I might just go crazy. Seems very likely actually. Maybe tomorrow.

COMMUTE 9.2 miles

Finally Monday night's snow and ice is cleared enough to bike to work again. There's still some patches under the trees, so gotta be careful.

My calf injury from last Tuesday's tempter tantrum is not improving much. Last week the blood pooled around my ankle, that cleared, but now more blood pooled there. Lined up against where my sock pressed into the swollen skin, and more dark stain down along the heel pad. Notably, it's medial on the ankle while the injury is lateral. There's blood pooled under the injury side too, but not as apparent. Yesterday my ankle was very swollen, puffy and not healthy looking. Same today.

It hurts to walk, touch, stretch. It's a focal pain. Now my injury-battled brain is worried about another fracture, since the pain isn't abating like a muscle injury might. I looked at anatomy pictures yesterday and don't see the head of the fibula at that spot but do think it's possible I hit the lateral top of the tibia? It couldn't have fractured, gotta just be bruised if anything? It was a sliding fall on limestone....not a fracture situation. But my poor brain goes there anyway.

At what point do I seek treatment? I don't want to do that, but ...... sometimes it helps heal faster. Case in point -- the right hip. I would have kept biking and maybe even running without that diagnosis.

And my right hip is hurting, and if I'm honest with myself the pubic bone aches too. At least I think it does. It's hard being honest. Last night the outer hip hurt, whatever soft-tissue is the source, it burned and ached. When I lie there and think about it, it feels like my femur aches too. I've had this a long time now, mentioned it to Dr L, and he sees a nerve injury/entrapment/adhesion issue. I like his version better, come'on, a bone ache? WTF does that even mean? It's just the words I have to describe it.

So again pain while in bed, an ache in the pubic bone, and now this calf bullshit. This morning walking the dog (in her adorbz butternut/pumpkin coat...aww) I jogged across Jefferson and thought "wouldn't a long walk and/or jog be nice over lunch? By the end of the walk, I was in near-anxiety attack because of the hip and calf pains.

It turns my stomach, to think I'm injured. My brain sludges and won't process. I feel smothered. Weak. Heavy. Unable to get out.

This isn't my body. What's happened?