Awful swim, so-so bike

SWIM: 60 mins and 1950 y (and that's maybe being generous)
BIKE: 23.25 miles in 90 mins, hill hunting in FP

Last night I was feeling nearly normal, still very fatigued but at least I could eat something. I'd resolved to get back on track this morning by doing the swim and bike. What feels better in the end--resting and recovering; or hitting goals of "doing my workouts"?

Today was breaststroke day (I keep typing breaststork) and so I convinced myself that this would be a less-freestyle "easy" day. HA! Today SUCKED! The only think that made it "easy" was that I was hanging on the wall half the time! ARHG!!  At one point CHG called for 2x50 breaststroke and "TJ can go first with freestyle". Everyone looked at me. I shook my head. So they went first, and I went last, and I did freestyle, and I still came in last. But I didn't go "fast". I just went.

And that might be the best way to describe the entire hour. I just went.

At one point I came to a realization about something that I've been very unhappy about (nothing to do with training, btw). That realization was like a light bulb moment: I realized WHY I was unhappy. It was crushing. How can I stay happy when the things I enjoy are taken away from me over and over? What should I do when I've built up a base only to have it killed off? (being purposefully vague here...). I couldn't see an easy way around it, except to suck it up and make the best of it. With that, I managed to find even LESS motivation to swim.

Afterwards CHG came up to talk about my technique. I really appreciated that he's trying and that he hasn't given up on me, but today just wasn't the day. I felt like one of those whiney-ass toddlers in the tiara show. All talk about a big game but then a whiney cry baby when the game time comes. UGH, if I could just re-do those few minutes...I'd do it better.

The ride was shortly thereafter, DC wanted to ride together but I told him via text that I was in a bad mood and better off alone. And I was. Really, who wants to be around a moody cry-baby? The plan today called for a Hilly Ass Ride. I stayed in FoPa the entire time (bad mood also means avoid cars!) and did my hill hunting. I alternated on the hills--one hill seated with low gear and fast turn-over; next hill standing in a middle gear but strong to the top; next hill steated, etc. I tried to keep from looking at the clock but I did anyway and just hated how slow time went by.

It was such a gorgeous morning. Oh, you really couldnt ask for better! Why am I in such a shitty mood? I'm still recovering, still fatigued, and just not "there" yet. But when I have workouts To Do, they become more important.

So going back to my question above, what feels better in the end? Hitting the goals of doing my workouts.