My appt with Dr P-G was schedule for next Tuesday the 18th. Last week I called Dr H's office to see about getting an appt with Dr Clohisy, who Dr L calls "the" hip guru. After no follow-up from Dr H's I called again, and to my utter surprise got an appt for this morning with Dr C! I expected a long wait just to see him. Thank you to whoever canceled (I'm assuming that's how this happened).
940 appt, then around 1030 the send me for xrays. In the meantime I filled out the Tablet Questionnaire of Black Cloud Thinking (for the 3rd time in a month) and a 13-page research questionnaire that went waaaay to long in to details. X-rays, back to waiting, standing (because sitting hurts) with my MRI CD copies and lots of swirling thoughts.
Called back, waiting, but enjoying the quiet because I slept awful last night. A team of 3 comes in and asks the expected questions. Some of them are funny. Seriously, how can you expect someone like me to answer questions about "can you walk, climb stairs" and pain levels? Of course I can walk, hell I can run 100 miles on a fibula with a hair-line fracture and I can run on broken ribs. Of course I limp and I hurt, but you won't see it for my pride. I felt kinda silly.
They hung my x-rays and did an exam for impingement and range of motion. Then they left, with one of the team saying his bro-in-law was getting ready to try again at the Leadville 100 trail run. Good for him, I'm jealous! Kinda. This shit still hurts.
I wait again, staring at my x-rays, what do I see if anything? The bones look webby, but I think that's normal. The femoral head looked smooth, but what is that white spot? My gut is full of something, guessing gas bubbles? (Gut unhappy with low sleep). My IUD looks crooked, should that be fixed? Waiting.
Dr C comes in, this time with 6 others in a team, crowded into the room and not speaking. He is to the point, direct, clear, detailed. The questions are pointed and fast. No chitty-chat. I get the ROM exam, he notes numbers that don't seem too different between right and left. He looks at the MRI but doesn't see a tear.
Doesn't see a tear?! He explains that he doesn't like coronal views, which I think the tear was visualized in by others. He explains that he doesn't see a detachment or anything specific. Huh?! He explains that just because he can't see it doesn't mean it's not there. Something is wrong, he just can't see what from the MR image.
Then the surprise. He says, well what do you want to do? I want to do what's best to make progress. He says my options are more PT, build strength, and get as best as possible. Second option is surgery. I ask if a surgery would reveal what can't be seen by imaging, yes. I ask about returning to running and normal, he explains the odds are 50/50 and that impact sports are harder to get back to. I think on this. I say that 50% is more than I have right now. He says I'll never have a "normal" hip again, good point and poor wording on my part as I guess I meant a New Normal.
He waits. I say I'm interested in the surgery, what I'm doing now isn't working. More surprise. He lists the potential risks of surgery, infection, blood clots, nerve and/or muscle damage. But then -- he's scheduling 6 months out, so what do I want to do? Again the ball in my court, with 6-7 people waiting. I mentioned in a self-thinking sort of way that he came highly recommended and is worth waiting for. He says he's happy to help me, wants to do what he can, but understands that this timeframe might not work for me. He offers me the opportunity to speak to his associates, and mentions my originally-scheduled surgeon Dr P-G. I think. He asks me to think about it, I say I have, and agree to speak to his scheduler.
The team leaves the room, a researcher with the 13-page report and more research questions comes in. Then back to the waiting room, then to another room with Dr C's scheduler. Yup, January.
OK, I mention the opportunity to see Dr P-G. She agrees, says the same as Dr C (we want to help...). I ask if she's new to WashU or new to hip surgery, she's just new to WashU. In the end I get back a similar appointment as my original on the 18th at 9:45am. Full circle in the end, with a whirl of questions in the meantime.
Being asked all these questions about daily function, pain, ability got me thinking. Here's the answer. It hurts to sit here and type. I just went for a 'smoke break' walk and that hurt. Took the stairs, uncomfortable. Sleeping last night was terrible. I feel fragile, limited, distracted. This thinking caused some anxiety, I typed it out to TH in an email to vent it.
In retrospect I came into this appt hoping to get Then Answer from The Man, and instead left without it. Yes I can have surgery if I want it, not what I expected. But I do appreciate the honestly and lack of "oh yes of course I can fix you and of course I'll do the surgery". In the end, I really do appreciate it. I just don't feel like I got an answer.
ETA I typically don't edit posts, but I don't want two posts of this day. So here's additions.
Looking back I wonder if I was honest enough with them about how poor my day to day can be. It isn't always a painful problem, but nights like the previous in which sleep is really disrupted, days when I don't feel like walking the dog, and stuff I don't do because it might hurt.
When I was leaving the scheduling office, she saw my tattoo of the M-dot and commented that I'm an 'Ironperson'. I replied that I used to be, before all this.
And when I got home I realized why the appt seemed so disappointing. Everyone else I'm working with is taking a supportive approach. Yes, I might not run like before, but it's always supportive just the same. This guy just stuck to a 50-50 answer. Even a 55-45 answer, even a "hope for >50" answer would have made a big difference. Just the drop of extra hope and encouragement. Again, I appreciate his honesty, he didn't puff it up or mislead. But it just didn't leave a good vibe afterwards.
Banking the subject until next Tuesday when I meet the other surgeron.
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