Saturday RUN 12.5 miles
Sunday, Monday Nothing
Tuesday (Today)?
I woke up feeling good and ready, but not excited to run. Today we fly to MO, not until later at night though. But I still had to do laundry, wash and take dog to kennel, get at least a few groceries ready to prep for travel and next week, and pack! All with a 20 miler.
I started at a good time, but relatively late at 10am. I had eggs with some cheese as a pre meal. Not too much, but I knew I should be running and not munching. And I was doing chores, when I could have been running.
Out the door with a fluffy audiobook and no set plan. My mind toyed with the idea that I could run the half mile down to Scio 20 times and I'd be done. Or I could run to the library 10 times and be done. Why does that seem shorter? Mind games.
I was trying to keep distracted from the upcoming events, and did good with that. But I was distracted from everything l, even the run. I just didn't care much.
I promised I'd walk more each mile, and I did. But I still didn't really care. The miles were meh. Each one passed and I was continually trying to boost my mood and self-encourage. Miles 8-10 today felt as sluggish and awful as 18-20 did last week.
I realized around 8 miles that I'd had no caffeine, was that an issue? I started thinking, I could run home and get some, then go back out. Maybe water and salt water just weren't enough today. So I headed for home, also thinking I was done for now. Maybe I'd get some caffeine, wash and drop the dog, then run until I was out of time.
Excuses? An opportunity to quit? Mind games? I was getting distracted by the possibility that I'd be too late to drop off the dog (I didn't know when they closed), and by thinking I'd run out of time. I dunno. I just went home.
There, caffeine, water, cucumber and salt. Dog bath, call kennel and yes I had to drop her soon, aldi, and home where LA is already there. I kept thinking, I can go for more. I didn't. We put gas in the car, stopped at Russian market, packed. There was extra time if I really wanted it. I didn't.
LA suggested we might could run Sunday in MO. We didn't.
And now here Tuesday, probably not going to be able to run today either. Wednesday is registration deadline. What do I do?
LA asked why I don't run the half marathon, because I know I can run that far. I'm my mind, it's a good option, but if I know I can run it then why pay to do it? He said for the metal and the experience and it would let me say I'm racing again.
But money. And time. And travel. I'm full of excuses.
But also, I having a lack of interest right now. And that lack extends into most all athletic endeavors right now. Last week, the idea came up again that I just want to sell my triathlon gear and be done with it. I haven't been on a bike yet this year. I haven't been to the pool since… January or February? I haven't been to the gym since …. early March? What's going on?!
In part, at least, I'm so focused on running that I'm excluding swim, bike, strength. I'm unable to find the time for balance. I'm so fixated on other things. Is it the stress? A real lack of time, or perceived? Will having a set weekend schedule like we will now allow me to advance plan better? Will getting back on trails reinvigorate my running interest?
What if I skip this Toledo event entirely, refocus on triathlon type balanced training? What about Hennepin Hundred? What if I just make that my last big race? What if I switched to small short races for fitness?
Where is my competitive edge? Where is my desire? Will this go away after the stress of the past few weeks?
So many questions. Today is my last day with Coach, unless i opt to continue at $167/month. I don't have to decide that today at least. But I do need to talk to him about this. I need to talk to someone.
The plane is about to land in DTW. But I haven't landed on any answers.
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