical
Thursday RUN on treadmill, 7x 1 min intervals of run/walk
Friday elliptical 10 mins and BIKE COMMUTE
Saturday RUN as on Thursday, total 30mins and 2.4 miles of run and walk mixed
Sunday nothing


Monday, FINALLY biked in with my new windshell pants. Warm and windy today, think this week is up/down temps so it's good that I took away that excuse to not ride the bike. Takes away some walking though, as walking to the truck was 1.2-1.3 miles.

Tuesday, I had planned to go to the gym for a full workout of elliptical a/o treadmill and pool, but didn't get there. Woke up dragging mentally, this continued all day. Ugh. Actually took a nap around 2pm at my desk! Dr L appt in the morning - he mentioned the perseverance of 100 mile runners and PhDs - kept this in mind as I tried to persevere through this drag-out day (and I should mention it was a 23:1 day but I woke up feeling like crap so I can't entirely blame that). We discussed the SI-joint, he said it's not supposed to move and flex, and the fact that it is prolly means something above it (lumbar) or below it (hip) isn't moving as it should. Minor work on my lumbar and hip, and out the door!

Deserving of it's own paragraph -- my follow up with Dr P-G went great. She really stressed taking care of the still-sore-sometimes hip flexor (rectis something.or.other) but GO AHEAD AND TRY RUNNING! If I wasn't so mentally gassed I probably would have run the rest of the evening! YAYAYAYAYAY! Much emphasis on paying attention to the type of pain -- rehab or injury; taking it slowly and having patience; the likelihood that it will still have pain symptoms for 2-3 months but that's OK; the importance of sticking to the progression. Aye Aye Captain! No problems there. I didn't wait this long to f^ck it up now by hurrying. She also said to try running and make sure I can make progress there before working with Jeff Huse, as per the plan with JB and Dr L.

Wednesday, a FACS day and sadly warmer outside, I didn't get to bike commute. Of course tomorrow will be colder, but really now is 39F a deal breaker? Um.....yeah? LOL Full PT this morning and plans with JB to get a gait analysis before xmas!

Thursday RUN has it's own post :)

Friday JB and I went through the plyometrics and warm up protocols. I did the harder PT exercises but it wasn't a full round. She suggested making an A and a B schedule of exercises to build into the whole routine.

Saturday another RUN on the treadmill, this time after the full dynamic WU on the little track at the gym. I went a full 30 mins, 10 min WU walking, 14 min intervals, then CD. I found it funny that the distance was 2.4 miles -- the IM swim distance. The walking segments were "aggressive" paced as per protocol. This would have been hard to do on sidewalks, and especially with the dog.

Sunday, the goal was a 1 hr bike ride bc it was warm out, but I lost all momentum early in the day and felt soooooo tired. Wasn't a good day overall. Went to bed around 6pm, slept two hours, awake for 1.5 hours, then slept through to 6am! Guess I needed it?

The first outdoor run, under a New Moon

RUN! 7x of 1 min run and 1 min walk, total time was 12 mins and distance 1 mile
BIKE COMMUTE 9.4 miles

Oh my this was delish. WONDERFUL. I did a walking WU walking the dog, then my dynamic WU in the house, then took off out the door! Just like the old days :)

I kept it simple and close to home just in case something happened. As with the treadmill runs, running felt less pained than walking, but even then the pain was minor. As I came up along the north edge of BP, I mentally went back to one of the last pre-surgery runs I did and the pain I was feeling.

No pain in bike commute (none different, anyway, from last week). What I note overall is that the hip feels "weak" in step-ups. Like it's really tired.

Walked for 3-5 mins as instructed, then ended it with 10 mins of foam rolling. Really gotta stick to the pre and post WU and CD.

And happily the Garmin accurately recorded HR and cadence! YAY! Of course this is just one test, but I'm encouraged.

Walking cadence about 120, run cadence just under 170 (so a bit low).
All HR under my MAF, which of course I'm going to adhere to as I build up.

Baby RUN

RUN 7 minutes, just under 0.7 miles probably
(as an aside, this run wasn't fast, but it was fasted. A 23:1 day too!)

OMG it's here! I ran!! It wasn't much but it was wonderful.

Walking the dog this morning, the hip flexor hurt. Not a terribly painful hurt, more like it was enough that I noticed it and wondered if running would be a good idea. I decided to just keep the morning rolling and see how it felt once moving and warmed up.

And in reading that protocol, I learned that there's a Level I Plyometrics phase that I should complete before the running program! Ladders, hops, stuff like that. I'll learn more tomorrow at PT.

I forgot to bring home the printed run protocol with the warm-up directions, so I did what I honestly remembered (sooo tempting to skip and get to the good stuff). I did the knee-hug/calf raise, the in/out heel taps, glute kicks, and.... can't remember. I did this on the little track at the gym. Next time I'll go downstairs if the gym is open. The track has uneven surfaces.

Then to the treadmill. I did a walking warmup and on minute 3 I ramped up to a run pace, easy at just under 5.0. The subsequent minutes were at or near 6.0, or a 10 min/mile pace.

The minutes went by so fast! My garmin was reading HR of 140 while I was walking so I don't have the HR data I wanted.

It hurt too during the warm-up, but not surprisingly didn't hurt while running! I was very sensitive to my run form during the intervals: my shoulders, did my left one dip? my arms, do they swing out too far? And I think my right knee is dipping inwards (turns out it does this during lunges, so I'm more aware of it now). I kept thinking ahead to the upcoming gait analysis, how will it look? Can I get a copy to watch over and over and over?!

I'm thinking that in the xmas cards this weekend, I'll exclaim JOY over today. Er, maybe not. So few would understand, LOL.

But happy happy joy joy!!

Week 12: Keto!

SUMMARY: 22.8 miles walked and only 1 bike commute on Monday. The only warm day of the week!

I'm not going to go into a day-by-day for this week. I didn't swim, bike, commute, nothing.

On sunday I started a keto induction (or maybe it was saturday....) either way I was awake and functioning just not on a high level. Ha, and I'm doing this for energy. The weather turned COLD and I wasn't ready for that. Spoiled by 60F days, so when it went to 20-30 I drove to work instead.

Also my 12 week follow up with Dr P-G was rescheduled into next week, I didn't see Dr L, so I only have JB/PT updates.

I got a new list of exercises! Lots of lunges, I think 100 on each leg with varying types. It's a workout, and I like it, but I'm not doing them everyday. That would wear me out and burn me out.

I entered keto around Thursday, as judged by simple measures. Nothing exact, so on Friday I ordered a meter. Splurge! Guess that means I'm serious about this? I'm feeling great, which makes me wonder if I'm "in" or "out. Thinking too much.

So week 12 happened, but not much happened in week 12.

Week 11: bike commuting!

Monday BIKE COMMUTE! 5x5 and HIIT
Tuesday Elliptical 15 min, treadmill 15 min brisk, SWIM 40' 1600y, BIKE COMMUTE 2 miles
Wednesday BIKE COMMUTE, 10' ellip at PT, 5x5 session, walk 1.8 miles
Thursday SWIM 40 1650 yards, BIKE COMMUTE, walk 3.3 miles
Friday 10' elliptical and 2 miles walking
Saturday 4 miles walking
Sunday BIKE 1hr and 14 miles, 2.8 mile walk


Monday was a gorgeously warm day, up to 70F! Biking in felt wonderful, biking home even more so. No issues at all with hip, hitting bumps and standing on the pedals feels better than it did a few weeks ago but I'm still limiting it. I was amused by all the changes that have occurred on my route in the past 11 weeks. TGA has a lane change at the Magnolia intersection, the MoBot building is taking shape (a modern shape, unfortunately), and the old Kaufmaff Heating building is under remod. I finally set up the weight bench I got in my swap with TV. I was waiting to clear some space for it, but enough waiting. It took some figuring, and I don't have it all figured yet. But I got to use my ratchet set :)  I found a 5x5 Stronglifts app (5 sets of 5 reps with simple bar exercises) and I also found a 30 days of HIIT guide. So I did both today, see how that feels tomorrow! Week 2 day 1 of the Keto experiment. Today I got 66g carbs, -18 for fiber. Felt OK.

