Keep your damned fool mouth shut

STRENGTH 20 mins coach's workout
COMMUTE 3.5 or 7 miles, on Bird

I didn't commute home last night, I got a ride :)
And I got to bed on time, 930 as goal, and had a mostly relaxed evening. I got anxious to eat dinner "on time" - meaning what I consider on time and not what the family group considers on time, meaning I put the stress on me for no reason and I get worked up and anxious for no reason. 

LA wanted to run another 3 miles, I didn't. I was done running for the day, my right heal still hurts after running and I was just tired. I wanted to sit and relax and start incorporating some of the Relax Goals I want to have. I cooked the Turkish eggs while he ran. But he didn't leave on "my schedule", and I let myself get worked up. This manifested as nom'ing sour cream, nom'ing peanut butter, nom'ing brie cheese, then broccoli, then I'm not not hungry by the time he has returned and is ready to eat. 

I've noticed this anxiety, it's like a waiting anxiety. Like I get anxious just having to wait. Why?? I don't know what else to do, I expect to be doing something else (in this case having dinner), I dunno. It's common though. What else could I have been doing? Walk the dog. Watch a movie. But not bounce between my water color and Moria until I'm full. 

Anyway, dinner then he's off to phone call while I finish dishes. I wasn't in the mood for phone call after hearing some snark from Slava. The anxiety came back and I dallied by brushing teeth, taking meds, reading jokes. Then when I did join the call I wasn't in the mood still, and I didn't feel better about it until much later. 

Dog walk, watercolor, The Crown episode until 9pm, bed. Thank you sugar for waking me up at 230am. Back to bed until 5 with the alarm. I'm hard to wake up. Got my LA time, then waited for him to go to the gym (same anxiety, this time with coffee), then he doesn't go to the gym, more on gym later, home from gym to have a shower with LA and FoxNews, and then my mood is back low. I get frustrated by having bad news piped into the shower with us, and thusly my day has continued. We had a tiff about signing up for the mouse surgery course - he asked me to look into it, I did, he didn't reply to my message days ago, didn't reply this morning in the shower, then he complained about how much "paperwork pushing" is required. Ugh. I don't need this. Neither of us do. 

I'm feeling better typing it, and seeing it matter of fact, and seeing how simple it all is. Just relax. 

The gym - to my surprise this was only the 13th time I've done the coach's workout?! What?! It felt good, it's only been 4 days since I last did it. I didn't change much this time, still settling into the movements and habit. Excuse! Set Goals!  And get a second workout series to use, maybe even a third. 

Going back to my title, which I started yesterday. LA is again trying to change his habits to improve his numbers for the Army. He's done this before - goes in whole hog and burns out after a week. I buy salad only to through it away. I buy healthy foods and he eats it all in one day instead of over a week. He runs and runs too much and hurts. Sounds like me sometimes, and I think that frustrates me - to see my mistakes in someone else. He bought a pack of sugar free gum yesterday and was pouring it (literally) into his mouth, as a stand-in for sweets. A familiar thing to me too. He ate a jar of pickles this morning before work. Familiar. He sat in the bathroom with upset stomach a long time. Familiar. I can't help him, so I need to keep my damned fool mouth shut. I fast, he doesn't. I OMAD now, he doesn't. It's on him. 

Blessedly, he doesn't M. Or seem to share my distracted mindset about Moria. Another place I need to keep my damned fool mouth shut.