Active or Passive Insufficiencies

COMMUTE this week, all days 37 miles

3 months since surgery! Is that ALL?!? 

On Tuesday's appointment I asked Ben what is next for PT. I told him that last night I tried to jog a few steps to scurry across an intersection, but there was nothing there. He said we've been doing range of motion work with progress, and next is a progress report for the surgeon and insurance company, along with starting to retrain the "springyness" back into the joint. Teaching my leg to push up and catch on the way down too. I'm looking forward to this! So today I got to work on calf raises up onto my toes. And I have homework PT of stairs and more calf raise type stuff. 

TIL (Friday) about active and passive insufficiency from Ben. He was talking in regards to my toes being able to move then the ankle is relaxed, but being less able to move when the foot is dorsiflexed. This was an example of active insufficiency.

It made more sense when he used his wrist to make and squeeze on a fist: at rest the hand can squeeze, but if there is damage to the inner arm muscle the squeeze wouldn't work if the hand turned towards the damage (active) but not if the hand turned away from the damage (passive). I hope I have it right. Either way.

Active Insufficiency and Passive Insufficiency sounds like something I can use to describe my life now sometimes, but the ideas are too undefined right now. Give a long drive, say to my parents this evening, to think about it. 

I've been commuting everyday, and surprisingly IF'ing everyday until 12 or later (exception today, extra hungry and ate a few mins early). It feels GREAT on the gut, so much less heavy. 

My ankle was hurting Tuesday night - either the 2 mile walk to lab dinner, the new calf raise exercises in PT, the new Nike shoes, or the fact I wore the new shoes to the dinner - (the new shoes have flatter heal, and more dorsiflex and I could feel the difference at the instep) - and I had lots of pain Tuesday night, worrisome!  I was limping on the dog walk (I'm still doing 10K steps a day). By Wednesday it was better but not gone. By Thursday and Friday, better but Ben kept me off weighted calf raises today (Friday). 

I told him I have a surgical followup on the 13th, I asked about how much longer I might need PT and he said it depends on what you want to do afterwards. I guess for most people, I can walk and carry groceries so I'm pretty close to baseline. But I can't bee-bop up steps and I can't even jog across a street so I'm not at baseline. And since I want to run, I have a long way to go. We don't see a problem in getting more PT time, so I expect another 6-8 weeks?

I'm enjoying PT. I remember the first years with it I was uncomfortable and self conscious, I grew to realize and prove that I'll only get out, what I put in. Now, I just want more, I want hours of PT (not medically sound, I know) but I want more more more and I'm not hesitant like before to ask for it. 

Still thinking on the Insufficiencies.  Something there, just gotta think. 

First week at work

COMMUTE! Week total was 3.7-ish miles each way, all 5 days, so it should read 37-ish miles

It all felt great, I really missed riding! And no one in AA has tried to kill me yet. The ride feels so short, it's about 1 mile less than my WashU commute, but I'll appreciate that more when it gets cold and dark outside. 

The ankle did great with the week, and it's to the point now I don't notice it too much. I feel it when I rotate the ankle, step on something very uneven, go up/down stairs, and try to jog even a few steps.

I'd planned to get a gym or pool membership by the end of the week, but too busy and too much flooding and too much driving to Terre Haute to see Lev and kids. 

August 18 - increased ROM

COMMUTE about 7.4 miles, I'm  not measuring each time

PT 1 hour each Tuesday and Wednesday

After Tuesday morning's <POP> in the ankle joint, I thought I was feeling less pain and increased flexibility of the right ankle. This was confirmed today in PT on the wood slant board - I could feel a stretch in the calf muscles! So I'll be working on that more now that I have access to it.

New exercises in PT today that I felt later that night -- so keep these in mind to do again!

1. Half kneel with 12bl dumbbell in each hand. Turn the upper body towards the front knee rotating to 90. Breath in on rotation, breath out when returning to forward. 3x8 each leg.

2. Half kneel with a 10lb kettlebell in front. Lift the bell up to front of the head then circle the head by moving the bell in a circle -around to ears back to front then reverse around head again back to start. This equals 1 rep. 3x6 on each leg. 

I felt this later, which means I need more of it. Core, that is. My back is feeling the strain of being in the lab all day, sitting or standing, and probably of biking too. As for biking, I'm getting back into the habit so fast, and still slow on hills. If you want to be generous enough to call this area "hilly". I think my commute is 200 ft of elevation change total? 