Tuesday is another gorgeous day. And what a morning. First off I slept awful last night. Didn't fall asleep sound until after midnight. When the alarm went off at 4:45am it was too soon. Not sure why I kept waking up? Too much phone before bed? Too much activity? (Don't think so, I've biked on trainer before bed). Kombucha with caffeine? Dunno. I made it to the gym at 6:51 which is 10 mins earlier than expected. Elliptical, backwards walking on treadmill, brisk 15 mins on treadmill, then swim -- longest distance and time yet! Left gym barely on time, hit traffic all the way out to Dr L and I was 5-10 mins LATE. Stress. For the 3rd week in a row, I was bottom of the sign-in list of patients, Dr L said "we've seen 24 people so far, started at 5am". Compared to what I've done since 5am....So on top of being late, I forgot to bring in my 'Dr L' change of clothes into the gym but I was wearing leggings and I hadn't shaved, so I hoped this was OK. Nope, he had me change in to a "borrowable" pair of running shorts. Nuts. Good news -- I'm maintaining and can move to every 2 weeks!! Awesome hip flexor ROM, he worked on the hip capsule (under surgery site) and I was done. Running so late, it was now 10am. Drove to FP, missed a turn, drove through the Muny lot and thought I should just park there because who knows my usual FoPa parking could be full this late in the day. Ugh, nope, construction blocked all the spots. And by this time I had consumed most of my 1L of water and I HAD TO PEE. And DaveK back home got a text about all this when he asked how my day was going. In good news, I held to my 10am (16 hrs) goal, had a 500 meal, and I'm feeling good. At this rate, I can stop doing weekly updates, go back to daily?

Wednesday PT, did elliptical instead of bike because I planned to bike commute later. Didn't get much walking in, but did get my 15 stair flights. All PT exercises felt easy, so JB is going to revamp my list for Friday. Nice December 1st coincidence :)

Thursday It only occurred to me as I typed it that I was 20 yards away from 1 mile!!! Can I call it a mile anyway?! That was a November goal...my watch read 1700 but it stumbles on kick board laps. I skipped the elliptical and walked the dog instead for 1.3 miles this morning. Figured I'd be indoors when the weather started to get worse and this morning was calm and quiet and relatively warm. I arrived early for the swim and the master's class was still going. Anton got me into the 5th lane, the last lane where the classes are usually held. There was one other head-phone wearing swimming with a super wide form and a tendency to swim towards the middle of the lane. We made contact a few times, one instance he contacted twice -- hand and foot!On top of that, this is the worst lane to swim in at this pool. I'm not sure of the physics behind it, but something about the L-shaped area. Maybe it focuses waves like a narrowing of a river or channel? And the wall that appears half way into the lane, if you're trending towards the lane line you'll hit your right hand into the wall! And how do I know this....? I rarely swim in this lane, and I can recall a swim years ago, probably 2012, when I was swimming with an ankle injury and pulled a long 2-3k yard swim. Partway into my swim, we got a 3rd swimmer, circled until Mr Headphones finished. With 3 of us I pulled more than I planned on doing so I could keep a consistent pace. In the end, my back isn't happy. Not sure if it's the swim or the 5x5 weights last night. (5 sets of 5 reps of 50lb squat and 45lb overhead press). Hip feeling good, but realized this morning that I don't feel muscular pain or fatigue like JB warns me about. She says that's OK, but other pain isn't. Is my hip flexor pain considered "muscle pain"?  Good question for tomorrow. My hip flexor pain is getting better, but not as fast as I'd like it to.

The rest of the week -- I'm writing this up over a week afterwards, week 12 isn't even a draft post yet.
We had some gorgeous weather and I got out to bike in TGP for a hour on Sunday. See this coincided with a keto induction, I think that distraction and energy sap killed off my chattiness :)

Week 10. More ASTYM and Thanksgiving

Monday ASTYM, PT, walking, 20' indoor bike

Tuesday 30 of elliptical, 30' SWIM 1250y, walking
Wednesday 10' bike at PT and drive home
Thursday 2x30' indoor bike
Friday 30' each of elliptical and SWIM
Saturday 40' bike indoor
Sunday 3x20' bike indoor

I'm not very detailed, I wish I was. As I'm doing things I think that I'd like to write it down but then I don't. It's either  unimportant or I'm just lazy.

Monday was a re-scheduled PT due to holiday. JB did ASTYM again and said things felt much better this 2nd time. Previously my hip around surgery area, lateral calf, and knee all caught her attention. Bruising more prominent today! I've added a mid-day walk in the 'smoker's park' and I did 2x 6 floors of stair climbing. That all felt good.

Tuesday to Dr L who saw me walk in with my mild limp. He found the usual tight hip capsule a little more tight than usual, and did some deep work on psoas (he said it was 'horrible', and his hands were cramping!). I think he was competing with JB for bruising. Mo' Bruising, Mo' Betta? The elliptical felt great, aside from boring and the guy who decided that out of 10 empty machines he needed the one next to me, then proceeded to go-really-fast while leaning on the screen and/or handles, and exude bad breath all over. Ugh. The pool was with my new suit!! Yellow and black with gold and black new helmet. I was all color coordinated -- blue flip-flops, kickboard, pull buoy, and goggles; bee colored cap and suit. I'm working on dropping the pull buoy, focusing on form and kick. Felt good. Note to self -- 34 is maybe too small for some swimsuit brands. 

In other news I've dropped the now-awful Podcast app from my phone and I'm testing another app. My left eye and side of face has developed a twitch, gets worse when I try to move my lips (eating, talking, etc). I'm planning my menu for the holiday and getting frustrated, would be easier to just bring my own and forget about it. Oh, and see Keto post! Started that yesterday. That was among the things that I wish I was more detailed about.

THANKSGIVING Went great! Hard to keep Keto but I did my best. I also got what exercises in that I could, no walking but lots of indoor biking. I think Mom's bike doesn't fit good for my hip, had some issues with a "ping" feeling, like it needed to pop. Such a short trip, it always seems that way. Drove back Sunday, and to my surprise the drive felt Ok on the hip.

Week 9: ASTYM and OUTDOORS (not at the same time)

Monday visit with M&D, not even PT exercises
Tuesday, Dr L but didn't do PT exercises! SWIM 1200y 30'
Wednesday PT with 10' bike, 5' elliptical; 1.5 mi outside with Puppy, 20' indoor bike
Thursday 30' elliptical; SWIM 1200y in 30'; 1.5 mi outside with Puppy
Friday PT and extra 20' ride at home that night
Saturday BIKE ~9 miles 40' to TGP and around neighborhood!!
Sunday WALK 2 miles in am, 1 mile in pm. "brisk" was goal.

Hard to log all these little sessions. I'm counting but not logging walks here too.

Monday was Dad's appt. We finished the deck in the morning. I didn't mention this in last week's post but most of the deck was done on Sunday and I'm super happy to report that carrying the lumber, bending over to work, and climbing up and down the steps did NOT leave me in pain. I was careful and didn't exceed limits. I also didn't do any extra PT exercises.

Tuesday was 30' swim and 5' elliptical before Dr L appt. I had full range of motion and maintained my lower lumbar back measurements! Apparently, my body likes to do work :)

Wednesday was busy! Up to PT, get Puppy from Big Shark, then work. At work I did a 1 mile "brisk" walk and a 1x 6 floors stair climb. Then went home for more bike indoors. I was feeling it in the hip flexor.  I talked with JB at PT -- she said not doing exercises was right thing to do, try icing the leg before bed to see if the night pains change, and otherwise doing good. No new exercises today.

Thursday I was 20' late to gym but pushed through to get it all done. So when I go home, I'm done, assuming I do my final lunge exercises at work as planned. ....hint.....

Friday PT with ASTYM! JB did this for the medial hip flexor that seems to be what keeps me up at night. And OUCH but YAY I slept and did feel better. Plastic blue torture devices. Didn't do much else today.

Saturday YAY outdoors with Puppy like a real ride. Shoes and all. No problems, no pains beyond the expected. There was a storm front moving in, as I finished the last half mile it was raining. But the fall colors were so gorgeous, the storm clouds a pretty contrast. Had lunch with EC, TG, and TH. Temp dropped 30F over the course of the day.

Sunday took the dog to Grand and back for a Basset-Brisk walk, meaning kinda brisk but a lot of pauses. Rest of the day I rested and got stuff done in the garden, yard, and house.

Things are feeling good, and much better after ASTYM. Will look at Garmin to see if it captured improved sleep. Lifting the leg (like to get into the truck or bed) has improved over the past week, but still pinching.

Week 8! Bring out the bike!

Monday BIKE 15 mins and 3.6 miles outdoors
Tuesday SWIM 1000y and 25 mins, 2 full laps of kick board, breathing exercises
              ELLIPTICAL (does that deserve all caps...?) 20 mins w/ 2' intervals
Wednesday Indoor biking and strength training
Thursday ELLIPTICAL 25 mins and 2 miles (longest yet)
             SWIM 30 mins and 1200y (longest yet) Whoop!
Friday 10' bike and 5' elliptical at PT
Saturday 25' elliptical and SWIM 15 mins 750y?
Sunday nothing, not even exercises, worked on deck


Monday I drove partway to work (my usual free parking near the dog park) then rode Puppy the rest of the way, and added in some FoPa loopage to test the hill. I think I can park in FoPa instead and get the better riding there instead of doing trainer rides indoors. Goal is to build up to riding the entire commute distance, this will take time especially since there's a secondary build in two weeks when I get to wear biking shoes. Not used to being unclipped, that's probably more dangerous for me! It was cold out, upper 40's, my hands got cold but I told them to STFU and enjoy the ride :)  My hip did hurt a bit after this. Also adding in a few flights of stairs at work today, start with 3x 2 floor and see how it goes. It will help that I'm not walking the 0.7 miles each way to the truck when I have the bike. Good trade off.

