Friday, August 5, 2022

Friday run; Realizations

RUN 5.3 miles my usual loop
COMMUTE 3.5 or 7, don't know yet

Yesterday in short bursts I'd typed up this long analysis of my habit lists and realized that I was repeating over and over the same issue - that I'm making bad plans and I'm unable to stick to these bad plans. I was making a sort of punishment about what was a bad ADF plan execution. This lead to CO days, bad Net numbers, bingy cycles, "ignorance" about current counts, etc etc.

I don't know if I'll publish that post. 

The post started because I've been trying to decide what's going wrong - why don't I see the changes I'm trying so desperately to make? Maybe because I'm being so coy and indirect with myself about it, haha, see above. I'd made a list of things that Patrick would tell me (stop the carbs, make a plan, master the mindset) and gave myself until the end of August to see if I could start making better plans for myself.

I'd had some grand realization this morning after waking up about this, but as I sit here I can't seem to recall it.

But do I need to re-hire someone who told me what I needed to do, I paid for it but then didn't do it? 

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The run today felt like it was gonna suck in the first mile, and I was concerned about not being able to hit the goal of 5-6 miles. But I did, listening to my Empress Vicky audiobook, slow and tired, but finished. It amazed me the rest of the day that I didn't "feel" this run at all. Like I'd forgotten it happened. No fatigue, soreness, extra hunger or thirst. It happened, I'm sure of it! But is this a good thing - that I kept it easy amidst the stress. Or that I could have pushed a bit more - and kept it too easy?

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