Stressed 4 miler, why so stressed?

RUN 4 miles in 40 mins. It felt faster than that.

I was gonna do the 6 miler, but the morning got late and I didn't have time. Today is one of those days...

845am video surgical consult for gall bladder

9am lab meeting

hmmm, that's kinda hard to do both at the same time. LA wanted me to do the consult, so I was late to meeting. Did I schedule them on top of each other on purpose, so I had an excuse to skip the consult?

Last night LA said he wanted to go to bed early and run in the morning. I went to bed early, didn't stay up to paint or do chores. He didn't, he stayed up to watch archer and read a book (a book that he said he bought for me but I don't want more stuff, so now he's reading it). He came to bed after I fell asleep. 

I woke up my usual 5ish, briefly rested until the dog wanted out at 520. I went down, took care of her and readied my STL tax papers, worked on letter for kids...went back up before 6 so LA didn't wake up alone (he doesn't seem to like it). His alarm was 6am but he snoozed until about 620. I didn't snooze, I just lay there thinking. Wondering when I was going to run. Wondering how to get all my morning take care of. Wondering if I'd have time to run and time to get to my appointments. Just thinking. 

He wakes up and it's back to the conversation about why I'm stressed. This happened yesterday. And again yesterday, and again I think the day before. Well for one it stresses me to keep having someone ask "what's wrong with you". Wrong. 

He's asking me straightforward questions, and I'm giving straightforward answers, but it's not enough. What am I stressed about? 

Well, Monday for one. It's a big deal, it's travel, I disagree with some of the ideas for it. He's looking at a full weekend schedule while at the same time saying "I don't have weekends the next few months", well then why do we want weekends? And if he's not available, then who is? Me? I don't want to travel and be busy every weekend. I want to go for my long runs and bike rides. I want to get my housework done. I want to visit my family too. 

He's talking about moving to NC or TX or somewhere else, asking where I want to live. I want to live in AA. I don't want to think about moving. He doesn't like AA and wants to leave. Now I don't like living in AA, because if I settle in and get my run paths and trails habit going we just have to leave again. I want to enjoy the area and house while we're here. 

Boss MC is talking about me going to Penn to train for the iPS cells. No. I don't want to travel. I want to stay home, not live in hotel. And who would take care of the dog? 

I'm falling behind financially, I'm afraid to look at how much money has been spent. It's another reason I don't want to travel. I want to save money not keep spending it. 

He's talking about retirement and cruises, I just want to enjoy now. 

That's all I wanted to do this morning, is go for a run. Get my stuff done. Have a productive day. 

He was going to run with me, instead he rushes out the door and I'm on my own. But how is it I can feel so "on my own" yet at the same time feel like everyone else gets to dictate my schedule?