STRENGTH 25 ish minutes of Push C, lots of triceps
COMMUTE 3.5 miles in, got a ride home
Yesterday's HamiltonTrained phone call, an hour that ended on a very low note. I'd put a lot of thought into this - thinking about goals and desires and current issues and making a list. I never referred to my list during the call, it was in my head as I'm living it. Summary:
Asked about my current status, how I got there, first 20 minutes or so of the issues. In short, using my words that I said, I'm so close to the problem that I can't see it anymore and it's a tangle, and I need help untangling it.
He asked, if he snapped his fingers and put me at goal weight and physique, would I be able to maintain it on my own? I'd like to think I could, but in 2017-2019 as I spiraled I couldn't. But I've changed a lot since then, could I do it now?
He asked, if he snapped his fingers and put me at goal feeling and strength regardless of weight and size, would I be happy? I'd like to think so, but honestly, no.
He went over his way of doing things, the 3 phases. Mentioned that I might need some metabolic work. Said I'd get a personalized meal plan and strength training plan. Then right towards the end, the ball drops. He only does things in 6 month increments and I won only 3 months. Normally 6 months is $5000 but my discount would be $3500.
Fuck.
Bloody hell. And I can look back over the call then and see how it built to this.
I said I needed husband approval. I said that's a lot. He said he has financing options. Of course he does. He said he usually wants an answer in 24 hours, but can wait 48 for me. Of course he can. I'm thinking he hears "no" quite a bit once the call gets to this point.
Think about that - 12 months for $10000 would be $27.3 dollars A DAY.
6 months for $5000 would be $19.18 dollars A DAY.
I'm cheap, we all know that. I can regret on $15 dollars I spent on a bus ticket in April that I didn't use because I didn't stop to think. I already lament that AEAs gym membership won't cover her full visit and I might be in for another $20 because I didn't stop to think. I most certainly regret all the M food that I certainly did and did not think about (all at the same time, both planning and denying at the exact same time).
But I can stop to think about this. I talked to LA this morning, explaining that I'm NOT likely to go along with this. He doesn't know the depths of all this, but I'm opening up to it slowly in the past weeks.
Think about the past weeks. Have I been consistent? No. Have I been pushing towards a defined goal? No. Am I changing and tweaking and stopping so that I nail my goals? No. Do I eat spoonfuls of peanut butter. Do I fear going to the DS for nibbles. Do I lose the plan by Friday and go off on weekends. Do I really effort on the elliptical (LN at work said he does this, and that pointed out to me that I don't). Do I have a running goal or do I come up with excuses.
Do I overeat? Not THAT much. Do I M? Not for 257 days. Do I binge and eat bad foods? No. No. No.
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What can I do for myself with almost $20 a day? Buy exercises on my app and build my own strength training plan that isn't boring and makes progress. Buy better foods and not the cheapest food I can buy. Buy new workout clothes and running shoes. Buy more workout music. Buy a new bike helmet. I could search around and find a meal plan, work with a nutritionist. I could get a YEAR of personal training at LA Fitness.
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But do I know what to do next? What do I change next to see the results? What is the difference between me then and me now? Think on these to day, and come back.
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