Stress-ball run in AA

 RUN 3.5 miles in 35 mins

Ugh, I don't understand my head sometimes, grasping for ....? I don't know. I stressed myself out this morning and hate that I did it. But instead of beating myself up over it, figure it out and move on.

I don't do well with unstructured waiting. When something is expected to happen 'shortly' I feel like I'm knocked out of gear and just spinning. This usually happens when I'm waiting on someone. After living alone for 5 years I became adapted to living on my schedule. Now that I live 'with' LA (last fall and now weekends) I'm subject to someone else's schedule. He'll hurry me up then change gears and I have to wait. It's not something he's doing on purpose, it's just how it seems to me. I get ready to run, he wants to look at the deck, then he comes back to apartment, then he has breakfast, then he gets ready to leave for hardware store. In the meantime, I'm not eating or drinking and I'm on the edge of my seat waiting to run. I don't start anything, I feel like I'm wasting time. 

OK so like he said, I should just go run. But instead I get micro-managy about the dog, who was going with him to the store. This concerned me, I didn't want her to stay in the apartment alone (strange place for her), I didn't want her to stay in the truck (too hot), and she'd have to come in the store. He knew this, and he tried to tell me, but all I heard was "babe relax quit worrying so much". Gawd that's like the worst thing to say to someone who's anxious. Relax. Ugh. It's dismissive. It makes me feel like you're not listening, really listening. It only makes it worse. I'd rather hear "OK, I'll keep that in mind, go run". It's equally dismissive but at least it's reassuring. But telling him that only means I'm micro-managing him. 

He's not doing this on purpose. He's right -- I needed to relax. Ugh. 

So I start the run with the fear in the back of my mind that I should have stayed home with the dog for the errand. I should have run earlier so I could go with him. I should I should I should...

I calmed down around mile 2. The plan was 2.5 miles but the stress pushed me up to wanting 4. I started to mentally negotiate for 3, then realized 3.5 would give me an even 13 for the week. So 3.5 it was. Felt great, no after-effects of a "long week".