Happy Halloween, eat some resistant starch

NOTHINGNESS  except walking

Rain yesterday and some of day. Even some snow today in the morning. Combined with appointments yesterday and today that required driving, I ended up walking to and from the parking lot.

I realized a little bit ago that this counts and "Phase I: Walking Program" input: must be able to walk pain free, aggressively, (~4.2-5.2 mph)...before beginning the plyometric and walk/jog program.

When not walking the dog, I walk. This walk isn't long, but here I was thinking "golly I need to get to the gym for some treadmill too see if it hurts" but not necessarily, I'm getting walking in and it doesn't hurt. I confess to even jogging ever so little the last few days. Across the street. Down the hill to parking. Along the block on they way to sushi last night.

Gawd it felt so good. To move, to feel the wind, to be coordinated and alive and whole.

Yesterday was appt at SLU with Dr McM. I like her, this appointment was painless. In more ways than one. But it'll be even better once the results come back. I'm not expecting anything, but we've all seen how shit goes down around here.

Today's appt was with JennMcD - the nutritionist recommended by the ortho Dr after my recent stress fracture. I almost cancelled this. I really wanted to. What did I have to gain? I've already put so much research and time and testing into my nutrition. What did I have to lose? Well, money. And you we've all seen how that influences shit around here.

Side note - the 1st floor thermostat said 50F this morning and I still don't have the heat one. Money, yo.

We reviewed my history of foods, from when I was 15 and sick after lunch in biology class to the recent abandonment of my "heart healthy" diet last month. A solid 20 minutes and I still didn't hit all the bases. A number of points came up, interwoven together, and I'll hit them separately.

1. Try resistant starches. I've been avoiding these because they essentially ferment in the gut and wasn't that the whole problem to begin with? ResStar (you won't find me using the abbreviation here) promote the "good" bacteria in the colon with many miraculous and trendy health benefits as the outcome. Anything from lower cholesterol, improved insulin sensitivity, increased bone mass, decreased inflammation and leaky gut, increased satiety, weight loss, regrowth of amputated limbs (ok kidding) all listed as reasons to eat it. Of course all this pedaled out by those selling the shit. I have papers and PubMed up, reading on it. But it's probably safe to say that I could buy a Bob's Red Mill package as recommended and give it a try and see how it goes before I can finish reading about it.

2. Share a food log. So I set up Cronometer, I already have the app and I like it.

3. My food list isn't as restrictive as I think it is. My protein levels are great, fat low but OK, fiber OK. She seems mostly focused about the carbs with all the training. The upcoming training I mean. But she recognizes that being low carb is working better for me.

4. Try brown rice (cooled), green peppers, and a few others. I think more will follow on this. Rice. Yuck. Chewy little nuggets of sticky flavorless ugh. Can I eat it with butter?

5.  My goals: validation of what I'm eating, find a way to heal, and expand my food choices if possible.

I got into the mental issues I'm having -- the resistance to the extrinsic reasons of why I should eat this or that (like dairy, grains, etc) because "it's healthy", how I don't like eating and wish I could just take a pill, how I don't enjoy food and feel a slave to it.

She pointed out something that I'll take to heart - that I should just accept that I need to eat some of these foods, like dairy, because there's a reason behind it. Fair statement, and it give me control back of my choices.

I didn't get into the bad eating habits -- standing at the counter top, not eating a real meal and instead munching, the tendencies to get in the groove of eating one food and cleaning the container out in less than a day (PB, CW, the like), the habit of just eating food out of the container with a spoon, the M.

Speaking of M, gone for now. Full week. Moved out. Haven't seen him. Fucker.

And didn't get into my final goal of body recomposition. I don't want to make this a weight loss/recomposition thing but maybe my 3rd goal of it is. I've gained weight eating foods I don't like and being injured. This doesn't feel like my body -- strong and flexible and adaptable -- not so much the weight but the feel of how I feel. How to say this. I don't feel strong. The extra weight not helping. I gained weight because I was told I 'needed to' and because 'it would be healthy' and well fuck that shit because here I am with weight gain still injured and feeling worse.

