Coach meeting #3, strength #3

STRENGTH as coach specified. Slowly increasing reps and weights.

ELLIPTICAL 20 mins

I'm supposed to be closer to 5th or 6th session, not just the 3rd! But life!

Summary of yesterday's meeting:

I happily resisted all the coffee creamers and other potential travel foods, and stuck to plan with the exception of Saturday when I munched too much. My gut symptoms are zero, my anxiety is much improved, and my joints feel better (ankle and even the jaw). He reminded me that insulin can be inflammatory, and can cause anxiety, but I'd like to research that more. 

I'm not seeing weight changes yet (fluctuating between 134 and 136) but he's not worried about that. He suggests dropping a bit more to 1250 (I'm 16 16 14 13.5 13.5 14.5 13 this past week) (dropping the fruit got me out of the 16 range) to see what happens.

Eating tomatoes as a "fruit" or a "sweet" is OK if it fits the macros. 

He's focusing on performance, planning, feelings and anxiety over weight. We didn't talk much about the running, except that I reported feeling great after yesterday's fasted 8 miler and IF until noon. 

I asked what to do if I'm not hungry? It's OK to skip the occasional meal, certainly don't eat just because you planned to, and you don't have to eat what you planned just because you planned to. 

8 miles, feeling good. Words for Before and Beecoming

RUN 8 miles in about 1:40, treadmill

I walked about 0.25 each WU and CD, then a bit at miles, 5 miles, and 6.5 miles. So I ran most of it, but now sitting here I wish I'd run another half mile.

I'm also sitting here planning my weekend of travel. Bus, flight, rental car. I don't like it. And it disrupts my plans to run. So it means I'm staking my claim that weekend to get my running done, LA, like it or not. I think I'll get to run though. The strength training I'll have to reschedule maybe. 

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LA and I talked about me registering for the marathon in April. He's worried I'll get injured. He's promoting my "fragile/breakable" way of thinking. 

This on top of the medical results. I don't need that way of thinking. 

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I've been working on describing my 'personas' as a way to learn to identify them. I thought I had the Best-Self and the Anti-Self but to my surprise I found two more.

Best-Self is not 2016-Self as I initially thought, see a few days ago when I realized that 2016 was not the idealized "me" that I remembered.  There's also the Argumentative Self I have this past year (maybe longer). There's the Monster-Self. Then there's the Beecoming-Self for the future. 

While working on the word list, I noted that many words overlapped for the 3 past/current, and that the antonyms appeared in the future. I honed the list to 10:

Past and Current: insecure, unstable, fearful, distrusting, empty, cornered, secretive, trapped, stuck, impulsive. 

Future: secure, stable fearless, trusting, contented, ahead, open, free, flexible, calm. 

What a list. And what a realization, that the Me that I am now is a mess of the same things. Now, the goal is to flesh out the personas a bit more. 

Coaching week 3 Summary and Goals

 PLAN:

Last week: RUN 10 miles as planned, only 1 STRENGTH, eliminated fruit, successful with waiting until NOON, better with FOLLOWING PLAN

Monday REST
Tuesday RUN 8 miles
Wednesday X-TRAIN and STRENGTH
Thursday RUN 6 miles
Friday RUN 4 miles and STRENGTH, travel in late afternoon
Saturday Out of town, RUN 8 miles
Sunday Out of town

Next week, 29 miles running!  

Summary of last week: *=from previous week still
1. All running, all good, no pains problems etc
2. Breast pain and swell subsided, into spotting ??
3. Anxiety super low, almost flat/tired
4. Mental clarity, energy, and IF getting better.

Three body goals for the week:
1. Two strength sessions
2. Five to ten minutes per day of flexibility
3. Run outdoors and treadmill

Three nutrition goals for the week:
1. Stick to it with Saturday/Sunday travel, and preplan it
2. 
3. Pre-Plan and Stick To It!

Three mental goals for the week:
1. pre M3 anxiety is better
2. *Work on the 1-word list from last week 
3. *Start the list of Bee-Coming

Special considerations for this week:
1. Fatigue, weeks is bookended by travels
2. Pack!!!! Better packing this time
3. Lack of flexibility is being noted

Talk to Coach:
1. Hunger is subsiding, what if I'm not hungry?
2. I'm getting dehydrated
3. Amazingly, I stuck to it last weekend: No coffee creamer, fruit, cheats

Baptism travel weekend

Sunday RUN 4.5 miles, almost 5, almost 4

The run was the minor part of the weekend, we drove to my parents Friday night after an early but long day at work. Then spend a wonderful Saturday just visiting. Barely 2000 steps. I was supposed to run Friday, didn't happen. Supposed to run Saturday, too cold. But I put myself in first for Sunday and ran during the 2nd church service. 

It was warming up! The snow was melting away slowly and my purple jacket was too much. I ran along the Riboudeau (sp?) creek in town. There were no sidewalks! It was a mile in the gutter or a road through town, then a mile or so along the creek on a snow-packed road, then back.

I thought I needed 5 miles. I reached the church at 4 miles. I was flagging (see below). Then I happily realized that I only needed 4.5 to round up to 10! 