--

My commute to work, and my new work. Power is back on.

COMMUTE: Monday, Tuesday,    3.7-3.8 miles each way

PT on Tuesday, 

The power came on Monday night around 6pm, while I was having dinner. The last few nights, the generator running in the dark reminded me of the generators at the aid stations. 

It took some looking to find all my gear - namely my bright pink vest. I finally found it in my shelf containers in the office bedroom. By Tuesday I decided I wanted real bike shorts, instead of yoga pants, much better and I feel like I have some cred. Also Tuesday I decided to check out the covered bike parking, it looks tiny and like it will fill up fast. 

Biking so far in AA is simple and seemingly safe. The first two days I mostly focused on finding solid streets. Liberty seems like it will be a favorite, especially once the little construction zone that blocks the home bound route is cleared from it. 

PT Tuesday: Ben got my ankle to give an audible POP and this seemed to be a good thing. The ankle has popped before, but it was a short fast crick that was closer to the side of my foot. This was right in the ankle. Just before this happened, I had asked Ben what was keeping my ankle from full dorsiflexion. He had an answer and a picture, and I love it. It turns out that for dorsiflexion to occur the big ankle bone that was underneath the bone chip needs to not only rotate under the calf bones, but also glide backwards a bit (towards the heel). The gliding back is not happening, so no dorsiflexion. And that is why he started last week to push down hard on my foot as if to get the foot itself to slide back and forth under my calf towards my calf. I love it when someone has the answer and it all fits and there's not ehhhhhh in the response. 

After the pop, I got even more manipulation to move the joint, in addition to the half-kneel on the foam pad with Ben pushing my foot back again. It felt to me as there was going to be another pop, but I didn't get it. I think I had one or two super mini pops? My goal now was to see if could get some stretch on the slant board (couldn't last week) and see how the ankle feels on the bike commute today (yesterday, painful to dorsiflex while pushing on the pedal, today better!). After bridges, clamshells, and the squat-shuttle thing, I was done. I told Ben I was skipping a surgical followup, and he didn't have a reason that I should be quickly rescheduling because of problems or questions and that all is good. Keep doing what I'm doing. Ohh, that's not always a good limiter for me. 

Alis Volat Propriis

BIKE 10 miles in 42 minutes, my first real ride in AA

After lamenting yesterday my lack of training yesterday and driving myself into a bit of depression over it, I woke up today determined to make a better day of it. So I did. I got my bike ride – I just picked what looked like a simple circle with bike lanes. Maple to Liberty to Zeeb to Jackson to Stadium to Pauline then home. Puppy was on new tires and doing the half shift shit again. (it never really stopped). My legs were a bit burned on some of the hills, and my ankle did great except at the very end when the medial ankle started to burn. Afterwards, I felt no pains or discomfort – just a happy high.

And I packed up my meals! Six tupperwares for M1/M2, and six for dinner, and six – nope make that 5 – berries and coconut milk dessert. I feel organized and ready for my new job tomorrow.

Still no power, still a generator running in the yard, and still a wet basement. Although the basement is much better.

Oh, and I’m goaling for 10K steps a day – Day 1 today!

And I’m goaling for 1 hour of something a day – today a 42 min bike ride, 2 min planks, and 16 mins of PT exercises and stretching. Day 1!

I didn't get much done in the basement - there's not much I can do - but I worked in the yard, walked the dog, cleaned a bit, worked on the desk and cleaning. I really want to vacuum, but no power! 

No pain or problems on the ride, ignoring my lack of cardiac and muscular fitness. My right calf has a tight, thin, painful something on the lateral side, and my medial inner ankle started to hurt. I so wanted to go more than 10 miles, I thought about doing the loop again. But I didn't have the fitness for it, and the burn in my legs and right ankle was my STOP signal. 

Also, I've decided to shoot for MiTi 2023.

Powerless

 The first week of my time alone in Michigan ends tomorrow, two more weeks to go. My summer vacation that started May 27^th with my ankle surgery ends Monday, when I start my new job. This last weekend isn’t what I’d hoped it would be, heck, the whole summer isn’t what I would have hoped for, but that’s only because I didn’t get to do what I wanted to do, I had to do what everyone else wanted me to do. But to be fair, it was a great summer.

But the vacation is ending on a bad note with the power being out. A storm blew through Thursday morning, and now as I type this on Saturday night it’s still not back on. The power company says by 11:30 tonight, we’ll see. In the meantime, I’m sitting on the floor of the office with the computer plugged into the generator, along with the fridge, fish pond, and sump pump.