Tuesday Prior to Dr L appt I got in 20' elliptical and 25' swim. My goal was a 1200y swim but silly delays lost time. I couldn't find my cap and goggles, asked Anton about a lost/found or back-up to borrow, dug around in the room, then found my stuff inside my shower bag. Oops. Good swim, but my technique is sloppy. I found a website with 100 swim workouts, I need some variety so I'm using these to build sessions. Dr L appt went good, worked on back and hip as usual. Said my back is still building strength, but it also seemed to me that things aren't improving or changing and something else needs to be done.

Tuesday bonus. It's colder out but sooooooo beautiful with all the fall colors!

Wednesday PT with JulieB, then at home 30' min on the bike and 20 mins of dumb bell strength training. To the Marvel Comics Ultron movie :)
JB thought I might be able to run a fall marathon in 2018!! Race calendar time!
Dropped Puppy off at BS for a fall tune up. Puppy has needed attention since ...oh...about April when he was previously in for a tune up. That's when the RandomAssShifting started, half and double shifts at whim. And that bump in the rear tire, I'm sure it's an easy fix but it wasn't easy for me.

Thursday Low energy morning transformed into good by an hour at the gym. Longest elliptical and pool sessions yet! And 5 mins of backwards treadmill walking between them. Not really counting that into my hour. So does that mean I'll do 5' of indoor biking when I get home? Probably. Zippo to do today at work, that's been the trend all week. Not happy about it. Energy suck.

My back "pinged" in the pool today, the upper left posterior hip feeling. I think that's the first time I've felt it swimming. Started late, after the kickboard laps. Keep an eye on it. Remembered today that swimming hurt before the surgery, so another positive-- my hip doesn't hurt while swimming! But my neck...my neck not liking the alternate side breathing sets.

I pick up Puppy tonight, and in 1.5 hours I talk to my NSNG-VT!! Excited, nervous, have my notes ready. Report in tomorrow on it.

Friday, didn't get to picking up Puppy. Had PT and that was about it for the day.

Saturday elliptical and pool, but because I got  a late start to the morning I didn't get a full swim in. M&D coming to visit!!

NUMERICS (haven't done this in sooooo long!)
SWIM 2950y, 70'
BIKE 2.5 outside
RUN haha
WALK 10.5 (didn't log all)
ELLIPTICAL 75'

8 week post surgery summary

Quick overview of how I am at 8 weeks.

Walking mostly normal, when I sit for awhile there's a slightly pained stiffness to shake out. When I'm not careful, there's still a bit of guarding and/or limping. Still not walking "briskly" or "purposefully". That still hurts.

Biking started outdoors yesterday! Doesn't feel good yet and I'm really not ready for traffic. Distracted and guarding. The hip flexor doesn't appreciate the angles on the Puppy. That's fine, I'll rest it. Biking to/from the truck will reduce the walking by eliminating the 2x 0.7 mile walk to the parking I use.

Stairs are OK but fatiguing. JulieB pointed out that my down-steps can be lazy, my knee bends in. Need to focus on using the 4-5th toes so the hip muscles are engaged. So working on that. Today I'm adding in 3x 2-flights of stairs at work.

PT exercises are more "off the table" but still pretty tame. No lunges or jumps, most recently added in steps and weighted prone leg bends and lifts. No ladder drills yet. Soon. I hope.

I can move around much better, moving to sit on the floor still not easy but I think it's because I'm guarding. Not unreasonable, as it's still uncomfortable to do that motion. A tight discomfort.

Driving is OK as long as I assist the leg on the clutch and parking brake to minimize the hip flexor usage. Same goes for getting in/out of bed, putting feet up on couch to rest, and the like. There's still a pinchy feeling at the hip flexor.

Doing Dr L once a week on Tuesdays, Julie 2x a week on Weds and Thursday. PT at home the other 5 days.

Swimming now 3x a week, working up to 1200 yards/session this week. Still not climbing in/out of the pool from the deck, instead using the steps in and ladder out. And admittedly the ladder-out isn't a good selection for the hip flexor. Biking indoors 2x 20'day but that will change over to outdoor biking as I can. Doing elliptical for a few mins at PT and then 20' on swim days. My goal is 60' of activity (biking, swimming, elliptical, strength on some days) per day. That's pretty tame for me.

Sweeping the patio wasn't comfortable yesterday. Anything that twists the joint it seems does that. Same goes for crossing my legs, a habit I probably have broken by now. I dearly miss breaking a sweat, doing something rigorous and so far swimming is as close as I can get there. But I find that too much of that aggravates the SI joint in my hip as well as my lumbar region. And my neck. So I gotta balance that all out. Still don't like swimming though!

Overall, soooo happy to be biking, even if a short trip. Recovery really in fits and starts, ups and downs. Progress best measured week by week, instead of day by day. Repeating chores that I do once a week (like walking into Dr L's office) are my measures.

Week 7 post-surgery

Monday: 2x 20' trainer rides, cranked up to mid ring and adding higher RPMs
Tuesday 1x 15' elliptical with higher steps (setting of 2!) and higher RPMs
         SWIM 20' 800 yards as 4x 150P, 50S
Wednesday 10' bike and 5' elliptical at PT, then 15' strength and 25' bike at home
Thursday 15' elliptical then SWIM 25' 1050y, 2x50 kickboard
Friday 10' bike and 5' elliptical at PT, the 28' bike and 17' strength that night
Saturday 1.6 mile walk, first mile "brisk", SWIM 25' 1000y, 20' elliptical, 20' bike that night
Sunday BIKE 20 mins and 3.6 miles outdoors! 20'


Tuesday was Dr L visit, I have almost full ROM and thigh can move up to the ribs! He worked lower back, said the left hip ping feeling and femur ache are the SI joint. Gotta google that....    Also worked on the outer left hip area like he's been doing. Returned the rental car today! Mic and I tested a short trip in the truck Saturday and it seems OK. One month with that little car! Nissan Versa not my thing, but I'll miss being able to play pods and music off the phone.

November! Wednesday was a full workout at PT, no new exercises. Gotta say, I'm feeling good! Driving the truck going OK, I still lift my leg if I need to move it and I lift it for the parking brake. After a painful weekend I'm happy to report that my "during the day" discomfort is really reducing. Recovery seems to go in fits and starts. The strength was just the 5# weights, arm stuff and some abs. Just to get things moving. In some down time at work I started up a monthly calendar with starting, midpoint, and end of month goals. Color coded too. Bike indoor and outdoor, stairs at work, elliptical, swimming, brisk walking, and strength.

                           START                MID                                        END
Indoor                 2x 20'/day           increase time and gears        60' DVD session
Outdoor              ZERO!                Zero until here                       Really depends*
Stairs                  zero                  3x/day 3 flights                        3x/day 6 flights
Elliptical             3x/week 5' ez        build resistance and hill      Real 30' sesh w/ hills
Swimming          3x/w 20' 800-1000y   1 mile session                 Master's class 60' 2400+y 
Brisk Walking     easy now, ~2mi/d     Brisk to Compton (1mi)  Brisk to Grand (2mi)**     
Strength               1-2x/week 15'        depends on PT                   Solid habit 2-3x/w at gym

* Don't wanna set goals on this to push, lotsa potential for problems here given weather, pain levels, whether or not I feel in control of the bike
**JulieB says a brisk 2 mile walk (or was it 3...?) is a requirement before moving to the Return To Running Program. Right now I walk dog 0.5 in am, walk 1.5 to/from free parking, then another walk of less than 0.5mi in the pm. Hey....wait....just MMR'd this and found my Nebraska loop is 0.8 miles, the BP loop is also 0.8!! I though Nebraska was 0.5 miles loop. Hey, doing better than expected! Start going for more brisk?

Thursday OOOOOOOHHHHHH so warm out! 52F at 5am and up to the 70's today? OMFG Intellicast says 77F right now! Gotta walk outdoors! Anyway, up to some PT, then gym for 15' elliptical and 25' swim. Longest swim yet at 25' and 1050y, and 2 laps with the kickboard. My shoulders did worse than the hip. On the deck I talked to a guy I recognize from spin classes over the years (Mike) about the masters. I saw them Tuesday. Today they did at 2850y sesh (eek!) but he said the instructor (Sarah) is flexy and can help make a workout tailored to me as I rebuild. So I'm looking at Y masters as an end of month goal. Yay!

Friday was PT, one new exercise added and the prone leg lifts now have a 1lb weight added in. Can definitely move up on the poundage.

