S-T-R-E-S-S

Copied from Tuesday's 1-11-22 post, then deleted, because it turned into it's own mess. 

Tuesday I woke up around 335am and couldn't fall back asleep. So what did I do? I didn't want to disturb LA and I wanted to sleep, I tried, but I ended up just THINKING. So I woke up a jumbled-sleepless-overthought mess. This has been all in my head since last Weds, all of the changes that are going to happen. I've known all along changes would happen, so why does it stress me out now? What am I stressed about?

• LA will realize I won't be a good parent, and our relationship will change
• The stress of constant travel (every weekend?!) will wear on me, and our relationship will change
• The stress of kids living here will change our relationship
• I don't know how to be a parent!
• I don't know how to protect my space and my interests and my time
• I'm spending more money than I make since moving here 
• My dog is sick, and I'm in such denial that I don't call the vet to learn more, and it's more money to spend!
• My meals are a mess of random shit standing at a countertop
• I'm potentially sick, between my face/jaw and I don't want to see a specialist to confirm it
• I'm coming up on the PCP appointment where I have to acknowledge all the past sickness, and I want to cancel the appointment
  LA wants me to call every day to see about cancelations, but if I call I'll just be tempted to cancel the appointment
• LA thinks I have symptoms of an AI disorder, and the last thing I want to do is get tested or even consider it. Really, just shoot me now if that's what I have
  
• LA mentions I have generalized anxiety have I see a doc about it? Really, another disorder put on me?!
• Now I'm afraid to eat certain foods because I think they'd make an AI worse
• My gut and skin symptoms are crazy since Christmas week, when will they improve?
• I'm afraid to come near gluten or dairy, thinking they cause above symptoms

What's good?
I'm running 20-25 miles a week!
I'm making time to sketch or draw or paint everyday
Work hasn't changed, it's stayed constant
I'm not a total fail as a parent, at least the kids like me

What can I control of the above list?
Spending - budgeting app, awareness, and defining limits
My time - set aside my time, even just 30 minutes, and I'll feel like I have "my time"
Call the vet dental surgeon to see about cancelations
Get back to meal plans so I don't have to cook and clean every single day

OK enough.