Forgetting and Forgiving - book

BIKE 40 mins easy indoors on the Bird

I started reading on my library books while on the Bird, this was a catch-up morning to get stuff done. Instead of driving to the gym, stay home and get ahead if I can for the weekend of travel. 

I finished a disappointing book on habits, downloaded yet another habits book, then cracked into the "Forgiving What We Can't Forget" that I downloaded after seeing in the Family Access Bible study emails. I only barely got started into the book but came across this in Chapter 1: (some sentences omitted, underline my emphasis)

"In the early days after my marriage devastation, I remember wishing I could be put to sleep like when you have surgery. ...The shock and heartbreak implosion impacted every level of my life. ...I felt the harsh realities every single day. ... My health was failing. My finances were a mess. I was getting letters from attorneys I never dreamed we'd need. And each night the only way I could sleep was to lie to myself that tomorrow would be better. 

Days turned into months. Months turned into years. And slowly I turned into someone I didn't recognize. My strong but normally carefree spirit became a confusing mix of anxiety, panic attacks, and soul-blinding pain so intense I thought I'd never feel healthy or regain a sense of normalcy again. ...

Relationships were reduced to attempts at managing what I feared about them rather than enjoying what I loved bout them. Laughter felt fake. Fun felt careless. And people's imperfections were like neon lights screaming that they were just another high-risk opportunity for me to get hurt again. Daily issues all seemed like worst-case scenarios. Small aggravations like emotional chaos. And losses big and small were light terminal assaults. 

A heaviness settled in that I couldn't explain or pinpoint exactly. I'm not sure how to properly describe it, except to say on different days it crept up with varying personal that seemed to hold me together and rip me apart simultaneously."

And more. Still reading. 

I could have written that about me!

PT guy Ben has said that it seemed like I hadn't let something go yet, that I was still holding on to some emotional garbage and/or pain to heal and move on. 

And LA is asking me to answer on the topic of marriage. I'm hesitant right now. Too much mental distraction. What another book this morning referred to as 'cognitive load'. Too much right now.