Oh, yeah, the sump pump. In addition to the power being out, the basement accumulated 1.5 to 2 inches of water without the pump. So yesterday and today were spent clearing and cleaning wet boxes and stuff, moving and sweeping and trying to keep my ankle from hurting.

The ankle was pained, but OK. Because I woke up with such a limp I skipped the bike ride I’d planned to do, figuring that I wasn’t going to make things worse. But now I just want to do it again tomorrow. All my clothes are ready!! Because  my box of athletic clothes wasn’t unpacked yet, it got wet in the basement. Out of fear that they’d started to smell if I waited another day, I just got back from the laundromat. And when I got home, they went into drawers upstairs, arranged kinda like they used to be, before, when everything was normal.

Nothing seems normal now. I guess that will all change eventually.

Aside from my ankle, I’m getting more swelling – angioedema swelling preceded by a burning itching pain. Monday was my right wrist. Thursday around PT was my right big toe area, then later that day my left planter area. Now today my whole right hand is puffy (even after 8 hours), and while at the laundromat the right side of my tongue started to burn and itch. Sure enough, my tongue is swelled up and I talk with a messed up lisp. I took the meds LA suggested a few minutes ago, and I think the anxiety of being alone in the dark with the generator running, swollen up, and lonely, and facing a new job Monday, and my last day of vacation, and not much food in the house because I threw so much away when the power went out……. I’m just out of sorts.

But as I sit here, the moon is in the southwest, and by sitting on the floor I get a great view of it. If I was at the desk I wouldn’t see it.

I’ve now complete 4 sessions of PT. I warm up with 5 minutes on the bike (once on the treadmill), then either start exercises or get manipulated. The exercises don’t seem like enough until I realize I really can’t do some of them. The stretch-calf exercises are completely no-go, I can’t get the stretch yet due to immobility of the ankle joint – for dorsiflexion. The hip bridges are familiar, along with the other core and glut activation – bird dog and dead bug for example.

I like Ben the PT guy, he also studies biohacking and alternate medicines. I don’t know much about it, but I’m familiar with the Ben Greenfield and etc guys that have the books and podcasts. He even looks into astrology, which to me is an alternate way to frame your questions to find an answer. On Thursday’s session he mentioned the astrology, and discussed ways that people can hold negative things inside them. Emotions that aren’t processed, histories that aren’t let go. And he seemed to know somehow, that I was holding on to things from the past. And I let it spill out – that I’m stuck in the past of 2014 when I was healthy and powerful and doing Michigan Titanium and B2B. Gawd, remember those days? I had everything, it seemed. No health issues, all the time to train, and a brain that was looking to hide from reality.

Right after I said that out loud, I don’t recall what he said, what could he say it’s my brain, but next up on the playlist was Roar – my song of Michigan Titanium. Immediately after that, another 2014 song Counting Stars. If a 3^rd song played from that year… what would I have done?!

The first t-shirt I folded today from the laundry was the MiTi shirt. Then all the other beloved race shirts I have. So many. Unworn. I can pick up the shirt and recall not only the race but also the other times I’ve worn that shirt either in a race or training.

Last week while driving past Six Flags I felt the pull towards Greensfelder. SO Still calls it my park, and sent pictures of it recently. I miss it. On Thursdays I’m supposed to run with BE and EW. On weekends I’m supposed to ride. This weekend I was supposed to swim, but then the power threw my workload into the basement instead.

I’ve felt a pull all day to pull out the 2014 blog book, I had a thought that MiTi was this weekend, but I checked and I was 10 days off. August 24^th, today is the 14^th. Why is August 14^th a day that comes into my head? Another race in another year?

Today driving back from the laundromat, I saw other runners along the sidewalks. I see so many here. I stare longingly. I wonder what the sidewalk feels like. What is the hill, if any? What is the sound, the view, the path, the goal, the beginning and the end. In St Louis, I could “feel” the streets if I saw another runner. I’d run them so many times, I could put myself in their shoes and experiences a few steps in their place. Here, not yet.

I’m not myself yet. I miss myself. I miss feeling powerful and strong and able to take on a challenge. I miss being able to just go out the door for a run, a bike, a swim. I miss having a goal to work towards. I miss the familiar territory of STL, even if it was full of haunts and bad memories.

What do I need to let go of? A lot, apparently.