So my goals:
Better eating habits
Confirmation/validation/adjustment of food choices for health
Body recomposition

I BIKED TO WORK! YAY!

BIKE COMMUTE 9.2 miles

Lemme say it again. I BIKE TO WORK!  (W^ERK!) WOOOOO!!

I told myself I'd take it easy, not push anything. But that idea was gone as soon as I left the alley. Raced cars. Buzzed corners. Heart rate happy. Legs burning.

Oh Gawd Damn, I love it.

Tower Grove Park was colorful and bright and empty and fast.

Tower Grove Ave has some new potholes in the bike lane just north of Magnolia.

Tower Grove Ave southbound has been repainted to have a left, straight, bike, and right turn lane.

Tower Grove Ave southbound repaved near Shaw where all the bumps were in the bike lane.

It's like they knew I was coming, and got stuff ready for me.
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In a separate topic, coworker AH went to Dr M for some back pain. He told me later that Dr M remembered me, was glad to hear I was still training, and that running a 100K on a stress fracture "sounded about right". hahahahahahaha

I did a bike ride!

BIKE 13-ish miles in just over an hour

As much as I don't understand why you'd stop a bike ride to take pictures, I do appreciate that LA stopped to take pictures like the one above. Like TV says, gotta stop and APPRECIATE. 

I worked all weekend, haven't had a day off yet since I came back from H100 on the 7th. Getting lots done, don't feel burned out, but still. So when I got out 'early' at 2pm Sunday I just had to get a ride in. Sunny, warm, and beautiful out. 

LA was up for a ride, so after checking on the dog and grabbing the bike I came back to meet him. Two loops of FoPa, I'm still careful on the bumps and still getting used to the fact that my new bike shoes hit the front wheel in a turn (ugh), but the pubic bone feels good. No pain at night, no ache. 

I tried a persimmon, thanks to LA. My new favorite fruit, yum!

Running soon!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?

Birthday bacon, birthday fish, birthday bike, and birthday steak!

BIKE 7-ish miles in 25 or so mins!!!!!
COMMUTE 1 mile
Happy Birthday to me!

What a day, I'd love to relive it all here but I'll hit the highlights. Which means I'll relive it all :)

Up early for Country Bob's breakfast buffet with LA. Worth the 80-ish min drive for that bacon. I wanted to pay, but he took the receipt. When I got it back, he just went to the counter to pay. Not fair, I wanted it!

Back to lab after checking on the dog, PCR time. The lab got me a card (signed with drag names too!) a pack of HK tattoos, a gift card, and oh the best a can of mackerel with a candle stuck in it. I laughed until I cried, the best!

I was pretty upset-tummy all morning and afternoon, from the breakfast. LA got me some fruit from the happy hour, that's all I would tolerate. Gotta fix this. Or eat less bacon. Hmmmm.

Then a bike ride!! At night!! A loop around FP with LA. Before we left, SO is texting me, he was bringing me a steak. I was torn between the options, but wanted the ride and needed it and craved it. All during the ride, SO texting, I felt awful about it but I made my choice. LA and I talked awhile, I could have talked all night but he offered ice cream. Ugh, he has iron gut so lucky. We ended up at Dressel's for potato chips. When I go out, the anxiety is there, lurking, and sometimes rears its head.

At breakfast, he'd asked if I was "going to get over it", not sure how in-depth that was meant to be. But I took it as a sign that I needed to just STFU and HTFU and get over it. I couldn't at dinner though, between being tired and sick and all I couldn't keep a good face. Love that he seemed to roll with it, I need to learn that trick. To just roll with it.

So many goals for this year, I always put a few goals in my birthday post. No more M and a little more A. See the nutritionist. Get strong. Get running. Get normal. Are these goals? haha. Love you bee!

