Atomic Changes

I don't like change, but here I want change. 

I'm listening to a new-to-me podcast by Hamilton Training and I have the urge to write them and ask about coaching. I've done this before, and $1500 dollars and a year later (actually, I think exactlyish one year from today...) I did learn a lot and I did make changes but was it worth it? Hmmm, I have wondered if I'd rather have a scooter to zip around town instead. 

But again, I want to talk to them. What would I say? Oooh, that's an interesting question. I know how to do workouts. I know I need to exercise. Macronutrients, calorie counting, I know all that. So what would I ask?? 

What is my goal, really? What is it that I want to change and what is it that I think I need the help of yet another nutrition coach for? 

I want to lose the 2019 weight I gained during the Time That Shall Not Be Named. 

It's a burden. A constant reminder of what I did. A daily weight to carry, to see in the mirror, to fit clothes over, to ignore in photos.

I want to have the confidence I used to have.
I want to have at least some of the fitness I used to have. 
I want to not be so damned bent out of fucking shape over all of it.
I want to quit thinking about it all the fucking time. 
I want to quit seeing myself as a failure who can't engage or succeed. 

Wow. And well, just, wow. 

Ok. 

So then, as they as in Atomic Habits -- what type of person has self confidence in fitness and body, what type of person feels successful and in control, what type of person makes good choices that result in confidence, success, and progress? 

Who do you want to BeeCome?!