BIKE 1:15 and 20 miles, 3x TGP: 16:09, 15:41, 15:21
Wow! Last week our 3rd interval was 16:10. Today we started out that pace! BE had movie news for the first two intervals -- his watching of the new Toy Story 4 movie (I'm unfamiliar with any of it, he explained) and his Grace Kelly 6 DVD discount set. Ah, now that I understand and recognize!
I had my Dr Strange movie, picked up and watched yesterday from the library. With Benedict F'ING HOT Cumberbatch :) Will watch again, I think I missed some parts and don't quite understand.
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Yesterday my 4 monarch caterpillers dropped to only 1 survivor. UGH. I'm a murderer somehow. I went to watch the movie envisioning that the final survivor was giving me evil. I let the dog out hours later and found him hanging in a J!! I almost texted SO, but it was 9:30pm, that news can wait until morning.
Then today he's still hanging and after I come back from the dog walk he's shedding the exo! I waited 30 mins or so, but progress seemed to stall and I had to get to work. Oh I hope he doesn't die half way into chrysalis.
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Still working on my nutrition. I made all my meals on Sunday: salmon w yogurt and chopped green beans (beans are new test), whole fat yogurt with berries, and a rice-banana-yolk-oil-whey blend-up. Same foods as last week, now with more salmon, less rice, no potatoes, and the green beans. So far, the salmon mixie was too much to eat at once. Ugh, heavy and burpie.
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And now for the rest of the post. Sometimes I wonder if I'm trying to have another heart attack? I do things like these races, long runs, and fast bike rides and each time wonder how much time I have. It's always in the back of my mind, when will it happen again? Will it ever happen again? Today? Next week?
And all the drama surrounding it. Everyone thinks I'm overdoing it. Too much, too fast, too soon hot cold far hilly insert-your-word-here comments I hear all around me. "did your doctor say you could do this?". "Is this a good idea?". "Are you sure about this?". NO. I'm NOT FUCKING SURE and GOD DAMMIT it just kills me mentally.
Sometimes I think, if I have another heart attack, then I'll KNOW. YES I have a problem. It wasn't a one-off. Right now, it's like I'm just waiting. Waiting to see if I'm OK or not. And there's no answer. There may never be an answer. And it just kills me.
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Regarding the hip and groin, they feel great today. Of FUCKING course they do. I have the WashU Orthopedics Injury Clinic info called up, but haven't called yet. The plan I'd mapped out on Saturday was to get a diagnosis, then decide what to do with the Hennepin race. But here I sit, no pain, no problem, head a mess, not calling for info. Ugh. Fuck me.
I briefly read the Hennepin info last week, but would have to clarify some details. It looks like I can defer to next year by volunteering for 8 hours. Bibs can also transfer, but does that mean I have to find the replacement or is there a wait list? Should I drop to the 50M or the 50K? The 50K is a night run, that's my kinda fun.
So, as per usual, I'm going to punt this into tomorrow. See how the track run feels and go from there.
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Do I really want another heart attack? No I don't think so. But I'm doing a lot of stupid shit. And there's this inescapable feeling like I'm waiting for it.
On the other hand, the more I go without another one, I start to think that the first one (jeezus, the first one, I've got them numbered?!) was a total fluke and I'm just fine. Everyone doubting me can just shut the fuck up. Including my own head. So I'm acting like it never happened. Like I can just call off all future cardiology appointments and fuck the meds, because I'm fine. Ooh, my ends of the spectrum are a mess, lol!
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