Saturday was a lazy day, I was up late Friday watching LOTR TTT, caught some full moon at 00:24, then slept in to get a minumum of 7.5 hours. Day went slow..... took the dog for a long walk of 1.6 miles (did 1 mile 'brisk'), then didn't get to gym until midday and didn't have a lot of motivation for anything. And some mental stress, a lonely depression feeling. Manifested badly :(  But not hurtfully.
That night was TV's bday celeb! I walked to it, enjoyed it and the dress code of race t-shirt and running shoes. Then home, then more badly. Ugh.

Sunday Gained an hour of sleep which is good because again I stayed up late to watch a Marvel Avenger's movie from the library. I was going to hike today but the that mental feeling was still there. Again, wasted a morning badly, got the bike ride in (a highlight of the weekend!!), but not much else. Just feeling lazy and tired. Weather was SUPER WARM and rain in the afternoon heralded the end of a warm spell.

At Sunday's end, my hip wasn't up for a hike anyway. A little hurtful and I'm going to guess it was the Saturday walk, elliptical, and swim builds. Careful!

Sis and family and town!

Weekend of fun with Sis' family. Marvel Comics show, City Museum, but I was good and didn't move around too much.

I slept with K on the futon, this was a not-so-great idea but I made it work. The futon pad isn't really "padding"! And my back was unhappy for it.

Symptom update:
1) Hip flexor down front quad: I'm actively resting it, picking up my leg and assisting
2) lumbar back easily gets tight, and I have a pain in upper left hip associated with the back.
3) lots of leg pain in left femur, best guess is related to #2
4) outer hip pain, trochanter? Achy, sometimes sharp pain.

Overall good, my back gets tired from walking and carrying a backpack. A tingling feeling in the mid region, right side.

Did as much PT as I could, only got in one 20' ride on the trainer.

Follow up with surgeon

Monday PT at home and 2x :20 bike, Dr L appt
Tuesday PT at home and 2x :20 min bike, surgeon appt
Wednesday PT in am, then nothing for my bday!
Thursday PT in am, gym 10 min each bike and elliptical, SWIM 5x 150P, 50S
Friday PT in am

Monday Dr L appt in the afternoon, a mixed up day, but good appt. He mentioned that my cerebellum will need to relearn walking and etc, love the casual science drops :D

Tuesday 6 week follow up with Dr P-G (I though for sure I was 7 or 8 weeks!). All great! She moved leg and hip around, noted the pain and said it's to be expected. I can bike!! Short and flat course, 8 week if unclipped, 10 weeks if clipped. I smiled the rest of the day for this news. Can work up to swimming without pull buoy. Next 6 weeks the focus is healing, being careful, resting, and normalizing. She also pointed out that I have to mentally relearn, in particular to NOT hesitating when I clip out while biking. She's right on that, I'll hesitate.

And kept the rental car for one more week, next Tuesday will be a month!

Wednesday, HAPPY BEEDAY! PT and three new exercises. Long day at work with FACS assay but otherwise a sunny warm gorgeous day. I walked too much, between parking meter payments and such, irritated my hip. Best part of day was hearing from family and friends :)

Thursday, yes I've irritated my hip, it hurt all day. Hip flexor as usual. Swim was great, slowed down a bit without the pull buoy, 21 mins down to 22, ha! My form is terrible, and this conclusion supported by observation that my lower back was also irritated today. Carrying a backpack, walking, could feel tightness, fatigue, and "pings" in the upper rear left hip. Iced in bed.

Friday (today!) At PT we discussed my fatigues and pains. Three new exercises -- step up and step down stuff. Bought a blue band as I've graduated from green on the hip bridges. She tested my back (do a hip bridge, then back down, then she felt pelvic bones for 'levelness'), and the left side was rotated back. She demonstrated an exercise to counter those muscles pulling it out of place.

Lots of commas today, too tired for full sentences?

My sis and her family coming down in a few hours!! WHOOP!!

Righting a wrong, pushing harder in more ways than one

SWIM ?? yards maybe 700?? In about... 15 mins?

Didn't time it. So it's funny that I'm posting this as SWIM instead of my recent casual listing, but then I didn't start my watch or keep count. That wasn't the goal.

This was a social swim with a new (old?) friend. Righting a wrong. Taking a step forward. Outward?

Eh, the Out thing. Not going there.

And I just remembered this coming week is Ace awareness week. Coincidence? Get your purp on. Also funny, I ordered some stickers last week and they should arrive later this week.

The swim felt great. There were 4 of us in the lane, much to the irritation of the first two swimmers. Haha, she was doing "intervals". And he had a wide unilateral kick and headphones. Yeah I could jumped to a lane nearby to spread out. I didn't. Ha!

This was my first real Workout in a long time. OK since Sept 10th. Heh, like the 9-10/9-11 news thing. Heart rate!!! Effort!!! Needed to rest!!! Yay!

Enjoyed the swim (my neck not quite as enthusiastic). And enjoyed the friend :)

Got a bit of an itch here.

For the first time in a long time, I surfed a few race info sites. Wandered into the Run 100's site, clickety-click here and clickety-click there. Hooo boy. Really don't think I'll be doing a 100 in 2018. Oh but to think....

TH is talking Texas in 2019. Oh but to think...

Monday Oct 16th I'm bumping up walking a bit, as walking suddenly feels really good. As in, I think I have less pain now that I did pre-surgery! It's tight when I stand after sitting but that works out relatively soon. And none of that popping it used to do. But I'm measuring in a period of inactivity, no biking and really reduced movement, so it's not the best comparison.

I have my new watch face app for Day and Night. Shows a STOP sign when I don't MOVE! enough. I'm actually happy to see it, means I'm sitting still. So tempting to wander out to smoker's park for a bit of a stroll, the weather is wonderful and sunny! I parked further away today as sort of a test, was suprised to find that it's 0.7 miles each way. Ooops, so I should reduce a bit on the bike and doggie walk tonight to accommodate that.

Tuesday, I think I walked too far yesterday, LOTS of left hip flexor pain from about 1am to 6am. Ugh. So I backed off today -- 10' ellitical, 20' swim (600y as 6x100 yay!), 20' bike in the pm. Parked closer. And kept the rental car for another week.

Wednesday, new PT exercises! 2x10 wall squats with yoga ball, 3x30s each single leg balance, 20x both then single leg heel-to-toe calf raises, and side-steps with yellow band at ankles. If something feels easy, we'll discuss Friday. I only did 10' bike in the morning, I parked further away again like Monday, so eased back on morning stuff. Plan is 15-20' bike in the pm along with 15-20' of stretch and weights.  ETA: did the 20' bike with 15' of arm stuff while on the bike. Things are feeling good, just the hip flexor pain when I try to use it. So don't use it!

Thursday, noted some discomfort (almost pain) last night but was OK overnight and into this morning. Still not sure what caused Tuesday morning's pain, as I walked a lot yesterday too. Today was 10' elliptical, 10' bike, 21' swim for 900y steady in the morning. All felt great!

Friday, PT included 10' bike and 10' elliptical. All felt great, getting new exercises.

Saturday, 23 mins swim 1000 yards! Still using the pull buoy so while I'm happy to be swimming like this, I realize this isn't reality. As soon as I drop the pull buoy I'll slow way down. Continued my streak of 40' of bike or bike/elliptical. Today was 10' bike, 10' elliptical, the swim, then later in the day 20' bike.

My Ta-Da for the week. And I need to quit limping!

Coming up on the end of week 5, progress report.

I swam!! OMG, right? I swam Tuesday afternoon and Thursday morning. Tuesday was 10 mins, just a test and all of 300 yards. Some aqua-jogging and walking. The life guard kept a close eye on me :)

Thursday was Anton and I made it more of a just-swim, no aqua-jogging. Some walking. 

I was using a pool buoy, not hurrying, not really setting a goal other than "get to the pool" and time, all accomplished. Towards the end of Thursday I started thinking about form, bilateral breathing, joining a master's class...

Got new PT exercises on Weds and Friday:

Weds: added clams with yellow band, hip bridges with yellow band, side planks, and prone knee bends. All felt good.

Friday (today): added hurdles (yay! I've been watching others do hurdles, my turn!), green band for hip bridges, cat/camel, and planks on knees. This too me seems a big step, I'm doing something off the PT table :)

Saturday I swam 20 mins and covered 500 yards with my new watch app. Let's not dwell on the fact that I can usually swim 1000y in 21-22 or so mins.

Sunday I did 10 mins of elliptical. Oh boy. So exciting. Better once you turn OFF the stupid telly screen shoved into your face on the new machines. I was OK forward, not so good doing a backwards stride. 

On  Wednesday TV and I were having lunch on the plaza and I saw my surgeon walk by. I walked up to her, focusing on being strong and walking good. She asked how long it's been, how I was doing, then said "you need to quit limping". HAHAHAHA!! I loved this, best admonishment.

So lately I've been focused on that. Walking. Seems so simple. And it really is when I stop thinking about it. So I'm adding that to my PT goals, walking. 

One month today!

Surgery now a full month behind me!!