ETA shortly after – I pulled out the 2014 book only to see me running in MiTi on the cover, and finishing a run in B2B on the back. Ugh. Me, or not me? Used to be me. Will it be me again someday?

Yesterday in 2014 I was stressing out because I had two more days in the RSK job, was nursing a post dog attack sick Sugar, supposed to get an eighty-minute ride and a swim in—all while blerching and monstering.

Today in 2014 I ran FoPa then swam all as planned, after making specific plans to be calm and not waste time. It mostly worked.

Tomorrow in 2014 was the 5-1-5-0 swim. Holy Shit that used to me. Doing a 13 hours taper week. Wow!

 

Rides with the kids, great opener to riding again

BIKE!! 3 short rides with the kids, 2-6 miles a day, sometimes in short chunks. 

Felt great, it was a busy week and I don't have much more to add. I'm writing this days later. 
But it felt WONDERFUL!

Oh, and I put new tires on Puppy. 

Goodbye iPhone

BIKE! 6-ish miles, in 3 2-mile chunks
PT! 2nd day, seems so easy so far

Let's start with the bikes, on Puppy, no clip-ins, with kids, slow and easy. It feels great to be on the bike, I can slowly feel the habits of riding coming back. This is a good way to do it, have fun. 

Then the PT, I kept notes on this PT: 5 min bike for 1 mile WU, then a blue round board to tip forward/backward/side/side/all-around, then hip bridges, manipulation and stretch, half kneel lunges, hamstring stretches, some core work, I'm tired of typing this, and a TRX thing half kneeling.
I look forward to being sore, but not sure that will happen.

Then the iPhone, yesterday, LA's iPhone 8 that I've been using since ?? don't remember anymore was traded in for a 12 mini -- and oh it's wonderful. It fits in my pockets, It doesn't weigh down my stuff, I can hold it one hand. Ahhh.... I don't miss the big screen because it has the same size of screen, yay!

Goodbye truck. Vaccine. Resignation.

Saturday 31st BIKE 5 miles!!!!!!
Wednesday 5th BIKE 5.7 miles

Whoo it felt good to type that. We did a ride with the kids, and AE and I did 5 miles together. I had a rear flat tire at the end, and my right ankle was sore afterwards for a day or two, but YES!!

This is a mixed up time post, let's see if I can piece all this together.

The first ride was on Saturday July 31st. I don't have my clip-in shoes, I think that might be a bad idea right now? The ankle didn't like flexing to push down on the pedals. 

Then for a few days, it was sore and swollen. I rested and declined riding. I was still wearing a compression sock, and some of the swelling was due to some food or something as both ankles swelled up. I'm working on what could be causing it, as always puzzling that out. 

I scheduled my first PT session for Thursday. I'm way behind on that, I need to call Dr B and reschedule the August 11th followup, but I'll wait for the first session to see what I learn first. I think this followup was to evaluate how the ankle was doing after a few weeks of PT. That was July 14 - and here it's August and weeks later no PT as expected. One thing at a time though. 

On Tuesday night, my truck sold. I miss it, the new car is not a replacement for it. I want to lament and miss it, but it's no use. It's gone. I've had that truck for as long as I was a triathlete - I bought it in Sept 2004 and joined the Tri Club in Nov 2005. It was mine and I loved it and never wanted to get rid of it. Now it's gone. Still sad about it. 

On Weds we went to Costco for a JnJ vaccine, I still didn't want it but knew I needed it. And now UM is requiring it. If LA, who had been skeptical of it all along, was in to get it, then we really didn't have a choice. I wasn't so much skeptical, I was more medical-hesitant. Even though I didn't have a rational reason for the hesitancy. After that, we found the local bike shop for tires and tubes. This is nothing like BS or SBR shops, there wasn't a racing bike in the whole store!! They can order triathlon bikes The second was a few days later on Weds the 5th., 

The ride was great, less pain, and I'm adapting my ride to fit it. The next morning after this ride, still more pain and a mild limp in the morning. 

And Weds night I submitted my resignation to the Margolis Lab. I had a lot of trouble writing this, kept tearing up and delaying the sending of it. It was supposed to go out Monday, then Tuesday, then finally I just hit the Send button. 

It's like all these Old Life things are ending all at once. It's hard and depressing. 

But - 797 days of dead Balrog and 72 days of dead M. Yes, I guess these old life things are ending, and it's not all bad. 

A bike ride!