NUMERICS:
RUN 10 miles, rest week

STRENGTH 1 session

Yesterday: another Day 1

NOTHING?!

Nothing yet anyway, for the 2nd day in a row I came into work with LA at 6-7am. This prevents me going to the gym. I don't know if the busses are running? So here I sit typing when I have LOTS I can get done, yet I'm typing. With coffee. And this is my Thought Download too. 

Yesterday's appointment didn't bother me so much. The lead-in thinking about it was worse than the actual appointment. The things I think I want to say, I don't actually say in the appointment. The things I really want to fix, or maybe more accurately the things I CAN fix are being done here and with Coach P. 

I don't mention the mental and physical changes. I mention the symptoms and things I'd like to or are ignoring. The worst of it was knowing I could pick up my phone and see a new result. The results did trickle in, some of them worrying, more so once LA starts thinking on them. But blood from a female can have multiple sources, as proven later and more this morning. Ugh. I can really hate this part of my body. 

So I continue to wait, and yet I really doubt anything will be found or come out of it. Doubt, or denial?

But I was much more calm than usual about this appointment. Good for me! Let's move on to what I CAN change about all this.

I set up my goals last night, 15 of them in my app. Also 5 more in the other app, some overlap. 16 goals actually, including M. Of those, I did 13!! I missed:
1. 1300 for post M3 nibbles of LAs russian foods and tomatoes at the countertop
2. Noon-7 because I nibbled above
3. Follow the plan, because of above.

I added another goal, Resist!!! to recognized that I really wanted more of my chicken meal, and I didn't do it. Instead though, I ate zucchini and tomatoes. I did that standing while he cooked. 

Those are exceptions, and they can grow into something bigger and problematic. 

What went right? I waited to sit down, I nom'd only veggies standing up, I didn't go back for a second meal, I didn't eat fruit, I warmed up the food, I only used utensils (even on lettuce), I didn't nom while cooking (and oh that's a huge problem usually), I didn't eat fruit!!!!  The wait until after noon was easy.

What needs attention? I didn't just live with the H, I had to address it with cucumbers. OK, not the worst choice! But it's still an avoidance tactic. LA was cooking his russian recipe and I knew that I'd want to try some. I didn't eat much, but the issue is that I KNEW full well that I could have less of my meal to account for it, and I didn't. Also, instead of just addressing the habit of wanting more after dinner, I fed that crave with zucchini and tomato. Maybe that's going to be my weaning process? 

Good job! (Especially with the low anxiety about the doctor appointment!)

50 days until the next appointment
74 days until the Coach 3-months is over
80 days (11 weeks) until the marathon (still not signed up) (still type marathong at first!)

A run in the pre-snow rain, slick but like it used to be for me

RUN outdoors again! 2.5 miles in about 27mins

If I would have been more awake, I would have run 2.22 miles!

There was a big snow storm coming in (I'm writing this the next day, maybe 8 inches and more on the way) and there was a warm spell in front of it. The old snow had melted into a slush and now a fresh pellety rain/snow came down. There was an odd feeling to the day, knowing the power could go out and knowing that Lev wouldn't be letting me drive to work. 

The run was in the dark, a light slick under my feet that didn't cause any trouble. No cars at all almost back in the neighborhood streets. Only 1-2 pedestrians and two other runners. It reminded me of the running I used to do 'back in the day' when I'd run because the weather was bad, or I'd run in spite of the fact that the weather was bad. I came home feeling great even after a short run. 

In the end a day off work! I had a dental appointment to leave for at 10:30 (and it lasted after 3pm!) so I spent the morning anxious and antsy. I painted a peach, finished an audiobook, and tried to hold to the IF goals. Failed that last one. And it turned into too much, and my stomach was upset. 

After shoveling the walk, home to more "too much". I finished off the strawberries (Patrick suggests stopping fruit for a while) in a bid to "not waste them" and I think they were wasted anyway. 100g carbs that day! That's only bad because it's my goal to have below 50. Otherwise - yum fruit. 

Went to bed AGAIN too late and too full. I'm not happy with this. 

Almost didn't, but did!

RUN 1.4 miles to gym
STRENGTH 15-20 mins
RUN 1.6 miles from gym

Some extra parking lot looping there to get the rounded number!

LAs truck still in the shop, and he needed to leave at 6:45am. I coulda left early and been back on time with the car, but I decided that another alternative would be to run to the gym instead. So in a multi-win morning, I did the chores, wrote my 10 Christmas cards, ran to and from the gym for a strength session, walked the dog, missed a bus, and got to work. It's now a little after 11, and I'm still waiting until noon for the IF goal.

I hesitated back and forth this morning, when to leave, should I just run around the neighborhood, I'm hungry should I eat, ooh now it's too late I don't have time, ugh, excuses and excuses. But as I locked the door to leave, I reminded myself that I PROMISED myself I was going to do this! And I did. 

I went easier on the lower body weights this time so I didn't burn out the leg muscles like I did last Monday. I went a little harder on the upper body, but not terribly much. I'm planning on the next session Thursday or Friday, but a major weather system might fuck with the schedule.