The kids are gone, hours ago, in a weirdly emotionless exchange. I get a hug, but it's a flat hug without much behind it. I get it, they want to get home (ugh, that word again, home, so loaded with meaning) and the Other Parent is there and she's not even acknowledging that I'm here as I try to smile a Hi her way. Anyway, 10 weeks later and I feel like I'm dropped like a used up piece of paper.
Summer is over, and I've been putting things off until this time. I do this. A cursory glance at the past … 14, 15? years… of this blogging will show that I Start Something a lot and I Will Change and the moon or a heart attack for some Meaningful Change means CHANGE.
Yet, here I am. Again.
What has changed? I haven't been to the gym in a month. Running? Maybe a few short miles. Commuting great, bike rides not great.
LA has major diet changes that I followed. Eliminating mammal meat and dairy (except the yogurt I tried last Friday leading to Pain in the left hip, again) and cleaning up foods. No restaurants. Reduced snacks. But almost all carbs. Oatmeal and rice. Lots.
Where am I going with this?
I still want to change. I was 132-133 Friday. Now? Not sure after two days of inactivity and hotel life. 132-133, down from 137-139. Towards goal, but not at goal.
I'm trying to know my Future Self. In quiet moments, in stress moments. That's so hard, I can't even see her (hair not withstanding, long hair?).
Where am I going with this?
I'm recommitting. No meat or dairy. No nuts. Out with the upsetting junk jelly and ketchup, super reduce rice (rice cakes, ugh, monopoly) and carbs. Start tracking macros again, Noom not helping there.
Talk to Amelia.
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