Today so far better than yesterday, less lateral knee/IT pain and less surgical site discomfort. I'm working on walking the right way without a wobble or limp.

But now as of 2pm my lower back is pissed off, can't sit or stand without discomfort.

So now time for a Ta-Da list:
In the past month...  surgery and two weeks non-weight bearing, CMP machine and ice machine, up to 20 mins twice a day on The Bird with zero resistance, two weeks completed of PT, off crutches and able to walk the dog a few short blocks, now up to walking her twice a day, driving rental car (that's an accomplishment for me!).

My To-Do List:
For the next month...start swimming even if just 10 mins or just aqua-jogging, next week (6 weeks) start elliptical, strengthen back and pay more attention to posture and "time off" to rest that irritated nerve, build upper body strength as possible cuz I'm tired of feeling weak there, get to where I can walk dog more than a few blocks.

Fourth week, on my own now

First day was Saturday. TH had planned to stop by but her doggies were sick and they needed her more. I spend the day focused on being elevated, yet still moving around. Established habit of bike and PT twice a day. Bored but felt good to just relax.

Sunday TV and MP took poor Sugar to TGP for a walk. I was jealous! A lot like Saturday -- elevated and resting. My Dollar Store puzzle book seeing a lot of action

Monday I tried driving and going to work. I could only get a 2hr meter spot and refed it around midday. Four hours was well enough time, my back was quite unhappy. Sitting hurts the left outer leg just above the knee and standing aggravates my back. Home to get rid of the swelling.

Tuesday drove to Dr L who said my back needs to be unloaded, as in not sitting or standing. That's hard to do at work! But I'll do it. He worked on the back and leg. Scraped some adhesions in left hip flexor. Ooooh that's a special type of ouch. Only a 2hr meter again, and by two hours I was done anyway. And I needed to rent a car, so on the way home got myself a little black Nissan to drive until Sunday. $165!! Hope it's worth it.

Wednesday PT and discussion of the various aches and questions. Why the pain in left leg, lateral and just above knee? Guess is maybe irritation from a tourniquet used in surgery? Why the wobble in my walk -- gotta practice quad-glut-quad-glut. Why the pain in hip flexors overnight? Try doing some PT exercises instead of lying still, maybe being less still would help? Walking better when I put my mind to it. Gotta learn to walk before you can run! Iced before going to bed, haven't done this in a few days.

Thursday I didn't have hip flexor pain but did have lateral pain again. And I have a numb spot in right upper arm? Started Tuesday night when taking off my shirt -- a zinger of burning pain like something bit me. Last night I kept thinking a but was crawling on me there, that's when I realized I have lost some sensation. Huh?  Anyway, hip feeling good but tight. Didn't get all my PT finished this morning (just got the bike ride) so I need to double up tonight. Carefully!

Friday PT again, feeling some pain and discomfort while walking so I'm hesitantly walking.

Saturday met TH for brekkie! She encouraged me to swim, I said I'd do it. But by the time I was done at work I didn't go. Not feeling great, more pain and discomfort. Pain in left hip flexor, discomfort over surgical site, back, left knee lateral.

Sunday, more like Saturday. Some work then home to rest. I'm dedicating time off my feet, but not really "flat on my back" to take the pressure off the spine. I need to dedicate there. I talked to Dad in the evening, wasn't in a terribly positive mood. I realize recovery is Peaks and Valleys, I was in a valley.

Week 3 after surgery: big appointments week!

Back in STL for appointments with Dr L, surgeon, and JB for first PT sessions. Mom still with me until early Friday. So this is my week to see if I can 'survive' on my own by the weekend.

Still on crutches, still minimal pain and discomfort. Dr L's appt went great, more pain and less suffering after things are loosened up. Later that day was followup with surgeon, and she reviewed the photos with me (yay!) and said I could start weaning off crutches. Maybe be off crutches in a week. Could try driving about that time. And can try swimming with the pull buoy after Friday. All good news! Fast appt, in and out. Any my hands LOVE the news about weaning off the crutches.

In my head I set a goal of swimming on Oct 1, as a way to start the month off with a good habit. This didn't happen, btw.

Wednesday was the first PT appt. The sign over my table was #RecruitGlutes and I think that's going to be the theme for these next few weeks. She did some evaluations and stretches, and got me going on a list of basic moves. I was so happy to hear 'hip bridges', TWENTY of them!! This is the most muscle activation I've had since surgery, yes!!

I started weaning from Bitch and Whore (I named the crutches but not the walker, the walker never pissed me off that much. B&W keep falling over, tipping, stubbing...) by hopping around the kitchen. Nervously, I kept waiting for that feeling of something going wrong.

I went to work for the first time Wednesday, but once there learned that my FMLA didn't release me until Thursday! I misunderstood the 'FMLA ending on 9-27' as 'I can return on 9-27'. Oops, I left fast!

Didn't try Thursday or Friday at work, I was having awful left leg swelling. My skin was muffin-topping over my Snoopy socks! JB called it pitting edema and said I need to spent more time with my feet elevated and do my dorsi-plantar-flex foot pumps. These all helped, but the swelling returned once I stood again, like water in a wave machine...back... and forth....and back...  Was ugly to see how much swelling accumulated.

On Thursday Mom took Sugar and I to the FoPa group run for a post run treats and celeb of LC's and IT's IMWI finish and IT's bday. LC suggested bringing something I can eat or something chocolate. So Mom helped me make choco-dipped bacon and orange slices :) Sugar was an over-excited pooch and didn't behave for mom. Bad dog!

TV and MP continued to help walk Sugar. Mom made great progress on her business blurbs, wish I was home more to help and see this launch. I told RM that I could "gradually" wean off B&W and he replied: "Gradual and TJ in the same sentence?!?!??!! Cubs win world series, Trump gets elected... Hell keeps freezing over and over". I think that will be the front quote to the 2017 blog book!

Mom left Friday after PT and a few last shopping errands to get me caught up for a few weeks. Hard to shop ahead when I buy mostly fresh food and produce. But my freezer is stocked and I have plans.

Really said to see Mom go!!!! But gotta cut the cord.

Week 2 after surgery

More summarizing.

Dr L is pleased with my range of motion, seemed excited even. I noted some tingling which he recognized as a nerve thing, not IT like I thought. I asked about "non-weight bearing" and how to balance that with "toe touch", and he said I could lightly touch, don't worry about it. I noted that for a scientist "zero is zero", and he asked mom if I was that "persnickety" when not injured. Then while asking more more questions about my sis and our similarities and differences worked on some nerve entrapment and more. Ooooh, yeah. Pain. He joked that if there was anything mom wanted to know, now would be a good time to ask -- while under duress of pain. HA!

Forgot to mention, visited Gramma over the past weekend. She beat me on the walker! Held the door open for me, looked after me, a role reversal. Also forgot to mention -- Jess visited Saturday morning for a few hours, sat in mom's newly decorated sun room.

And I was able to ride mom's bike as needed. The first day I rode at 12 mph. That felt slow to me! But the pain the next day indicated I was wrong there. Took a day off, then back to it at 3.5 mph. As I said to TH, I can only get faster from here! I mixed bike and CPM as best I could. Still lots of sitting, and learning as I go. Like how the dining room chairs that I spent too much time in hurt my leg. That the blue recliner was perfect for getting my feet up and pressure of my back. Lots of ice machine, that was vaguely prescribed as "as desired". But mom and dad asked and prompted me to use, otherwise I'd forget or skip.

This week stayed in STL from Monday to Thursday. Sugar was walked by TV and MP and stayed at the Watering Bowl while I was gone. She was excited to go!

Mom and I kept noting odd coincidences. The first was the Bees Knees card I found way back in April while card shopping for her birthday. I bought the card without knowing why I wanted it, aside from the bees, as it was a Thank You card. Other randoms -- we picked up a thank you gift for MP with a raw blue sapphire set in a necklace. Turns out it was her birthday and that was her birthday stone. (Also her nephew Bob lka Murphy was born last weekend!). Many weird coincidences, I'll never remember them all, but it left a feeling of This Was All Meant To Happen.

Back to Illinois Thursday, again stopping often to walk and stretch. Worked on notes for the new business, and with that the driving went FAST.

That weekend K slept over and even with pillows tried to kick me. She like the ice machine and CPM machine to heal her 'boo-boos' on her leg. She liked playing with the crutches when I set them as short as they could go. Both kids were careful around me, and I really enjoyed being able to just sit with them and having nothing else to do and no where else to go. 

Sooooo much happened, yet not much happened. Back to STL on Monday for Dr L and first visit with JB for PT.

Summary -- still no hip pain, all the pain and problem in my poor hands.

Surgery. Street Drugs. Stillness.

Writing this 3 weeks after surgery. A blessed 3 weeks of little-to-no personal internet time. I'll try to get all I can in without spending another 3 weeks trying to get it all recorded.

