No Swimotivation

SWIM: ZERO!
BIKE: 80 mins and 24.5 miles

I was up on time, but had no motivation to go. Need to watch this--am I tired and burning out, or just tired? Either way, I just didn't' care to go.

Didn't help any that I woke up craving something I couldn't satisfy and ate too much. blah.

The bike was better than expected considering my state of mind. Still some pain in the right knee though. I keep saying I'm going to ice it but I keep forgetting to bring the ice packs to work.

I spent the rest of the morning in a mental jumble. Usuallythe only time mental issues get traction with me is when I'm tired. Tired and burning out, or just tired.   Either way. I spent the next few hours trying to satisfy that craving. I don't think it was food. Cuz I ate myself nearly sick and still didn't get my fix.

I started asking What Would Make Me Happy, Right Now. WWMMHRN, or W2M2HRN. Right now, this moment, what can I do. I started applying that to the day minute by minute. I decided I would improve my mood by focusing like this.

And surprisingly, it's little things that make me happy. I like things clean, no clutter. I like things simple and straightforward.  I hate tripping over things, knocking things over, having to move stuff around.

Simple enough. I cleaned the countertops. Threw away some foods I didn't want around. Did the dishes. It all brought a smile to my face.

I continued the theme.W2M2HRN? Getting to work on time. Starting my harvest. Talking to RH at the facility. Getting a good line for a perfusion.  Seriously. I was talking myself through the day, one affirmation after another. It was bad for a few hours there.

By mid-day I was better. I wonder how much of it was a food-coma effect? I did eat a lot, trying to find that "it" that I was wanting. In the end, I think all I wanted was some focus on myself from myself. Hard to put into words.

This is a long-running theme for me. I keep waiting, wanting, thinking that next week will be better or that I'll feel better later or that I'll get all this stuff done and life will magically improve.
But whew, what a morning....