RUN 49 mins and 5 miles
I usually run early on Tuesday's, but with a forecast of 50+F I couldn't motivate to run when it was dark and 32F. Taking a closer look at the forecast later in the day, I didn't see anything over 50. Just low 40's. And tomorrow will be more suckage -- 20's, rain, snow, sleet, and shit.
Today was a near repeat of yesterday. Miserable. Depressed. Lethargic. Coaxing myself to do the simplest tasks. Want to curl up in a ball but at the same time don't want to.
The plan called for the usual 4 mile run. I brought clothes to work, but once there I wasn't sure I could even do the run. But I decided it was run or not-run before lunch. When an errand to the UPS store presented itself, and MMR said it was 0.4 miles away, I couldn't resist at least trying to run.
It was warm out! So nice. Gray skies with no hope of sun, a quiet mist, splashy streets and sidewalks. After dropping the package I looped out to FP thinking I'd just go to the VC and back. On the way there, my back started it's spasming again. Nuts. Hummed "In My Solitude" by Nina Simone.
Turned at the VC, not really enjoying the run but when I thought about it I realized it wasn't physical so much as mental. I just kept thinking "I'm depressed" or "I need help" or "I need to reach out".
Time to change the script. As my sis advised today, 'keep your head up'. Thinking that 5 today would mean maybe only 6 tomorrow (when added to the 7 on Thursday, that gives me my 4+8+6 plan goal) and tomorrow's weather will SUCK, I kept going out to 5. In the last mile, I started looking for the Whisper of Rain, something positive to focus on. A great email from Aunt Donna, the potential to meet with TH tomorrow. A trip home on Thursday. A light rain that kissed my face as I ran.
My poor back. It's hurting again. Not sure if the 6 tomorrow will happen or not. But otherwise after the run I did feel soooooo much better. Stretched out the back, meditated a bit doing so, then ate lunch with a lab from down the hall so I wasn't isolated. Talked about Chinese missionaries and leprosy. Learn something everyday!
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