Brick, PT, thinking

BIKE indoors 50' and about 13 or 14 miles?
RUN 1.76 miles out of 3 total, 37 mins
PT with JH
BIKE COMMUTE from Fo Pa about 2 miles
Walk about 3.5-4 miles total

Brickety-brick as I like to call them. Though in reviewing past years yesterday I saw that Tuesday TADs were a thing. This doesn't really count as a TAD, it would if I ran in afternoon but then it wouldn't be a brick. Brickety-brick!

3x 8 min intervals on the bike was the plan, I messed up my timer and got 2 8's and 1 ?? of about 10 mins. I was going to ride outdoors but this saved time. Then off to run, which felt heavy and clunky and slow. This was reflected in the numbers - low cadence in 160's, pace more like 930-10m/m, and HR climbed in each interval with the last one showing over 155. I was slightly overdressed, tired from the brick, and .... oh.... excuses.

The hip feels OK, it hurts about as much as I expect it to. The right ankle has calmed down (I quit wearing the broken down Cascadias, for one) but I'm still eyeballing it. I get afternoon headaches after I swim, huh, wonder where that comes from....  And my back is holding up OK, again about as expected considering the activity level.

Once I had an idea of my schedule I called Dr L's office, I'm on the wait list. Why do I feel like a 'failure' if I need to go in for an extra appointment. Shouldn't it be a WIN that I recognized the need to go and prioritized it?

PT with JH changed a bit today, now instead of floor work with that beloved ball I alternated between ball and standing, a few rotations of this! Progress?! And finally I start making the connection he's been teaching about 'not lifting the leg off the ball, but rather pressing down with the other leg'. DING-DING-DING I finally start to get it. And when I do, my core let's me know. I joked that the light bulb came on, this time a slow brightening of the dimmer switch.

I'm still in my head, but  I'll call it progress to say that I'm at least aware of it and encouraging reframing. Like just now, I pointed out to myself that a BrokenBee wouldn't be able to knock back 18 flights of stairs just like that. Earlier I halted a negative narrative about something else. Rein it in.

And with the end of the month always comes new goals, mapping out what worked in April and what I'd like to try in May. I end up checking a lot of boxes! My May bullet journal will be a milkweed and butterfly theme.

And following up on yesterday's question, about what I want? I'm tired of being tired of things. Tired of habits that don't change. Tired of negative self talk. Tired of weekends being a long slog with M coming by. Tired of feeling like there's no progress. Tired of feeling like I'm broken.

I'm not Broken!