Cheat and steal
How can I tolerate you?
I will go down beside you
I must go down beside you
No one is innocent
On my walk last night, on my run this morning, more than I could count - I wished I could start over again with Coach Patrick and experience the changes in my current headspace.
I think I failed with him, I failed to disclose the problems and I failed to address them head-on. Some problems weren't his to deal with. But the progress I made physically has been lost and I want to go back.
Lost doesn't have to be lost forever, I can still make the changes. I analyzed the changes and looked for correlations. Net and carbs haven't changed, well carbs are slightly up, but they didn't correlate. And besides I know I'm lying about the net anyway. But what the net doesn't reflect is the benefit of the running, and that did correlate. As the mileage went up, the weight went down.
Then M came back, right around when I stopped running so much. And together - the up and the down - culminated into a gain of loss, so to speak.
Going back to the beginning. I spent a week observing, then seeing what doesn't work and what needs to change.
I need to stop it with M. First and foremost and that if nothing else. I need to get fucking honest, quit lying to myself. Do morning thought-dumps. And set goals so as to learn to trust yourself.
I know I need to fix dinner meals, it's a mess. It's most of the mess, actually.
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