Not even a commute, I had to drive to work so I can get the doggie from the kennel.
Last night I was stress-balled out over something. Not like an acute stress, but this little thread of anxiety running through me, for the past few days. Probably the sugar I'd been eating
Also last night I took a benadryl to sleep, I didn't sleep through the night at all while at home and it caught up to me on the drive back. Falling asleep a bit! I slept fully last night, so much that when the alarm sounded at 6am, 6:30am, 7am, I just kept delaying it. Slept until about 8am! I needed it.
But then I missed my swim. Fair trade.
I felt not so good about nutrition over the weekend. My appetite is weak and so I just let myself "eat whatever". That turned out to be sugar. No Bueno. So I stopped that Friday night, but still felt the effects and the pull for more carbs the next few days. I was zombie-brain-ish, tired, and instead of veggies just ate whatever.
This is good and bad. It's good that I ate chicken with the family, it's not good that I followed it with 7 rice cakes. It's good that I tried the buttercream off the birthday cake, not good that I kept trying to get more and more, then filled that urge by overeating fruit afterwards. It's good that I topped rice cakes with that fake butter, but bad that it only caused me to crave more and more. Sugar, salt, fat. Lots like this over the weekend.
Two things popped into my head on the drive. Should I do a round of the plant paradox to "clean this up". And I need to start training again to get this nervous energy out of me.
On the drive I shopped to wake myself up (then munched the food to stay awake, even though not hungry) and bought foods for two meals. 1: greek yogurt with oats. 2: cottage cheese to mix with frozen beans and broccoli and instant potatoes. (even though I had about 5lbs of real russet potatoes in the truck with me). Before going to bed, I made 5-6 meals of each of these for the week. Um....yum? And I can do better. Right?
Also last night I pulled out the 2014 blog book, I'm drawn to 2014 as the "before" in my life. The year my health tanked and my life changed. I keep going back to it. Five years ago already! I'd forgotten that in that book I opened up with a LifestyleWhole30 challenge for myself. Sad sad sad to read that those goals are STILL my goals. And sad to realize the mental-wall-blocks that drove the need to make those changes.
I printed out the post to read again. In thinking about it, it's not like I need to do another LW30. I'm still chasing those goals using my bullet journal check list and my daily index card check list. My don't these changes stick?
And why do I feel like I'm bouncing between ideas so fast and so unfulfillingly? I'm plant paradox, then time restricted, now 23:1. I'm whole food good then caramels and instant mashed potatoes. I don't sleep good at night without a pill assist. I'm craving SOMETHING. And I don't know what.
Gotta fill that time with training I guess.
And as per usual, when I see a full moon or an equinox on the calendar I set these big goals of "This Is The Day". Many full moons have gone by. Many new moons too, and I count those as well. I'm kinda pathetic, lol.
This week is the vernal equinox at 4:58 pm and four hours later a full moon at 8:43 pm. And it's a Supermoon, no less. So what are my goals this time?
Get to my swim on time, maybe?
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