2012 In Review

I end most every year thinking that I'd just lived The Best Year Ever. Aside from a depression in the first half of 2011, that's been mostly true. Every subsequent year sees greater accomplishments and bigger goals.

2012 is the year in which I raced some biggies--Triple T, IM Coeur d'Alene, Redman full and sprint, and finally the Glacial Trail 50K. Those last races were only 3 weeks apart. A few years ago, I never would have imagined that I could combine races like that and still finish feeling as good as I did. This year, I shattered all previous notions I had of lacking the mental tenacity to even race a marathon. I dispelled that notion in my first 26.2 in 2008, but in 2012 I blew it away.

The year didn't go perfectly. They never do! Three months before IM CDA I rolled my left ankle. One week before Redman I rolled it again. Then again five days after Redman. And let's not forget the minor sprain in the GT50K. By the time late October/early November rolled around (no pun intended), I was mentally shot from the stress of the injuries and burnout from training. 

But from the ashes of deep fatigue, mental tatters, and injury came a new positive outlook on life and an inner confidence I don't know that I've ever had before. At first I attributed it the lack of training and the extra energy I had. In the absence of 15+ hours of training a week, of course I'd feel good and buoyant! But so far that outlook has lasted 2+ months. I'm starting to think it's who I am now. 

I noted the same feeling after IMWI2010. I felt confident, invincible, and strong. This was a short-lived happiness as I sank into depression in early 2011. Later in 2011 I hit some high notes-- found a nutrition plan that worked for me, earned a brick, and planned for big races in 2012. The difference now is how I handle those who don't share my outlook. Before I became frustrated with them--they would state a desire to change but never act on it, preferring to complain or not even try. Now I'm just happy with my own goals and sharing them with the like-minded. I've learned to accept that not everyone wants to challenge themselves. I've also learned that people may not express an interest in challenge, but are doing so anyway and in their own way. This was a big step for me, and I've found that sometimes if I just sit back and I can find the positive, see their challenge for what it is, and enjoy this shared experience even if quite different from mine. 

In summary, I've learned to listen to the whisper of rain upon the earth. I've learned to see the beauty in others around me and appreciate it. It was over a year ago that I found this quote, and it's stuck with me ever since. But only in the last few months have I realized what it means to me:

Melko hath devised undue heats, and fires without restraint, and yet hath not dried up thy desire nor utterly quelled the music of thy seas. Rather behold now the height and glory of the clouds and the magic that dwells in mist and vapours; listen to the whisper of rains upon the earth. 

It's created a two way split, however, and I'm not sure everyone can appreciate what I've found. On one hand, I've learned to surround myself with positive people who share the need for challenge. But not everyone is like this--able to roll with the ups and downs of life while looking forward to what's next. Lately instead of struggling to understand, I've been dealing with this by just letting these people go on about their lives. But in doing so, I've put a distance between them and me. The distance is part of what keeps me happy. Maybe in 2013 I'll learn to balance it.