SWIM: nope pool is still closed, so switchup to...
WALK on treadmill, running didn't feel fluid. 60 mins and I think a squeak under 3 miles
STRENGTH 20 mins of arms - dips, pullups, dumbells. My arms felt weak afterwards!
Years ago I started watching the Extreme Makeover Weightloss TV show. I dunno how or why, or what pulled me into it. But I enjoyed it. I'm watching it again for some reason, as I can find it on YouTube during my treadmill workouts. I think I enjoy seeing someone work with a personal trainer?
After some thought, I think I enjoy it because I want a voice in my head like this to counteract the one I already have in my head. That harsh yet weak voice that goes from 1% to 100% in or out of my favor. The saboteur. The Monster.
Imagine having someone to cheer you on and keep you focused all day. I tried the voice a few times in my head last night and today in the gym. One more set. Walk away. Stop and think. Get honest with yourself. Who wouldn't want help like that throughout the day?
So yeah I put the bag back last night for good, and yeah I did a few extra reps today at the gym.
But what about a year-long transformation in 4 phases like in the show? Doesn't have to be 4 phases, could be 12 or full moons or whatever. I think this is on my brain because my Bday is in a week and a full moon is this Wednesday and they both are like restarts for me. A benchmark or New Year of sorts. Every year I write myself a birthday card in the blog. Let's go back a few years and review...
2020: So my goal for the next year, find yourself again. Leave behind everything here and find a new start. You are still the person you were yesterday, all off them good and bad. The silent voice, that's the voice of the future, and what will that voice say in one year?
2019: So many goals for this year, I always put a few goals in my birthday post. No more M and a little more A. See the nutritionist. Get strong. Get running. Get normal. Are these goals? haha. Love you bee!
2018: my FUCKING BIRTHDAY. Happy Birthday to me, how looks, my EKG? OK not funny. (hospitalized for PCI).
2017: no specific entry, but a breakthrough in meeting up with an old friend and branching out
2016: So, Bee, why are we here? Because I want to encourage you to stay the course. Keep trying. Never give up, and never lose site of those end goals. I'm not talking about a 100 mile finish, I'm talking about winning the Battle of the Five Armies, so to speak. This Battle has been ongoing for 20 years in some ways. Look back at those first memories, how long ago they were, how painful they were then and still are now. Twenty years, Bee. You're 41 years old today, do you want to be updating this blog in 20 more years and still be waiting on the Battle to be over?
2015: post hip biopsy and divorce
2014: B2B
2013: I signed up for MiTi
2012: a FoPa run, a pumpkin drive, and decision to run Land Between The Lakes in 2013.
OK I think that's enough. 10 years now. Up and Up, then Down and Down, and then.... Now.
NOW. You're looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now is happening now.
NOW!!! Why wait for a birthday or a full moon? What is you you want?! This long ass post and what conclusions from it?! Blah blah blah I want another voice in my head? Why, just last year I found I have up to 7 or 8 other voices (past selves) in my head and they're still there but they just behind my now. They don't speak much, but I think about them a LOT. Maybe that's a place to start. What is it I keep thinking about them? Why do they continue to attract my attention? Why do I keep going back to the past?
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