SWIM: 60-70 mins, guessing 2000-some yards. My first CSP Masters swim in 2010.
BIKE: 45 mins about 14 miles. Aerobic extension workout, 15 mins in big ring at 75%.
I got up at 4:15am this morning and shelled out $6 to get flogged in a pool this morning. I was so frustrated and tired and near tears that I'm surprised I'd even think of going back. These are the same Master's swims I did last summer in the 50m outdoor pool. Today was a 25y indoor, warmer but more crowded.
There were 5 in our lane, including EK who described the lane as "entry level". Sounded like where I belonged. During the warm-up I got the sense that I was the slow poke of the lane, if the people swimming around me were warming up at my normal swim pace (I only have one speed) then I was in for trouble. Trouble indeed.
This was the choppiest pool swim I'd ever done. And since we swam along the wall, I repeatedly swam into it, much to the delight of my right ankle which is missing some skin. Chop is fine. Running into other swimmers is fine. Being the slowest person in the whole damned pool is fine. But being in the way of the other swimmers, having to stop at the end to let them all pass, seeing them turn early to avoid having to go around me--disheartening. Having to struggle just to keep up, being near lactate threshold for an hour to keep from being run over, being dizzy from the effort and still failing--crushing. Just crushing. Half-way though the swim, I was nearing tears of pure frustration. Oh My G8D, am I really that bad?!?!?
See, the faster I try to swim and the more tired I get, the worse my technique is. The worse my technique is, the slower I swim. So then I try to swim faster, which makes me more sloppy...
Master's swims have a coach on the deck telling us to do--or example 3x300y at a certain pace, then do 1x800, etc. Today I just swam. No counting, no clock. Just swimming.
This happened last year too. I'd go to monday masters and just get killed. I'd be so stressed out my stomach would be upset. Once I was so dizzy and overworked the coach told me to leave the pool and rest. I kept thinking, if I just keep at it I'll get better, but to no avail. I just got discouraged. After the swim lessons, and feeling pretty good about my swim, today was a harsh reality check. I can't swim.
I talked a few minutes with the coach afterwards, asking if I was ready for this or not. He said I was and offered a few suggestions, but while talking to him I was more concerned with the near-crying catch in my throat and the tears threatening to well up.
But what do I expect? Swimming is my weakness and the first training session I'll sacrifice in a time crunch. See last week for an example. I keep telling myself that I can swim the 2.4 miles for IMWI and missing a few swims here and there won't make things worse. Is that true? Or will I just survive IMWI and Worlds, having a so-so swim that wears me out for the bike and run.
But it's one thing to have a weakness, and a whole 'nother thing to realize just how little progress you've made. After this morning, I'm so discouraged, so frustrated, and apparently terrribly disillusioned. :(
But I'll be back, I'll go again next week. I know me, and this is only going to piss me off.
Heard a song on the radio today that about sums this up:
Cowgirls don't cry
Ride, baby, ride
Lessons of life are going to show you in time
Soon enough, your gonna know why
It's gonna hurt every now and then
If you fall get back on again
Cowgirls don't cry
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