"You gotta get healthy someday!!"

COMMUTE 3.5 miles today, due to Balloon Race parking closures

I'm trickling out my injury news, yesterday I emailed LC to let her know I wasn't trail running this fall. She'd expressed interest. Her reply was the post title. I'll get back to that. She's had successful races at Litchfield and CapEx :)  I'm happy for her!

I'm trickling out the news because I don't like the answers I get. And as I like to say, if you don't like the answer then don't ask the question. In this case, don't share the news. SO has no idea, I already know what he'll say and I don't need to hear it. Partly because he's right. TB and TH have no idea, for similar but slightly different reasons.

But this you gotta "get healthy" "take care of yourself" is really killing my vibe. They're right, that's one part. But the other part is that I'm already trying to hard to be healthy! Right?! No?!

Eat this but not that. Do this but not that. Take this med. Go to this appointment. This test, this measure, etc. I take multiple supplements for "bone health", vitamins, etc, more.

The past year since the heart attack has been me doing what I've been told (ok, statin experiments aside) to change my diet, experiment with new foods, avoid the foods I love because they are "bad" for me now. I'm ready to give up on that.

And that's almost what I've been doing since the Badger race. I'm still on a very limited diet of potato, rice, protein powder, eggs, yogurt, some fruit and veg. Is it working for my stomach, I dunno. I think so. This pattern of eating is only going to drill me deeper into a nutritional hole.

From PubMed I learned that the pubis rami bone is a cancellous type of bone (spongy, as opposed to cortical), and this type of bone is often stress fractured in females with low bone density, nutritional issues, low body weight, etc. I fit the description. Ribs and vertebrae are similar cancellous bone, and I've broken them all too easily too.

So with that in mind, I should be my usual gung-ho about fixing this. But I'm frustrated right now, maybe not a good time to make any judgement calls. I'm eating like shit. I'm ignoring my crutches when I can. I'm riding my bike "only a few miles" each day. And I'm mad because other people are pointing out my problems?

I'm the problem.

And there's a THIRD hit to my vibe, when talking to lab neighbors I heard about how another colleague on crutches this past month as visible atrophy and muscle loss. This could be me?! This turned my stomach. My head spins to think about it. I can't think about.