Week of surgery. Mom came down Sunday and the afternoon was spent readying. Errands, shopping, etc. Sugar and I never did get our camping trip in, and good thing as I didn't have the spare time in the end. And sitting in the tent with my hip in full-flexed position - not a good idea.

That morning there wasn't time for the Monday group ride (haha, I seriously considered it, but I don't think the surgical advice of shower with anti-bact soap, sleep on clean sheets, shower again the next morning was meant to be interrupted by a bike ride!) and we were at the hospital by 730am. No nerves at all. And almost happily, I walked in with my pained limp. And took as many steps as I could! Back in the prep ward - changed out of clothes, got IV-lined, hooked up to leads, and questioned and questioned more. There were delays, I didn't go back until maybe noon or noon-thirty. Mom and I worked on her new business adventure, it's so exciting for her!

It was funny while lying there, even after months of no running I continue to have a very low heart rate. The alarm was set to 55, alarm, reset to 50, alarm, reset to 45, alarm.  I went as low as 39! It served as proof that I wasn't nerved up (I was asked) and supported my request to skip the anti-anxiety medications (versed, I think) delivered with anesthesia. One of the anesthesiologists joked that I was probably healthier than anyone on the floor, and they weren't worried about my health for this. 

Once finally wheeled back, still no nerves. Of course the surgical room was cold, the traction boots set-up to pull my leg out of the hip joint was just as creepy looking as it was in the YT videos I studied. I joked with the staff, enjoyed looking around at the equipment, then .... off to sleepy time!

I remembered nothing until recovery, and at this point things get hazy. Not unexpectedly, I was coming out of anesthesia! But I don't remember everything that happened in the right order. I remember hearing that she found the tear, repaired it with sutures and anchors, and the surrounding cartilage was "that of a 20 year old". That's great news!

I remember what I think was an anesthesiologist sitting to my left (and mom to my right) asking me how I was feeling. I felt inflated, heavy, like my hands were leaded weights but full of air and swollen like balloons. I couldn't move. Soon after, or at some point after, I started to feel twitching. It progressed into what seemed to be like full body spasms. I lifted my back off the bed, I remember doing that, my arms jumping, my legs moving, and in all of this the terrifying fear that I was going to move my repaired leg and undo the surgery! I remember saying (or thinking) "don't move the leg, don't move the leg" and putting my right leg crossed over the left at the ankle.

In my head, I was fine. This wasn't a seizure, my head was calm and I tried saying this out loud. Not sure if I did. I remember someone saying "squeeze my hand", I couldn't. "Open your eyes", I couldn't, so they were opened for me with bright flashes of light. I could hear mom saying "this isn't normal, something's wrong". And that was it.

I found out later -- dystonic reaction likely due to the propofol and/or zofram in the anesthesia. Mom was repeated questioned about what street drugs I was using, that this reaction could be countered if they only knew what they were dealing with. She was at some point asked to leave. Six doctors from neurology, anesthesia, and surgery stood around the bed trying to decide what to do. Commenting about how they'd never seen this before, etc.

In the end, a dose of benedryl. Then 3 doses of valium!!! Finally put me out and I rested. TV and MP were there, I was admitted for observation, TV and MP bought me some dinner (HB eggs and ... something else...), I had a head CT, a CPM machine was delivered, it's a lot of fragments.

Woke up the next morning to a surgical assistant asking if my mom was OK. That was my first hint of what I later learned was I thought was a few minutes of twitching was in fact maybe 75 minutes! WHAT?! This turned into a long but calm morning. Mom brought brekkie, the hospital delivered brekkie of pancakes and sausage (seriously?) that Mom got to eat. Surgery came in and brought a file of pictures and info, and only now as I type I'm realizing that is the moment I learned about the surgery details and cartilage and some bone shaving she did. Neurology came in and assured us it was seizures. TV came by for lunch, at the same time PT came in for a training course on crutches and stairs and getting around.

To my surprise, no pain. In fact, never any pain. Never took the pile of drugs they left with me, which at first included zofram (medical errors, that's how that happens). Naproxen for anti-inflammatory. Aspirin for blood clots. A vicodin for pain along with zofram and some stool softener to counter the vicodin side effects. Got a LOT of vicodin in my drug pile now!

Next few days -- lots of CPM, couch time, mom helping me move around into and out of bed, into and out of CPM, no showering, changing bandages. She did SO MUCH, my Bees Knees. We drove back to home Thursday, then dad helped out. I was going great. Healthy, awake, looked OK, but couldn't move myself!

Still no pain, in fact my hands and wrists hurt more after a few days of crutches and walker. At the end of one week, we drove back to STL to prep for an appt with Dr L.

First week summary: all good! It seemed more stressful for the people around me.

Only days away from surgery

So what's been going on? Not much. I tried running but stopped due to pain. It didn't hurt so much while running, it was the nights after that were the worst. I'd run Saturday morning and live with the after effects until Monday.

I'm sleeping in because I don't sleep well. Still biking to work. Not walking much because of the nearly-continuous "popping". Watching Kitchen Nightmare clips on YouTube.

Planning. Lots of planning. Yesterday I got my first read of the post-op instructions and this is giving me a better idea of what to expect. Making lists and maps for Mom.

I'm thinking about going camping with Sugar tomorrow night out at Klondike. I've had the urge to do this for over a month now, but I don't have everything done like I need to before Monday. Still haven't fixed the back deck step. Haven't purchased the crutches I'll need next week. Not packed, for the post-surgery or the camping trip. When I called the campground today, I learned that I'd missed the phone-reservation option. This was holding me up, I waited as long as I could to see what I could get done first. Now I know that I can do this on the fly. So, what I should be doing right now is getting stuff done!

Make a list of what I gotta accomplish, haha, then go from there.

I went for a run! I paid for it, but I ran

Saturday RUN 1.5 miles in about 15 mins
Monday BIKE 14 miles in 60 mins in TGP

I also went for a run last Saturday, I think I mentioned it? That hurt too, my poor hip. I didn't sleep well for a few nights afterwards. Same this weekend. And it's not just my hip, it's my back too. Seems I'm all out of alignment?

I feel weak, the strength and confidence I used to have seems sapped away. My body has changed not to my liking in this way. I'm not hesitant to move, pick something up, climb a ladder, etc. I'm looking forward to just getting back to feeling strong.

The running feels good, but not great. The biking hurts much less so I'm doing more of that. I don't mention it but I'm still commuting everyday. The Monday rides are with RE and IT, depending on who is available. Today it was BE, we started a little later because the sunrise is now 6:26am. And the park was a mess from the Festival of Nations. No, I didn't go, I wanted to, but the money and orthorexia kept me away. My gut has been doing so well, I'm afraid to disrupt that. Although surgery might upset things, antibiotics and such, I'm going to hold course now best I can.

Last thing I need is to add to my body woes!

1 minute, 49.7 seconds of totality

There are few transforming events in life, even few transcendental I'd guess. My previous transcendental was R2T100 last October, somewhere around 1 or 2 or 3 am when I was walking solo on a fully dark path with only the stars spinning above in a pool of black. That's what the silver glitter on my thumb reminds me of, those quiet stars watching my progress. An occasional shooting star flashed overhead. I felt small, powerful, alone, connected, smothered, free.

Coulda been the opioids....but that was miles and hours before.

I realized a few weeks ago that August has been building to this, the metamorphosis I've been feeling seemed like it could crest here, like when the sun reappeared the Butterfly would appear.

A recent Jin pod talked about how the caterpillar needs to die for the Butterfly to be born. My computer wallpaper had a caterpillar - chrysalis - butterfly montage. Other pods mentioned this metamorphosis, the mush phase and the transformation, the death of a caterpillar and the birth of the butterfly.

To really top it off, I recently learned that xDH has left the building. Another freedom.

I rode out to my coworker's home for a group watch, an alternate to lab meeting as the boss called it. During the ride I realized that in other years I might do this as a run, the computer estimated 13-14 miles would make an eclipse marathon! But no, riding today. Besides, it's hot and all city running. I wasn't able to find a greensway or path to link through.

The eclipse at my house was only 30 seconds. I'm sure Sugar slept through it. SVC's house had 1:49.6, about the best I could do without a long early morning drive to some random place to watch alone. Glad I didn't do that!

The eclipse started for us at 11:49 am. We went out front to catch the beginnings, I sat alone on the sidewalk and re-listened to the Jin butterfly podcast. I was surprised at how slowly this progressed. Think about it, the sun and moon are zooming through space, the shadow on the ground was said to be moving at roughly 1500 mph in the midwest. Yet the moon ever so slowly crept across the sun. I wasn't in a rush, I wanted the time to meditate on this. I was feeling something.

