Running again, HIIT started, up down all around, denial

Sunday RUN 2.5 miles, some walking
Monday COMMUTE half way (rain and tired), HIIT 25 mins
Tuesday RUN 2 miles, not sure of commute
Wednesday HIIT 25 mins and COMMUTE
Thursday RUN 2 miles solo and half COMMUTE
Friday HIIT again and COMMUTE 
Saturday BIKE! 16.3 on Metropark with LA
Sunday RUN 2.75 with LA

I'm back to "normal". Back to running too! And I finally wrote out a HIIT plan to follow, 3 days a week. A bit repetitive maybe, but I gotta start somewhere.

My other goals are on track, I'm more focused on cleaning up the less-than-ideal foods I started eating (azuc, seriously...!) and watching macros and micros. Given all the changes in foods in the house, this is a good time to evaluate that. 

Last night, and over the weekend, azuc with oats and butter. You know, like 2019! 

But no M. 

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Thursday. From a low to a high, or a high to a low, depending on how you want to word it, I'm so distracted by this and all else...

I think my goals are on track, then yesterday. I skip the IF for M1 and have randomness at 8am:tofu, ketchup (threw it away), cream cheese. Then I feel sick, both physically and mentally and goally (new word) - I'm rearranging and deleting and adjusting to accommodate this. I think I have it, I get home, M3 another randomfest.

Planned: salmon, broccoli, carrots, potato, and FB

Actual: grapes and cherries, broccoli with coconut aminos, tomato and cuc twice with balsamic, carrots, then egg whites, potato with butter (LOTS of butter), buckwheat, buckwheat with jam and hummus and fake butter in a cup, then again, then jam, then the fake cream cheese, then....I think jam...and dates with FB scooped. How the fuck did I not feel sick?! Granted, I'm nibbling, but ...! The buckwheat, peach, jam, hummus  -- all poorly logged, if logged at all. So the number I type it, is DENIAL.

My CO was the FB, peach, dates. 

Now today. I see 2.4 go to 5.0 and I'm in disbelief. Really, disbelief?!? Ha, take THAT denial. You lose! 

Read that above again, and just THINK about it. 

My heart is jumpy and palpitating. Stress? Imagined? This? 

Now I'm planning next weeks meals, and trying to figure out if I need to change something? 
And I need to PLAN and PACK this weekend!! 

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Friday: OMG I'm reading over yesterday and realizing I'm about to type the exact same shit all over again. We went to Aldi and I got rice cakes. I've been out of them for 1 week (or more) now and I stupidly missed them. I was barely in the door and RC + FB (unmej). I stopped at 3 as planned. But as I'm cooking plov, I realize I can cook too the gluten free pizza dough. I realize I can do a sugar cinnamon. I eat some raw dough, which in the end tasted better than the cooked version, and M ---- OH that fucker ---- started talking!!! Anxiety. Stress. Rushed. 

I only ate parts of them (the unbrowned sugared side) with more FB (also unmej) and threw out the rest and M wanted to throw out even more and Oh fuck it's unreal. 

But he didn't win. But he did. In the form of a CO=400 for today. 

Unreal. Just yesterday I was upset that I went off script. And what did I do just hours later? Went off script. I'm fixing it today. 

And I still have to plan the weekend!!

NOW!

Weekend:

Saturday bike ride, Sunday run. Before the run - an aura and a panic attack. At least, that's what I think it was? 

I went from 4.0, to 5.0, to another 5.0, then decline to 1.8. I was in another type of panic last night - felt sick and bloated and heavy and losing.
My noom app had a "write about 5 characteristics you're proud of". For Monday.