This could be the day...new moon

BIKE 20.3 miles in 1:22, 3x TGP: 17:09, 16:48, 16:44
COMMUTE 9.2 miles

Went to bed in a mental state, and woke up in the same. I realized last night that I'm still hanging on to old ideas, old formats, the past. Was a harsh wake-call. But like I learned on Saturday from Zen & The Art of Triathlon on Saturday: I can't control my emotions, but I can control my reactions. I didn't react to this right away, I thought about it and walked away from it best I could. Hour or two later I responded.

So this morning, this could be the day I quit putting myself in the victim position.

While it bothers me (what happened last night), I'm doing OK with it. Probably because it was hard truths exposed. On both sides. I'm typing this post first, not sure I'll get into what happened yesterday in yesterday's post or not. Really doesn't belong here?

What hard truth did I realize? That I'm alone. It's all on me. I can't count on anyone else. I can't wait for anyone else. No one is going to help me. To stop waiting for something to happen and just take care of it. And -- I'm not the goal, I'm not the prize, I'm not that special.

Anyway, great ride this morning, even with the mental distraction and the now-constant realization that I put myself in the victim position (I just don't have a better way to say it yet). The voices in my head that usually clamor back and forth are really quiet today. It's like the curtain was pulled back on them, and instead of hearing them behind me I can now see them for what they are.

Ugh, back to the ride. Lap 1 we talked about...the weekend, WH pool,..?  Lap 2 mentioned the Blues and hockey, comparisons to lacrosse and cricket. Lap 3 got into politics, lightly so, and it was pretty surface deep. I almost never talk politics with anyone, I just don't care enough about them. But the hockey discussion -- to my surprise I knew some stuff! The Neutral Zone though, that's not the Romulans, LOL.

I came into the ride thinking that since this is a rest week, I should only do 2 intervals. I also thought I'd be too tired to ride good. And I thought....oh fuck it. My stupid head.