Day 194 and the lonely but productive weekend, 75Hard day 1?

Saturday RUN 4 miles, walked only a few mins

Sunday STRENGTH total for 30' and core for 10', then RUN 1 mile with the dog

Monday today RUN 4 miles in 47 mins, walked only 5 mins

Back to back! Just realized that it's back-to-back-to-back. Careful!

LA is MO still, the rest of the week until Thurs. Another weekend of lonely eating, instant taters on Sunday, way too much. But SO MUCH DONE. Cleaning, yard, gardens, chores, mores. 

I started a 75 Hard today. A 75Medium? 

Reading 10 page, still doing

Drinking a gallon, still doing 

45 mins workout or walk on rest day

45 mins of personal devel of art, Russian, stained glass

Progress photo

BLE meals

No "cheat meals" of mug meals, rando-shit, eating from package or bag, etc. 

197 - how was 198 dinner? chores? oats?

Nothing yet today as the priority was to help LA get out the door for his week long trip to MO. 

Yesterday M3 was home to meal prep for his week. We didn't get a sit down dinner like I wanted, I did sit a few mins while I ate rice. I stuck to plan for the most part - no oats or PB2 at least - but still close to 15, over it if I'd just be honest.  

Dinner. Same. Not winning this. 

198 - How was 199 M3?

STRENGTH 30 mins of upper with my awesome new dumbbell

Last night was more of the same, better? Home to chores, that's better. Then chix, brussels, cottage cheese and potato, grapes, oats, and pb2. Those last 2 are auto-fails by my book. All else was planned. I threw out the mayo, fixed that issue. But oats AGAIN. 

I'm coming home alone and LA doesn't get there until 8pm or so. For some reason, I wait. I could get on with my night and do art, but I wait. He leaves tomorrow for a week and it's already stressing me out. 

:(

199 - how was 200s M3?

RUN 2.55 miles in 31 mins, I meant to walk more and had the dog. 38 mins total time, 24 mins running

I ran short on time (no pun intended) this morning wanting to spend time with LA before he leaves next week for MO. The dog joined for the first part, which was a bed of distraction. My red headphones disconnected from the phone, the phone didn't stay in my yoga pants pockets, I was wearing a hoodie that was overdressed, and the dog was pulling. Stop by the house, fix much of that, back out. 

How was M3 yesterday? SAME. Home tired to Moria chicken chicken mayo, then salsa, oat paste, grapes and more grapes, applesauce, mustard mayo and aminos. I thought I was behind the 12, I ended after the 16. 

FUCK

Today I have my 5 things for me and 5 things for work. So far 3pm I'm good on 1 for work and 2 for me. GO!!!

200

STRENGTH 30 mins of total with my new dumbbell set!

Today, no more excuses. And - NO- not the bee necklace nor gray bracelets nor the thumb ring have SHIT to do with this. It's on YOU. 

I think my lunch has gone over. Should I go to cafeteria or wait it out?

I have my list, I have tons of swirling thoughts. But simply my first goal is NOT FUCK UP M3 like I did last night (it was a "tomorrow" mental issue). 

200 days until I turn 50. 

200 days until under 1200, and to do so I need to get under/at 1200. 

And no dried oatmeal paste shit will get you there. 

Finished Sherlock Holmes book Sunday. Finished the Hamlet summary yesterday (yawn). Also finished Wind in the Willows yesterday (Monday). Started Les Misérables right after WitW, and the first line of the Les Mis intro mentioned Mr Toad!! 
Now go update your book list. 
If I only do 10 pages a day of Les Mis, at ~1300 pages it will take 130 days. That's August 16th. Yikes, read more faster. 

201 days away

RUN 3 miles in 32 mins, 2 mins were walking

Last weeks runs were 34 mins, 4 of which were walking. Over the past weekend, I drove to IL and back with ZERO done Sat and Sun. Family time vs a walk...easy choice this weekend. 

I'm unhappy with many things, most unhappy with what feels like lack of fitness improvement (nothing changes if nothing changes) and what is certainly weight gain (not hormones, not anything else). I keep saying I'll change, but nothing changes. Meal plans, training plans, habit tracking. I'm not doing any art, no russian, I'm doing planning. Not action. Plans plans plans. Things I want to do, things I say I'll do, then things I don't do. 

50th birthday is 201 days away. I WasGonna start today, but no it's tomorrow because that's what I do - plan to change, not actually change. 

What has changed? Aldi shopping yesterday was a win - no PB or CrmCheese. I did go for my run this morning. I did buy the dumbell set from Target after months of looking at it. 

Tomorrow - have a set GOAL. Well I do have a goal - under 1200 in two ways. But I need a way to get there, and that's where I stick. 

50K for 50th bday

I have so much to say, but no desire to say it. I'm in delusion about the "changes" I make. Delusion about how much of this and that. Obsessed with plans and numbers. 

But when it comes to actually fixing M3 and habits, well, it's more delusion I guess. Things just ain't changing. 

My mind looks for ways out. Last night it was our anniversary, and so extra dry oats. My belly is big because something else is "wrong" and it's terrible. I ran, so it's OK. I need to talk to Coach P again. All this shit, but NO CHANGE to what really NEEDS TO CHANGE. 

I come home tired, mind wiped, hungry, and fall into old habits. It's that simple. 

I found two races right around my bday, and will do one or both. If Slava and/or LA want to do the backyard ultra the week prior, that might be my race. Stupidly, my run the other day had visions of me running 50 miles. Visions of explaining my SCAD and injuries to people. My mind is stuck. 

So much to say, but this isn't in what I need to say. It's in what I need to DO.