As the totality approached, the crescent sun went to a fingernail sun, and we watched from the back patio. We talked some of the science -- learned what collimated lines are (parallel rays of light) and how they'll show as shadow lines immediately before and after the totality. Read about Bailey's Beads, the glowing beads we'll see due to the moon's topography. Shadows stayed short and crisp, the radiative heat of the sun decreased faster than the light. In fact, it was surprising how much sunlight reached us even as the sun disappeared to a thin line. But as that approached, the dimmer switch effect came on -- the suns fading intensity became notable. Like someone was just dimming it. Colors became muted and flat, birds and bugs quiet, but the excitement was anything but.

Then, suddenly, at 1:18pm, totality. The sun was just....gone. Through the glasses a faint orange ring, but glasses weren't needed now!! A black hole outlined by a dazzlingly bright ring, a fuzzy haze of corona, a 360 sunset effect, stars came out..... AMAZING. In shock and goosebumps and electricity I stood up as if walking a few steps closer could actually bring me closer. I took in the 360 effect, and saw towering thunderclouds to our north still bathed orange in sunlight and flashed in occasional sunlight. Words cannot describe this. It wasn't pitch dark, it was a magical dark. Light but not light. Day but not day. Totality. Nothing like I could have imagined.

Too soon, the diamond ring appeared, a burning bright spot at the top of the moon. Glasses back on!! But before I looked up again, I looked at the house. The shadow lines!! More goosebumps! It was like water reflecting on the side of the house. Thin shadow lines dancing across the siding, so transient, so mesmerizing, so once in a lifetime.

And like the caterpillar's passing, so did totality. The moon continued to fall off the sun, and day returned like before. This phase seemed to go faster than the pre-totality, and like another guest pointed out wasn't as exciting.

I was still awed. Calmed. Transformed?

Then another gift -- rain on my ride home! I couldn't see the rainbow, but that was another gift.

Surgery is eleventh of September. 3 weeks!!!

Saturday RUN 1 mile in 10 mins, broken with a few walks
Monday RIDE 26.2 to watch eclipse -- like an eclipse marathon!

Easy to remember date, huh? I've been saying "eleventh of September" instead of "9-11" or "September 11th", that was 16 years ago but still it's a marked day.

Today I had my pre-op check. My risk for sleep apnea is 0. Out of 8. So I think I'm good...

Low BP, low HR, "are you a runner?". Yes! Well, I was...  And I will be!

I had some mental issues adapting to this whole idea, that life is on "hold" until this is over and done. I hesitate to do things like strength training, because I think I'll lose it all anyway in the recovery months. Kinda true, but even if I was going to lose all progress that doesn't make it not worthwhile to be doing some now.

Other issues like cramming in stuff I'd like to do, went for a run and a ride as listed above. The pain is there, most days it's a very uncomfortable feeling. Impingement is the best word sometimes. The popping, clicking, tight pain when I stand, I'm getting used to it. The lack of sleep on many nights from the pain, no comfortable position can be found. Getting used to it. The inability to lean against a bench or countertop, getting used to it.

What else have I been up to? A minsgame! By Labor Day weekend I hope to have 500 items out of the house, I'm currently at 319 items and $442 :)  Heck, $500 would be just as great as 500 items.

I'm cleaning the house like crazy, it's channeling my energy. This past weekend I optimistically planted my fall seeds in the garden, not sure if or when I'll be able to care for and harvest them after surgery, but nothing to lose I guess except a few seeds.

Following Game of Thrones podcasts and watching the clips on YouTube. Meditating more. Hope to break the Blerch habit once the minsgame is done, it sucks me into the app and beyond. Ignoring the news as much as possible, depressing anyway.

CT image and toe one week out

Early morning CT imaging for the hip, much quieter and faster than an MRI. They said they do 3D reconstructions, now that's a CD I want for my imaging collection!

My toe doesn't seem any better. So at what point do I worry about it? Torqued it last Weds, then on Thursday I really hurt it (just sitting at the table) and I'm wondering if I popped it back or broke it more or...? After that it started to purple, but never black or grotesque. Oh and swelling, across the top of my foot and into the 4th toe. Then I think Saturday I was walking the dog and torqued it again after tripping over a small tree branch in BP. I was wearing stupid flip-flops as they hurt the least. Up to that point I was able to wear my new Jambu sandals with the better support. But since then no shoes -- flip-flops or my other sandals. Still really swollen, bruising is mild, and I have a burning stinging type of pain. 

Of course, I'm not resting it much. Taking elevators and not stairs, but still biking and walking around. Hard to hit step goals these days. 

And of course, this limping is aggravating my left hip, as the weight is shifting to that side. Ugh. 

So at what point should I get this looked at or get worried? Dear Gawd, last thing I want is more medical shit and even worse some boot to wear!!

A +100 mile week on the bike!

After wrapping up last week's training log I noted that I was around 95 miles --- soooooo close to 100. Noted the same this week, and went out Sunday for a 7-8 miler around Lafayette that would give me that magical number.

Between the 29 miles I get on Mondays, the 9-10 I get every other day, and the frequent extra 5-miler TGP loops I do the miles are adding up.

Remember the days when 100 in one day was do-able!?

Dr L visit

I limped into the office in what probably looked as terrible of a walk as it felt. The receptionist asked, I briefly explained, she sympathized. Or empathized, I get those mixed up. After talking to her, I felt even more sorry for myself.

Many updates for Dr L, about meeting surgeons and how I'm feeling. He looked over the rehab and post-op protocols for Dr P-G that I brought -- he seemed to like and approve so that help my confidence with selecting a surgeon. As for my back, he said it's doing OK. As for my toe, didn't mention it. Not why I'm there. After talking to him, I felt better again.

Dr L thought Dr C wasn't as interested in my surgery because my x-rays showed normal hip bones with no dysplasia, and that is his specialty. So maybe.

Stupid pinkie toe

BIKE COMMUTE: 10+9.2

Well don't blame the toe, blame me.

I rode early into work to catch a time point and get some extra miles in. I've been logging extra miles on many days this past week -- catching when I can the extra 5 miles in TGP in my loopty-loop. Last week I was only a few miles short of 100 for riding!

Purposefully picked a different route to ride the first to-work-and-back (rode my old Compton-house route), got home, and in my now-usual brain fog and fatigue clumsiness caught the 5th toe of my right foot on the shower edge while stepping in. It wasn't a blinding broken pain, but DAMN it definitely hurt. And immediately looked out of place. Calmed myself down, finished the shower, tried to ignore it until afterwards. No need to further injury myself trying to look at in on a wet shower floor in the dark with water running in my face.

Inspection shows it's now aligned differently that the left, the toenail facing upward instead of outward, it looks like it's sticking out to the right too much. But it moves, bends, and doesn't have a focal spot of pain. I can walk on it, not very willingly but it will flex and bear weight.

So maybe not broken, maybe sprained or dislocated? Ugh. My first thoughts were about how I might have to drive to work, I might have to see yet another doctor, that I'll be limping more now.

Some quick googling said there's nothing a doctor would do, I could buddy tape it to the 4th toe, and it would just take some time if really broken.

Hours later I'm icing and elevated, I can wear my wide toe shoes and bike shoes with minimal discomfort, and I'm not limping all that much. Whew.

But here I am with my stupid toe, and my mind keeps berating me for being so shallow while AmberR is dealing with Ben's death, how horrible that must be, and how heartbroken the family is. While I'm worried about a stupid toe.

Ben

Got the sad email this morning.

This surgeon I like MUCH better

Met with the second surgeon this morning, the one I originally had an appt with before I met with Dr C. I'll call by her nickname Dr CC. Just to be funny I guess.

She's also a runner and I had high hopes that this would translate into a better "click" of connection. It did! She was still surgeon-ishly blunt and straightforward, but too all the time to explain, examine, ask, although I didn't get all the way through my October 2016 stories. She could pinpoint motions that caused pain and explain why they hurt, she pointed to a potential tear and fluid accumulation in the MRI, and theorized that the fall last May in Greensfelder was what caused the damage.

Good news in that I don't have inherent hip deformities, bone problems, bad angles, etc. Also that I'm active and otherwise healthy, it will help with healing. She can see what looks like the tear, it will be tacked down to the bone with sutures and she made it sound straightforward to do.

On Monday I happened to meet LC walking between buildings -- she said that for her knee surgery she needed to know what the surgeon would tell her sister or a friend in terms of whether or not the surgery is a good idea. Dr C didn't do that at all for me, but Dr CC did! Without me asking, I nearly laughed out loud when she said that as a fellow runner she understands the concerns about surgery but also the desire to get back to normal life. She said that I've done what I can with PT and recovery, and need to do something different.

She reviewed briefly how the surgical cuts would be, what the post-op and recovery would be like. Since I'm older it will take longer to heal. About 2 weeks non weight bearing then a taper back into walking. Upright no-resistance stationary bike same day or day after surgery. About 15 days then pool work. Didn't specifically mention PT but I'm sure it's in the plan. As for running, younger patients tend to get back at 3 months, but maybe longer for me. Hiking and elliptical on the agenda too, as possibilities for exercise.

As with Dr C, she said I can take time to think about it. I've already thought about it. I wonder if this is a pre-planned thing like a waiting period to consider this option?