Up and Down, Round and Round

Still just BIKE 2 miles a day

Wow it's been a week?! Not much to say. I've worked full days all October since coming back from H100. Weekends and all, like normal days. Busy bee, just how I like it. But the time flies and already it's almost the end of October.

Today at lunch with TV we sat south of McM building in the sun. Gardeners were winterizing the sprinklers. It was 70F degrees and full sun. I hope the butterfly in today's chrysalis gets out safely. Monday's butterfly didn't make it. SO says my remaining two green chyrsalides in the house are probably OK, he's released as late as end of November.

Last night and another few nights the hip bone aches in bed. It might ache all day long, but the signal:noise covers it? Drives me crazy, keeps me awake.

M left but came back both weekend nights. And I was sick from it. Just when I was starting to see some change on Friday, a positive benefit, he's back. He's gone again now last day or two and I'm again starting to feel better. SOB.

I want so bad to run. I want so much to bike. I want to be normal.

I found a nutritionist, the one recommended by the orthopedics doc. I'm filling out the assessment forms and a few days of food log. The log asks to rate hunger on a 0-5 scale. Yesterday while I was swollen and sick I wasn't much hungry at all. Today was better. I'm becoming aware of how much I eat "because I should". I "should" eat dairy. I "should" eat more. This has to be contributing to how overstuffed I feel sometimes?

When I see a runner in Forest Park, I can feel the path they are one. The surface, the incline, the next turn. This kept happening when I met LA in the park after work last friday (before we went for Chinese, my first chinese restaurant meal I think!?). I'd see a runner and just lose track of the present moment.

Over the weekend I had a flash memory of me with Frea, on a highway in Illinois, with cars passing and a long left curve ahead of me. I know that road, it's in my head. But I'm not sure where on the map. I miss it. I ache for it.

I picked up the 2014 blog book and re-read October. Five years ago. And what will I be five years from now?

Hip bone ache again

COMMUTE 2 fucking miles

A few injury notes. First something mild niggly in a left side mid-ab. Started a day or two ago (core syn, anyone?) but I only notice in a crunch motion. Not any other time.

Last night the bone ached again, enough to keep me awake from distraction. A sharp ache near the symphysis then a dull ache along the bone radiating out laterally.

Should I be on crutches again? Is the 2 fucking miles too much? I've been go go go at work at such lately, walking around like nuts. Got my average step count up to ... 10808. Still no stairs at work.
Doing lunges though in the core syn. That's about the only time it hurts, not when walking or sitting or standing.

Also too it's quiet at night, I can do my Review of Systems and maybe this ache is there all the time, hidden in the noise of the day?

Frah-gee-lay

COMMUTE still 2 miles or so from FoPa

Gawd it feels so nice outside, and I really should take a half day to get some stuff done outside of work! I 'banked' 15 hours over the weekend, should cash in on that before it gets chilly. Take Puppy to the MCTs maybe? I'd love to, but....   Go for a walking hike on Chubb? I'd love to, but...

Fucking hip injury. The bone itself has not hurt since my Dr L visit. That's great new IMO. But I have very noteworthy and bilateral (!) soft tissue pain. I'm not sure what it is -- it's the outer-yet-still anterior sides of the hip, an anatomy map puts in near or in the tensor fasciae latea or the anterior superior iliac spine part of the pelvic bone that connects the the sartorius. Now I'm also having anterior quad pain, and if I had to guess the sartorius or rector femoris. Again this is all me looking at a muscle map and saying "it hurts right about ... here".

It hurts to climb stairs. It hurts to stretch out after sitting. I have a noticable limp many times.

Does this pain have to go away before I can run or bike again? Fucking sucks.

Dealing with this gives me a feeling of fragility, a word that came up in a podcast, referring to caregivers and doctors who "fragilize" the patient. This might be the best word to describe why I feel so resentful of having to take meds, have multiple doctor visits and appointments, and all the tests. They remind me that I have fragilities. Every one does. I just don't deal with them very well.