Today is 36 days! Now it's 41 days!

No commutes yet this week, and since it's Friday I guess I can say no commutes at all this week. I didn't even have the urge to bike. !?

Running - yes. My sciatic felt awful on Monday - sitting, walking, standing - it all bothered me. But since monday it's been OK.

Running - finish the thought! - RUN Tuesday 3.34 with LA to the Eberwhite trails and RUN Wednesday solo 5.25 miles in the dark rain.

We were going to run this morning, but slept in a little since he flies out tonight and I miss him already. And it was cold. And I wanted to get to work early since I'd need to leave early. 

-----

Monday RUN 2 miles with LA
Tuesday RUN 4.3 miles with LA

No commutes yet this week either. Rain! Early and late days at lab. 

I started that last post and didn't finish it. Here I am days later (a Wednesday) sitting in lab after coming in at 6am for an assay. I left lab at 10pm after a 13 hour day, and had an 11 hour day on Monday, and worked 10 hours over the weekend. Bitch and moan, won't change a thing.

I've been working on the Future Self idea again, a week or so ago I realized that I value being able to trust myself, being able to say "this is my plan and I'm going to do it" and then I do it. Like - I'm not going to eat jelly beans for dinner, and then I eat jelly beans for dinner (OK I had them with dinner last night, it's just an example). Why don't I stick to my plans? Coach Patrick started my thinking about being able to trust myself, and I'm still learning about it. 

Well then that really didn't give me a plan to go forward with it, until the drive to the airport on Sunday. The questions I was wondering - what would the Ideal Me do; what would Future Self want; and what type of person is the Ideal/Future Me - what kind of decisions would they make? I'm struggling to say this ....

My Atomic Habits book and Coach Patrick suggested that you list all the things you do in day and score those things as a vote for yourself, a vote against, or neutral. Getting up and brushing teeth - a positive vote. Sitting on the couch and mindlessly using phone - a negative vote. My list is pretty good until M3. I'm Pro Me until I get home in the evening. Then I fall apart. 

And what falls apart? My plans to have a good warm dinner that is healthy, to walk my dog, to do some art, to relax. I'm not taking care of myself. And that's when I realized, that what I need to value too is taking care of myself, and make decisions that take care of me. THAT'S the system I need to focus on right now. The GOAL is to be able to trust myself, but the SYSTEM to get there is recognizing opportunities to take care of myself. Ugh. I'm tired and it's hard to type this.