Joe Rogan, Jordan B Peterson, and Bret Weinstein this morning. I'm replaying many JBP podcasts, I just love the message. This quote around 1 hour 38 mins in stuck with me.
"Decide what your success is going to be and work hard in that direction"
I could quote JBP all day long here, the idea of taking responsibility, of bearing a burden as a way of finding meaning, of standing up straight with your shoulders back and facing your fears -- all paraphrased and maybe not exactly what he means -- but that's the message I get.
After yesterday's temper tantrum meltdown blowup, I'm in a better frame of mind. And like I was thinking yesterday, I need to face this fear (not sure what it is yet), stand up straight, decide what I'm going to consider 'success', and work hard in that direction.
Today I can articulate better why it's so hard to be told "you can't run". For me being able to run is the proxy way of saying "you are healthy". So if I can't run, that means the Themses think I'm not healthy. Are they right or wrong, I dunno.
But that's what I hear when he says "don't run". I hear, "something is wrong with you".
Nothing is wrong with me. Everything is wrong with me. Nothing is wrong with me.
So anyway. Back to the quote. Decide what your success is going to be.
Yesterday morning I would have said, my success will be going out for a run. After yesterday's appointment, I've had to rein that in. Actually I would have said, my success will be running the 2020 Hennepin 100. That's still a measure of success for me - it would be a return from the 2017 hip surgery, the 2018 heart attack, and the 2019 hip stress fracture. It would be a return from the 2015 nutrition disaster, the 2014 life stress, and I could keep going back, but at some point I need to look forward.
Success for me, will be running again. Even if a mile. But to run again. Let's just start there.
OK, so, work hard in that direction. What will it take to run again.
---30 days of perfect nutrition
---30 days of no pain and healing
---30 days of movement and mobility and strength building
(30 days, as in, the next Dr L appointment)
OK break that down. No pain and healing will mean NOT RUNNING (even though I'm sure I'll find a few days to jog a bit or test things out a few mins at a time). Movement, mobility, and strength are already "on the calendar" as something I track as a goal. I'm using the hip surgery PT and movements to get started.
Those goals aren't my problem right now. The nutrition is the problem. As of this moment, I'm in a big change for nutrition, and I've been pushing for this change, and yet I'm not changing.
Years and years and ?? how much more of nutrition problems. Like I said yesterday, it's not the moon phase or a date or an event or anything that will bring this change. It's me.
Yesterday I'm told I need 30 days of perfect nutrition, and within minutes I decide to have a bar of dark chocolate for lunch. That's not a lunch. That's a stress response, I'll concede that point. And one error is not a ruin for 30 days. But it's an example of the conflict in my head.
Instead of embracing the need to change, accepting the motivation for 30 days, I fight against it.
I'm told I should eat dairy for my bones, and I decide I hate yogurt because "I should eat it" and I'm not eating it because I want to but only because I'm supposed to.
I'm told egg yolks aren't good for my cholesterol, and I decide to eat 1 a day anyway but I hate the egg yolk for it.
I'm told to eat more, so I do to the point of feeling sick, and win nothing for it.
Jen McD suggested that I just accept that there are some things I should eat because they are good for me. Instead of fighting the extrinsic motivations, make them my own intrinsic motivations.
OK. So. What will I define as success, regarding 30 days of perfect nutrition? Think on that.
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