Kept falling into stress response

 Tuesday RUN 3.5 on the track, COMMUTE 4.6  to the track

Wednesday RUN 3 miles, late afternoon with LA

Thursday RUN 4.5 miles in Fo Pa, COMMUTE 9.2 miles

LA arrived Tuesday night! As excited as I am that he comes here, the time he's driving is stressful. But the relief when he gets here - all worth it. 

But I kept falling back into a stress response all week, Wednesday and Thursday were hard days. I can't explain it. This is my safe zone to explain things, and yet I don't have the words. 

I feel so...out of control, off base, like I'm on a treadmill that just goes a little bit faster every week. Like the world is spinning under me and my feet can't stay on the ground. Then I get to the point like I need to grab onto something solid, but there isn't anything. Whatever I can find to grab is transient, or just pulls me faster. 

LA is here, so you'd think I could grab onto him (figuratively) (and literally!). But he's only here a few days, and I don't feel right unloading onto him, he has his own problems.

But then I do unload onto him, he asks why I'm so stressed and in order to answer I have to face the Dragons I have been trying to ignore. And they come out roaring and I lose all denial and control of the Dragon. 

I wish I could explain it better. But I can say that I didn't grab on to him, and he is solid, and he helped me figure it out. Sometimes his calm experience riles me up, and while it did this time, it also brought me back. 

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As for the medical shit in the last post, all seems good as expected. Going to try antibiotics for a few months to see if the intermittent symptoms clear out.