Tuesday, February 8, 2022

8 miles, feeling good. Words for Before and Beecoming

RUN 8 miles in about 1:40, treadmill

I walked about 0.25 each WU and CD, then a bit at miles, 5 miles, and 6.5 miles. So I ran most of it, but now sitting here I wish I'd run another half mile.

I'm also sitting here planning my weekend of travel. Bus, flight, rental car. I don't like it. And it disrupts my plans to run. So it means I'm staking my claim that weekend to get my running done, LA, like it or not. I think I'll get to run though. The strength training I'll have to reschedule maybe. 

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LA and I talked about me registering for the marathon in April. He's worried I'll get injured. He's promoting my "fragile/breakable" way of thinking. 

This on top of the medical results. I don't need that way of thinking. 
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I've been working on describing my 'personas' as a way to learn to identify them. I thought I had the Best-Self and the Anti-Self but to my surprise I found two more.

Best-Self is not 2016-Self as I initially thought, see a few days ago when I realized that 2016 was not the idealized "me" that I remembered.  There's also the Argumentative Self I have this past year (maybe longer). There's the Monster-Self. Then there's the Beecoming-Self for the future. 

While working on the word list, I noted that many words overlapped for the 3 past/current, and that the antonyms appeared in the future. I honed the list to 10:

Past and Current: insecure, unstable, fearful, distrusting, empty, cornered, secretive, trapped, stuck, impulsive. 

Future: secure, stable fearless, trusting, contented, ahead, open, free, flexible, calm. 

What a list. And what a realization, that the Me that I am now is a mess of the same things. Now, the goal is to flesh out the personas a bit more. 


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