Rainy start to my "new year"

BIKE 80 mins and 20 miles, not listing times as per below
STRENGTH 15 mins absX
COMMUTE 9.2 miles

Woke up to thunder and lightning, and a quick check of the weather app showed it probably wasn't going to rain here but rather north of here. So out I went after and orange and some of my whey-rice mix I made for the week. It was dark and this didn't help because the park was a mess after the festival of nations thing over the weekend. The first pass through the park was me checking obstacles, opening a gate just enough for us to fit, and figuring out that the police lights were attached to a pull-behind rig with cameras.

BE rides up, and we take off cautiously. And now it starts raining more. In the first few minutes I start to burp up the brekkie I ate, ugh, no more of that before a ride. The dark and the rain threw off our distances and paces, and it took 18:39 to finish the first interval.

Second interval now a steady rain, a little more sunlight but still dark. BE thought he might cut short (also in light of my recent fatigue and injuries) and I said "naw just another pass through and the 2nd one is done!". So we finish in 17:46.

I asked BE about a third, he seemed hesitant. I suggested he wait about 15 minutes and then decide. LOL, it worked. 15 mins later when we were in the 5th pass and almost done I asked if he'd decided yet. HAHA!!!! 3rd one in 17:01. Not too bad at all, given that we were dripping wet. One of the park workers said we were crazy.

Home and dripping, shower, walk dog in rain, ride to work again arrive dripping. The ride home is iffy for rain, might make it a fully wet ride day?
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It's one year since my first heart attack at the Sunset Hills tri. TG emailed me Friday to see how I was doing and said she was volunteering. I thought about going, if I perked up and felt better. But I didn't go. I should have, but just not up to it.

Today is kinda an odd anniversary. I wasn't aware of the SCAD at the race. The pain came and went and lingered a day or two. I did the Monday ride with BE in the same messy post-festival park. I had a session with JH in which I was kicked out and sent to Dr L. Saw Dr L and felt better. So this is the anniversary of what, the discovery phase? The denial phase comes next, haha, when it's the anniversary of the 2nd attack and the 3rd and 4th and only then I go to an ER.

But for now, I'm looking back over the year and I don't like what I became inside. Hesitant. Fearful. Distrustful of my body and my mind. "out to get" things that I can't define. I let some habits slide and others take over. So for this week, I'll be rebuilding and thinking on this topic.