Where am I right now? Waiting for a CT to get scheduled. I don't need to see her again, just get the CT then call her coordinator to schedule surgery. No mention in this visit about how far out scheduling is.

Funny thing she said at the end, that she doesn't "need to do this surgery on me", that's she's "busy enough already". Ha!

"The" Hip Surgeon of STL

My appt with Dr P-G was schedule for next Tuesday the 18th. Last week I called Dr H's office to see about getting an appt with Dr Clohisy, who Dr L calls "the" hip guru. After no follow-up from Dr H's I called again, and to my utter surprise got an appt for this morning with Dr C! I expected a long wait just to see him. Thank you to whoever canceled (I'm assuming that's how this happened).

940 appt, then around 1030 the send me for xrays. In the meantime I filled out the Tablet Questionnaire of Black Cloud Thinking (for the 3rd time in a month) and a 13-page research questionnaire that went waaaay to long in to details. X-rays, back to waiting, standing (because sitting hurts) with my MRI CD copies and lots of swirling thoughts.

Called back, waiting, but enjoying the quiet because I slept awful last night. A team of 3 comes in and asks the expected questions. Some of them are funny. Seriously, how can you expect someone like me to answer questions about "can you walk, climb stairs"  and pain levels? Of course I can walk, hell I can run 100 miles on a fibula with a hair-line fracture and I can run on broken ribs. Of course I limp and I hurt, but you won't see it for my pride. I felt kinda silly.

They hung my x-rays and did an exam for impingement and range of motion. Then they left, with one of the team saying his bro-in-law was getting ready to try again at the Leadville 100 trail run. Good for him, I'm jealous! Kinda. This shit still hurts.

I wait again, staring at my x-rays, what do I see if anything? The bones look webby, but I think that's normal. The femoral head looked smooth, but what is that white spot? My gut is full of something, guessing gas bubbles? (Gut unhappy with low sleep). My IUD looks crooked, should that be fixed? Waiting.

Dr C comes in, this time with 6 others in a team, crowded into the room and not speaking. He is to the point, direct, clear, detailed. The questions are pointed and fast. No chitty-chat. I get the ROM exam, he notes numbers that don't seem too different between right and left. He looks at the MRI but doesn't see a tear.

Doesn't see a tear?! He explains that he doesn't like coronal views, which I think the tear was visualized in by others. He explains that he doesn't see a detachment or anything specific. Huh?! He explains that just because he can't see it doesn't mean it's not there. Something is wrong, he just can't see what from the MR image.

Then the surprise. He says, well what do you want to do? I want to do what's best to make progress. He says my options are more PT, build strength, and get as best as possible. Second option is surgery. I ask if a surgery would reveal what can't be seen by imaging, yes. I ask about returning to running and normal, he explains the odds are 50/50 and that impact sports are harder to get back to. I think on this. I say that 50% is more than I have right now. He says I'll never have a "normal" hip again, good point and poor wording on my part as I guess I meant a New Normal.

He waits. I say I'm interested in the surgery, what I'm doing now isn't working. More surprise. He lists the potential risks of surgery, infection, blood clots, nerve and/or muscle damage. But then -- he's scheduling 6 months out, so what do I want to do? Again the ball in my court, with 6-7 people waiting. I mentioned in a self-thinking sort of way that he came highly recommended and is worth waiting for. He says he's happy to help me, wants to do what he can, but understands that this timeframe might not work for me. He offers me the opportunity to speak to his associates, and mentions my originally-scheduled surgeon Dr P-G. I think. He asks me to think about it, I say I have, and agree to speak to his scheduler.

The team leaves the room, a researcher with the 13-page report and more research questions comes in. Then back to the waiting room, then to another room with Dr C's scheduler. Yup, January.
OK, I mention the opportunity to see Dr P-G. She agrees, says the same as Dr C (we want to help...). I ask if she's new to WashU or new to hip surgery, she's just new to WashU. In the end I get back a similar appointment as my original on the 18th at 9:45am. Full circle in the end, with a whirl of questions in the meantime.

Being asked all these questions about daily function, pain, ability got me thinking. Here's the answer. It hurts to sit here and type. I just went for a 'smoke break' walk and that hurt. Took the stairs, uncomfortable. Sleeping last night was terrible.  I feel fragile, limited, distracted. This thinking caused some anxiety, I typed it out to TH in an email to vent it.

In retrospect I came into this appt hoping to get Then Answer from The Man, and instead left without it. Yes I can have surgery if I want it, not what I expected. But I do appreciate the honestly and lack of "oh yes of course I can fix you and of course I'll do the surgery". In the end, I really do appreciate it. I just don't feel like I got an answer.

ETA I typically don't edit posts, but I don't want two posts of this day. So here's additions.

Looking back I wonder if I was honest enough with them about how poor my day to day can be. It isn't always a painful problem, but nights like the previous in which sleep is really disrupted, days when I don't feel like walking the dog, and stuff I don't do because it might hurt.

When I was leaving the scheduling office, she saw my tattoo of the M-dot and commented that I'm an 'Ironperson'. I replied that I used to be, before all this.

And when I got home I realized why the appt seemed so disappointing. Everyone else I'm working with is taking a supportive approach. Yes, I might not run like before, but it's always supportive just the same. This guy just stuck to a 50-50 answer. Even a 55-45 answer, even a "hope for >50" answer would have made a big difference. Just the drop of extra hope and encouragement. Again, I appreciate his honesty, he didn't puff it up or mislead. But it just didn't leave a good vibe afterwards.

Banking the subject until next Tuesday when I meet the other surgeron.

Maintenance Mode

BIKE COMMUTE 9.2 miles

Saw Dr L this morning, my back is holding mostly steady, he says my day-to-day-life is now the problem, as we've addressed flexibility and mobility. He thinks work mostly, the sitting. So I'm now in maintenance mode, as he put it, but I go back in two weeks.

He strongly (strongly, as in strongly) encouraged me to see another surgeon besides the one I'm scheduled with on the 18th. Clohisy is the "hip guru", I've heard it from him and from Dr who did injection last week. Dr L said even if I have to wait another 3 months. So I called and left message with Dr Hunt's office. Waiting for call back.

My upper back is tired today, not sure why. I'm being conscious of my posture, so am I tired because of that or am I conscious because I'm tired?

And that painful thing along the right side of my foot, haven't mentioned that yet, mentioning it now. Like an inflamed tendon? Hurts sometimes walk, down stairs, stretching foot. Like from the fifth toe?

This past weekend was at home for the 4th of July, no biking but did get my 10K/day I think everyday. Restful, but lots of sitting. My legs swell up so bad from that. At least I think it's that.

Deleted the Chrysalis Notes today. Don't think I need them anymore. Put the focus here.

Lady, running down to the riptide

Another Songlist song

Riptide by Vance Joy. Although I live T-Swift's cover better.

I was scared of dentists and the dark
I was scared of pretty girls and starting conversations
Oh, all my friends are turning green
You're the magician's assistant in their dreams

Oh, and they come unstuck

Lady, running down to the riptide
Taken away to the dark side
I wanna be your left hand man
I love you when you're singing that song and
I got a lump in my throat because
You're gonna sing the words wrong

There's this movie that I think you'll like
This guy decides to quit his job and heads to New York City
This cowboy's running from himself
And she's been living on the highest shelf

Oh, and they come unstuck

Lady, running down to the riptide
Taken away to the dark side
I wanna be your left hand man
I love you when you're singing that song and
I got a lump in my throat because
You're gonna sing the words wrong

I just wanna, I just wanna know
If you're gonna, if you're gonna stay
I just gotta, I just gotta know
I can't have it, I can't have it any other way
I swear she's destined for the screen
Closest thing to Michelle Pfeiffer that you've ever seen, oh

Lady, running down to the riptide
Taken away to the dark side
I wanna be your left hand man
I love you when you're singing that song and
I got a lump in my throat because
You're gonna sing the words wrong

I Ain't Settlin'

Heard on the way home after leaving my last PT appt. We canceled this last appt, saved it for the post-surgery time frame. She couldn't give me any expectations, with each surgeon having their own protocol, and because she couldn't say for sure the type of surgery. 

When I got back to the truck, I Hope I Think I Know played, then this, then Take It On The Run, then Running Down A Dream. Feels good. 

Settlin'

Sugarland

Fifteen minutes left to throw me together
For mister right now, not mister forever
Don't know why I even try when I know how it ends
Looking like another: "maybe we could be friends."
I've been leaving it up to fate
It's my life, so it's mine to make

I ain't settling for just getting by
I've had enough so-so for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
Just enough ain't enough this time
I ain't settling for anything less than everything, yeah

With some good red wine and my brand new shoes
Gonna dance up a blue streak around my living room
Take a chance on love and try how it feels
With my heart wide open, now you know I will
Find what it means to be the girl
Change her mind and change her world

I ain't…