Sunday Travel so nothing
Monday today STENGTH 30 mins of total, rainy out so not much am walk.
Failed both days AGAIN due to FB and RC. I tell myself "Well keep it normal and it's OK". Don't totally abstain but be normal". FUCKING HELL.
OVER OVER OVER numbers. No progress.
Easter Monday. Start again. I'm not normal, there can't be a normal.
Mind is a mess after 14 hours yesterday in the car to take kids back. Saturday I had a (100% my fault) stupid conversation with Arlette when I started thinking out loud, then forced my opinion into her life about women being treated differently (at the VW, noting how LA handles the tires differently) and WTF did I do that and WTF didn't I apologize?! I still can do that, and am mentally writing the letter in my head.
Then a mess after LA time this morning and I just don't feel physically things right now. I'm numbed to things. Depressed. Stressed, most likely. Like I'm waiting for something.
Talking to Mom and Dad (50 years!!) Saturday and mom said, referring to herself, that CONTENTMENT is needed. And I realize, I'm not content.
But what does that mean. Add it to my to do list.
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