Starting again, making changes

 It's 4pm, and I'm on schedule for the day.

Gym. Commute. 10am M1, 230 pm M2, plans for 6-7pm M3. HIIT later with the kids.

10 years ago: I was doing 65 mile rides (Freeeeeeeeebbbuuuurrrrg), a Castlewood marathon, and soon Rt 66 half iron tri. A week later I was trying to figure out why I had a Big Build/Big Crash, focused-only-on-training way of life. How could I make training and racing less On/Off? How could I have fun and still race and train?

10 years later, I'm trying to figure out if I should try to do less strength/free weights and do more HIIT, if Noom will work or not, and marveling how I could spend an entire weekend and not touch my bike?!

10 years ago was 8-31-13 was 1286.  
10 years later will be along those lines! Even the Noom graph agrees. 

Back then it was 2lbs per month slide. Upon review, it's been 2lbs per month since 1st of May to now. So am I really so off track? 

Poor start to the 300s

 Last week...mostly 2-3.5 miles RUN, COMMUTE most every day, no GYM. 

Due to 4th of July travel, short work week, and other stuff - I didn't get much done. 

But I did start eating cheese (can't waste it, right? But I can waste my subscription and myself?!) and noted this morning pained feet again. I haven't had that in awhile, and with all the rest I just logged it's hard to blame that lack of activity for the pains. 

So I threw out the cheese this morning. 

I have plans for 12-13, but have now averaged up to 15. And that's just what I'm logging. I've been consistently breaking my plans.

And it shows. And it feels. And it's heavy. 

Last night while making HIIT cards I read about celeb w8 info. Read how. I know how. 

Today I waited until 10am, at least. 
Today I initiated!
Today I did get to the gym, although a bit late because I remade the oats to not have ghee and be 120.
Today I did kettlebells, abs, upper on a bosu, and elliptical, home by 8am.

Today is 305. Today is per plan. Today is ... for me. 

301 days

RUN 2 miles then walk 1 mile
COMMUTE 3.35 miles in... and 

Today will be 301 days! Friday will be 1500 days. But who's counting. 

Today will also be day 1. Day 1 of getting it right.

Preplan. Prepare. Preplate. 

No phone or distraction. 

Wait, be calm, just wait. 

These are the last monsters. 

Progress, not perfection, but yet progress towards it. 

Freedom from …

Anxiety. Stress. Being overweight.

I was going to type over whelmed. But the autocorrect/suggest said overweight.

That's a good way to put it. Overweight mentally and physically. The weight of ….

Of what. I'm buffered out today. It's another day of travel, I don't like travel. This sucks. The negativity. The lack of schedule. The constant attention. The constant people. The bickering. The attitude. The disrespect.

I realized that when the crowdedness is too much, I can leave. I just left. Again. To the beach. I'm supposed to be no screen in bed.

Chest pounds. Can't think. Can't breathe right. Tightened chest. A swirl.

I realized too that when I tell them to do something, it's me talking to me. My angry self talking to me. When I tell them to eat real food. Have a glass of water. Veggies. Are you hungry. Stop and pause. I'm wishing I had someone to talk like that to me. ?

Freedoms from. Comparisons. Moria. Regret. Wishing. Wanting.

Wanting change. Wanting less. Wanting more.

Tomorrow is 300 days no Monster. I treated today like it didn't count but it does. 500plus CO. Hotel food and habits. Waste. Screens. Garbage.

The sun sets. The waves touch the shore. The colors change and darken. Another day is gone. Another day lost. 

June 30th End. July 1st Begin

ELLIPTICAL 10+15
STRENGTH 30 mins pull
COMMUTE!! 7.6 miles yay!

The smoke is clearing out, my cough is better. My habits are slow to change dammit.

My June goals were mostly met, I did 20 mpw when I wasn't sick, I did run sub 9's when I wasn't sick, but I didn't lose 4 pounds. Sadly, I went up from 134 to 137 (water weight, likely) down to 131 (??) and back to 133-134. So. July. 4 pounds!

I've stopped the Balrog, the Monster, Azuc, standing, wasting, processed foods. I climb stairs to the bathroom, I get ave 13K steps a day, I do some exercise most every morning, oatmeal and PB under control, rice under control, I'm nooming to change (I'm averaging 1400/day, as logged).

So - I CAN make change! Proof!

Nothing changes, if nothing changes. 

July 1st These things HAVE TO CHANGE 

1. Stop eating standing up
2. Stop sitting just to eat, then bouncing around, just wait.
3. Stop coming home to Moria
4. Stop rando-eating foods and make a plate

July GOALS: same as before, keep trucking, don't add more on. 

Sounds like a recipe for weight gain

 RUN 3 miles in about 32 mins, solo, in the smoke haze

Yesterday I said this in my post:

THIS CAN CHANGE: -- I do come home a wait a few mins, wash up, but immediately to Moria.  But I can also just STOP the progress to Moria and find something else to do. -- I do have prepacked foods, but I add on more and more. But I can PLATE the foods and make a real meal out of it -- I do stop at 8pm, but I fill up until then. But I can combine waiting and plating so that I'm mindful of what I've had and enjoy it

Yesterday I said to the kids:  In reference to their wanting honey on butter on bread:  Sounds like a recipe for weight gain.  This, after I'd eaten for dinner, unplanned, unplated, unwaited: Butternut, pickins from the zucchini/beef I don't like, LAs tofu, my tofu, I'm full.  To Costco, thinking I'm done. Home to pickles, beef, raw oatmeal with butter, more oats. I'm very full. Water too with fiber, a bucket of tea, more fiber, more fiber, more Calm, more.  So full. Sounds like a recipe for weight gain. What doesn't change, doesn't change.  I need to change. This habit needs to change.  Ugh. See above.

Hazy dazy

Monday RUN WALK 40 mins 3 miles, half running roughly
Tuesday 44 min WALK with LA
Wednesday ELLIPTICAL 15 mins, STRENGTH 30 mins push, RUN 1.3 miles treadmill

The air quality is a mess, it's like a morning fog that never burns off. Pun not intended. The Canadian wildfire's smoke is settled over the area, and I'm coughing again. 

From Hamilton Trained:

what's making you struggle in your weight loss isn't what you think... What you’re truly up against is not calories, workouts, hormones, or your metabolism... What you’re really up against is years of failure & old conditioning. You see, our mind craves & gravitates what’s most familiar (even if it hurts us). Which means if you’ve been struggling and failing for decades on end losing weight, you’re going to subconsciously sabotage your situation to struggle and failure until you break that pattern of sabotage. Agree. I keep trying to change M3, the overeating and mindlessness and the overfilling.  I've changed so much!! I'm a few days away from 300! I've stopped Azuc for same time. I can have OM and PB (hotel cups) in the house and they just sit there.  But - I had to sabo the rice this morning. I've had to sabo the big OM (but that was 1-2 weeks ago), the next GF-OM is OK. I don't think I'm purposefully sabotaging, but I'm certainly settled into HABITS. The habits of: -- coming home hungry and wanting to eat right away -- having a plan for M3 that gets blown out right away -- having a goal to STOP on time that is ignored right away THIS CAN CHANGE: -- I do come home a wait a few mins, wash up, but immediately to Moria.  But I can also just STOP the progress to Moria and find something else to do. -- I do have prepacked foods, but I add on more and more. But I can PLATE the foods and make a real meal out of it -- I do stop at 8pm, but I fill up until then. But I can combine waiting and plating so that I'm mindful of what I've had and enjoy it