Welcome to March

 A month - might be the longest time I've gone without a post. I didn't have anything to update. Today I might. Let's see.

LA is in MO for a local week with the kids. I drive home tonight for the weekend. Next Thursday I fly to MO to join them for the GAL, then we drive back through IL for the birthday weekend, then to MI for the spring break week.

Amidst it all, LA is studying for STEP1. Stressing about April. Planning residency. Doing everything he can to see his kids, talk to his kids, and be there for them. So the last few phone calls were stress-inducing. We're apart, that's stress-inducing.

I had wild dreams about the old Kirwan house (nothing like the real house, but it was in the dream) and although I slept good I woke up 7am swollen-faced, swollen-bodied, heavy feeling, underwater mentally, and just wanting to feel less like a slug and more like an athlete again. 

I haven't been to the gym since.... January....?
But in good changes - I've stopped sugar (when Sugar died), stopped dairy (excepting the mistake of whipped butter), started sitting to eat (with the mistake of bouncing that needs to be fixed), and a few other minor things. 

Today will be 183 days without M. 

The end of March was this 100 day goal I'd had, oh, what....83 days ago? What happened?

But sadly, the pendulum goes the wrong way and I feel swollen and heavy. I spend lab meeting not really listening to LN's practice talk but instead listing my goals for the near future. Reduce potato 300 to 200. Cardio 30 mins/day. Strength or foam roll 15 min/day. Started IF 12-8, or at least protein only until noon. Review my old notes from Coach P. 

Then LA sends me a picture from last summer, me bathing my Sugar, and the less-than-flattering image really drives home my unhappiness. 

Now I'm all in a spin thinking. All these rules. I'm reading old posts and found one a year ago in which I noted that I'm always making myself do things because of Rules, instead of having myself do things because I love myself and want the best for my future self. Extrinsic vs Intrinsic. 

So where am I going with all this?! 

CoachP had me start with: accurate and diligent MFP tracking. Measuring every 30 days. 35% protein/50% fat/10-15% net carbs. 1300 Total. 3 meals reduced over time to 2 meals a day. Reduce then eliminate potatoes. Focus on some carrots and berries. And have plan the day before. 

So start with the planning and measuring. I haven't weighed in since...., ....??!?!?! 

Make a list of foods to get. (that's another stress, LA and the EoE, still waiting on that). 

Make a few meal ideas. And start tracking better. 
A recent dream it was 141.